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MAD DOG (in full throat):
THIS IS EMBARRASSING, MIKE — EMBARASSING! You’re the NEW YORK YANKEES, the big, bad Bronx Bombers, and you give up THIRTY-TWO RUNS in two games at home?! AT HOME, MIKE!! I MEAN COME ON! What are we doin’ here?!
And how about this — the Cleveland Indians, Mike, the CLEVELAND INDIANS — TEN WINS and ONE LOSS in the last ELEVEN ALCS games against the Yankees! It’s DOMINATION! It’s a mismatch! It’s the varsity vs. the JV! And the Yankees are lookin’ like the JV, Mike!
MIKE (calm, reasonable):
Dog, listen. I understand the frustration. You can’t give up 14 runs in Game 2 and expect to win. You can’t get out-hit 19 to 9. You can’t walk seven hitters. The Indians had traffic all afternoon, and Zakaio Eneki — listen, the guy’s unstoppable right now. He’s Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and Albert Belle rolled into one. Six RBIs, Dog. Six.
MAD DOG:
MIKE — ZAKAIO ENEKI! Who is this guy?! From Aua, American Somoa? He’s the best hitter in the series by a COUNTRY MILE! AND the Yankees let him beat them AGAIN!
And how about Phipps? Ryan Phipps — the STAR OF THE GAME — from Provo, Utah! Two hits, three runs scored, driving the Indians offense all day! You’d think the Yankees might try… I don’t know… GETTING HIM OUT?!
MIKE:
The Yankees had opportunities. Bases on early, some good swings from Kim, Centeno, Romero — but look, Dog, when your pitching completely collapses, it doesn’t matter. The bullpen was a disaster again. Portillo comes in and immediately pours gasoline on the fire. Ramirez isn’t any better. They’re giving up crooked numbers every inning.
MAD DOG:
Crooked numbers?! MIKE, THEY GAVE UP A SEVEN–SPOT IN THE SEVENTH! THEN FOUR MORE IN THE NINTH! You can’t make this up! It’s a horror show! It’s HALLOWEEN BASEBALL!
And this is the ALCS! This ain’t May in Kansas City! You’re in the big boy chair now — ACT LIKE IT! Cleveland’s laughin’ on the flight home! They’re goin’, “Hey, we’ll take 2-0, thanks very much, see ya Thursday in Cleveland.” And the Yankees? The Yankees are pickin’ up the pieces and prayin’ the season doesn’t end in four.
MIKE:
You go to Cleveland down 2–0, Dog, it’s tough. You need a gem in Game 3. You need somebody to step up and stop the bleeding. You need a performance — you need dominance.
MAD DOG:
Yeah, well, you need MORE THAN THAT. You need a miracle! You need Moses parting the Red Sea! YOU NEED THE BASEBALL GODS TO GIVE YOU A DO-OVER!
Because right now, Mike? Right now, the Indians look like the better team — by a LOT. Yankees better wake up, or this thing’s gonna be OVER before the weekend!
MIKE:
Game 3 Thursday. Season on the line. Yankees have to respond.
MAD DOG:
RESPOND?! THEY BETTER DO MORE THAN RESPOND, MIKE — THEY BETTER SHOW UP!
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