[Westheim]

Christmas was near and the Raccoons had yet to add a single player that had already sniffed major league air at some point. Not that major league air always smelled that great… (strolls through the locker room with its certain odor) … I gotta send Slappy down here. He will then sit around here for three days pretending to do something, and do nothing. It’s a little game we have played for a while.

Other than cleaning **** up around the house, the Raccoons really needed to act to address their pitching need(s). The bullpen was probably going to be very solid again, but we *had* to get a #4 starter; we could probably scrape by with Dave Martinez pitching out of the #5 hole, but I did not feel well by going with him *and* Allen Reed. I also wanted a right-hander in the open slot, which Reed was decidedly not. And no, Bobby Reed was not an option, though right-handed.

I reached out to a few free agents… we didn’t really need an ace. We needed a solid pitcher, but even those were hard to get with little money and a protective attitude towards the #16 pick.

Meanwhile I tried to skim some bucks at the edges of the roster. Rafael Gomez caught my eye once more and I shopped him (along with other players, including some mainstays that would be surprised to hear that they were being offered for something, anything, like Billy Brotman and Kevin Surginer), and for once we actually got an offer for Gomez.

It was from the Elks.

It was for ****ing booger picker Ted Gura.

Good one, Elks. Good one! Now get out of the line, I need to call Dr. Kevin, the TV psychiatrist on Channel 69, to talk about my agonies.

+++

December 12 – The Aces land 30-yr old LF/RF Ruben Orozco (.263, 126 HR, 433 RBI) on a 3-yr, $5.26M contract. Orozco spent the last one-and-a-half seasons with the Bayhawks and hit 27 home runs in ’29.
December 13 – The Canadiens deal MR Jared Stone (8-15, 3.91 ERA, 9 SV) and AAA MR Edgar Gonzalez to the Miners for INF T.J. Bennett (.295, 1 HR, 20 RBI).
December 16 – Los Angeles secures ex-NYC 3B Andy Schmit (.265, 85 HR, 520 RBI) on a 4-yr, $10.24M contract.
December 18 – The Thunder pick up ex-VAN SP Leon Hernandez (148-119, 3.65 ERA) on a 2-yr, $3.24M deal.
December 20 – Former Capitals outfielder Jeremy Houghtaling (.250, 106 HR, 471 RBI) returns for a second stint with the Knights. The 32-year-old switch-hitter signs a 2-yr, $1.94M contract.
December 22 – The Canadiens trade for the Stars’ 2B/SS Lazaro Hernandez (.280, 0 HR, 18 RBI). The 25-year-old infielder costs them nothing more than 34-year-old INF Sean Light (.253, 11 HR, 147 RBI).
December 24 – For $7.2M over two years, the Thunder get ex-DEN/NAS SP Danny Arguello (85-71, 3.62 ERA, 10 SV).
December 24 – The Capitals add ex-OCT LF/RF Dan Brown (.251, 132 HR, 702 RBI) on a 2-yr, $2.64M deal.
December 25 – The Pacifics’ fanbase gets ex-WAS SP Eric Williams (154-117, 3.28 ERA) for a Christmas present. The Pacifics shell out $20M over five years for the 33-year-old lefty.
December 26 – The Crusaders get 25-year-old righty swingman Victor Alvarez (2-0, 2.80 ERA) in a trade with the Aces, who receive a prospect.
December 29 – The Blue Sox trade for New York’s OF Fabien Ugolino (.225, 5 HR, 56 RBI), with the Crusaders receiving SS/2B Josh Brown (.225, 4 HR, 26 RBI). Both players are 25 years old.
December 29 – Former Pacifics OF/1B Joe Vanatti (.281, 56 HR, 393 RBI) joins the Aces on a 3-yr, $2.82M contract.
January 1 – The Scorpions pick up former Knights SP Tim Wells (106-98, 3.98 ERA) for four years and $12M.
January 2 – The Warriors acquire 36-yr old LF/RF/1B Jon Correa (.272, 177 HR, 862 RBI) from the Pacifics in exchange for MR Harry Merwin (59-66, 3.31 ERA, 325 SV) of the same age and a decent prospect.
January 8 – 34-year-old veteran 1B Pat Fowlkes (.296, 187 HR, 946 RBI) signs a 2-year deal worth $2.48M with the Cyclones. Fowlkes spent all of his 12 major league seasons with the Falcons up to this point.

+++

Let me clarify. When I say that Ted Gura is a ****ing booger picker, I don’t mean his own boogers.

Can’t have that on this team. Raccoons don’t like to have their noses picked.

+++

To nobody’s great surprise, nobody was elected to the Hall of Fame this year, the first such occurrence in a long, long time.

PIT 1B Steve Butler – 2nd – 48.2%
LAP 1B Stanley Murphy – 2nd – 47.1%
SAL 1B Alberto Rodriguez – 1st – 32.7%
ATL LF Gil Rockwell – 3rd – 19.9%
CIN C Jayden Jolley – 1st – 13.2%
ATL SP Dave Butler – 1st – 11.8%
VAN 1B Ray Gilbert – 5th – 10.7%
??? SP Bob King – 4th – 10.3%
LAP 3B Jens Carroll – 5th – 9.6%
??? SP Fred Dugo – 1st – 4.8% - DROPPED
??? SP Juan Valdevez – 2nd – 2.2% - DROPPED
??? SP Ken Harris – 1st – 1.8% - DROPPED
WAS RF Victor Sarabia – 1st – 1.5% - DROPPED
??? CL Ron Thrasher – 1st – 0.0% - DROPPED