[Westheim]

Raccoons (87-62) vs. Falcons (52-97) – September 19-21, 2061

Final regular-season home series of the year, and with a magic number of four the chance to clinch the division on home turf, although that would also require the Indians to lose the odd game. The Falcons couldn’t wait for the season to end, being on the bottom end of the CL in both runs scored and runs allowed, with a -229 run differential and down 5-1 in the season series against the Critters.

Projected matchups:
Tyler Riddle (12-5, 2.54 ERA) vs. Esteban Duran (9-11, 5.02 ERA)
Nick Robinson (13-8, 3.06 ERA) vs. Bernie Mojica (4-4, 6.63 ERA)
Bobby Herrera (13-7, 3.16 ERA) vs. Ben Lewis (2-4, 5.95 ERA)

The three Falcons right-handers couldn’t wait for the season to end, either.

There was the thought of bringing up another AAA starter (Jose Rosa?) to handle a start or two down the stretch here, but the Alley Cats had won their division and were currently active in the playoffs.

Game 1
CHA: CF J. Rodriguez – 3B D. Espinosa – C L. Miranda – 1B Valcarcel – LF D. Ceballos – RF Padgett – 2B Sostre – SS T. Taylor – P E. Duran
POR: LF Morris – RF Christopher – CF Caswell – C Perez – 1B Starr – 3B Fowler – SS Bean – 2B Ortega – P Riddle

We had to play the games anyway, and the Falcons took a 1-0 lead in the first inning with a Jose Rodriguez triple and Danny Espinosa’s sac fly. Jesus Valcarcel and Danny Ceballos also hit singles, but were stranded by Cody Padgett. Ceballos’ production had plummeted ever since shredding his knee in ’59, but he was still able to dink singles. In any case, the Coons flipped the score in the bottom 2nd when Jon Bean singled home Angel Perez and Joel Starr with one out and a string hit over the glove of Bill Sostre into right-center. Riddle held the 2-1 lead for a while then, but didn’t get a strikeout until the fifth inning and relied on the defense to get him through innings. The Coons’ offense was depressingly tame; when Perez and Starr were on base again to begin the bottom 6th, Fowler hit into a fielder’s choice at second, and Bean found a double play to end the inning with.

The Falcons then predictably tied the game in the seventh with Sostre getting on thanks to a Fowler error and Trent Taylor hitting a single – the first career hit for the 22-year-old September call-up. Riddle was lifted for Ruben Mendez, who retired PH Joe Hullander, but when Brendan Snyder batted for Rodriguez in the #1 spot, the Coons moved on to Rocco to counter the lefty stick, but Rocco gave up an unearned RBI single and we were tied at two. Espinosa then grounded out to Bean. The Falcons went on to crunch Mike Abrams for three runs in the eighth inning. Danny Ceballos notably cracked a 2-run triple to plate Luis Miranda and Jesus Valcarcel, then scored on Padgett’s groundout before Abrams was yanked. The ball went to DeRose, who would probably be able to do whatever with it while getting the last five outs, although the Raccoons somehow wobbled the bags full in the bottom 8th as Cas singled, Brass walked, and Lonzo was nicked while batting for Bean against left-hander Matt Malone. Gary Ponds, a righty, replaced Malone, becoming the fourth reliever of the inning, getting Bernie Ortega to ground for another round of much ado about nothing. In turn we went down in order in the ninth inning… 5-2 Falcons. Morris 2-5, 2B; Perez 2-4; Starr 1-2, 2 BB;

The good news was that the Indians lost at the Bay, 9-4, and the magic number was down to three.

Game 2
CHA: CF J. Rodriguez – 3B D. Espinosa – RF Tomko – 1B Valcarcel – LF D. Ceballos – 2B Hullander – C McCarver – SS Sostre – P Mojica
POR: RF Christopher – SS Lavorano – 1B Starr – LF Brassfield – CF Ayala – 3B Fowler – 2B Ortega – C Arellano – P Robinson

Lonzo was dinked *again* by Mojica in the bottom 1st and stole second in revenge, but Starr’s scratch single couldn’t score him, and the bags filled up when Brassfield walked, bringing Ayala up with one out, and like a true Raccoon he found the double play to murder the inning and my soul, but when Robinson nicked Ceballos in the second inning, Joe Hullander immediately found a gap double to drive him in. Meanwhile the ******* Coons couldn’t score even when Robinson reached with a 2-base throwing error by Sostre to lead off the bottom 3rd. Not only that, but the 1-2-3 batters made such ****** outs that he never even got off second base…

It took another bad throw by Danny Espinosa to tie the game in the bottom 4th. Brass led off with a double and Ayala walked. Fowler grounded out and the runners were in scoring position for Ortega, who grounded out to third base, but Espinosa spiked the throw and Valcarcel could not contain it at first base, allowing Ortega to reach and Brass to score. And then Arellano hit into a ******* double play to kill another inning. BOYS!! WHAT THE ****!!

Nick Robinson was not to blame for anything; he did his royal best to keep the Falcons’ heads under water, allowing just three base hits and whiffing seven of them up to the seventh-inning stretch, while the game was still tied at one. Mojica offered a four-pitch walk to Fowler to start the bottom 7th, and Ortega grounded out to move him to second base. Arellano then FINALLY CAME THROUGH with a double to left, plating Fowler and giving the Coons a 2-1 lead. Tomlin batted for Robinson without success, grounding out, and Christopher left the tack-on run at third base. Ryan Sullivan then struck out the side – including the pitcher Mojica for some reason – in the eighth inning. The Raccoons couldn’t tack on in the eighth, either, but Matt Walters retired the 1-2-3 in order to ache the W into the books. 2-1 Blighters. Starr 2-4; Robinson 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (14-8);

I do think that our rotation can hold up in the playoffs.

But the ******* offense can’t ask them to throw shutouts every ******* day!!

And with the Indians’ see-saw 11-10 loss in San Francisco, the magic number was down to one. Armando Montoya held off murdering Critters for a moment and hit a walkoff single to get it done. Thx, Armando! – Maud, send a basket of Oregon’s finest cheeses to Mr. Montoya! – Yes, even the stinky ones!

The Crusaders were mathematically eliminated already on this Tuesday.

Game 3
CHA: CF Washington – 1B Valcarcel – RF D. Ceballos – C L. Miranda – 3B O’Donnell – 2B Yoshikawa – LF Padgett – SS Hullander – P B. Lewis
POR: LF Morris – SS Lavorano – CF Caswell – RF Brassfield – 1B Tomlin – 3B N. Fox – C Fuller – 2B Bean – P B. Herrera

Tipsy Bobby allowed a leadoff single in each of the first three innings in the potential clincher, but the Falcons found a double play with Takuro Yoshikawa in the second and Lewis bunted badly to get Hullander out in the third inning to sabotage their own cause, while the Raccoons took a skinny 1-0 lead in the second inning when Fomlin doubled to left and scored on a Fuller single. Herrera then gave up a double to begin the fourth inning, except that he didn’t because the first base umpire rung up Danny Ceballos for missing first base in what instead became officially a 1-2-3 inning. In turn, the 1-2-3 reached base to begin the fifth against Herrera, with Yoshikawa singling to center, Padgett legging out a drag bunt, and Hullander hitting another soft single; three on, nobody out. Lewis popped out, Joe Washington struck out, and Valcarcel popped out to Tomlin in foul ground to leave everybody on base.

That was as far as this game worked out as intended. But the Coons were on just the two miserable hits from the second inning in five frames, and Herrera inevitably had another stumble in the sixth, walking Miranda before Yoshikawa bombed a 2-piece over the wall in left, flipping the score. Herrera then drilled Padgett in perhaps frustration, and a brawl broke out with Padgett and Herrera ejected. Swell. Erickson then replaced Herrera once the umpires had cleared the field, and gave up another 2-run homer to Hullander. Sweller.

Bottom 7th, and the Coons had the bases loaded with nobody out on straight singles off Lewis hit by Caswell, Brassfield, and Tomlin, the team’s base hits three to five on the day… Nick Fox hit a sac fly, which in itself did little, but Fuller went to right-center for an RBI double, reducing the score to 4-3 while putting the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position. Notably, Bernie Ortega pinch-ran for Fuller, a rarely-used tactic on a team where almost everybody but the catchers had speed. Jon Bean’s poor grounder to short, and Starr’s grounder to third base of course soiled the bed again and the Coons couldn’t even get the *tying* run home before the inning blacked out.

Useless Adam Harris and Ruben Mendez then fumbled two more Falcons runs on the board in a 4-hit ninth inning, as if the Raccoons could have made up a 4-3 deficit… Lewis went eight, and righty Manny Gutierrez got the ball for the ninth. Brass, Tomlin, and Nick Fox disappeared in order. 6-3 Falcons. Tomlin 2-4, 2B; Fuller 2-3, 2B, 2 RBI;

Regardless of how ******* atrocious the Coons played, the Bayhawks completed a sweep of the Indians and the Raccoons were CL North champs in 2061.

I didn’t feel like celebrating, though. Did I mention the Falcons were last in the CL in runs scored *and* runs allowed?

Also, Tipsy Bobby was suspended for seven games, e.g. one start, which gave us not one, but TWO suspended pitchers on the roster, since Elijah LaBat was still banhammered all the way into next week for his own hissy-fits the week before.

Can it get any worse? (looks at pocket schedule) Oh ****.

Raccoons (88-64) @ Canadiens (72-80) – September 23-25, 2061

The damn Elks were just waiting to give the Raccoons another spin on the wheel of depression and to get even on the season series, which Portland led 9-6. Elk City ranked eighth in runs scored and runs allowed, with a -45 run differential, which, judging by how the last series went, was a sure sweep for them…

Projected matchups:
Chance Fox (11-8, 2.82 ERA) vs. Ken Nielsen (8-9, 3.34 ERA)
Angel Alba (4-3, 4.73 ERA) vs. Jeff Kozloski (10-16, 3.83 ERA)
Tyler Riddle (12-5, 2.48 ERA) vs. Carlos Torres (10-8, 4.14 ERA)

The Raccoons continued to evade all left-handers, although Martyn Polaco (8-6, 4.46 ERA) finishing the year on the DL helped with that in the Elks’ case.

Game 1
POR: LF Morris – SS Lavorano – CF Caswell – RF Brassfield – 1B Starr – C Perez – 3B N. Fox – 2B Bean – P C. Fox
VAN: LF Hambrick – 2B A. Castillo – 1B J. Campos – 3B Spalding – SS Corpus – CF Tallent – RF D. Garcia – C A. Maldonado – P Nielsen

Christian Hambrick singled, Alex Castillo reached on an error by Nick Fox, Jose Campos singled again, and Steven Spalding spanked a grand slam, all inside the first four batters Chance Fox faced. In other words – ballgame.

The Coons didn’t get a hit until Cas singled in the fourth, and were not a threat to score at any time while Chance Fox was fudging around on the hill, which turned out to be five innings, allowing another run on hits by Hambrick and Campos in the bottom 5th before being dismissed. Judging the situation of the 5-0 game, the Raccoons gave up and put in Sensabaugh after Fox had been chewed to bits for 101 pitches. He had a scoreless sixth before the Raccoons loaded the bases partly by accident in the top 7th. Perez singled, Bean was nailed, and Morris drew a 2-out walk on a coulda-gone-either-way 3-2 pitch a good hitter would foul off. Lonzo then grounded out to Alex Corpus and that was that. Sensabaugh managed to pitch the last three innings without allowing a run – look, Chance, THAT is how it works! – and Nielsen went eight before Jerry Garvey finished off the game. 5-0 Canadiens. Perez 2-4, 2B; Ayala (PH) 1-1; Sensabaugh 3.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

For Saturday, we purged ALL the regulars from the lineup – as far as possible without completely destroying the defense. It was the ideal day to do so since Angel Alba as a bloody rookie had no standing to complain.

Game 2
POR: RF Christopher – CF Ayala – 1B Tomlin – C Fuller – 3B Fowler – LF Kozak – SS Bean – 2B Ortega – P Alba
VAN: LF D. Garcia – 3B Spalding – 1B J. Campos – RF C. Cardenas – C A. Maldonado – 2B Tallent – CF Hambrick – SS Corpus – P Kozloski

A walk, a single, and a hit batter loaded the bases with COONS before an out was made this time around, although Tim Fuller didn’t hit a slam, but struck out instead. Fowler’s sac fly got *a* run home and Kozak drove in a run with a 2-out knock to right. Jon Bean rolled a ball through the right side for a 2-run single. Ortega singled to center and Alba grounded out to end the inning before taking the hill with a 4-0 lead, which was lofty heights for Raccoons pitchers these days. Christopher singled and stole second in the top 2nd, but was left on, however Kozak found the gap for a triple and scored on Bean’s groundout to extend the lead to 5-0 in the third inning. With two outs, Ortega, Alba (on an error), and Christopher filled the bases again, and Felix Ayala’s 2-run single through the left side ended Kozloski’s involvement with this game.

(looks up to the baseball gods) My! Aren’t you boys a funny bunch!?

While Angel Alba didn’t allow a hit until the fourth inning, Guillermo Herrera pitched some successful garbage relief for the Elks before catching some flak in the sixth as well. Fowler was nicked by him, but Kozak reached when Corpus botched a potentially inning-ending grounder to short. Bean then hit an RBI single, Ortega singled to right to load the bases with one out, and Alba grounded to short where Corpus ****** ANOTHER potentially inning-ending double play for his second error of the inning…! Christopher would hit a sac fly for a second unearned run in the inning, 10-0, knocking out Herrera before Alex Lodes got the Elks out of the inning. Alba had shutout pace into the later innings, then walked Chris Sullivan with two outs in the bottom 8th and Thomas Whittington flew out to Christopher in deep right to end the inning, but those two long plate appearances put him at 101 pitches for the day. He still got the *chance* in the bottom 9th, but gave up a leadoff homer to Danny Garcia, which ended his bid and his day, too. Erickson then finished the game. 10-1 Critters. Christopher 2-4, BB, RBI; Ayala 2-5, BB, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-3, RBI; Kozak 2-5, 3B, RBI; Bean 3-5, 4 RBI; Ortega 3-5; Alba 8.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (5-3) and 1-5, RBI;

No position players left the game to send a message to the regulars. This was the first game all year in which both Brass and Starr didn’t play, ending their bid for a perfect-attendance season.

Baseball makes no sense.

Baseball loves nobody.

The regulars were invited back to play on Sunday, and if they put up five runs any which way, my fury might be tamed.

Game 3
POR: LF Morris – SS Lavorano – CF Caswell – RF Brassfield – 1B Starr – C Perez – 3B N. Fox – 2B Bean – P Riddle
VAN: LF Hambrick – 2B A. Castillo – 1B J. Campos – 3B Spalding – SS Corpus – CF D. Garcia – RF Tallent – C A. Maldonado – P C. Torres

Another day, another 4-run first… for the damn Elks. After the Coons went down in order, Riddle went down with much noise, offering a leadoff walk to Hambrick before giving up a single to Castillo, a 2-run double to Spalding, and more RBI singles to Corpus and Garcia. The Coons answered (!) with Starr hitting a single and Angel Perez cutting the gap in half with a 2-piece, the first Coons homer this ******* week. That happened inside three pitches to begin the inning, and Torres would throw another 40 before the inning ended. Fox flew out, but Bean singled. Riddle struck out for the second out of the inning before Torres balked, then hit Ben Morris. Lonzo hit the next pitch for an RBI single, and Cas flipped the score with a 2-run single, 5-4. Brass walked, Starr hit his second single of the inning to extend the score to 6-4, and Perez grounded out to end the 6-spot and leave the bases loaded. Torres was then hit for to begin the bottom 2nd, but Riddle followed right on his heels, giving up singles to PH Chad Cardenas and Christian Hambrick, then a triple to Castillo before getting the old hook. Barton replaced him, immediately gave up the go-ahead run on a Campos single, and walked Corpus, but somehow wobbled out of the inning.

Jack Kozak homered off Scott Casner in place of Barton in the third inning, tying the game at seven, which was a lot of red flags for one sentence about a baseball game. He then replaced a hitless Morris in leftfield while the ball went to DeRose, who failed to justify the continuation of his useless existence by giving up a double to Casner, a triple to Hambrick, and a single to Campos to immediately incur another 9-7 deficit. Both DeRose and Casner would however pitch four full innings in garbage relief, with the damn Elk on the longer end of the box score when removed for Jeremy Garvey to begin the top 7th. Garvey didn’t allow anything in the seventh, but *drilled* Kozak – who had already been nailed by Casner once – to begin the eighth inning in the 9-7 game. Lefty David Figueroa took over and Forbes Tomlin batted for the pitcher in the #1 spot, drawing a walk. Righty Brian Doster replaced Figueroa with the tying runs on base. Lonzo flew out, Cas whiffed, and Brass grounded out. Erik Swain in the ninth got a groundout to short from Starr, but Perez singled. Christopher batted for Nick Fox and ended the ballgame with a 4-6-3 double play. 9-7 Canadiens. Caswell 2-4, BB, 2 RBI; Starr 2-5, RBI; Perez 2-4, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Bean 2-4; Kozak (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI;

In other news

September 19 – The season of DAL RF/LF Roberto Almanza (.294, 3 HR, 46 RBI) ended with a herniated disc that required rest.
September 22 – Dallas OF Tyler Wharton (.349, 28 HR, 114 RBI) will miss the rest of the year with ankle soreness.
September 23 – SFB SP Kyle Turay (6-10, 4.61 ERA) is expected to miss all of next season with a ruptured UCL, which will be a tough uphill battle to come back from for the 38-year-old right-hander.

FL Player of the Week: NAS OF/1B Tony Roman (.289, 33 HR, 89 RBI), swatting .348 (8-23) with 3 HR, 4 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB 2B/LF Armando Montoya (.299, 21 HR, 118 RBI), socking .500 (13-26) with 4 HR, 13 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Congratulations to the Bayhawks for winning the CL pennant on Sunday. They lost their game, but the Condors beat the Aces, 5-2, and that closed the division. The Raccoons would not be much of a stepping stone in the CLCS, because just look at them…

Or don’t, because the sight of our lineup makes grown men weep.

We barely managed to extend our string of season series wins against the damn Elks to six years, tying a record set by the 2009-14 Raccoons (who still lost the 2012 division on the final weekend of the year to Ray ******* Gilbert).

The Raccoons were the first team to clinch a division this season despite being nowhere near the top seed for Octoberball, with both the Bayhawks and whoever would win the FL West probably out of reach.

Only the Indians and Loggers left to finish out the season. The regular season. Before it’ll be Baybirds in four.

Fun Fact: If the championship went to the team with the best regular season record, 41 of the 84 championship titles would be redistributed, including almost all of the Raccoons’.

For the sake of this exercise, let’s assume that ties for the best record still go to the real-life runner.

Here’s how the Raccoons’ title pile would fare; with the parenthesis denoting how far the team got in reality, (WS) denoting championship years, (P) years we won the pennant, and (CL) where we went out in the CLCS. Of course, since only division winners make the playoffs, only years where we went to the postseason anyway matter in this regard. Playoff years that don’t end up mentioned here are ones where we didn’t win the World Series and didn’t have the best record either.

1992 (WS) – the Raccoons won 99 games, tied with the Caps, whom they beat in the World Series in the second consecutive meeting with them – Ring
1993 (WS) – the Raccoons won 91 games, well behind the Condors and Caps, who both won 100, and who both bowed to the Raccoons on the way to their second championship – Nope
1996 (P) – an impressive 108 wins followed by a World Series defeat against the 96-win Rebs – Ring
2026 (WS) – the Raccoons win 94 games in the regular season, then beat the 99-win Pacifics in the World Series, who would have get this title otherwise – Nope
2028 (WS) – this time the Raccoons win 98 games before beating the Buffaloes, although the Pacifics would take this one too with 100 regular season wins – Nope
2044 (WS) – 96 wins and a victory against the 86-win Cyclones gave the Coons their fifth title, but the Gold Sox would steal that after getting upset in the FLCS with their 104 wins – Nope
2046 (WS) – rinse, repeat from 2044, with the Gold Sox winning 110 before bowing to the Critters, who won just 96 – Nope
2047 (WS) – the Coons win 104 games, but the Thunder win 108 before losing the CLCS to the Coons, best in the league – Nope
2054 (WS) – this one also gets away from the 94-win Coons, who beat the 96-win Knights and 97-win Warriors, who would take it away from them – Nope
2055 (CL) – conversely, the Raccoons would scoop this one from the Knights, who win the World Series after upsetting the 102-win Critters with their CL South-winning 95-67 record – Ring

Thinking about it, things are just fine the way they are.