[Westheim]

2045 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (95-67) vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (96-66)

There was dealing with a fallen ace, no offense, gross ineptitude… and then there was dealing with Nick Valdes, while all that other crap was already ruining the mood.

Of course the Raccoons’ biggest wig needed to be present for the CLCS, which wore on my thin nerves even on the best of days, but then also injected himself into the lineup discussion, suggesting we should use the guys that can actually get hits, showing us a few collectible cards from an album covered in pink heart stickers.

Nick, that guy doesn’t play for the Raccoons. – No, he doesn’t. – It says “CRUSADERS” on his card. – No, we can’t trade for him. – No, Nick, the trade deadline is over! And if anything we’d have to have traded for him in 2003, and that is STANTON MARTIN, who is now SIXTY-SIX YEARS OLD!!!

Game 3 – Corey Mathers (15-8, 4.11 ERA) vs. Natanael Abrao (12-8, 3.91 ERA)

We went back to the lineup from Game 1, although Pat Gurney should really be in there somewhere. The only spot was the keystone, though, everything else was already too cramped. Carreno had to do something in this game to stay in there.

Mathers had faced the Thunder three times this year, with a 1-1 record and 5.60 ERA, but his last outing in September had been his finest, going eight innings of 2-run ball. Abrao had faced the Coons once in April, but not as a starter – he had pitched for his only save of the season against them on April 11.

The first pitch for this game was thrown out by Liz Schnitzler from the South Portland Direct Action Congress Initiative for the Rapid Rehousing of Street Animals Union Forum. The stocky, rotund lady with flying red locks fired a perfect strike that seemed to hurt Jose Zarate in the paw as it made impact, and was approached by a Wolves scout as she left the field, but refused his advances – she did it all for the animals!

OCT: RF C. Vega – 2B Ban – SS R. Cox – C Adames – CF Cedillo – 3B Simon – LF E. Moore – 1B Phinazee – P Abrao
POR: LF Baskins – CF Herrera – 3B Maldonado – RF Fernandez – 1B Toohey – SS Waters – 2B Carreno – C Kilmer – P Mathers

It took until Cedillo for somebody to put a ball in play in Game 3, with Mathers walking Vega and Cox and whiffing Ban and Adames to begin the game. Cedillo flew out to Herrera, while the Coons got singles from Baskins and Manny, but couldn’t put a run together.

Moore singled off Mathers in the second, but was caught stealing by Kilmer. Mathers kept the shutout going through three, but with many, many long counts, and he wouldn’t be in the game for very long at that rate. He did however get into the lead in the bottom 3rd, with Baskins hitting a gapper to left-center for a 1-out double, and then scoring on a 2-out scratch single by Maldonado. Manny got rung up after that.

Adames’ double in the fourth went to center with one out, but the Thunder were denied with Cedillo popping out and Simon grounding out, both to Waters, who then struck out along with Carreno after Toohey’s leadoff double to left in the bottom 4th. Kilmer got four wide ones to pull up Mathers, who made the third out to short on the first offering he got. Top 5th, Moore hit another single, but was stranded this time. In the bottom of the inning, Baskins drew a leadoff walk. Behind him, Armando Herrera was 0-for-10 and grounded out again, which then prompted an intentional walk to Maldo onto the open base. Another walk, unintentional, followed to Manny Fernandez, loading the bases for Toohey. – Oh, this better be good. And it sure was… for the Thunder. The count ran full before Toohey spanked the 3-2 pitch at Simon, who went to second, to first, double play…

101 pitches for six innings – Mathers offered all he had, and it was just enough to squeak out the Thunder in the 1-0 game so far. He got his pat on the bum after the top 6th, with smart ideas on how to proceed always welcome – there’s a little mailbox in Maud’s room for helpful input on how to eek out this one.

Waters was on base to begin the bottom 6th. He advanced on Carreno’s groundout and a wild pitch, then scored on a Kilmer single, 2-0. Gurney hit for Mathers, hit a grounder to Ban that got Kilmer erased at second, but then got the early start on Baskins’ gapper in right-center that became an RBI double…! And then, Herrera! LOUD knock! A ball all the way to the base o the fence in centerfield for an RBI triple! 4-0 Portland!

Once Maldo struck out to end the sixth we all calmed down a bit and I brushed the chips bits out of Honeypaws’ fur as he had taken a tumble into the snack bowl. Now we had to get those nine outs again… We were also bold enough to ask a slumping Chuck Jones to face the same batters that had almost torn him apart in Game 2. This time he faced six lefty batters, and put only one of them on base – Sal Ayala, with a pinch-walk with one out in the eighth. After 32 pitches by Jones, Ibold threw one pitch for a Ban groundout, ending the eighth. In the ninth, Cox, Adames, and Cedillo went down against Porter on just five pitches.

Raccoons 4, Thunder 0 – Raccoons lead series 2-1

Baskins 3-4, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Mathers 6.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K, W (1-0); Jones 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

No, I also don’t know how these guys do it, compared to Wheatley’s death by misadventure…

Speaking of “these guys”…

Game 4 – Adam Capone (4-4, 3.22 ERA) vs. Matt Peterson (7-10, 4.43 ERA)

While Nick Valdes lobbied for the nephew of a sludge pit mogul he knew to get the start in Game 4, the Raccoons stuck to known personnel in Adam Capone, who had made his first 11 big league starts in 2045, and would now make one more in his first postseason, even though he was very much a case of “by default” and “due to injuries”. He was a heavy groundballer and needed all the defensive help he could get, so Pat Gurney remained on the bench. He had faced Oklahoma in September, pitching five gooey innings on 88 pitches.

Mean old Matt Peterson had spent part of the season in the pen, but had actually made three starts against Portland, going 0-2 with a 7.24 ERA. He had also left on of his starts early with an injury.

The first pitch was delivered by 2022-2033 Raccoons SP Rico Gutierrez, who seemed to hurt himself in the process and sought out Dr. Padilla immediately.

OCT: RF C. Vega – 2B Ban – SS R. Cox – C Adames – CF Cedillo – 3B Simon – LF E. Moore – 1B Phinazee – P M. Peterson
POR: LF Baskins – SS Waters – 3B Maldonado – RF Fernandez – 1B Toohey – CF Herrera – 2B Carreno – C Kilmer – P Capone

After 18 scoreless innings, the Thunder put up a 2-spot in the first, and right away Capone looked like he had nothing. He walked Carlos Vega, Ban reached on a Baskins error, and the runs scored on an Adames single and Cedillo’s sac fly. They added two more in the second, with Capone offering walks to Phinazee and Ban, who both stole a base, and in between Vega had smacked an RBI double, then scored on Ryan Cox’ single.

Manny hit a homer in the bottom 2nd, followed by back-to-back doubles from Toohey and Herrera to cut the gap in half, but Capone only gave up another bomb to Ban, then left the game after three innings, rocked for five runs (four earned).

With Sean Marucci in the game as cannon fodder again, the Raccoons got ANOTHER homer from Manny Fernandez in the bottom 4th, again a solo shot, cutting the gap to 5-3. Marucci pitched two scoreless, then was retained to bunt Kilmer to second base in the bottom 5th. That was the first out of the inning, with Baskins grounding out to move Kilmer to third. Waters dropped a single into shallow center, 5-4, stole second base off a sleepy Adames, and then scored as the ballpark burst into raucous celebrations when Maldonado slapped Peterson’s 2-0 pitch to left, near the line, for a game-tying single …! All even at five in Portland!

…and just as soon as we had gotten there, we were out of there again. Marucci stopped functioning, walked Moore, nicked Phinazee, and Jonathan Ban rushed a 2-run triple to left to break the tie in the sixth when the Raccoons’ pen was too tardy to find a replacement. Ryan Cox’ bloop single scored Ban with two outs, extending the score to 8-5.

The Raccoons continued to find the odd runner, but would hit into double plays with Kilmer in the sixth and Toohey in the eighth, unable to make up any more ground. They ended up in the bottom 9th still trailing by three, then faced right-hander Jesse Allison. Herrera grounded out. Carreno yielded for Al Martell, who singled to left, moving the tying run – Preston Porter for the time being – to the on-deck circle. Porter never batted, of course, but not because of a smart game-winning move. No, it was just another double play grounder from Jeff Kilmer, which, 4-6-3, ended the ballgame.

Thunder 8, Raccoons 5 – series tied 2-2

Fernandez 3-3, BB, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Herrera 2-4, 2B, RBI; Martell (PH) 1-1;

Game 5 – Jason Wheatley (15-8, 2.37 ERA) vs. Juan Ramos (20-8, 3.95 ERA)

Could it get worse for Wheats after 1.2 innings and 6 runs in the series opener? No, surely not – I mean, aside from getting impaled in the guts by a splintered bat maybe. So, no pressure, Wheats! (pats shivering pitcher on the back) You got this!

First pitch was thrown out by Marco Gomez, who had pitched to an 0-3 record and 9.13 ERA for the Raccoons in various depressing cups of coffee in the 2010s. Truth be told, we wanted RAFAEL Gomez, Coons outfielder from 2026 through 2030 with two rings, a Gold Glove, and a CLCS MVP, but Maud says my pawwriting is illegible and she’s not to blame for the mix-up.

OCT: RF C. Vega – 2B Ban – SS R. Cox – C Adames – CF Cedillo – 3B Simon – LF E. Moore – 1B Phinazee – P J. Ramos
POR: LF Baskins – SS Waters – 3B Maldonado – RF Fernandez – 1B Toohey – CF Herrera – 2B Carreno – C Kilmer – P Wheatley

The whacking started right away. Vega singled, Cox singled him across, and Adames singled, and the final out in the first was a deep fly by Simon that Herrera barely got to. No idea what was wrong with Wheatley, or whether this was solely a Thunder effect…

The Coons made up the run in the bottom 1st on a Waters double, a wild pitch, and Maldo’s sac fly, then got free runners to begin the bottom 2nd with a walk to Toohey and Herrera being nicked. They advanced on Carreno’s groundout, but not on Kilmer’s grounder to Simon. Wheats batted with two outs, but popped out to Phinazee. Ban then cracked a single to center to begin the third inning, Cox hit a screamer to right that Manny had to catch on the run, and at that point both Dr. Padilla and the pitching coach went out there to check on Wheatley, who sucked the cover off the baseballs. Dr. Padilla inquired whether anything was wrong, which he denied, upon which he got slapped in the snout from either side by the pitching coach, who told him to not pitch like three days old arse then!

He got a double play from Adames to escape the inning after that. Whatever works!

The next fat chance for the Coons came in the fourth inning. Manny drew a leadoff walk, and then Toohey found left-center for a double. Herrera struck out (…!), but Carreno shot a ball up the middle and past Cox, driving in both runners and somehow taking the team lead in RBI in the CLCS with five.

The 3-1 lead narrowed to 3-2 in the fifth, with the run correctly charged to Kilmer. After Phinazee singled, he threw away the ball on the stolen base attempt, then misfiled a pitch to Vega with two outs to concede the run on the passed ball. If not stabbed in the back like this by his own team, Wheatley pitched pretty passably ever since getting that snout massage, getting through six innings quite comfortably, if with an already elevated pitch count.

Bottom 6th, Toohey hit a 1-out single, then ran when Herrera appeared to hit a gapper to left-center. Both Moore and Cedillo converged, but neither made the catch as the ball dropped just between them for a double, with Toohey able to score on the bold first dash, 4-2. Carreno grounded out, with Kilmer being bypassed to get a K from Wheatley after that. But Wheats retired the bottom three in order in the seventh inning, which was worth something, setting us up to use only the most trusted relief men for the last two innings. Fun fact – Josh Rella had yet to put pants on in the entire series…

Chuck Jones got Vega on a grounder to first to begin the eighth, then was immediately lifted for Moreno, who in a sharp digression from the script, allowed a single to Ban, walked Cox, and barely got a groundout from Adames, putting the tying runs in scoring position. Here came the left-handed bats – what now? Rella? Kelly? No. The Thunder did not hit for Cedilla, who was 1-for-16 in the series (but that 1 had been a homer). If Nelson Moreno was worth his stripes, he’d get him! A swinging strike. A foul ball. 0-2! … and then a long drag to close balls until the count ran full. Oh dear. 3-2 to Cedillo, seventh pitch of the at-bat, Moreno threw the gas – AND CEDILLO SWUNG THROUGH IT!!

Alan Fleming pitched in the bottom 8th, allowing singles to Toohey, Herrera, and Carreno to load the bases… with nobody out. Kilmer promptly grounded into a force at home. Gurney struck out. Baskins closed his eyes and ripped the first pitch away. Into the gap! A bases-clearing triple! The score considerably enlarged, the Raccoons still went to Josh Rella in the ninth inning, if only to keep him mildly interested in the proceedings at least. Simon, Moore, and Phinazee went down in order, and the Raccoons would take a series lead to Oklahoma!

Raccoons 7, Thunder 2 – Raccoons lead series 3-2

Toohey 3-3, BB, 2B; Herrera 2-3, 2B, RBI; Carreno 2-4, 2 RBI; Wheatley 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (1-1);