[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Eugene Church

Congratulations, Westheim!

You recently passed the 1 million mark in views.

Long Live the Raccoons!

Thanks Eugene! I only fear that I'm alone responsible for like 50k of those views

The Raccoons will continue as long as the game lets me, probably. What else would I do with my life without them?

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Raccoons (27-24) vs. Condors (22-28) – June 3-5, 2070

The Raccoons tried to get going again after getting swept in Las Vegas and would have the Condors in to start a new 13-game homestand. The Condors were 12 games out in the South with their bottom three offense and mediocre pitching, and a -24 run differential. We were up 2-1 against them this year. Outfielders Jeremy Jenkins and Jake Elliott and reliever Jason Reed sat on the Condors DL, and they were bottoms in stolen bases, barely out-stealing Adam Yocum as a team.

Projected matchups:
Tony Gaytan (5-3, 2.50 ERA) vs. Ryan Mann (5-4, 4.69 ERA)
Nick Walla (4-4, 5.68 ERA) vs. Bryan Farris (2-2, 3.61 ERA)
Vinny Morales (5-4, 3.99 ERA) vs. Luis Renteria (3-6, 5.20 ERA)

Farris was a southpaw, Joe Allen (1-4, 5.49 ERA) was a southpaw and could be skipped into the series, but we would not see Jason Brenize, ace of aces, who was somehow 3-4 with a 1.72 ERA while trying to win his ninth Pitcher of the Year.

With the way things were going, Harrison Hunt would stay in the rotation for at least one more start, and we’d piggy-back Walla and Ian Lowry, who were a combined 0-4 with a 10.80 ERA in their last six starts, on Tuesday, which was probably going to be a punt then.

Game 1
TIJ: 2B M. Roberts – SS M. Moreno – 1B D. Cline – LF Rugar – C Brann – CF Schreiber – 3B Vidrio – RF Srour – P Mann
POR: 2B Yocum – LF Fumero – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Morejon – RF Corral – 3B Gallo – C Flowe – P Gaytan

Through five innings in the opener, more Raccoons reached on errors (two) than on base hits (a Katz single), and nobody came even close to touching third base, let alone home plate. On the bright paw, Gaytan was no-hitting the Condors through five, walking two and whiffing four, but was inefficient and needed 74 pitches to make it through five. Mike Roberts ended the no-hitter contemplations with a single to left in the sixth inning, which blew the lid off immediately, as Mario Moreno, Josh Rugar, and Mike Brann also hit singles in the inning and the latter two each drove in a run to put the Condors up 2-0. Chris Schreiber flew out to leave two on, and Gaytan got two more outs in the seventh for an Emilio Vidrio single, but then had to be bailed out by Edgar Gutierrez. When J.P. Gallo homered to right in the bottom 7th it was only the second Raccoons hit in the game and of course came with nobody on base. Another hit didn’t come together until Tyler Reed followed Mann after eight innings of 2-hit ball, and allowed a leadoff single to Tyler Wharton in the bottom of the ninth. A double switch had put the pitcher in the #5 hole, and van Otterdijk pinch-hit and grounded out, moving the tying run to second base. Corral and Gallo both fanned to end the game. 2-1 Condors.

Four losses in a row, all kinda stupid, and the Titans had started to in again and had taken sole possession of first place again on Monday already, when the Raccoons had been off. By now we were a game and a half out.

Adam Yocum went 0-for-4 with 2 K to end his hot streak.

Game 2
TIJ: 2B M. Roberts – SS M. Moreno – 1B D. Cline – LF Rugar – C Brann – 3B D. Rodriguez – CF Schreiber – RF J.D. Johnson – P Farris
POR: 2B Yocum – 1B Fumero – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – LF van Otterdijk – RF Corral – 3B Gallo – C Flowe – P Walla

I braced with Honeypaws in one paw and a bottle of Capt’n Coma in the other when Nick Walla took the hill and gave up a run in the second inning when Mike Brann hit Danny Rodriguez hit a leadoff double to center and scored on Chris Schreiber’s groundout and J.D. Johnson’s sac fly to left. Farris allowed singles to Wharton and Corral in the bottom 2nd, and a fielding error by Johnson allowed them both into scoring position with one out, but pathetic groundouts by Gallo and Flowe kept them stranded, as usual; but when the Condors got Mike Roberts and Mario Moreno on base against Walla to begin the third inning and reached scoring position on David Cline’s groundout, Josh Rugar managed to hit another sac fly to Corral. Walla stranded the second runner, then singled to lead off the bottom half of the inning. Yocum walked, but was forced out on Fumero’s grounder to short. Katz grounded out to third, plating Walla, 2-1, Wharton walked, and van Otterdijk struck out…

While Walla’s pitching had turned turds this year, he tried to make up for it with another leadoff knock in the bottom 5th, hitting a Walla-banger (on the bounce, admittedly) for a leadoff double to right. The 1-2-3 batters then crapped out collectively to strand him in scoring position. Walla left trailing 2-1 after six busy innings and 99 pitches, with Rios putting away the left-handed bottom of the Condors lineup in the seventh. Farris allowed another leadoff hit in the seventh, when Flowe singled, and then Josh Mireles batted for Rios and doubled to right-center, putting another pair in scoring position for the somehow suddenly comatose top of the order. Yocum made another out in right, but at least his fly ball to Gavin Cook was deep enough to get Flowe home with the tying run, taking Walla off the hook. Fumero then popped out and Katzman whiffed in a spectacular display of repeated incompetence, but I remained composed and kept suckling on my bottle of booze without crying too loudly.

Roberts hit an infield single to begin the eighth but Danny Nava then struck out the next three batters, including a pinch-hitting Rich Monck, to keep that runner stranded. The tie was instead broken in the ninth against Pedro Valentin, who gave up a pinch-hit, 2-out solo homer to Vidrio. Tyler Reed was up against the bottom of the order, and Gallo grounded out. Morejon batted for Flowe and singled, advanced on a wild pitch, but Mireles then struck out. Yocum remained hitless in the series with a foul pop that Brann caught to end the inning… 3-2 Condors. T. Wharton 1-2, 2 BB; Corral 2-4; Morejon (PH) 1-1; Mireles (PH) 1-2, 2B; Walla 6.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K and 2-2, 2B;

Arf.

Game 3
TIJ: CF Schreiber – 2B Monck – 1B D. Cline – LF Rugar – C Brann – 3B D. Rodriguez – SS Vidrio – RF Srour – P Joe Allen
POR: 2B Yocum – LF Fumero – 3B Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Morejon – RF van Otterdijk – SS Mireles – C Brown – P Morales

Schreiber’s single and Rugar’s triple gave the Condors a 1-0 lead in the first before Brann whiffed to leave a runner on third, as apparently the Coons’ disease was spreading. Yocum singled (yay!) to begin the bottom 1st and Fumero doubled to put a pair in scoring position with nobody out, which meant I had to reach for the bottle again, but Katz flicked a 1-2 pitch very narrowly past Vidrio for an RBI single to tie the game. Joe Allen then struck out the 4-5-6 batters … but also balked in Fumero from third base to give the Coon a 2-1 lead. Morales hit a single in the second that led nowhere, then blew the lead by walking Schreiber, allowing a double to ex-Coon Rich Monck, and a sac fly to Cline in the third…

Both teams hit into a double play in the fourth, but Monck drove in the go-ahead run, 3-2, with a 2-out single in the fifth inning, plating Chris Srour, which left me sour, which coincidentally was also how Srour pronounced his oddball last name. Down 3-2, Sam Brown and Yocum went to the corners with singles and one out in the inning in the bottom 5th, and then Fumero hit into another double play… (double-facepaws noisily and repeatedly)

Morales held on for seven innings while getting no ******* support whatsoever. Mireles hit a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, but was also stranded as the Coons tried to get swept with nothing but 1-run games. McMahan and Ramirez struck out the 2-3-4 batters in the eighth, while the Coons’ 2-3-4 in the same inning made just three pathetic outs in the field. Ramirez got three more outs in a row in the ninth, and the Raccoons faced left-hander David Carlson in the bottom of the inning. Morejon flew out to center, but van Otterdijk singled to left, to tease us with the tying run on base before Mireles successfully crashed into a double play. 3-2 Condors. Yocum 2-4; Morejon 2-4;

Six in a row, five of them by one run, and we have scored a grand total of 1.8 runs per game in the last five.

AND HERE COME THE ELKS.

Pawsome!

Raccoons (27-27) vs. Canadiens (25-27) – June 6-8, 2070

Oh deer. They might only have the sixth-best offense and the second-worst pitching, with a bullpen made of dynamite, but what did that help you if you never got to that bullpen? We were about to blow a 4-2 lead in the season series. Only relievers on the DL for the Elks, who had scored 4.6 R/G in their last five, more than double the Coons’ output.

Projected matchups:
Jimmy Wharton (3-3, 3.97 ERA) vs. Dallas Samson (2-3, 2.82 ERA)
Harrison Hunt (0-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Nate Freeman (2-5, 3.76 ERA)
Tony Gaytan (5-4, 2.51 ERA) vs. Juan Rosado (3-6, 4.65 ERA)

Only right-handers, as if it mattered.

Game 1
VAN: SS Barraza – LF J. Hawkins – RF Lozada – 1B An. Ramirez – CF D. Moore – 3B C. Castro – C J. Contreras – 2B Den. Wright – P Samson
POR: 2B Yocum – LF Fumero – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Morejon – RF Corral – 3B Gallo – C Flowe – P J. Wharton

A rare sighting these days, the Raccoons took a 2-0 lead in the first inning by getting Yocum on base via balls, Katz with a single, they did a double steal, and then Big Wharton (groundout) and Morejon (single) each got a run home before the inning ended with Corral. Lil’ Wharton scattered a couple of hits and a walk the first time through and didn’t get K until he faced Roberto Barraza for the second time, but at least didn’t immediately fumble everything away again. Antonio Ramirez and Dan Moore hit a couple of long fly balls that were caught by Corral and Tyler Wharton, respectively, in the fourth; while in the fifth the Elks made two outs before getting singles from the 8-9 batters Dennis Wright and Samson, and then Wharton nicked Barraza to fill the bases for Jeff Hawkins, who grounded out sharply to Yocum to leave everybody stranded.

For Portland, Corral and Yocum hit into double play in the fourth and fifth, the latter doing so after a leadoff single by Jimmy Wharton (facepaws again). Katz then drew a leadoff walk in the sixth, stole second to get away from the 6-4-3, and while Big Wharton whiffed big, Morejon came through with an RBI single to right-center, extending the lead to 3-0. And then Corral hit into ANOTHER ******* DOUBLE PLAY.

Dennis Wright hit a 1-out single in the seventh, but the Elks didn’t bat for Samson, who struck out trying to bunt. That was Jimmy Wharton’s final batter, as Nava then came out for the top of the order and in a double switch that put Otal in the game, while Fumero moved to right to get rid of DP Corral’s face. He got Barraza out, and Gallo drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 7th. Flowe whiffed, and Otal reached on an error, while Yocum popped out for the second out. Fumero’s clean RBI single to left made it 4-0, Katz filled the bags with a walk, but Wharton flew out to center. Nava then allowed a single to Hawkins and a homer to Roberto Lozada in the eighth, cutting the lead in half again, before combining with Rios to finish the inning. The Coons went in order in the bottom 8th, but so did the Elks against Valentin and the losing streak was snapped. 4-2 Raccoons. Katzman 1-2, 2 BB; Morejon 2-4, 2 RBI; Gallo 1-2, BB; J. Wharton 6.2 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 4 K, W (4-3) and 1-2;

Game 2
VAN: SS Barraza – LF J. Hawkins – RF Lozada – 1B An. Ramirez – CF D. Moore – 3B C. Castro – C J. Contreras – 2B Den. Wright – P N. Freeman
POR: 2B Yocum – LF Fumero – 3B Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Morejon – RF van Otterdijk – SS Mireles – C Flowe – P Hunt

The Raccoons opened the first with Yocum and Fumero singles before Katz fooled his way into a double play and Wharton flew out, and then Hunt, who had not allowed an earned run his first time out, got whacked around for four hits and two runs in the top 2nd. It could have been worse, given that Dan Moore opened the inning with a single and was caught stealing. Carlos Castro and Jonathan Contreras followed with more singles, Wright slapped a triple into the rightfield corner, and a K on Freeman and Barraza’s groundout at least kept his antlers on base.

The Elks slapped Hunt around pretty good for eight hits and a couple of long fly outs, and made two outs on the base paths to keep the damage as low as it was through five innings, while the Raccoons were sleepy, but finally got on the board in the bottom 5th with a solo homer by Jake Flowe. Hunt then singled, but was left on base when Yocum grounded out to short. Hunt pitched one more inning, giving up a double to Contreras, who was left on base, then was replaced by Lowry, who hadn’t pitched in over a week and gave up a seventh-inning run on Barraza and Lozada hits that extended the Elks lead to 3-1 again. He pitched the eighth as well, allowing a walk but no more runs. Gutierrez pitched the ninth, while Freeman held the Raccoons to five hits in eight innings of 1-run ball. Long-ago Raccoon Elijah LaBat then faced the 3-4-5 batters in the bottom of the ninth. Katz’ infield single and a full-count walk to Wharton put the tying runs on base with nobody out. Morejon ran another full count – and also walked, and now we were at three on, nobody out, and surely doomed. George van Otterdijk was up first, didn’t wait around, and cracked a liner to the left side on the first pitch from LaBat. Wharton took off from second as Barraza lunged, I squealed, but the Gold Glover missed it, and the ball got into leftfield and the tying runs both came in to score…!! …and then Mireles fanned, Flowe fanned, and Gallo batted for Gutierrez and grounded out. (hits head on door frame with vigor)

McMahan got around a leadoff single by Lozada by retiring the next three batters in the tenth inning, while Roberto Navarro, who had replaced LaBat after the game-tying single in the ninth, continued in the bottom 10th, now facing the top of the Coons’ choker lineup. Yocum walked, was caught stealing, and that was basically the inning. Victor Ramirez put Contreras and Marcos Onelas on base in the 11th, but bailed out when Barraza hit into an inning-ending double play. The Otter also hit into a double play to erase Wharton’s leadoff walk in that inning. No, it was the Elks that broke the tie when Antonio Ramirez hit a homer off Pedro Valentin in the 12th inning. Left-hander Josh Atkins would pitch his second inning in the bottom 12th, facing the anemic bottom of the order. Mireles and Flowe made outs before Corral pinch-hit and singled to flip the lineup over one more time. Yocum singled to right on the next pitch, and Corral dashed to third base. Fumero then hit a fly to shallow right, and Lozada came running and made a leaping catch to end the ******* ballgame. 4-3 Canadiens. Yocum 3-5, BB; Corral (PH) 1-1;

(silently facepaws)

Game 3
VAN: SS Barraza – CF D. Moore – RF Lozada – 1B An. Ramirez – 3B C. Castro – C J. Contreras – LF Jose Alvarez – 2B Den. Wright – P J. Rosado
POR: 2B Yocum – LF Fumero – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Morejon – RF Corral – 3B Gallo – C Brown – P Gaytan

Sunday’s clumsy attempts by the stillborn offense included Yocum running a 3-0 count to begin the bottom 1st before grounding to Dennis Wright, and then reaching when Wright dropped the grounder not once, but twice for a stupid error. The inning then dragged on, Wharton walked, but Morejon’s groundout left two on. The damn Elks then killed Tony Gaytan for seven runs in *22* pitches in the second inning as Castro singled, Contreras singled and Fumero overran the ball for an error, but it didn’t matter because Jose Alvarez walked anyway. Wright doubled in two, Rosado singled in two, Barraza singled, Moore actually made an out, and then Lozada rammed a 3-run homer. The game was over anyway, and so was Gaytan’s time in pants. Rios replaced him for garbage relief, while the Coons scored a run on straight 2-out singles by the 3-4-5 batters in the bottom 3rd, Corral drew a walk, but Gallo then made the last out to first base. Rios was going through the end of five innings, and in that frame Wharton got on and Morejon homered to reduce the score to 7-3 – not that I harbored any hopes.

Ramirez in the sixth and Nava in the seventh both gave up a couple of base hits, but no runs, while the Coons got a run in the bottom 7th when Rosado gave up a pair of doubles to Fumero and Katz to begin the inning – but Katz then also left the game with a back complaint and was replaced with Mireles. When Rosado walked Wharton, the tying run was in the box, but they were also set up perfectly for a double play, so why hope? Morejon’s solid RBI single to left plated the pinch-runner Mireles and knocked out Rosado for lefty Josh Atkins. Van Otterdijk batted for Corral, flicked a slap single over Wright on an 0-2 pitch to load them up… but with nobody out, so here were the doom bells tolling again. Gallo’s grounder to second was taken for an out there, but Gallo legged out the return throw and Wharton scored, 7-6. Unfortunately there was no right-handed bat left on the bench to hit for Sam Brown, but why would you hit for Sam Brown? The rookie rushed a single up the middle AND THE ******* GAME WAS TIED…!!! Jake Flowe then batted for Nava and of course found that precious double play to hit into, ending the inning.

A Yocum error put John Bustillos on base against McMahan to begin the top of the eighth, the outfielder having batted for Barraza for some odd reason. Moore hit into a fielder’s choice, Lozada legged out an infield single, but Moore then was caught trying to steal third base by Brown, and McMahan rung up the pinch-hitter Jeff Hawkins to escape the inning. When Yocum led off the bottom 8th with a single against Atkins, he this time stole second successfully and reached third on Fumero’s scratch single. Mireles’ single to left broke the tie, 8-7, and Mireles was then thrown out on a double steal attempt, but Fumero was at third base now. The Elks declined to pitch to Wharton and instead gave up the Fumero run on a Morejon single before right-hander Roberto Navarro replaced Atkins. Van Otterdijk and Gallo made easy outs, and the 2-run lead went to … well, Edgar Gutierrez. Valentin had been out two days in a row, not with overwhelming success, and Gutierrez was the fresher option… also the only other option. Castro grounded out to Morejon and Contreras whiffed, but Alvarez then hit a double to center. Hector Moreno pinch-hit in the #8 spot and walked, and Onelas batted for the pitcher and on a 1-2 pitch drove in the tying runs… (faints) Bustillos walked, Moore hit a bloop single, and Lozada grounded out to short with the bases loaded to end the inning.

Bottom 9th. When Brown drew a walk off southpaw Paul Wolk, Gutierrez was retained to bunt, but knocked the ball into a force at second base, because nobody on this ******* team could do ******* basic baseball anymore. Yocum hit an infield single, but Fumero’s grounder to short ended up forcing out Yocum, while Gutierrez wobbled to third base with the winning run. Mireles walked in a full count, and now there was NO place to put Tyler Wharton. Bases loaded, two outs, tied ******* ballgame. Pitch to him! Pitching to him they did, and he flew out to Bustillos in right. *********.

Extras posed an issue for the Coons, who had already gotten 23 outs from their pen, and that’s without considering the previous day’s game. Nick Walla went to the bullpen at this point, while Gutierrez was cluelessly sent back out there despite tossing 33 times in the ninth inning of despair. Contreras hit a 2-out solo homer off him, and so that was how we were gonna lose that one, huh? LaBat came back out for the bottom 10th, which was led off by Morejon, who raked a long drive to right-center – AND IT WAS OUTTA HERE!! Tied game AGAIN!! Madhouse! Gallo hit a single after that, but never got off first base. Valentin then was sent out for the 11th on his third straight day, and if we were somehow still standing after that it would be Walla pitching in relief for the second time in his career. The Elks made three quick outs against Valentin, but the Coons went down just as quickly against LaBat, and that would be all we’d dare ask of our closer.

Walla it was, and it could hardly have gone worse. He nailed Dan Moore with his first pitch. Moore went to third on a Lozada single and scored on Hawkins’ groundout. Castro raked an RBI triple and scored on a groundout when Walla couldn’t remove even LABAT with two strikes on him, so the Elks zoomed out to a 3-run lead. Somehow the Elks managed to **** the tying run into the box in the bottom 11th after Wharton popped out when Brian Brillhart walked Morejon and nailed van Otterdijk. Gallo struck out, but Brown lobbed an RBI single. But next was Walla with two outs and no reserves of any kind. He grounded to Moreno at second… who flubbed the grounder for an error. Yocum appeared once more with the bases loaded, but grounded out to Castro. 13-11 Canadiens. Katzman 2-4, 2B, RBI; Mireles 1-2, BB, RBI; T. Wharton 2-4, 3 BB, 2B; Morejon 5-6, BB, 2 HR, 6 RBI; Brown 3-6, 2 RBI; Rios 3.2 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

It’s not enough, Jerry. You have to do MORE.

In other news

June 2 – Aces outfielder Jorge Caceres (.240, 5 HR, 21 RBI) will miss the rest of the season with a torn labrum.
June 3 – CHA OF Matt Bakker (.189, 3 HR, 9 RBI) hits two home runs and drives in six runs on a 3-hit day as the Falcons out-slug the Loggers for a 16-9 win.
June 3 – The Capitals and Gold Sox both score in the 11th and 12th innings before the Caps out-last the Sox for a 5-4, 13-inning win.
June 6 – Sacramento acquires catcher Francisco Roviva (.159, 1 HR, 8 RBI) from the Blue Sox in exchange for 1B Orlando Reyes (.426, 1 HR, 13 RBI).

Player of the Week (FL): CIN OF Melvin Avila (.326, 4 HR, 30 RBI), hitting .455 (10-22) with 2 HR, 9 RBI
Player of the Week (CL): CHA LF/RF Tony Lopez (.327, 5 HR, 21 RB), going .600 (12-20) with 2 HR, 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Buenos tardes! This is Luis Silva, and I have just given the GM something for his nausea and put him to sleep in my room. I guess it was all a bit much on the old bones and nerves especially.

I can assure you that nothing is majorly wrong with El Gato, who left Sunday’s game with a pinch in his back. He might sit out on Monday, but I think he’ll be good to go after that. He should do more gymnastics and eat his greenies. They all should, really. (looks at Morejon munching down on a bucket of chicken drums, disgusted)

I have not only good news from the trainer’s room, though, since last year’s #43 pick SP Mike Pavan started the season with a 5.50 ERA in Ham Lake and has been shut down this year due to a nasty case of shoulder inflammation. He’s not expected to pitch again this year. Also, Val Centeno left his last start in AAA with an abdominal issue, and we’re looking at what is wrong with the rest of his body given his 7.52 ERA in St. Petersburg. I think that is all I am qualified to talk about and I’ll leave you baseball people to your baseball things now.

Fun Fact: Fun is dead.