[Westheim]

Raccoons (6-13) vs. Knights (9-9) – April 25-27, 2050

The Raccoons offered up their 4-year winning streak against the Knights – well, all of 5-4 in 2049, but it counted. Atlanta was sixth in runs scored, fifth in runs allowed, with a +8 run differential (Coons: -17) but had already taken some collateral damages with Vic Chavez, Antonio Ramires, and Arnout van der Zanden all on the DL.

Projected matchups:
Victor Merino (0-3, 5.29 ERA) vs. Will Cormack (2-0, 3.00 ERA)
Jason Wheatley (1-2, 4.56 ERA) vs. Brian Buttress (1-2, 4.00 ERA)
Bubba Wolinsky (0-1, 5.55 ERA) vs. Kodai Koga (2-1, 0.82 ERA)

Buttress was the sole southpaw available in their rotation. The Coons didn’t bring up the left-handed prospect Alan Puckeridge to open the series, so maybe he’d be here by Wednesday?

Game 1
ATL: CF Royer – 2B Housey – SS A. Venegas – LF Alade – C Cass – RF Worden – 3B Hornig – 1B Gurney – P Cormack
POR: CF Watt – SS Lavorano – 1B Maldonado – 2B Waters – 3B Crispin – C Gonzalez – RF Lamotta – LF Medina – P Merino

Three hits, three stolen bases, and an error by ******* Victor Merino – the Knights had it all in the first inning, but the runs. They scored only one of those. Steve Royer reached on the error to begin the game, but was caught stealing. Matt Housey then doubled to left, stole third base, and scored on the first of back-to-back singles by Anton Venegas and Jon Alade, who pulled off a double steal, but were stranded with poor outs by Tyler Cass and Matt Worden. Pat Gurney then got a warm welcome from the skinny crowd – as warm as a welcome could be in a three-fifths-empty ballpark in a moist 55 degrees with the team out of contention in April – at least until he hit a homer to right, 2-0 in the second. Alade singled, stole second, and scored on a Cass single in the third, 3-0. While the Critters did a pretty spiffy job of getting a single per inning and never scoring (or even getting to third base) against Cormack, the Knights went up 4-0 when Alade singled home Royer in the fifth, which was also the first inning in which Portland got more than one runner on base. Matt Watt hit a 2-out single, and then Lonzo doubled to left. Watt went home, but was thrown out by Alade, and the sadness continued in shutout fashion.

Five runs (four earned) in 6.1 innings would be the final tally on Merino, who walked four and struck out two, and had the final run on his ledger conceded by Hitchcock on a 2-out single by Tyler Cass. Ruben Gonzalez hit a third single on the day to begin the bottom 7th, but was thrown out trying to make it a double. It was raining. It was sad. Maldo made an error in the eighth, Lillis made an error in the ninth. The Knights somehow didn’t score at either occasion. The Raccoons never scored. 5-0 Knights. Watt 2-4; Lavorano 2-4; Gonzalez 4-4;

The Knights had seven hits. We had A DOZEN HITS.

And four errors.

Rock bottom with 142 to play.

Game 2
ATL: CF Royer – 2B Housey – SS A. Venegas – LF Alade – RF Worden – C S. Green – 1B Jon Lopez – 3B Hornig – P Buttress
POR: SS Lavorano – CF Herrera – 1B Maldonado – 2B Waters – C Gonzalez – 3B Luna – LF Lamotta – RF Glodowski – P Wheatley

I started Tuesday by tearing Monday’s black 25 off the calendar in Maud’s office, then immediately banged my head against the wall for 25 minutes. That was even before Wheatley gave up a single, double, and homer to the 2-3-4 batters in the first inning to eliminate any chance for a win on Tuesday. While the Coons had the bags full in the bottom 1st and Waters singled home Herrera to make up *one* run, Luna and Lamotta failed and stranded three aboard with a pop and a K. The Knights stung Wheats with three more singles for a run in the top 3rd, but Eddy Luna singled and Ricky Lamotta homered to left to get back to 4-3 in the bottom 3rd. Lonzo and Herrera would get on in the fourth, but Maldonado killed that inning with a 4-6-3 double play.

…and while Wheats just couldn’t handle a lineup with just two right-handed batters (Anton Venegas, Jeremy Hornig), the baseball gods then also added a whole shovelful of the absolutely most rotten luck you could expect at a baseball game. The top 5th of a 4-3 game began thusly: Steve Royer legged out an infield single. Matt Housey hit another ****** grounder, Maldo tried to get the lead runner, but got nobody, and that was another infield single. Venegas bounced to Luna, who ****** the play for an error (the first on Tuesday, and the fifth of the week). Three on, nobody out. The Raccoons pulled the handbrake and yanked Wheatley after 63 pitches and reached for the southpaw Ponce, who gave up three singles and three runs (two earned) to the first three left-handed batters – Alade, Worden, and Sean Green – that he saw. That wasn’t all; Jeremy Hornig added a double, and in total the Knights plated five runs in the inning.

Ponce ended up throwing 54 pitches in three innings, because **** that guy, ridiculously allowing only one more runner between the sixth and seventh. Lonzo singled home Glodowski in unearned fashion against Tony Rosas in the bottom 8th; Glodowski had singled, and PH Roberto Medina had reached on a Venegas error, all with two outs. Herrera was out to Hornig to end the inning then. Willie Cruz had a scoreless ninth in a toss-away game, but the team tried to play the bottom 9th, still against Rosas, for maximum pain. Maldo and Waters made quick outs before Gonzalez doubled to left. Crispin had arrived in the #6 hole earlier and tripled to right, driving home a pointless run, and then had a rib broken when he slid awkwardly and crushed his chest into Hornig’s knee at third base. Lamotta flew out to center to end the game. 9-5 Knights. Lavorano 2-5, 2B, RBI; Herrera 2-3, BB; Waters 2-5, RBI; Gonzalez 2-5, 2B; Crispin 1-1, 3B, RBI;

Well. Roster moves, huh?

Crispin, batting .182 with two homers, was off to the DL for the next six weeks, while Roberto Medina (.227, 0 HR, 1 RBI) ended up on waivers. The replacements were Alan Puckeridge, hitting .471 with 4 homers in AAA (!), and right-handed INF/LF Shane Honig was batting only .188 for the Alley Cats, but that was with a near-negative BABIP. He had five walks against four strikeouts.

Game 3
ATL: CF Royer – 2B Housey – SS A. Venegas – LF Alade – C Cass – RF Worden – 3B Hornig – 1B Gurney – P Koga
POR: LF Watt – SS Lavorano – CF Herrera – 2B Waters – 1B Puckeridge – 3B Luna – RF Lamotta – C Jimenez – P Wolinsky

Puckeridge’s first career at-bat came with Watt and Waters on second and first and two outs in the bottom 1st, and he… struck out. He went on to make two neat plays on D in the next two innings, including collecting a sharp grounder by Alade with the bags full in the top 3rd for the final out of that frame. The Knights filled them up again and left them full in the fourth as well, then with Royer out on a comebacker to Wolinsky, who gave up seven hits and a walk in four innings, but no runs.

Bubba’s spot came up with three on and nobody out in the bottom 5th after Koga allowed soft singles to all of the 6-7-8 batters. He erred into a double play, but Luna scored for the game’s first run, and Watt singled home Lamotta to make it 2-0. Lonzo grounded out, while in the bottom 6th Waters chased back Alade, who made a tumbling catch and hurt himself, and was replaced with Carlos Vega, while Puckeridge improved on his 0-2, 2 K line with a 2-out double to right, his first big league knock. Luna walked, but Lamotta grounded out to strand the runners.

Shane Honig made his major league debut in a double switch in the seventh, entering with Lillis and playing third base as replacement for Luna, all with Royer on third base and two outs for Atlanta. Vega grounded out on Lillis’ first pitch to end the inning. He flew out to center in his first at-bat in the league, but Herrera singled home Jimenez with two outs to tack on a run. Lonzo was also on base, but him and Herrera were stranded when Housey intercepted Waters’ bouncer. Lillis held up for another inning, only for Willie Cruz to get torn up. Joe Besaw hit a pinch-hit single to begin the ninth, and Housey crashed a 2-run homer to right-center, reducing the lead to a skinny run. Venegas singled, Sean Green doubled, and the tying and go-ahead runs were in scoring position with one out. Cass then, crucially perhaps, struck out, leaving things to the .184 hitter Worden. He popped to third base, Honig made the catch, and that left the Critters with their weekly win. 3-2 Raccoons. Watt 2-4, RBI; Luna 1-2, BB; Jimenez 1-2; Wolinsky 6.2 IP, 11 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K, W (1-1);

It's not just that Bubba allowed 11 hits and no runs. The Knights had *16* hits in a regulation game – and lost!

Raccoons (7-15) vs. Indians (9-12) – April 29-May 1, 2050

Act Four of a senselessly terrible homestand would feature the Arrowheads on the weekend. They were up 2-1 in the season series, but had a CL-worst .235 batting average and the second-fewest runs scored. They had however also only surrendered the third-fewest runs with a +1 differential. If that didn’t sound like an Indians team of old… including the successlessness.

Projected matchups:
Victor Salcido (1-2, 5.82 ERA) vs. Bill Nichol (4-0, 0.79 ERA)
Elijah Powell (2-2, 3.24 ERA) vs. Tan Brink (2-0, 2.03 ERA)
Victor Merino (0-4, 5.01 ERA) vs. Paul Medvec (0-1, 5.87 ERA)

Only right-handers on offer here. Bill Quinteros was day-to-day with a back ailment but trying to play through it.

Game 1
IND: CF A. Mendez – SS de Castro – RF B. Quinteros – 3B B. Anderson – 2B H. Acosta – C DeFrank – LF Brayboy – 1B R. White – P Nichol
POR: LF Watt – SS Lavorano – CF Herrera – 2B Waters – RF Puckeridge – 1B Maldonado – C Gonzalez – 3B Honig – P Salcido

The Arrowheads loaded the bases against Salcido in the first, but Ray DeFrank flew out to Herrera to strand the runners, and then the Coons instead scored a 3-spot in the bottom 1st. Watt got on, was forced out by Lonzo, and Herrera hit an infield single. Waters doubled both of them in, then scored on a Maldo single himself. Gonzalez popped out foul. Salcido was then shoved around, gave up a run when Angel Mendez singled home Rusty White in the second, and another one on a DeFrank sac fly in a 3-hit third, narrowing the score to 3-2. DeFrankly, he looked awful.

Bottom 3rd, Waters and Puckeridge went to the corners with leadoff hits against Nichol, and while Puckeridge was antsy to go and get his first stolen base in the Bigs, Maldo hissed over to first so he’d hold still and Maldo could concentrate his milky eyes on that round thing hurled at him all the time by these kids. The hiss worked, and he slapped a soft looper over Alex de Castro for an RBI single, 4-2. Gonzalez found a double play to hit into, and Honig was walked intentionally to bring up Salcido, who hit a duck snort single for a 2-out run. Watt singled home Honig, completing another 3-spot before Lonzo flew out to Angel Mendez. Salcido had a quick fourth, then a dragging fifth with Hugo Acosta, DeFrank, and White all aboard until finally PH Ron Kurtz struck out to leave another full set aboard. Salcido added a 1-2-3 sixth, but then was done after 100 pitches exactly, yet still up 6-2.

Porter and Lillis then got flogged for three sharp hits and two runs (both on the former) in the seventh inning, cutting that lead in half. De Castro and Bobby Anderson both reached against Bob Ibold in the eighth, but were left on when Acosta popped out to shallow left. Bottom 8th and facing Alfredo Llamas, though, the Coons loaded them up again; soft Gonzalez singled, Luna drawing a walk in Honig’s spot against the right-hander, and then a Lamotta single, all with one out. Evan Van Hoy batted for Ibold in the #1 spot and at least got in a run with a groundout. Lonzo was out on a sharp grounder up the middle, de Castro warping over to retire him. Willie Cruz then struck out two in a perfect ninth. 7-4 Raccoons! Watt 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Waters 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Maldonado 2-4, 2 RBI; Honig 0-1, 2 BB;

Game 2
IND: CF A. Mendez – SS de Castro – RF B. Quinteros – 3B B. Anderson – 2B H. Acosta – C DeFrank – LF Hare – 1B R. White – P Brink
POR: LF Watt – SS Lavorano – CF Herrera – 2B Waters – RF Puckeridge – 1B Maldonado – C Gonzalez – 3B Honig – P Powell

Back here, back there, Quinteros sent Puckeridge back with a mighty drive in the first inning, and put Indy up 1-0 with a solo homer. DeFrank singled and Josh Hare doubled, both with two strikes on them, and Rusty White made it 2-0 with a groundout in the second, while Puckeridge opened the bottom 2nd with a single to center, but then was forced out on a Maldo grounder. Gonzalez singled, Honig got pummeled, and Powell batted with the bags full. He ran a full count, then struck out anyway for the second red light of the inning. Watt flew out to Hare. Instead, de Castro, Anderson, and Acosta all whacked hits off Powell in the third, extending the Indians’ lead to 4-0 against a hapless Powell. Top 4th, de Castro singled home White, Quinteros homered again, this time to left-center, and Powell was yanked from the 7-0 rout then.

Landeta offered four outs, but Hitchcock allowed another run in the sixth, but that inning also saw the first career RBI for Alan Puckeridge, plating Lonzo with a groundout to reduce the gap to … 8-1. And then Matt Waters left the game the inning after with an oblique tweak, and I was about ready to cry when Maud swooped in saved me temporarily with a big bowl of fudge. Mmmm. Fudge! … Luna entered the game at third, with Honig to second base with Waters out. Ponce gave up a run in the eighth, but Puckeridge hit a sac fly to steadfastly keep the Coons at 7-run distance. What a little hero! Brink was pitching into the ninth, which Ruben Gonzalez opened with his first homer of the year, shortening the drubbing all the way to 9-3, after which Honig singled to center for his first career base knock. He also stole his first base, but couldn’t prevent Brink to finish the game all by himself. 9-3 Indians. Lavorano 3-5; Herrera 3-5; Maldonado 2-4; Gonzalez 2-4, HR, RBI; Van Hoy (PH) 1-1;

Your good old complete-game 13-hitter for Tan Brink, on a baffling 135 pitches.

Waters would sit on Sunday, which would have been a day off for Maldo, but the way we were playing it was not like it mattered much. Day off for everybody! How about a lineup full o’ pitchers!?

Game 3
IND: RF A. Mendez – 2B H. Acosta – LF B. Quinteros – 3B B. Anderson – C DeFrank – 1B Brayboy – SS de Castro – CF Locke – P Medvec
POR: LF Watt – CF Herrera – SS Luna – C Gonzalez – RF Puckeridge – 1B Van Hoy – 3B Lamotta – 2B Honig – P Merino

Merino didn’t look *that* bad… until he walked Medvec with one out in the third inning in a scoreless game. Mendez then singled, Acosta walked, and Quinteros singled home two in quick succession. Anderson flew out to Watt, but Merino walked DeFrank to fill the bags, then walked Aaron ******* Brayboy with the bases ******* loaded, 3-0. De Castro popped out to end the inning, while Medvec hit a triple in the fourth, which somehow ended without an Indians run on poor outs by Mendez and Acosta, the latter whiffing in a full count.

The Coons didn’t get a hit until Ricky Lamotta singled with one out in the bottom 5th, sending Van Hoy to third base after the forgettable left-handed first-bagger had drawn a walk off Medvec. Honig hit a sac fly to Philip Locke, Merino singled, Watt walked to make it three on and two outs, but Herrera grounded out to third base, and the score remained 3-1. Well, at least until Medvec singled home Brayboy in the top 6th. Those two had half of the four singles the first five batters in the sixth smacked off Merino in the inning, kicking him from the game. Ponce inherited the bags full, gave up a sac fly to Acosta, 5-1, then plunked Quinteros with a 1-2 pitch. With Bobby Anderson up, Ponce was beaten back to the dugout, and Preston Porter got to try his luck. He also got to 1-2 before giving up a drive to deep left… but Watt made the catch on the warning track… Slappy, please pinch me, I want to wake up from this nightmare. – Ow! Ow! Ow!! OW!!! – NO IT’S NOT WORKING SLAPPY PLEASE STOP AAAAAAAAHHH-HOOO-HOOOOOH!!!

Ruben Gonzalez hit a homer in the bottom 6th, while Preston Porter gave up three singles, a balk, a walk, and three runs in the top 7th before Lillis restored whatever ******* counted for order anymore around here. Lillis then singled in the bottom 7th, of which nothing came, and then was taken deep by Anderson for congratulations in the eighth. 9-2 Indians.

Waters and Maldo both pinch-hit in the hopeless ninth inning, and made outs, but maintained a perfect appearance record. Them and Lonzo have all appeared in all 25 games the Coons have played this year.

In other news

April 26 – SFB C Sean Suggs (.348, 6 HR, 16 RBI) homers for the only marker in a 1-0 win over the Titans.
April 27 – The Condors beat the Loggers, 9-8 in 14 innings. MIL 2B/SS Ricky Lopez (.176, 0 HR, 3 RBI) shines by going 1-for-7 with a platinum sombrero.
April 29 – WAS SP/MR Nick Young (1-3, 9.00 ERA) comes within two outs of a no-hitter against the Rebels before walking two and giving up an RBI single to RIC LF/CF Bill Reeves (.277, 4 HR, 10 RBI). The Caps need two more relievers that concede two more runs on Young’s behalf before getting away with a 7-3 win.
April 29 – Atlanta’s OF/1B Steve Royer (.344, 1 HR, 5 RBI) hits three singles and two doubles in an honest effort against the Aces, but the Knights lose anyway, 7-3.
April 30 – The Crusaders’ SP Edwin Sopena (3-1, 2.58 ERA) fires a 3-hit shutout against the Canadiens. He strikes out three in a 6-0 New York win.
May 1 – Aces INF Josh Landstrom (.236, 0 HR, 6 RBI) hits a single for the only Las Vegas hit against ATL SP Will Cormack (4-0, 1.71 ERA) and two relievers. The Knights win 5-0.

FL Player of the Week: CIN INF/LF Chris Delgado (.364, 3 HR, 10 RBI), batting .462 (12-26) with 1 HR, 2 RBI
CL Player of the Week: IND 2B Hugo Acosta (.323, 0 HR, 9 RBI), hitting .536 (15-28) with 4 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: DAL LF/CF Juan del Toro (.427, 8 HR, 19 RBI)
CL Hitter of the Month: OCT SS/1B/LF Ryan Cox (.342, 3 HR, 16 RBI)
FL Pitcher of the Month: SFW SP Mike Zeigler (4-0, 1.26 ERA)
CL Pitcher of the Month: NYC SP Jeff Johnson (4-0, 1.59 ERA)
FL Rookie of the Month: SAL C Chris Thomas (.375, 2 HR, 9 RBI)
CL Rookie of the Month: IND OF/1B/2B Rusty White (.348, 1 HR, 5 RBI)

Complaints and stuff

(walks by Shane Honig, who has both front paws firmly covered in honey and several empty glasses of honey strewn all around him) Can you… Can you please be less *basic*…? *

Matt Waters will probably be day-to-day with the oblique for much of next week, too, so that’s an additional slice of fun here.

Roberto Medina cleared waivers (shocker) and was assigned back to the Alley Cats.

We’re still waiting for Lonzo to be *awesome*, but it wouldn’t be so bad if the pitching was at least *basic*. Four starters have an ERA over five. The pen isn’t that great, either. The defense is porous. And they have no ******* luck whatsoever. We currently have the most runs allowed in the league, just a tick over five per game, and it’s yet going up.

Next week, grim mistreatments in New York and Pittsburgh. We’ll then skip home just for the Pacifics, then immediately play another two weeks on the road. In fact, we only have seven home games in all of May. What fun…!

Fun Fact: The Raccoons are on pace for a -227 run differential.

I’ll need more fudge with that, Maud.

+++

Honig is honey in German. I know, I know, nobody’s more basic than me.