[Westheim]

Raccoons (65-90) @ Canadiens (86-69) – September 23-26, 2052

Would the Raccoons stumble the damn Elks or race for the #1 pick again? The upcoming four-game set would probably give answers to that. The damn Elks were seventh in runs scored, second in runs allowed, and had a 9-5 edge on the Critters this year. The Coons were there, and I was back in Portland on the trusty brown couch, with a couple of bottles of booze and a big bowl of cheese. Nothing on top of that. Just cheese. And strangely, at ease.

Projected matchups:
Phil Baker (3-2, 4.01 ERA) vs. Hyuma Hitomi (7-11, 4.02 ERA)
Jason Wheatley (6-9, 3.95 ERA) vs. Federico Purificao (9-11, 3.44 ERA)
Cameron Argenziano (1-6, 4.25 ERA) vs. Terry Herman (12-10, 3.71 ERA)
Rafael de la Cruz (11-11, 3.20 ERA) vs. Juan Ramos (9-6, 3.44 ERA)

Nothing but right-handers.

The Coons shipped Nick Thomason to the DL, and Jesus Maldonado was in Elk City, but unlikely to play. Jerry Outram would definitely not play, so there was no final old-man showdown between two batters that had surely left a mark on the CL North in the last 15 years. To make up for the missing Thomason and/or Maldo, the Raccoons added another AAA outfielder, OF Prospero Tenazes, who had batted .253 with seven homers in his age 25 season in AAA and was not a very bright prospect by any stretch of the imagination anymore.

Game 1
POR: SS Lavorano – LF Perez – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – RF Rivera – 3B Crispin – C Philipps – CF Samples – P Baker
VAN: 3B A. Soto – RF J. Shaw – SS Mullen – CF D. Moreno – 1B Wheeler – LF T. Turner – 2B Sostre – C Julio Diaz – P Hitomi

Lonzo opened the week with a double and scored on a Waters single, but Ken Crum found a double play to keep the Coons to one run in the first inning. The Elks were not that shy; they knocked the cover off the baseball – and also off Phil Baker’s neck in the second inning. Doubles by Jeff Wheeler and Bill Sostre, and singles by Julio Diaz, Alex Soto, and Joshua Shaw plated a total of four runs, easily enough to go in front. They would add a fifth run in the fifth inning, Baker’s last, with Damian Moreno’s single, stolen base, and another RBI single from Wheeler. The Coons were also very successful in their times at-bat – IF their goal was to get back to the hotel as quickly as possible. And who could blame them? (points at TV) Just look at the dump they have for a ballpark up there!

(creaking noise outside, then a loud rumble and shattering) What is it, Maud? The bottom line of the scoreboard came loose and crashed into the seats below? – Ah, it’s fine. Slappy will clean that later. Besides, we weren’t using the bottom line anyway.

Come the top 6th, the Coons’ 2-3-4-5 batters then all slapped consecutive 2-out singles, Rivera driving home a pair. Crispin walked to fill the bags again, but Tyler Philipps struck out, keeping three on, and the team as a whole two runs short. Mike Snyder and Dave Saldivar pitched scoreless garbage time baseball, but after their 4-hit outburst in the sixth the Raccoons reverted to trash and only reached base once more afterwards when Lonzo singled and stole his 61st base of the season in the seventh inning. He was duly stranded. 5-3 Canadiens. Lavorano 2-4, 2B; Waters 2-4, RBI; Crum 3-4; Saldivar 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Nobody below Oscar Rivera had a base hit in the game. Crispin and Philipps each drew a walk, and the rest of collectively crap.

This game ended the Titans’ mathematical postseason chances. Also over: Maldo’s career – a broken thumb sent him to the DL for the remainder of the year and that would probably be that. At least he went out with a double!

Game 2
POR: SS Lavorano – LF Perez – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – RF Rivera – 3B Sivertson – CF Suzuki – C Raczka – P Wheatley
VAN: 3B A. Soto – RF J. Shaw – SS Mullen – CF D. Moreno – 1B Wheeler – LF T. Turner – 2B Nicholson – C Julio Diaz – P Purificao

The Elks starter got purified with a 3-run first inning, central to which was Ken Crum, who singled home a pair and scored on Sivertson’s 2-out single. The Elks made up the deficit without making an out, however. Alex Soto singled, Joshua Shaw walked, and Mullen, Moreno, and Jeff Wheeler all added a hit in what was dawning to be a brief outing for Wheatley. Turner reached on Wheats’ error, making it all worse, because now we were at three on and nobody out yet again. Brian Nicholson and Julio Diaz scored more runs with a groundout and sac fly, respectively, and because I wasn’t weeping enough already, Purificao added a 2-out RBI single. Six runs, four earned. Smothered.

Wheats batted for himself in the second, singled, and scored on a 2-out double by Matt Waters, but Shaw and Mullen reached again in the bottom 2nd, were doubled home by Wheeler, and that was that. And THEN a rain delay.

While play resumed eventually an hour later, despite me being emotionally done with both baseball and life itself, and Purificao remained in the game after the rain delay, he still didn’t get the W, because the Raccoons got rid of him before the fifth inning was over. Raczka hit a sac fly to score Sivertson in the third, and a Ken Crum homer ended his day in the fifth, then with the Coons down 8-6. The bullpens then prevented any scoring; Raul Medrano on one side and Jared Bramel on the other each pitched three scoreless innings in this game, and the Coons forfeited the game for good in the bottom 8th when Brett Lillis jr. ran into another stupid 2-spot as Dan Mullen hit a 2-out double to right to chase home Diaz and Kyle Hawkins. Against Bernardino Risso, who had already closed Monday’s game, in the ninth inning, the Coons got the tying run to the plate, but that was only with a Mullen error already included. Samples, Lonzo, and Waters were on with two outs to wait for good things from Ken Crum, who flew out to Tim Turner on a 2-1 pitch. 10-6 Canadiens. Perez 2-5; Waters 2-4, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Crum 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Samples (PH) 1-1; Medrano 3.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 2 K;

(stares gloomily)

The Indians split a double-header with the Titans, falling three games behind, which was terrible and terrifying, because by winning out this set, the Elks could clinch the division while we were still in town, and I’d then have to throw myself off the nearest bridge over the Willamette.

Unrelated, we had clinched last place already (so, first ever first-to-last for the franchise…), but were still nowhere near the #1 pick, two games ahead of the Condors and three ahead of the Rebs. We were three games to the good compared to the Baybirds and the #4 pick.

Game 3
POR: SS Lavorano – LF Perez – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – RF Rivera – CF Suzuki – C Raczka – 3B Blackshire – P Argenziano
VAN: 3B Nicholson – C L. Miranda – 1B Wheeler – CF D. Moreno – SS Mullen – LF Escobido – RF T. Turner – 2B Sostre – P Herman

Argenziano walked three and gave up a run on Dan Mullen’s sac fly in the bottom 1st, which made me sigh quite loudly. Nobody got a base hit in the game until Jeff Wheeler singled Luis Miranda from first to third base in the bottom 3rd. Argenziano plated that run with a wild pitch, then walked Damian Moreno as if to make up for it. Before the Coons could yank him, though, Mullen shot a liner past him to Lonzo for a fielder’s choice, but Argenziano had reached for it, but suffered an abdominal strain on the attempt. (blows) Jim Larson replaced him, got Angel Escobido out, and then the Coons also found the H column when Fernando Perez doubled to left in the fourth inning. Perez, too, left the game with a balky back, replaced by Prospero Tenazes, who was left on base by Waters and Crum.

Through six, the damn Elks had one base hit – the Wheeler RBI single – but led 2-0 against the Coons and three scattered hits and the odd double play hit into… Victor Salcido had pitched two scoreless in garbage relief already when in the top 8th his turn came up with Brewer and Blackshire in scoring position and no outs after a walk and a double to begin the inning against Herman. Since we wanted to have him pitch more innings to get the season over with, he batted for himself … and singled home the tying runs with a bouncer through the left side. Then Lonzo popped out, Tenazes singled, and Waters hit into another double play.

Salcido however pitched four scoreless, which was enough to get the lame Critters to extra innings. Tyler Philipps singled in his place in the 10th inning, and Tenazes singled as well with two outs, but Waters lined out to Wheeler to kill another effort, and Wheeler also killed the rest of the team with a walkoff single off Lillis in the bottom of the same inning, plating Jose Uranga and his leadoff double. 3-2 Canadiens. Sivertson (PH) 1-1; Philipps (PH) 1-1; Salcido 4.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K and 1-1, 2 RBI;

(blows)

The stupid Arrowheads bent over backwards to lose another one to the Titans, so the ******* Elks’ magic number was now one.

Fernando Perez was day-to-day and not in the lineup on Thursday. Argenziano was also listed as day-to-day, but wouldn’t have made another appearance anyway.

Game 4
POR: SS Lavorano – CF Suzuki – 1B Crum – RF Rivera – 2B Sivertson – 3B Crispin – C Raczka – LF Tenazes – P de la Cruz
VAN: 3B A. Soto – RF J. Shaw – SS Mullen – CF D. Moreno – 1B Wheeler – LF T. Turner – 2B Nicholson – C Julio Diaz – P Ju. Ramos

An Alex Soto error amongst hits for Suzuki and Crum allowed the Coons to scratch out an unearned run in the top of the first, but Raffy decided to crank the decrepitness up to eleven for his final outing of the year. He filled the bases with Shaw and Mullen singles and a Moreno walk, then gave up three runs from there. Tim Turner singled home a pair, and two more walks forced home a run by the time Julio Diaz was done looking at **** off the plate. Juan Ramos struck out, but the damage was done. Jeff Raczka homered to open the top 2nd, 3-2, but Diaz singled home another run in the third inning after Raffy had walked Turner and Brian Nicholson…

Sometimes it was just tough to keep loving them…….

Raffy reached the fifth, but walked Wheeler and Turner in full counts before getting shafted with seven free passes in this game, and 99 for the season. Ryan Harmer took over and ached out of the inning without giving up any more runs. The Elks steadily worked themselves towards clinching, especially with Ramos not letting a runner on base from the fourth through the sixth inning. Suzuki hit a single in the seventh, but was forced out by Crum, and then Rivera hit into a double play. ******. Simply ******. Eric Reese then continued the reliever parade for the Coons in the bottom 8th. He retired nobody. Diaz doubled. Hawkins singled. Escobido singled. Shaw singled. Crisler replaced him, got two outs, then gave up the remaining two runners on a Wheeler single. And then a homer to Tim Turner. The pink plebeians celebrated their division title starting in this ******* inning, which, by the way, was not over yet. Jim Larson had to ring up Nicholson to get out of it. The clincher was made official when Bill McMichael ended a 1-2-3 ninth with a K to the pinch-hitter Aaron Brewer. 10-2 Canadiens. Suzuki 2-4; Crum 3-4;

(struggles to breathe)

Raccoons (65-94) @ Titans (82-77) – September 27-29, 2052

Bottoms in runs scored, tops in runs allowed. Up 9-6 on the Coons this year. Someone please shoot me.

Projected matchups:
Seisaku Taki (15-8, 2.76 ERA) vs. Jamie Guidry (9-16, 4.35 ERA)
Phil Baker (3-3, 4.66 ERA) vs. Victor Scott (15-10, 2.41 ERA)
Jason Wheatley (6-10, 4.25 ERA) vs. David Barnes (8-6, 4.32 ERA)

We might get three southpaws here. As if it matters. This team could lose to right-handers, left-handers, even guys with no ******* arms at all…

Game 1
POR: SS Lavorano – 3B Sivertson – 2B Waters – LF Rivera – RF Glodowski – C Brewer – 1B Philipps – CF Samples – P Taki
BOS: SS A. Montes de Oca – C R. Gonzalez – LF E. Cobb – 1B L. Rodriguez – CF T. Lopez – 2B Thatcher – 3B Lettner – RF L. Estrada – P Guidry

The ERA title was no longer in play for Taki, which was the main reason why I only sighed and shrugged when he gave up a leadoff triple to Leo Estrada and balked the runner across before even Guidry could make an out in the third inning. That erased the Coons’ 1-0 lead garnered from doubles whacked by Philipps and Samples in the second inning. The Coons would hit back-to-back doubles again between Glodowski, the useless pelt, and Brewer in the sixth inning, but then Waters and Rivera were also on base ahead of them and the Critters scratched out three runs in total for a new 4-1 lead. Sivertson and Waters reached base with one out in the seventh inning, but then Rivera and Glodowski made poor outs and left them stranded. Waters made a throwing error to put Larry Rodriguez on base to begin the home half of the inning, but also snatched Jason Lettner’s liner to end the inning, so there was that.

The Coons added on by the eighth, with 2-out RBI knocks for Lonzo and Sivertson, including a triple for the former, off right-hander Sam Heisler. Unfazed, Taki reached the ninth inning with some breathing room to complete the game. Eric Cobb and Tony Lopez both strung doubles into gaps to make up a late run, but Ian Davison and Lettner grounded out easily and Taki completed the game on 107 pitches. 6-2 Coons. Lavorano 2-5, 3B, RBI; Sivertson 3-5, RBI; Waters 3-5; Perez (PH) 1-1, 2B; Philipps 2-2, 2 BB, 2B; Taki 9.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 4 K, W (16-8);

Barnes was moved ahead of Scott for Saturday. But that still made for a southpaw on the hill.

Game 2
POR: SS Lavorano – 3B Sivertson – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – RF Rivera – LF Perez – C Brewer – CF Samples – P Baker
BOS: SS A. Montes de Oca – C R. Gonzalez – 1B L. Rodriguez – CF T. Lopez – 3B Bumpus – 2B M. Martinez – LF Whitlow – RF L. Estrada – P D. Barnes

Single, double, single, double – the #3 through #6 batter went to work on Barnes in the first inning, with Crum, Rivera, and Perez each driving home the guy ahead of them. Then Baker gave up a leadoff walk to Angel Montes de Oca and a homer to Larry Rodriguez right away, and Ruben Gonzalez singled home Leo Estrada, who also drew a leadoff walk, to tie the game an inning later. Oh well, at least we tried.

Lonzo tried, too, stealing bases, but was thrown out in both of his attempts in the game, including in the top 1st before everybody else got all the hits. He didn’t go when he reached on a Rodriguez error to begin the fifth inning, then was forced out at second when Sivertson slapped one back to Barnes. Then Sivertson was caught stealing.

All that random sucking was neat and all, but things got even more depressing in the bottom of the sixth. Adam Bumpus opened with a soft single, and Miguel Martinez reached on another infield single when Baker over-ambitiously threw to second base. Eric Whitlow grounded to Sivertson, who fired the ball wildly over Crum for a 2-base error and a 4-3 lead for the Titans. Baker was yanked for Reese, who for once didn’t **** up completely, struck out Estrada, popped up Barnes, and then yielded for Johns before he could run **** outta luck, with Johns getting Montes de Oca on an easy fly to Rivera – if there was such a thing as an easy fly to Rivera. Samples sampled a leadoff single to right in the seventh, then was doubled up by pinch-hitting Dave Blackshire, and the game lingered on until Mike Snyder got hold of a baseball in the bottom 8th and sponsored another blowout with two walks, a Dave Gonzalez single, and a Ruben Gonzalez homer to left for four more Boston runs. 8-3 Titans. Lavorano 2-4; Waters 2-4; Perez 2-4, 2B, RBI;

One more. Then I can go to sleep.

Game 3
POR: SS Lavorano – LF Perez – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – RF Rivera – C Philipps – 3B Blackshire – CF Tenazes – P Wheatley
BOS: SS A. Montes de Oca – C R. Gonzalez – 1B L. Rodriguez – CF T. Lopez – 2B Thatcher – 3B Bumpus – LF S. Lewis – RF L. Estrada – P V. Scott

Again, a barrage of hits in the first; Perez doubled and scored on a Waters single, while Crum’s single to left and a walk drawn by Rivera loaded the bases for Tyler Philipps, who like Blackshire behind him made a poor out to short and nobody else scored. Wheats walked Montes de Oca, threw a wild pitch, and was taken deep by Rodriguez, bunted into a force of Tenazes at second, and threw a fastball into a howling Steve Lewis’ groin in the bottom 2nd, so it was a bit of a mixed day again for him for sure. He also smashed Tony Lopez with a fastball in the third and was generally all over the place, but also struck out six batters total the first two times through the Titans lineup.

The scrubs then loaded the bases with nobody out in the sixth inning as Philipps, Blackshire, and Tenazes all reached on a walk and two singles, and nobody out. Since we didn’t care anymore, Wheats batted for himself, and got himself off the hook with a sac fly to right. That was all for runs; Lonzo singled to left, but Blackshire was thrown out at the plate by Lewis, and Perez popped out. The Coons only took a lead when Crum and Rivera were on base in the seventh, and mixed-up signals led to a double steal attempt. Ruben Gonzalez was just as confused as me, threw the ball past Bumpus and Crum scored with the go-ahead run. Philipps then got Rivera home with a sac fly, 4-2. Wheats’ season ended with precisely 162 innings pitched when he struck out Montes de Oca to begin the bottom 8th on his 118th pitch. The Coons went to Larson, who walked Rodriguez with two outs, but got a groundout from Lopez to end the inning. Hitchcock whiffed John Thatcher. Bumpus flew out to Perez in left. And Steve Lewis ended the season with a 3-1 grounder to Lonzo. 4-2 Coons. Perez 2-5, 2B; Crum 2-3, BB; Rivera 2-3, BB; Philipps 1-2, BB, RBI; Tenazes 2-4; Wheatley 7.1 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, W (7-10);

In other news

September 24 – The Buffaloes clinch the FL East with a 7-1 win over the Blue Sox. It is their first playoff appearance in 12 years.
September 24 – SFW INF/CF Nick DeMarco (.223, 6 HR, 38 RBI) ends his season early after suffering a hip muscle strain.
September 25 – SFW SP David Barel (14-8, 2.44 ERA) goes eight and two thirds innings with a no-hitter against the Scorpions before giving up a double to Nate Culp (.266, 25 HR, 65 RBI). SFW MR Alex Mancilla (5-4, 4.81 ERA, 3 SV) gives up a home run to Jamie Harmon (.262, 29 HR, 83 RBI) before the Warriors’ closer, Ben Lussier (4-13, 4.54 ERA, 35 SV) restores order and saves the 4-2 game.
September 26 – NYC CL Ryan Sullivan (5-5, 3.55 ERA, 31 SV) will spend the winter recuperating from a torn back muscle.
September 28 – NYC SP Jim White (9-6, 3.39 ERA) throws a 2-hit shutout against the Canadiens to claim a 7-0 win.
September 29 – Rebels 2B/SS Lance Harrison (.293, 20 HR, 69 RBI) knocks his 20th homer of the year for the only run in a 1-0 Closing Day win over the Cyclones.
September 30 – The Knights maul the Thunder in a tie-breaker game, dishing out a dozen runs after falling behind in the first inning for a 12-2 victory and a playoff spot. ATL 3B Bobby Thibault (.255, 11 HR, 55 RBI) and ATL SP Brian Jackson (16-7, 4.91 ERA), who pitches a complete-game 8-hitter, both drive in three runs in the game.

Complaints and stuff

Seisaku Taki must be something – if you can finish 16-8 on THIS team, imagine what he could do on a GOOD team…!

Lonzo won the stolen base title for the third time in three full seasons, and that is about it for merits on the team. Come November, almost everybody will be available, except for standout personnel well under team control, like, y’know, Lonzo and Taki. I’d also add Raffy (grumble grumble) and Pucks to the list. The rest of the roster just has a price.

Thankfully, I don’t have to make any more remarks about who the Coons will play next week.

Fun Fact: Their inspiring 13-13 September was the Raccoons’ best month in 2052.

Not one winning moon. Lots of work to do in the winter. The next three winters, probably…