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jg2977 · 07-30-2025, 06:24 PM

(Matt Foley, motivational speaker voice, wild hand gestures and hiked-up pants)

WELL LA-DEE-FREAKIN'-DA! 🗣

We got ourselves a good ol' fashioned ballgame, folks! The Chicago White Sox took their suitcases and their fragile egos and went up to Minnesota to take on the Twins, and let me tell ya something...

THEY. GOT. OUT-HUSTLED. 😤

Now listen up, 'cause I'm not just some guy who lives in a van down by the river — I ALSO happen to know a thing or two about gut-wrenching playoff baseball, alright?

Let’s set the scene... 👓

The Sox came out swingin' like they were gonna prove somethin'. You had Kyle Centeno — this guy’s hitting triples, doubles, drawing walks, scoring runs, basically doing everything EXCEPT selling peanuts in section 112! And still... AND STILL...

THE WHITE SOX LOSE!

You see, the Twins — they didn’t panic. Noooope. They were like that polite kid in your civics class who’s failing quietly but then aces the final. They just hung around, waited for their moment, and in the 8th inning? BOOM! DARRYL COOKE WITH THE CLUTCH DOUBLE! Puts the Twins up 6-5, and now Chicago’s cryin’ in the dugout like they just found out their prom date left with someone else! 😭

Let’s talk numbers —

The Sox only had seven hits. That's ONE hit for every time I fell through a coffee table in my youth!
Minnesota? TEN hits, people! That's almost as many times as I’ve been politely escorted out of the YMCA for motivational screaming!
And the pitching? Ohhhh HOOO!
Chicago’s bullpen was leakin’ more than my 1983 Ford Econoline!
Meanwhile, Minnesota's Myslinski shuts the whole thing down like he's guarding the last slice of pizza at a youth group lock-in!

So what have we learned here today?

If you're a team in the playoffs...
And you wanna blow a lead...
And you enjoy letting guys like Darrel Cooke stomp on your playoff dreams like a size-15 orthopedic shoe...
THEN YOU TOO... might end up like the White Sox...

Living in a van...
DOWN BY THE RIVER! 🚐🌊

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
And remember — second game’s tomorrow... if Chicago shows up with the same energy?
I’m bringin’ the van. AND I’M STAYIN’.

07-30-2025, 06:24 PM	#2713
jg2977 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 25,440	AL Wild Card: Game 1 (Matt Foley, motivational speaker voice, wild hand gestures and hiked-up pants) WELL LA-DEE-FREAKIN'-DA! 🗣 We got ourselves a good ol' fashioned ballgame, folks! The Chicago White Sox took their suitcases and their fragile egos and went up to Minnesota to take on the Twins, and let me tell ya something... THEY. GOT. OUT-HUSTLED. 😤 Now listen up, 'cause I'm not just some guy who lives in a van down by the river — I ALSO happen to know a thing or two about gut-wrenching playoff baseball, alright? Let’s set the scene... 👓 The Sox came out swingin' like they were gonna prove somethin'. You had Kyle Centeno — this guy’s hitting triples, doubles, drawing walks, scoring runs, basically doing everything EXCEPT selling peanuts in section 112! And still... AND STILL... THE WHITE SOX LOSE! You see, the Twins — they didn’t panic. Noooope. They were like that polite kid in your civics class who’s failing quietly but then aces the final. They just hung around, waited for their moment, and in the 8th inning? BOOM! DARRYL COOKE WITH THE CLUTCH DOUBLE! Puts the Twins up 6-5, and now Chicago’s cryin’ in the dugout like they just found out their prom date left with someone else! 😭 Let’s talk numbers — The Sox only had seven hits. That's ONE hit for every time I fell through a coffee table in my youth! Minnesota? TEN hits, people! That's almost as many times as I’ve been politely escorted out of the YMCA for motivational screaming! And the pitching? Ohhhh HOOO! Chicago’s bullpen was leakin’ more than my 1983 Ford Econoline! Meanwhile, Minnesota's Myslinski shuts the whole thing down like he's guarding the last slice of pizza at a youth group lock-in! So what have we learned here today? If you're a team in the playoffs... And you wanna blow a lead... And you enjoy letting guys like Darrel Cooke stomp on your playoff dreams like a size-15 orthopedic shoe... THEN YOU TOO... might end up like the White Sox... Living in a van... DOWN BY THE RIVER! 🚐🌊 GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY! And remember — second game’s tomorrow... if Chicago shows up with the same energy? I’m bringin’ the van. AND I’M STAYIN’. Attached Images