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Western Conference Reliever of the Year, Told in the Voice of Tyrion Lannister
Ah, to be young, talented, and burdened with absolutely none of the humility that should come with either. Ladies and lords of the realm, raise your goblets to one Chris Gonzales, a man of 26 winters who has, by sheer will, venomous precision, and a rather unholy fastball, been named the Western Conference Reliever of the Year for 2001.
Now, I’ve always believed that if you must stand alone on a mound of dirt in front of tens of thousands of screaming peasants and stare down armed men with sticks — you’d best be very good at it. Chris Gonzales is very good at it.
The man closed the gates 38 times in 55 relief appearances. That’s 38 would-be uprisings, each snuffed out like a poorly planned rebellion. He hurled 59 strikeouts in 55.1 innings — a rate of dispatch most kings would envy — and allowed just a 2.28 ERA, which for the uninitiated, means he allowed barely enough blood to keep the wolves interested.
He won 4 games, lost 2, and made certain every other closer in the Western realm looked, well, a touch less royal.
The voting? Oh yes. Democracy, that most precarious of illusions, rendered a clear verdict:
Player Team First Place Votes Total Points
Chris Gonzales San Jose Sharks 21 148
Walt van de Kuilen Minnesota Wild 15 122
Chusuke Kosaka Nashville Predators 0 54
Now, van de Kuilen gave chase with the desperation of a man charging up a flight of stairs while wearing full armor — admirable, yet inevitably breathless. As for dear Kosaka, who received no first-place votes… well, perhaps he ought to consider investing in dragons next season.
But back to our victor. Chris Gonzales, you are the Hand of the Ninth Inning, the Breaker of Rallies, the Lord of the Late Game. The crown is yours. For now.
Just remember, my young friend — winning the realm is easy. Holding it? Far more difficult.
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