St. Louis Rams (25-25, .500, 2nd NL East) @ Los Angeles Lakers (32-19, .627, 1st NL West)
Solid… that’s the first word that comes to mind when the subject of the St. Louis Rams comes up. They’re ranked 7th or better in every major category with the only laggard being home runs where they rank 10th. The bottom half of their rotation could use an upgrade, and their bullpen is probably 1 or 2 setup men away from being a noteworthy unit – but, with their 8th ranked development system strangely devoid of legit pitching prospect any such upgrade will have to come by trade. Their lone FA of note, SP Trev Anderson, has mostly lived up to his $45M contract but at 5-4 with a 2.09 ERA, it’s safe to say that the rest of the team isn’t giving him the support he needs when he’s out on the bump. Since his opening day shutout victory over Pittsburgh, he’s gone 4-4 with two no decisions with two of those losses coming on a single run – oh, sure, he’s been blown up a couple of times, but let’s blame everyone else… it’s more fun that way. We won’t see him in this series and instead have 2-5 to look forward to (unless they move him up a day on his next start – entirely possible given that their #5 guy is a complete dumpster fire so far in 2076). This, then, is one of those series – the ones where you are up against a club that doesn’t really inspire fear – they can certainly beat us, it’s just that the fear of being embarrassed, at home, in front of our people, is not at the forefront of anyone’s mind. Probably not a good thing as complacency has been the problem with the Lakers since I came to town – Oscar is gon’ Oscar, as they say. Should be an enjoyable 4-game stretch for our fans – starting with game one when we run our always popular Pepper Bobblehead Pepper Mill promotion. Fans will need to hurry to the park before we run out of peppercorns to fill up their new grinders…
52 of 164: Dimitri Pimentel (3-4, 3.57) @ Dejuan Burns (6-3, 2.83)
Win, 6-1. A 5-run burst in the bottom of the eighth busts this one open for us as SS Kwaku Kwaku hits a solo shot that got our crowd to their feet, which we followed up with a 3-run ding-dong courtesy of Austin Rollins to keep them standing. Welcome to the Hotel California, Mr. Rollins, may you never leave… Pepper and Oscar each contribute NOTHING, backup Catcher Dylan Tucker drove in two, and Rudolf Caldwell snipes the win after Burns goes 7 innings with 8 K’s and 1 earned. Two errors tonight – both of which were charged to Ethan Mullens out in right field, where, if the rumors are true, some rowdy St. Louis fans were caught using a handheld fan to blow pepper from their new limited-edition Pepper Grant Bobblehead Pepper Mill’s onto the field. Look – I don’t know if it’s true, but how else can you explain all those sneezing fits he was having out there tonight?
Elsewhere: Gainesville Gamecocks SS, Lockjaw Kuykendall, hit a grand slam in their win over the Coney Island Footlongs in Bush League play – he finished 1 for 2 with a GSHR, 4 RBI, and 3 runs. Also of note – he hit the slam off of a dude named Xander Graybill who is now 0-4 with a 6.66 ERA for the season. So, um, yeah – keep that in your back pocket… you never know when it will come during the next trivia night at your local watering hole. Other outlandish names that competed in this contest? Thaddeus Riccio – kinda weird, I guess.
WHO NAMES THEIR KID LOCKJAW, THOUGH?!?
Also, elsewhere, but not really of note: CF Clinton Wolf, out of the
CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, went 0-4 with 3 K’s against the Gwinnett Stripers in International League play – I bring this up because, well, I had no idea I had this guy on the roster. He’s an international signee out of Curacao who can run the bases and, well, that’s about it. Killer facegen though – my man has been putting that $1M signing bonus to good use at the buffet it seems…
