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Searching for Migas with Boogie Barnett
Posted by Boogie Barnett on Friday, April 7th, 2045
From: Celia DuPree [c.dupree@.....weekly.com]
To: Lenny Willis [l.willis@.....weekly.com]
Subject: FWD: Boogie’s Blog
Sent: 29 March 2045
Boogie,
See Celia’s notes below.
Lenny
Begin forwarded message:
L,
We have enjoyed Boogie’s posts so far, and the fan response has been in line with our projections. The click-through rates to linked articles are on target, however, we are not seeing a pages per visitor and average length of visit that is on par with other sections - especially our entertainment section. Our data analytics team has completed a pathway and content analysis and we believe that the key differentiator here is Boogie’s lack of interpersonal stories that delve deeper into human emotions. Please help Boogie connect with his audience on a more visceral level. There are heartstrings to pull. Can you help Boogie identify these strings?
Regards,
C-
~~~
My esteemed editors boss thinks that you and I need to connect on a deeper level. Share a glass in Pinot Gris over dinner. Delve deeper into past relationships, the things we like, and maybe even share a little bit of our history to find some emotional commonalities.
As a slightly above average We Majors pitcher, it’s not that I don’t want to do these things, it’s that it resides outside of my comfort zone. I like to be comfortable. Wrapped in a cocoon of blankets with one foot poking out for temperature regulation. You too? Wow. See, we’re connecting already.
An example of similar advice (in a baseball context):
AAA Pitching Coach - Let’s try to induce more pop outs today, Boog. Let’s get our outfield more involved.
Me - I’m more of a ground ball pitcher.
AAAPC - Just soften up on the delivery, float the occasional butterfly in there. Let’s get those guys involved so they are more focused behind the plate.
Me - I’m really more of a ground ball pitcher.
AAAPC - Change is a critical component of improvement.
Me - But, I am what I am. I mean, I’ll give it a shot though.
Two hours after that conversation, I gave up 4 homers, including a grand slam. Still a AAA record.
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Opening day is special until it’s not. It’s front-loaded with pomp and circumstance. This opening day was my first as the staffs Ace. Pretty cool. But, in baseball, routine trumps novelty. Not because it wants to, because it has to.
Our hotel's concierge put me on to a solid migas spot, the Ruby Slipper Cafe. Cool place, good service, and the migas were fabulous. Migas are the key to my routine. Without them, you can’t start the car. Feeling satiated and ready to rock, I arrived at the park early for stretches and to get in an hour on the exercise bike.
The clubhouse was tense. All fidgeting, restless leg syndrome, and visualization. When we finally took the field, we were treated to a Baby Cakes introduction worthy of an opening day that concluded with a moment to recognize first responders before the marching band took the field to perform what was easily the most insane rendition of our national anthem that I’ve ever seen. I’m sure someone posted a poorly shot phone video of the performance - look for it on VimeoTube.
Game notes:
1.1 The guys gave me a one-run cushion in the top of the first. Faircloth opened our scoring this season with a sacrifice fly. The consummate professional putting the team first.
1.2 I came out shaky. A hit, a walk, a K. I nearly gave up a two-run homer if not for Dan Perez’s acrobatics at the fence.
1.3 I settled in during the second inning, opening with a clean K on the back of my changeup before inducing a ground out and a pop-up.
1.4 In the 3rd our catcher Carlos Perez hit one out – a nice solo shot. Our 3B Andy Tyner brought in another run after that, followed by an RBI for our resident acrobat – bringing the score to 4-0. An auspicious start for your Solar Bears.
1.5 I’m getting comfy now. Settling in. Punched Trash Boatright out with a slider. Puppetry. Through 5, opposing pitcher Ben Reeve manages to punch out 10 of us on 109 pitches. He’s all over the place but keeps dialing it back in.
1.6 For my part, I’ve been economical, making it through the 6th frame on 81 pitches. I retire the side on 10 pitches in the 7th but can’t find my way through the 8th. My back tightens and my control ends up with its picture on the back of a milk carton.
1.7 Caleb Skinner comes on in relief and promptly lets the 2 I left on get home, followed by another of his own doing. It’s an impossible situation I put him in, but he has enough to keep the lead.
1.8 It’s 4-3 as we enter the final stanza.
1.9 The bottom of the ninth starts with a double and a walk for the Baby Cakes. It’s not an ideal situation. It becomes less ideal when Skinner walks the bags loaded. Andy Lenz saunters to the plate. He was a late sub for the Cakes, playing the field for PH John Haslag who spelled a gassed Ben Reeve in the bottom of the 8th. His walkout music sounds like a cut from a videogame soundtrack. Gross. He looks more confident than he should.
1.10 The game was decided with no one out in the bottom of the ninth. With New Orleans trailing 4-3, Andy Lenz hit a fastball from Caleb Skinner to left for a grand slam home run. Just like that, the Baby Cakes had a walk-off win.
The mood in the clubhouse is dour. Obviously. On the Brightside… 2 of my 5 K’s belonged to Trash Boatright. I told you he was garbage.
Box score attached (plus some other goodies).
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