[Westheim]

I need to play in the morning more on the weekends. I penciled in the Critters for the time between F1 and NASCAR yesterday, but since the F1 race took so long for 50 minutes of red flag, the Critters got squeezed out. I am old (about half the Coons’ age!). I can play and pay attention to one sports thing and still grasp something. I can’t play and watch TWO sports things anymore and know anything afterwards. (Coons + Mets + NASCAR)

+++

Raccoons (4-2) vs. Knights (1-5) – April 12-14, 2049

Home opener! The Knights had scored all of 14 runs in their first week, solidly bottoms in the CL, and they had given up 27, which was still a bottom three value. As a team they had hit .209, and their fielding had also been the worst. They still had the hope that it was early days. We had won the season series, 6-3, last year.

Projected matchups:
Bubba Wolinsky (0-0, 3.00 ERA) vs. Kodai Koga (0-1, 2.25 ERA)
Dave Hils (0-0, 9.00 ERA) vs. Marc Hubbard (0-1, 6.43 ERA)
Victor Merino (0-0, 1.29 ERA) vs. Larry Colwell (0-1, 9.45 ERA)

One day, I swear, we’ll see a lefty starter. But Brian Buttress had gone on Sunday and that was the only one they had, and we thus had to make do with another three right-handers.

Game 1
ATL: RF Hester – CF Alade – SS A. Venegas – LF Hertenstein – C Cass – 1B van der Zanden – 3B A. Ramires – 2B S. Davison – P Koga
POR: SS Adame – CF Herrera – 2B Waters – LF Preble – 1B Toohey – RF Zurita – C Gonzalez – 3B Luna – P Wolinsky

Kodai Koga had struck out ten in his first outing of the year, and retired the Coons in order the first time through, while a Scott Davison homer with two outs in the top 2nd put them up 2-0 on Wolinsky, who had given up a single to Arnout van der Zanden prior to the big fly. It only got worse from here. Koga retired 13 in order before walking Toohey, but continued his no-hitter through five, while Wolinsky was slowly slaughtered by the bottom of the order; the second time through van der Zanden singled again in the fourth and Davison doubled him home with two outs again. And in the sixth, Tyler Cass singled, as did Antonio Ramires. Davison batted again with two outs, hit an RBI single, and so did Koga. Billy Hester and Jon Alade hit another two singles, driving in another run, before Wolinsky was yanked with force. The Koga no-hitter lasted until the seventh, when Pat Gurney slapped a pinch-hit single through the right side. Ruben Gonzalez added another single right after, and then Eddy Luna popped out. That was the first and only squeak the Coons did all day. 6-0 Knights. Gurney (PH) 1-1;

Koga went the distance for a 2-hit shutout. Yikes.

Game 2
ATL: LF Hester – 1B Swift – SS A. Venegas – CF Alade – C Cass – 2B J. Lopez – RF Hertenstein – 3B A. Ramires – P Hubbard
POR: SS Adame – CF Herrera – 2B Gurney – LF Preble – 1B Toohey – C Gonzalez – 3B Luna – RF Avila – P Hils

The Knights went up 2-0 even quicker in the second game on Tuesday, with a T.J. Swift single, Anton Venegas’ triple, and a run-scoring groundout by Jon Alade. Hils had been romped in his first start, and it didn’t look like much would change in th second one. Come the second, Jon Lopez singled, Hils walked Antonio Ramires, and after Hubbard failed to get a bunt down, still had the runners on first and second while facing Hester with two outs. He got to 2-2, then gave up a blast to right, 5-0. – Is there anything in the contract, Cristiano? – No? No return policy whatsoever? – Shambles.

The Coons scored a run with a Luna double and Avila RBI single in the bottom 2nd, then another one in the third when Herrera tripled and scored on Gurney’s groundout. I was lamenting Adame though, who had been on base to begin the bottom 3rd, and had been caught stealing on the first pitch to Armando Herrera. Hils’ day ended after four innings when his spot came up in the bottom 4th with Toohey, Luna, and Avila on base and one out. The tying runs went to Matt Waters, who had his first day off, was batting a soft .231 with a .624 OPS, fell to 1-2, and then UNCORKED one…! High to right! Deep to right! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!

That at-bat also ended Hubbard’s day out, righty Adam Brady taking over in the 6-5 free-for-all. He allowed a 2-out single to Herrera, then another homer to Pat Gurney, 8-5! Preble and Toohey also hit singles, but Gonzalez grounded out, ending a plenty long inning that had seen the Coons roar ahead with a 6-spot. Here we went to long man Altreche (who had pitched an inning on Monday), which necessitated ending Waters’ day off; he’d take over second, with Gurney to first, and Toohey’s spot going to the pitcher. Altreche pitched two scoreless before Herrera hit another single off Brady, stole second, and was driven in by Gurney, 9-5 in the sixth. Kyle DuPlessis replaced Brady, but would not retire a batter for a while. Preble singled, Zurita walked for Altreche to fill the bags, and both Gonzalez and Luna worked bases-loaded walks to push home runs. Avila struck out, while Waters’ grounder to short was fumbled by Anton Venegas for a run-scoring error, the last of four runs in that inning, 12-5. The Knights were slewn, but the Raccoons piled on three more in the eighth anyway; Waters doubled in one, Adame singled home two. Lynn, Porter, and Norris followed up Altreche’s shutdown innings with a scoreless inning each to complete the game. 15-5 Raccoons. Adame 2-6, 2 RBI; Herrera 4-4, BB, 3B; Gurney 3-6, HR, 4 RBI; Preble 2-4; Toohey 2-3; Luna 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Waters (PH) 2-4, HR, 2B, 5 RBI;

Notes include Matt Waters batting in five runs in the #9 hole, but not finishing the game. Tim Rogers pinch-hit for Porter in the eighth, then took over second base from Waters again, who thus wound up with a half-day off.

Game 3
ATL: 1B Hester – CF Alade – SS Venegas – LF Hertenstein – C Cass – RF van der Zanden – 3B A. Ramires – 2B J. Lopez – P Colwell
POR: CF Watt – SS Adame – 2B Waters – LF Preble – 1B Gurney – RF Toohey – 3B Luna – C Brooks – P Merino

The Knights took the lead ever-quicker, with Billy Hester homering to right on Merino’s second pitch of the game to make it 1-0. That was all in the first, with the Knights’ rookie Larry Colwell presenting himself then. The #10 pick in 2047 had walked seven in his debut, and I hoped for a continuation there. Pat Gurney homered the game tied in the second, but a leadoff double off the wall by Daniel Hertenstein in the fourth opened another box of bother for Merino, who conceded the run on singles by Cass and Ramires, but those two were stranded with strikeouts to Lopez and the pitcher at least. The Coons would go on to strand pairs in the fourth and fifth, when Luna and Waters, respectively, grounded out with two aboard each.

Merino struck out seven, but also got hit for nine base knocks’ worth of grapeshot himself, which somehow turned only into two runs across six innings, but that was also enough to have him trailing against Colwell, who had walked only two Critters through five. He walked Toohey with one out in the bottom 6th after Gurney had already rocked a double, but Luna grounded out in a full count. The Raccoons sent Brooks to the plate, expecting an intentional walk, and the Knights didn’t disappoint. Armando Herrera then batted with three on and two outs, and got nailed by Colwell with the first pitch. Tied game! Me and Honeypaws high-fived while Herrera crept up to first base. Matt Watt was up next, whacked a drive to center and it was very obviously gonna go out – GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

And the inning wasn’t over. With lefty Tony Rosas replacing the fallen Colwell, the Slam City Slammers got Adame on with a single, Waters walked, and Preble doubled them home, 8-2. Gurney also hit another drive, but that one was caught to cap a 7-spot. To complete the Critters’ turn at scoring, Bryce Toohey would drive in another run – in EACH of the last two innings; he homered off Rosas in the seventh, then drew a bases-loaded walk from Nelson Garcilazo in the eighth. Ponce, Hitchcock, and Moreno offered blameless relief to complete the rout. 10-2 Coons. Watt 1-3, 2 BB, HR, 4 RBI; Gurney 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Toohey 1-2, 2 BB, HR, 2 RBI; Herrera (PH) 0-0, RBI; Merino 6.0 IP, 9 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (1-0);

I like *that* offense.

Raccoons (6-3) vs. Titans (4-5) – April 16-18, 2049

The Titans had started 4-1, but had started to slip since. They were hitting only .209 as a team, and had taken over bottoms in runs scored from the Knights. But they had also allowed the second-fewest runs, 24 on each side, in nine games. They had only one homer, hit by infielder Alejandro Silva, who had entered the season aged 27 and with four major league games (with the ’47 Buffos) to his name. We had gone 13-5 against the Titans last year, and actually 13-5 on average for the last seven years!

Projected matchups:
Chris Crowell (0-0, 7.71 ERA) vs. Tony Ruiz (1-0, 4.76 ERA)
Jason Wheatley (2-0, 1.20 ERA) vs. Victor Scott (0-1, 7.94 ERA)
Bubba Wolinsky (0-1, 6.17 ERA) vs. Kyle Turay (0-1, 2.81 ERA)

Hey, southpaws! And the Titans had FOUR of them. Turay was the only exception.

Game 1
BOS: 2B B. Owen – SS T. Thompson – 1B C. Jimenez – C Youngquist – RF Platero – LF Mangual – 3B J. Rodriguez – CF L. Estrada – P T. Ruiz
POR: SS Adame – CF Herrera – 2B Waters – LF Preble – 1B Toohey – C Gonzalez – RF Avila – 3B Rogers – P Crowell

Brandon Owen opened the game with a double, but Crowell still faced the minimum in the first inning. Tom Thompson grounded out to Rogers, and when Chris Jimenez flew out to Herrera, Owen opted to tag and go – and was thrown out at third base. Tim Rogers hit his first major league hit in the bottom 2nd, but the 2-out single led nowhere but clearing the pitcher’s spot. The Coons, who had already stranded a pair in the first, loaded the bags with Herrera and Preble hits, and a 2-out walk drawn by Toohey in the bottom 3rd, then took the lead when the 1-2 pitch to Gonzalez briefly tickled two fibers of his uniform. But rules are rules, even though the Titans skipper protested vehemently, and the Raccoons were up 1-0 on the bases-stuffed brushed-by-pitch. Eduardo Avila, though, dropped his average to .100 and raised the LOB to six with a pop to Owen…

The Titans roared right back with four singles off Crowell in the fourth, including three by the 1-2-3 hitters to begin the inning. Jimenez drove in the tying run, Ryan Youngquist popped out, Jose Platero hit another RBI single to give them a 2-1 lead, and then Jimenez was caught stealing and Ruben Mangual struck out. Crowell tried a comeback with a 1-out double in the bottom of the same inning, but Adame walked behind him and was then doubled up, 6-4-3, by Armando Herrera… In turn, Crowell waved home a 2-run in the top 5th with a wild pitch after he had almost gotten Jose Rodriguez stranded after the latter’s leadoff double to right-center. Leo Estrada grounded out, Ruiz whiffed, but by the time Owen grounded out, a wild 1-1 had already made it 3-1. Avila stranded another pair with a foul pop in the bottom 5th, and I was really despairing of him in particular early on and fast… and that was before he grounded out to end the seventh with the tying run on base again. *Run*, not *runs*, since Ruben Gonzalez had just singled home Waters to inch the Coons closer to 3-2.

Tom Thompson homered off Nate Norris to restore the 2-run gap in the eighth, while Gurney hit a 1-out single in the #9 hole in the bottom of that inning. He advanced on Adame’s groundout, then scored on a Herrera double to left. Herrera came up with a creaky knee however, and left the game under the supervision of Dr. Padilla. I winced, just like Herrera, who was run for by Zurita, who would also take over centerfield – Matt Watt had already been extended the previous time through the order. But first, Zurita scored the tying run on a Waters single off Dave Serio that dropped into no man’s land.

Tied game, Lynn got the ball in the ninth with the lefty bottom of the order up. The Titans hurled three pinch-hitters at him, who went down in order with two strikeouts. The game still went to extras when the Coons didn’t get past a Ruben Gonzalez single against Serio in the ninth. Serio then led off the top 10th batting against Lynn, and ******* singled. Owen hit a comebacker, which Lynn tried to turn for two, but threw away to get none. Two on, no outs, have fun, Preston Porter, while I open this bottle of Capt’n Coma. Porter struck out Thompson, but surrendered the runners on a Jimenez RBI single and Youngquist sac fly. Jim Cushing held off the Coons in the bottom 10th. 6-4 Titans. Herrera 2-5, 2B, RBI; Gonzalez 1-2, 2 RBI; Gurney (PH) 1-1;

Why is “stupid ****” not an official ABL stat, Cristiano? I’m sure we’d lead the league in it.

Saturday would have been a day off for Herrera with his balky knee, but the game was rained out, and he felt much better on Sunday when we’d play two and would pencil him in for one.

Game 2
BOS: CF Monson – 3B Massey – 1B Wheeler – C Youngquist – SS C. Jimenez – RF Platero – LF Mangual – 2B T. Thompson – P Turay
POR: CF Watt – SS Adame – 2B Waters – 1B Gurney – LF Toohey – C Gonzalez – 3B Luna – RF Zurita – P Wheatley

The Titans switched the order of their hurlers, but the Raccoons did not, and Wheats got the opener on six days’ rest. He gave up a double to Jeff Wheeler in the first inning, but otherwise struck out five in the first three innings to continue a strong impression from his first two outings of the year. Nate Massey etched out a leadoff walk in the fourth, but was stranded on base despite swiping second. And the Coons? Four hits in the first four innings, none with a guy on base, and consequently no offense that would have lit up the board. Adame continued the trend with a 2-out, nobody-on single in the bottom 5th, and Waters got nicked. Gurney sent a drive to right-center, but was robbed by Jason Monson to end another inning in futility. Monson however hit a 1-out single to center in the sixth, stole second, and reached third when Gonzalez’ throw got away from Waters. Massey then brought in the run with another groundout. By this point I was chewing on a sturdy piece of wood and was about halfway through.

Toohey crashed a double through Massey to open the bottom 6th, putting the tying run in scoring position right away. The silly Coons stranded him right there, never getting another hit. Wheats pitched a seventh inning although Waters tried to further unhorse him with a throwing error, and that was it for him, 99 pitches of 2-hit ball, and no love whatsoever from the other 24 bums on the team. The Titans then caved Kevin Hitchcock’s numb skull in to the tune of four hits and three runs in the eighth inning, and the Raccoons easily banked a series loss, while Kyle Turay completed a ******* 8-hit shutout. 4-0 Titans. Adame 2-4; Toohey 3-4, 2B; Wheatley 7.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 8 K, L (2-1);

Sometimes I want to pack the entire team into the dumpster behind the ballpark and set the ******* thing on fire.

Wheats excluded.

Game 3
BOS: CF Monson – 3B Massey – 1B Wheeler – SS C. Jimenez – RF Platero – LF Mangual – C Cadena – 2B T. Thompson – P Barel
POR: SS Adame – CF Herrera – 2B Waters – LF Preble – 1B Toohey – RF Avila – 3B Luna – C Brooks – P Wolinsky

We drew David Barel (0-2, 2.87 ERA) in the second leg of the double-header, but that was still a southpaw.

Bubba bested Wheats’ mark from the day’s opener, also whiffing five Titans through three innings, but doing it without allowing anybody on base. Barel retired the first six before walking Eddy Luna, then had Thompson throw away Brooks’ double play grounder to add a second runner. Wolinsky bunted into a force at third base, and I got up and got my coat. – Where I’m going, Maud? Home. – Because they annoy me! … Maud would go on to sit me down again, then soothed the throbbing in my temples with a little batting helmet full of vanilla-rhubarb ice cream. That didn’t help the offense, with Alex Adame hitting into a ******* double play to kill the inning for good.

Massey doubled in the fourth, but was left on, while Barel’s no-hit bid didn’t end until a fifth-inning single slapped by – of all Critters – Eduardo Avila. Luna scratched out a walk in a full count, but the battery was easy pickings to strand a pair there, and the game remained scoreless. Herrera drew a 1-out walk from Barel in the sixth, then stole second. He reached third base when Waters reached on a Jimenez error, putting them on the corners for Mike Preble, the team’s RBI leader. Before Preble could do anything stupid, Preble threw a wild pitch to chase home Herrera with the game’s first run. Preble struck out, Toohey grounded out, another inning having all the fun beaten out of it.

Bubba responded to the lead with a leadoff walk to Massey in the seventh, but then got a 4-6-3 double play from Wheeler and rung up Jimenez – his eighth on the day – to reach the stretch. His game ended when Justin Brooks rolled a 2-out single through the right side in the bottom 7th, and Pat Gurney would bat for Wolinsky, but grounded out. The ball went to Nate Norris, who got out a pair before nailing Jose Cadena with an 0-2 pitch. Leo Estrada hit for Thompson, drawing Lynn to counter the lefty stick. Estrada singled, but Barel struck out to kill the inning. The Coons’ top of the order went down without much noise in the bottom 8th, bringing Moreno in with a 1-0 lead. Youngquist pinch-hit for Monson to get things underway, popping out to Waters on the second pitch. Another two pitches flew out Massey to Herrera. Wheeler drew nine pitches, walked in a full count, then was run for with Tom Steffensen. Picking off the runner didn’t work, although Moreno tried twice. Striking out Jimenez did, though. 1-0 Blighters. Luna 0-1, 2 BB; Wolinsky 7.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 8 K, W (1-1);

In other news

April 14 – The Condors solve a 1-1 deadlock with the Titans with a 16th-inning home run by Tim Duncan (.148, 1 HR, 4 RBI), taking a 2-1 victory.
April 15 – The Condors trade SP Kellen Lanning (1-1, 4.50 ERA) and MR Javy Santana (0-0, 0.00 ERA) to the Rebels for 1B/OF Gil Cabrera (.190, 1 HR, 2 RBI) and a prospect.
April 15 – The Warriors and Stars combine for a nine-inning game with 40 base hits, none of them a home run. The Warriors come out on top, 12-10, on 23 base hits of their own. All positional Warriors starters have at least two hits, and INF Julio Moriel (.500, 0 HR, 3 RBI) leads the team with four hits from the leadoff spot, and two RBI.
April 16 – ATL SP Brian Buttress (2-0, 0.95 ERA) 2-hits the Condors in a 6-0 shutout, whiffing ten and walking none.
April 16 – The Miners beat the Capitals, 2-1, despite having only one base hit to the Capitals’ eight. The lone hit is an RBI double by PIT CF Jayden Ward (.190, 0 HR, 3 RBI) in the bottom of the eighth inning, and Ward goes on to score on a walk, catcher’s interference, and bases-loaded walk issued to SS Tony Aparicio (.279, 2 HR, 9 RBI).
April 18 – RIC OF Ken Mills (.419, 4 HR, 10 RBI) ends a wild one with a walkoff single, giving the Rebs a 16-inning, 13-12 win over the Buffaloes. TOP 3B/2B Frank Mujica (.333, 1 HR, 5 RBI) has the best individual day with four hits and four RBI, both tying in-game highs, but to no avail.

FL Player of the Week: RIC OF Ken Mills (.419, 4 HR, 10 RBI), batting .524 (11-21) with 4 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ 1B/C Jon Mittleider (.383, 0 HR, 5 RBI), hitting .577 (15-26) with 4 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Could be better, could be worse. But it could really be better.

The team ranks first in runs scored, which still doesn’t change them being shut out twice this year, and going 3-3 only on charity by David Barel on Sunday night. What’s more perverted is that we’re first in runs scored while hitting .234, third from the bottom, and we’re only mid-pack with eight homers, either. Weird start to the season.

Crusaders and Falcons still to come on this long homestand, and off days on the next two Mondays.

Fun Fact: The scratch win late on Sunday was the 6,100th regular season win in franchise history.

Also one of the sketchiest hundo wins on record… Not the first 1-0 win though. Previously, Ralph Ford won a 1-0 game for #2,300 in 2005, and Kevin Surginer grabbed #4,100 in relief in 2026. Jarod Spencer and Brad Sheehan drove in the lone runs in those games, respectively, and I bet you a tenner that you haven’t thought of Brad Sheehan as a Raccoon (or much at all) for at least 40 years. You can be forgiven of course, given that he was here only two years and drove in all of 52 runs.

Still beats having to wait on the opposing pitcher to do your ******* job.

Bubba had already grabbed #5,900 for the Critters, two Aprils ago, but that had been a completely different ballgame, a 13-0 rout of the Aces.