Once a player is on the 40 man he will not use an option unless he is sent down. IE a player could come up for the first time, play 10 seasons in MLB, and if never sent down he would still have all three options at the end of those 10 years. Now years of service would let him refuse demotion if he so chose to, but the options would still be there.
As far as spring training goes, any player on the 40 man that is sent down during ST, or after in the regular season will use an option. That is because the 40 man roster in the offseason becomes the active roster, the 26 man roster only applies during the season. So a player on the 40 man is "active" and automatically on your ST roster even if he played the entire last season at AAA (or any minor league level). This also applies if he's never played a day at the MLB level. When ST ends and you send this player back to AAA he will use an option. Then on opening day the roster will revert to the in season 26 man roster, with the extra (up to) 14 slots on the 40 man, in effect, becoming a reserve roster.
Keep in mind you can invite players from your organization, that are not on the active roster (40 man during off season), to ST. These players will not use an option when you send them back down during or at the end of ST.
Hope that helps.
