|
(IN THE GRIZZLED, GRUMBLIN' STYLE OF BUFORD "MAD DOG" TANNEN)
Daggnabbit! Looks like that no-good, bat-swingin' son of a gun Vince Brown done did it again! That ornery slugger from the Philadelphia Phillies just wrangled himself his FOURTH National League Most Valuable Player Award in 1917.
FOUR TIMES! You hear me?! That's three more times than a man oughta be allowed!
Now this dusty ol' veteran, he ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie—he batted .333, got himself on base near half the time (.498!), cracked 168 hits, 34 doubles, 7 triples, and 37 big flyin’ home runs. And the nerve of it all—he took 164 walks! That’s more than there are rattlesnakes in a canyon!
Scored 135 runs, drove in 119, and made pitchers weep like babies in a thunderstorm.
And them voters? Twenty of ‘em tipped their ten-gallon hats to Brown.
But I reckon there’s still ten with more sense—they cast their lot for Alex Ojeda of the Reds. Still didn’t matter worth a damn. Brown took the crown.
The Tally, If You're Keepin' Score:
Player Team 1st Place Total Points
Vince Brown Philadelphia Phillies 20 369
Alex Ojeda Cincinnati Reds 10 319
Sepp Miller Miami Marlins 0 215
Angelo Liotta Cincinnati Reds 0 184
Jason Gonzalez Arizona D'Backs 0 156
Mel Villalobos Washington Nationals 0 133
Ricardo Contreras San Francisco Giants 0 122
Alan Sloan New York Mets 0 71
Ricardo Garcia Miami Marlins 0 59
Sean Nicholson Cincinnati Reds 0 51
Ricardo Calzolai Los Angeles Dodgers 0 30
Nate Moser San Francisco Giants 0 23
Tsunemori Tamura New York Mets 0 21
Rich Alvarado Cincinnati Reds 0 6
Oscar Arispe St. Louis Cardinals 0 5
Jun-seo Kim Pittsburgh Pirates 0 3
Vinny Luevanos San Francisco Giants 0 2
Justin Laird Milwaukee Brewers 0 1
So here's the deal, partner:
Vince Brown's got more MVPs than I got patience, and that ain’t sayin’ much.
I don't like his fancy walk numbers, I don't like his on-base whatsit, and I sure as shootin’ don’t like that smug look he gets when he rounds third.
But facts is facts, and this year belonged to that Philadelphia snake-wranglin’, base-hoggin’, walk-mongerin’ bandit.
Now if you'll excuse me... I'm gonna go punch somethin’.
– Mad Dog out.
(And if I see Vince Brown in the saloon, there’s gonna be trouble.) 🐎🔥
|