[Westheim]

Raccoons (25-23) vs. Falcons (22-28) – May 31-June 2, 2049

Here is another mediocre CL South team, you know, the sort of which had whacked the Coons around all of last week. Charlotte sat second in runs scored, but 10th in runs allowed, with a -7 run differential. They had the worst bullpen in the CL, but one of the best bullpens. They were down a few important players like Miguel Martinez and Esteban Sandoval, plus pitcher Chris Jones. They were also up 2-1 on the Coons in ’49.

Projected matchups:
Jason Wheatley (3-5, 3.70 ERA) vs. Hiroyuki Takagi (3-5, 3.88 ERA)
Bubba Wolinsky (2-4, 5.43 ERA) vs. Josh Swindell (4-4, 4.32 ERA)
Dave Hils (4-3, 5.22 ERA) vs. Kurt Olson (3-3, 3.57 ERA)

We’d be up against three right-handers. And a visit from Nick Valdes, who was aghast at our performance.

Game 1
CHA: RF Allegood – 2B E. Stevens – 1B Sevilla – 3B Wilken – C M. Castillo – CF Caballero – LF Ceballos – SS Woodrome – P Takagi
POR: SS Adame – CF Herrera – 1B Gurney – 2B Waters – LF Preble – RF Nigro – 3B Luna – C Gonzalez – P Wheatley

Wheats hadn’t won any of his last six games, gave up doubles to Erik Stevens and Randy Wilken, and a single by Manny Castillo, too, giving up two quick runs while me and Valdes were stood at the big window overlooking the actual field and both looked on with great concern and not saying much. While the Coons didn’t do much of anything the first time through, the Falcons got Wilken on again with a leadoff walk in the fourth. He scored on a passed ball, a groundout, and a wild pitch, at which point Valdes finally turned over to me and stated plainly that they weren’t gonna win again this year. It was not a question, nor was he asking for my opinion. He was dense as iron, but even Valdes saw that it was all just a craptastic wreckfest. Speaking of which, bottom 4th, Preble drew a walk, Nigro hit a single, and Luna jammed into an inning-ending double play.

Ruben Gonzalez hit a solo homer in the fifth, but that wasn’t gonna dig out Wheatley, who much the contrary was digging a way deeper hole yet by walking the bags full in the sixth inning. He got yanked for Mike Lynn, who got a first-pitch, inning-ending double play from Oscar Caballero to close Wheats’ line at 5.1 innings and three runs – and again no W. At best he could hope for a no-decision, but that would require two runs to be scored by the Coons, and soon. Waters hit a leadoff triple in the bottom 6th, scored on a Preble sac fly, but … that was not enough. Which even Valdes noted, grumbling “still behind”. Well, there was some truth to that.

Lynn pitched another inning, but then Hitchcock and Ponce got bumped around for two hits, two walks, a run on the former, and then an extremely generous strike call at 3-2 and two outs and the bags full to Chris Gowin, upon which Valdes pulled out a pager, pressed a button, and quietly said “pay out” before having it disappear again. Well, while I didn’t necessarily approve of bribing umps, it got Wheats off the hook; the Falcons remained stuck at 4-2, and in the bottom 8th Preble homered off Alex Mancilla after Aaron Curl, ex-Coon, had walked Pat Gurney. All level at four! …and then Ponce, Moreno, and the defense blew up entirely in the ninth inning. The Falcons ran riot around the Coons, scored five runs – all unearned, thanks Pat Gurney – and that was the ballgame. Never mind a Herrera sac fly in the bottom 9th, which excited neither Valdes nor me. 9-5 Falcons. Preble 1-2, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Gonzalez 2-4, HR, RBI;

What needs fixing, Nick? I don’t think you have enough time to listen to all of it.

Not on the list though: Matt Waters. The little bugger won the CL Hitter of the Month honor for May, smacking .320 with 7 homers and 29 RBI. At least that before the league will slap the toilet lid on us and hit the flusher…!

Game 2
CHA: CF Caballero – 2B E. Stevens – LF Marroquin – 3B Wilken – C Gowin – SS Vamos – 1B Sevilla – RF Allegood – P Swindell
POR: SS Adame – CF Herrera – 3B Maldonado – 2B Waters – LF Preble – 1B Toohey – RF Nigro – C Gonzalez – P Wolinsky

Waters added another RBI right away to begin the month of June with a run-scoring groundout after Herrera walked and Maldo doubled in the bottom 1st. Preble hit an RBI single with two outs, and for once the Coons went up 2-0. Then it was about standing at the big window and waiting for Wolinsky to inevitable hold his paw into a buzzing chainsaw again, giggling. The Falcons failed to land a hit for two innings, so he resorted to a leadoff walk to Mike Allegood in the top 3rd, and gave up the run on a single by Oscar Caballero, 2-1. Toohey would pull the run back with a solo homer to right in the fourth, but Wolinsky just walked Erik Stevens in the fifth and gave up an RBI triple to Omar Marroquin. Randy Wilken grounded out to Adame on 3-2 to end the inning, stranding the tying run 90 feet away. “Even the young guys suck”, Nick remarked, which was not something I could deny without breaking a hole into the window with my nose. Well, except for Waters. Waters got a monthly award. He’d be the plank I chose to cling to as the ship sunk.

The starters were then done with thanks to a random June rain shower that broke out of nothing and gave everybody a good dousing in the bottom 5th. Altreche pitched the sixth against the bottom half of the order, and we would brought him back to begin the seventh, but his spot came up with Toohey and Nigro aboard and two outs in the bottom 6th. Pat Gurney pinch-hit and was walked by Justin Longley, who then ran a full count with the bags stacked against Adame – and threw the 3-2 in the dirt, forcing in a run. Valdes recommended trading for him, he’d be an improvement. I gnashed my teeth and remained silent. When the Falcons brought a new righty, Cameron Crawford, with control issues, the Coons sent Watt to bat for Herrera, since he was keen on drawing walks – and he drew another one, that also pushing in a run. Same for Maldo, who was wise to the game, wiser than Waters, who swung away, but hit a 2-run single. Ah, my new golden boy! Those were the last runs in the 5-spot, with Preble grounding out at 2-2, leaving the score at 8-2. The Falcons continued with Crawford in the seventh, where he walked another FOUR Coons in addition to a Gurney single, pushing home two runs for one out collected, 10-2. They replaced him with lefty Mario Benavidez, who DRILLED Maldo with his very first pitch, pushing home ANOTHER run. Waters slapped an RBI single to left, bringing up Preston Porter, whom we’d very much like to pitch two innings here and just let bat with three aboard and one gone. He struck out, Toohey flew out, and the inning ended. Porter then promptly gave up two runs on four hits, all with two outs, in the eighth, because baseball hated our guts. We won anyway. 12-4 Raccoons. Watt (PH) 0-0, 2 BB, 2 RBI; Waters 2-4, 4 RBI; Toohey 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Gurney (PH) 1-2, BB;

13 walks drawn, and 12 runs scored on just eight base hits. I’ll take it.

Nick Valdes went home after that, but could not spare me the precious information that after those two games of butcherball he had to cleanse his mind with a double ticket for the hourly frequent flyer show at the airport nudie go-go bar.

Game 3
CHA: RF Allegood – 2B E. Stevens – 1B Sevilla – 3B Wilken – C M. Castillo – CF Caballero – LF Ceballos – SS Vamos – P Olson
POR: CF Watt – SS Adame – 3B Maldonado – 2B Waters – RF Nigro – 1B Toohey – LF Avila – C Raczka – P Hils

At least Valdes left before he got to see the weekly fireworks I blew $22M of his money to acquire. Doubles down either line, some assorted incompetence along with that, and the Falcons took a 2-0 lead on Dave Hils to start the rubber game. While there was no such thing as a well-pitched game anymore for this team, the Coons did flip the score in the bottom 1st, even though all but the first run were unearned. Watt and Adame made outs before straight singles by the 3-4-5 batters put a run on the board. Toohey reached on an error, after which Avila crammed a screamer into the leftfield corner for a score-flipping, 2-out, bases-clearing triple. 4-2! Was that all? No! Jeff Raczka picked something special for his 11th major league at-bat, and hit a 370-footer to left for a 2-run homer…! Hils and Watt hit two more singles out of Kurt Olson before Adame grounded out, thus making consecutive outs after eight straight Critters had reached base for a 6-2 lead.

Just don’t get excited. Dave Hils continued to pitch as well as stale beer. He was beaten around the ballpark for nine hits and six runs in four innings, meaning that, yes, he blew the ******* lead. Two runs in the second, two more in the fourth. The bloody ****! It didn’t get any better. Avila homered for a 7-6 lead in the bottom 5th, but Altreche immediately cocked that one up in the sixth, and then I got to sit around steaming out of both ears with sheer anger for an hour during another rain delay while it was 7-7 and nobody had any pitchers left. Randy Wilken hit a homer in the seventh to give the Falcons the lead, while the Raccoons arrived at Moreno in the ninth while behind, and he deepened the chasm with a wretched inning. Three hits, two walks, four runs. It was goddamn ******* ugly beyond description. Herrera singled home a run with two outs in the bottom 9th, not that it made a difference… 12-8 Falcons. Maldonado 4-5; Nigro 2-5, RBI; Avila 2-5, HR, 3B, 4 RBI; Herrera (PH) 2-3, RBI;

Absolutely awful.

No words.

Raccoons (26-25) vs. Indians (29-25) – June 4-6, 2049

By now I was expecting nothing but beatings anyway. The Arrowheads were fifth in runs scored, third in runs allowed, were down 4-2 in the season series, but had all the tools necessary to turn that one around. Mostly full sets of working limbs with an actual connection to their brains and a ******* clue about what they were doing on the field.

Projected matchups:
Chris Crowell (0-1, 5.46 ERA) vs. Josh Henneberry (4-3, 3.95 ERA)
Victor Merino (4-3, 4.14 ERA) vs. Bill Nichol (6-3, 2.35 ERA)
Jason Wheatley (3-5, 3.80 ERA) vs. Enrique Ortiz (5-6, 3.28 ERA)

Only more right-handers.

Game 1
IND: SS Russ – 1B de Castro – RF B. Quinteros – LF D. Rivera – 2B H. Acosta – 3B B. Anderson – CF Locke – C Pedraza – P Henneberry
POR: LF Watt – CF Herrera – 1B Maldonado – 2B Waters – RF Preble – SS Adame – 3B Luna – C Gonzalez – P Crowell

Andrew Russ, the ******* pestilence on humanity, opened the series with a drag bunt for a single, stole second, his 14th of the year, and then came around on Danny Rivera’s 2-run blast to right-center. Welcome to Raccoons Ballpark everybody! Be sure to arrive in your seat on time. We don’t do foreplay.

Alex Pedraza hit a solo shot in the second, 3-0, but the Coons actually threatened before going to bed. Henneberry walked Watt and Herrera in the bottom 3rd, then conceded a single to Maldo to stack the bases with one out. Waters reached 50 RBI on the year with a single through the left side, 3-1, Preble added a sac fly to Philip Locke, but then Adame grounded out and the rally fell short. Luna then drew a leadoff walk in the fourth and was doubled off on a hit-and-run when Gonzalez’ liner to right was actually caught by Bill Quinteros and Luna didn’t seem to realize about that at all. Gonzalez batted again in the sixth, then with Preble, Adame, and Luna on the bases and one out. His grounder was fired home by Henneberry for a force at the plate, while Gurney batted for an ineffective Crowell and flew out to center, keeping the Coons 3-2 behind. The ineptitude continued. The leadoff man – Watt – was on base in the seventh, and was also left on base, and in the eighth Henneberry, who was still in the game despite having walked SIX, was finally knocked out with a 2-out single by Eddy Luna. Tan Brink replaced him, walked Nigro – batting for Gonzalez – while Jeff Raczka batted for Ponce… and struck out. Nate Norris even pitched a 1-2-3 ninth, begging the team to rally over the Indians’ Sang-hoon Kim in the bottom 9th. Watt drew another leadoff walk… and then was stranded on three consecutive groundouts. 3-2 Indians. Watt 1-2, 3 BB; Luna 1-1, 3 BB;

Chris Crowell (0-2, 5.29 ERA) was designated for assignment after the game, after refusing a demotion to St. Pete. It was time for some big swipes at the roster, and the first one was to bring up Victor Salcido for good. The 23-year-old had a *1.33* ERA with the Alley Cats.

…and in fact Salcido, who was 0-0 with a 2.08 ERA in two spot starts earlier this year, was due to pitch and would do so on Saturday, pushing Merino to Sunday and Wheats into next week.

Game 2
IND: RF A. Mendez – 2B H. Acosta – CF B. Quinteros – LF D. Rivera – 3B B. Anderson – SS Russ – C Pedraza – 1B de Castro – P Nichol
POR: LF Watt – CF Herrera – 3B Maldonado – 2B Waters – RF Preble – 1B Gurney – SS Luna – C Raczka – P Salcido

Salcido sawed off the Indians lineup once without putting any Arrowhead on base for just 31 pitches, but the Coons didn’t get a hit the first time through either. Watt and Herrera did draw 1-out walks in the bottom 3rd, though, which was four free passes issued by Nichol, and then Maldo found the gap in right-center for a 2-run triple…! …and then Waters whiffed and Preble flew out to center, failing to get Maldo in from third base….

Angel Mendez opened the fourth with a single ticked to center, but was stranded. It got dicier in the fifth, when the tying runs reached scoring position when Salcido walked Russ (…) and Alex Pedraza hit a double to right, all with one out. Alex de Castro then hit a bouncer to Maldo that kept the runners pinned and was good enough for the second out, bringing up the pitcher. Salcido rung up Nichol to bugger out of the inning. Bottom 5th, Herrera walked, Maldo singled, Waters walked, and Preble… grounded out to Hugo Acosta to strand them all. (groans)

The next Indians runner was Danny Rivera, reaching on an infield single in the seventh, but he was also stranded while the Indians got more and more weak contact off Salcido. The Coons brought Salcido back for the eighth, when it of course all went wrong. De Castro singled to left, PH Aaron Brayboy singled (hard) to center, and the tying runs were on the corners with nobody out. Exit Salcido, enter Lynn, and I was opening a new bottle of booze, just in case. PH Philip Locke struck out. Hugo Acosta hit a roller that Raczka took to second for a force out on Brayboy. (hollers drunkenly) Hey, Braybaby! Don’t hit your fat butt on your way out! HA!! … But the tying runs were still on the corners and Bill Quinteros hit a fly to deep center… but not deep enough to beat Herrera, who made a snatch to end the inning. After a quick bottom 8th, Lynn returned to face Rivera, while Moreno would the see the right-handed sticks after that. Between them they collected two strikeouts and a ginger fly to Watt. 2-0 Critters. Maldonado 2-4, 3B, 2 RBI; Salcido 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 5 K, W (1-0);

Maldo went 2-for-4 with the game-winning triple. The rest of the team went 0-for-22.

(hiccups!)

Game 3
IND: RF A. Mendez – 2B H. Acosta – CF B. Quinteros – LF D. Rivera – 3B B. Anderson – SS Russ – C Pedraza – 1B de Castro – P E. Ortiz
POR: CF Watt – SS Adame – 1B Maldonado – 2B Waters – LF Preble – RF Nigro – 3B Luna – C Gonzalez – P Merino

Rubber game, somehow, and Merino was immediately wobbled around. Acosta tripled and scored on a wild pitch, while Merino then walked Quinteros, who was doubled in by Rivera for a 2-0 deficit. The Coons did flip the score in the bottom 1st, though; Waters singled home Watt and Adame with one out, Preble walked, and Nigro singled to right-center to score Waters from second for a 3-2 lead. Luna whiffed, Gonzalez grounded out, the inning ended, and the next four innings were all about who could strand the most runners. The Indians parked four, the Coons left five stranded, and pretty much everybody chipped in at least one missed RISP opportunity to keep it 3-2 through five.

Eddy Luna twice reached base to begin an inning, and twice stole second base afterwards. He was stranded in the fourth, but he reached third base with nobody out in the bottom 6th on a throwing error by Pedraza, which was begging for an insurance run. Gonzalez lined out to Bobby Anderson. Merino grounded out poorly, and Watt was robbed up the middle by Andrew Russ, the disgrace of the planet. Luna went for the dugout from third base, and nobody was happy… Although it only got worse after that. Merino got the first two outs in the seventh, then out of the blue was chopped into pieces. Mendez hit a triple to right, scored on an Acosta single to tie the game, and then Merino gave up another two hits to the left-handers Quinteros and Rivera to fall 4-3 behind and get yanked after all. Hitchcock walked Anderson on four pitches before Brayboy (…!!) hit for Russ (…!!) and grounded out to strand three more runners. While Hitchcock, Porter, and Ponce would pitch two scoreless after that, we still required an offensive awakening to stave off a series loss. The seventh and eighth were drab, an the ninth was against Kim and his 1.71 ERA again. Herrera, Gurney, and Watt hit three groundouts in short order… 4-3 Indians. Adame 2-4; Preble 1-2, 2 BB; Luna 2-4;

In other news

May 31 – Atlanta 3B/SS/LF/CF Anton Venegas (.325, 1 HR, 14 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak after a seventh-inning single in an otherwise dreadful 11-4 loss to the Indians.
June 1 – LAP SP/MR Jon Craig (3-2, 3.52 ERA) 3-hits the Rebels in a 2-0 shutout.
June 2 – The Blue Sox beat the Wolves, 1-0 in 15 innings, when NAS INF/LF/RF Alfredo Napoles (.178, 0 HR, 9 RBI) ends 14 innings of futility and a personal 0-for-6 with an RBI single.
June 5 – Dallas’ OF Tylor Cecil (.347, 12 HR, 49 RBI) and RF/LF/1B Dario Martinez (.240, 9 HR, 38 RBI) each pile up four hits and five RBI in a 15-7 shootout with the Pacifics.
June 6 – The Knights’ hitting wonder Anton Venegas (.328, 1 HR, 14 RBI) makes it to 25 straight games with a base hit, knocking a first-inning single in a 5-2 win over the Bayhawks to reach that mark.
June 6 – The Wolves lose not one, but TWO starting pitchers to radial nerve compression; SP Blake Sparks (3-3, 3.65 ERA) and SP Miguel Soler (1-7, 4.45 ERA) are both out for the season.

FL Player of the Week: DEN INF Ivan Villa (.333, 20 HR, 57 RBI), raking .417 (10-24) with 3 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: ATL C Tyler Cass (.333, 1 HR, 35 RBI), hitting .560 (14-25) with 7 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: DEN LF/CF Sandy Castillo (.370, 7 HR, 38 RBI), batting .364 with 5 HR, 20 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: POR 2B/SS Matt Waters (.303, 10 HR, 45 RBI), whacking .320 with 7 HR, 29 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: DEN SP Gary Perrone (7-2, 2.02 ERA), hurling for a 5-0 record with 1.84 ERA and 38 K
CL Pitcher of the Month: LVA SP Pablo Paez (7-2, 2.47 ERA), pitching for a 5-1 mark with 2.38 ERA, 25 K
FL Rookie of the Month: CIN RF/LF/1B Salvador Montecino (.318, 4 HR, 15 RBI), hitting .329 with 3 HR, 12 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: ATL 1B T.J. Swift (.294, 2 HR, 17 RBI), poking .348 with 1 HR, 11 RBI

Complaints and stuff

The rookie Swift is 31 years old. Still younger than Maldo, though. Or half the roster.

Sunday was the 5,600th regular season L for the franchise. More are to come, I think.

Next week: road trip to Boston for four games, then the Sacramento Stingers at home. True for all games, at home and on the road now: pack sandwiches and some drinks, because where the Raccoons are going there are no refreshing springs of wins, only more pain and agony.

Fun Fact: According to Game Score, Victor Salcido has pitched the two best starts by Raccoons hurlers since April 24.

Both against the Indians, with scores of 71 and 69. Those are the sixth- and seventh-best start of the season for Raccoons starters. Wolinsky pitched an 80 in beating the Titans on April 18 for the top mark. The other four were all mid-70s put up by Wheats in his first four outings of the year.

Y’know, before he remembered that he’s a second-half pitcher, strictly.

And I still think Salcido’s name is Cesar.