[acuñajrbravesfan]

The Plain Dealer is a newspaper based in Cleveland, Ohio. It is a real paper, but the stories are, of course, fictional. Also, I chose to rename the team to the Guardians because why not?

(And now, a story I made up for this.)

The date is January 18, 2021. I am at home after fighting COVID. I got through with no big symptoms except for loss of taste and smell.

I am Cole Burnham, a recent graduate from UConn. I was part of their basketball team for 4 great seasons. I decided to not go to the NBA and do other **** at home instead.

So, here I am, on my couch watching TV. All of a sudden, I hear a ring.

*buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

I rush to the kitchen and answer the phone. "Hello?"

I hear an awfully low voice respond, "Is this Cole Burnham? I'm Ron Bowman, the editor of the Cleveland Plain Dealer. I have seen your fake sports reports online."

Yes, I make fake sports reports like, "MARINERS WIN WORLD SERIES!!!" and "CURRY SHOOTS FOR 50 THREES!!!". I nervously said, "Yeah, that's me. Do you need something?"

"We have an open position for reporter of the Cleveland Guardians. You in?"

"You're kidding," I say. That would never happen in a million years, right? "No sir, I'm not joking. I'm offering you this job. Plus, you'll be paid per game. Come to our office tomorrow." I gladly accept.

The next day, I get to the office, accept my position, and I'm told about my salary. I'm paid like this.

PER GAME: $200= $32,400 PER FULL SEASON
ALL STAR FESTIVITIES: $250 PER REPORT= $750 to $1,000 EXTRA
OFFSEASON: $225 PER REPORT= (For example, for every day in 20-21 offseason, it would be around $34,000)

(Fast forward to late March. I have made no reports yet.)

REPORTS START IN THE NEXT POST