[Westheim]

I keep having absolutely ****** internet here. It’s gone for hours at a time, every day, for two weeks now. No connection, nada. This was played on Saturday, but I couldn’t get it up on the forums.

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Raccoons (34-28) @ Capitals (31-32) – June 11-13, 2041

Last year’s meeting with the Caps hadn’t gone so well, ending with the Raccoons getting swept. It would be advised to the furry bunch to not repeat that feat, given that somehow the band of misfits was still in the hunt for the division. Washington meanwhile sat ninth in runs scored and fifth in runs allowed in the Federal League with a -8 run differential. The Coons’ was -9, a slightly negative slant they were not able to shake.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (5-5, 4.98 ERA) vs. Josh Long (7-3, 3.02 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (5-3, 3.65 ERA) vs. George Drob (2-2, 6.75 ERA)
Josh Brown (6-1, 2.89 ERA) vs. Bryce Sparkes (3-8, 3.62 ERA)

Another set of only right-handed pitchers! Not included in their rotation was a certain Raffaello Sabre, who had been banished to the bullpen with a 1-6 record and 7.71 ERA.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Levis – RF Balaski – CF Nettles – P Chavez
WAS: CF T. Romero – 2B Arnold – C N. Evans – 1B Cahill – RF E. Avila – 3B Falzone – LF Dunlap – SS E. Williams – P J. Long

Two innings into the game, the Capitals had two runs on the board and also two injury replacements going. Bill Balaski’s fly to deep left had been caught by Tom Dunlap in the top of the second, but he had also grabbed a hammy and had been replaced by Ed Thompson. And Bernie Chavez served up a lazy fastball that Josh Long hit for a 2-out, 2-run double in the bottom of the inning, but he strained an abdominal muscle sliding into second base and was ruled out of further proceedings. Right-hander Ricardo Patino took over, while the Raccoons just continued to collapse. Tony Hunter hit into an inning-ending double play in the top 3rd, then ****** up a grounder by Eduardo Avila in the bottom of the inning for an error that inspired Chavez to give up unearned runs on hits by Rich Falzone and Thompson. Ex-Coon Elijah Williams popped out to strand them on the corners, but the Caps had beaten eight hits out of Bernie Chavez in just three innings. Patino would single off him in the fourth after having gotten another inning-ending double play out of Doug Levis in the top of the inning.

Bernie Chavez lasted 5.2 innings before being knocked out on a Nate Evans RBI single in the bottom 6th. At that point, another run didn’t matter. The Raccoons were stuck on three hits and had yet to touch third base in any form in the game. All the add-on damage was purely cosmetic on Bernie’s ERA… and Tim Zimmerman’s, who would not stand back in a badly pitched game and gave up another run each in the seventh and eighth innings, the latter when Tony Romero took him well deep to left leading off the inning. The Raccoons remained stuck on three hits until the ninth when Levis and Balaski hit back-to-back singles… and Stephon Nettles hit into one final double play to end the charade. 7-0 Capitals. Ramos 1-1, 3 BB; Levis 2-4;

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – RF Balaski – CF Nettles – P Moreno
WAS: CF T. Romero – 2B Arnold – C N. Evans – 1B Cahill – LF E. Avila – 3B Falzone – RF Levy – SS E. Williams – P Drob

In one of the weirder beginnings to a baseball game – even with the Raccoons involved – Portland took a 1-0 lead on a Maldonado jack in the second inning, while Moreno had an “interesting” first time through the order, allowing five hits, two of them of the infield variety, with two runners being caught stealing by Morales, and yet still wound up 2-1 behind on Rich Falzone’s 2-piece far over the leftfield wall. Singles by Nettles and Hunter around two productive outs in between got the game back tied in the third inning at least…

Then the inability to get strike three tore Moreno in half in the fifth inning. He went to two strikes on everybody in the inning. He struck out precisely nobody and yielded singles to Chris Levy and Williams instead, plus a 3-run homer mashed by Logan Arnold. Falzone hit another solo blast off him in the sixth to conclude his utterly miserable day in the office, down 6-2. The rest of the team was just as miserable, with the notable exception of Maldonado, finally back in the lineup. By the sixth inning he was 3-for-3 and a triple shy of the cycle, even though the rest of the team couldn’t make fire with dynamite and matches through six innings. They developed at least a hunch of a chance in the seventh with Balaski leading off with a single and Nettles dropping a double into right. Doug Levis’ pinch-hit sac fly and Berto’s RBI single erased half the gap, but then the pursuit died down for the inning. Lindstrom held the Caps where they were, and then Tony Morales hit a leadoff jack in the eighth to narrow the gap to 6-5. Here came Maldonado, needing a triple, but grounded out. The rest of the team, needing something, anything, got a 1-out single from Berto against Roland Warner in the ninth inning. Tony Hunter had been replaced in a double switch; Jeff Kilmer batted in his spot, grounded to short, and another game ended in defeat with ANOTHER double play. 6-5 Capitals. Ramos 3-5, RBI; Maldonado 3-4, HR, 2B, RBI; Balaski 2-4; Nettles 2-4, 2B;

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – CF Maldonado – 1B Levis – RF Balaski – 2B Lando – P Brown
WAS: CF T. Romero – 2B Arnold – C N. Evans – 1B Cahill – LF E. Avila – 3B Falzone – RF Levy – SS Majano – P Sparkes

Bryce Sparkes was 3-8, so maybe his rotten luck could stave off the sweep? Berto and Hunter landed singles and somebody found a run with a sac fly in the first, so at least we had the early lead. With the early lead it went exactly as well as the day before. Josh Brown allowed a hit to Arnold, then hit Mark Cahill, and gave up a 2-run double on two strikes to Avila. Deficit! Defeat! Great job, boys.

Portland went up 3-2 with Berto and Hunter reaching base again, then a throwing error by Evans in the third inning. It scored Ramos right away, while Hunter came in on Morales’ groundout. Interestingly enough, at this stage both teams had more runs than hits, Portland being up 3-2 in runs and 2-1 in knocks. Maldonado hit a single in the fourth to remove the distinction, before the Caps tied the game in the bottom half of the inning when Cahill reached with one out when Levis fell over a baseball for an error. A wild pitch moved the runner to second before Avila legged out an infield single. Falzone hit a game-tying groundout. They took the lead the following inning on Sparkes’ leadoff single (…) and Arnold’s monster blast to left. Balaski and Reyna reached the corners in the seventh, with Berto’s sac fly briefly narrowing the score to 5-4 before Juan Zabala entered the bottom 7th and was obliterated. He faced five Capitals, retired none of them, and was yanked after walking in a run against PH Greg Regan and a 2-run double by Falzone. Zimmerman replaced him, allowed another run on a Chris Lewy single, and somehow the Caps then made three outs without getting Falzone in. They had still put the game away with a 4-spot.

Or had they? The Coons had the tying run in the box in the eighth as Bryce Sparkes was also annihilated in a serial assault by Manny, Morales, Maldo, and Levis, the latter hitting a 2-run double. Another ex-Coon replaced him, Dusty Kulp, and wholly un-Kulp-like retired Balaski, Lando, and Kilmer in order to end the inning. In the ninth against Warner, the Coons went 1-2-3. 9-7 Capitals. Ramos 2-3, BB, RBI; Maldonado 2-4, 2B, RBI; Reyna (PH) 1-1;

And that was the Raccoons’ playoff ambition. The Loggers and damn Elks won all but one of their games while we were drowned in a barrel by the Capitals, dropping the Raccoons to third place, six games out, and within reach of the Crusaders. Speaking of which…

Raccoons (34-31) @ Crusaders (33-33) – June 14-16, 2041

The Crusaders could reach third place as early as Saturday, which was also Draft Day. Cruel scheduling meant that I could not even excuse myself away for one miserable game to observe the draft process since League HQ was *in* ******* New York and the draft was in the afternoon, well ahead of the scheduled night game. Oh woe is me!

New York had won three in a row (envy…) and had a +4 run differential, sitting seventh in runs scored and fifth in runs allowed. The season series was tied at two.

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (3-6, 3.65 ERA) vs. Todd Lush (5-7, 4.36 ERA)
Angelo Montano (1-3, 3.68 ERA) vs. Aaron Hickey (3-3, 2.77 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-6, 4.97 ERA) vs. Ernesto Lujan (4-4, 4.86 ERA)

Left-handers DO exist! Proof was Todd Lush, the first southpaw the Raccoons would see in about two weeks.

Game 1
POR: SS Hunter – CF Maldonado – RF Fernandez – C Kilmer – 1B Levis – 3B Trevino – 2B Lando – LF Trawick – P Johnson
NYC: SS Adame – CF Graf – LF Besaw – C Alba – 2B Briones – RF Platero – 1B Rudd – 3B Sifuentes – P Lush

The Coons opened the game by scoring first, which was not something that was becoming them well recently: Tony Hunter tripled to begin the affair, with Maldonado doubling him in immediately. Manny hit a soft single, putting them on the corners, while Kilmer whiffed and Levis walked. Cosmo singled in a pair with a dropper in shallow center, far enough away from Joe Graf, 3-0, while Lando struck out and Trawick flew out to Graf, stranding two runners, and Graf continued to feature in the box score, hitting a solo jack off Drew Johnson in the same inning. The Coons’ offense died down soon enough with a dearth of hits going forwards. Levis drew a walk in the third and went nowhere. Lando drew a walk in the fourth and didn’t even get to stay on, picked off by Lush.

Next to die was the Coons’ lead, with New York taking a 4-3 lead in the fifth. They got their first three hitters on base with a pair of leadoff walks to Jose Platero and Tom Rudd, then a bloop single by Ramon Sifuentes in shallow right that somehow became two bases and a run. Lush struck out, Alex Adame popped out, and Joe Graf was apparently the villain of the week and clubbed in both runners with a 2-out single. Joe Besaw then lined out to Hunter. Platero added a homer for good measure in the sixth, 5-3. Maldonado hit a double in the seventh, but was stranded, then couldn’t reach another Graf looper that dinked in for a 2-out RBI single, plating Sifuentes against Lindstrom. It didn’t really matter who pitched or fielded when or where – they were all ******* ****. Add to that the double plays – Levis celebrated Kilmer’s leadoff walk in the eighth by hitting into another one of those. Juan Zabala then had his second outing in a row of retiring nobody, this time facing four batters for two walks and two hits, and two runs before removal. Brent Clark replaced him, gave up the remaining runners, plus two of his own on booming extra-base liners by Justin LeClerc and Adame, who injured himself on the bases. The rout was completed in style; Lando hit a leadoff single in the ninth. And Bill Balaski hit into a double play to end the game. 12-3 Crusaders. Hunter 2-4, 3B; Maldonado 2-4, 2 2B, RBI;

(sits and stares, motionless)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – CF Maldonado – 1B Levis – 2B Trevino – RF Reyna – P Montano
NYC: SS Miles – CF Graf – 2B Briones – LF Besaw – 3B Sifuentes – RF Platero – C D. Phillips – 1B Rudd – P Hickey

When Reyna singled home Maldo in the second inning, the Raccoons drew first blood for the fourth straight day, and it had yet to net them a W. Maldo had singled and stolen second in that inning, then scored again in the fourth, landing a double and getting around on a wild pitch and Cosmo’s groundout to make it 2-0 for Angelo Montano, who had allowed only one runner the first time through the Crusaders’ order… and on his own throwing error… AND it had been the opposing pitcher. (shrugs) Madness does as madness wants, I guess.

Graf and Briones then opened the bottom 4th with a pair of singles, at which point I went to call Maud in Portland to put out a sign reading “Players 4 Sale! VALUE DEALS!!” – and exactly like that!! Nevertheless, Joe Besaw popped out and Sifuentes hit into a double play, with the inevitable explosion thus delayed to a later point. The Raccoons then found doom in the fifth, loading the bases with singles by Montano and Berto, a Hunter walk – and nobody out. Manny Fernandez flew out to Graf in shallow center, and too shallow to send the pitcher. But Tony Morales came through, banging a ball off the fence in right for a bases-clearing double, 5-0! After Tony was stranded, the bottom the inning had the Crusaders with their own three-on, no-outs situation on three singles before PH Rich Salek struck out, Tyler Miles struck out, and Graf… remained a pest and walked in a run. Briones then grounded out to short, stranding three in a 5-1 game.

Dazzlingly, those were the last runners against Montano, who went seven and a third on 104 pitches, ending with a groundout of Graf to open the eighth, the last left-handed batter Montano could hope to see. The Raccoons went to Alex Ramirez in a double switch and he got them two outs to close the eighth. Sifuentes hit a leadoff single against him in the bottom 9th, but Platero and Devin Phillips made outs. With Tom Rudd up, the Coons went to Chuck Jones. His strikeout ended the game. 5-1 Critters. Ramos 2-4, 2B; Maldonado 3-4, 2B; Montano 7.1 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (2-3) and 1-3;

Baseball, huh?

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – CF Maldonado – C Kilmer – 1B Levis – 2B Trevino – RF Balaski – P Chavez
NYC: SS Adame – CF Graf – LF Besaw – C Alba – 2B Briones – 1B Rudd – RF Salek – 3B Sifuentes – P Lujan

Bernie Chavez decided playing from the front was not the be-all, end-all, so he got wobbled around for three hits and two runs after an initial error by Berto to put Alex Adame on base. The comparison between those two was ridiculous. One slim, tender, fresh-faced, the other having rolled to a stop vaguely near third base, scratching his bum between pitches, and old enough to be the biological parent of the former. The future was maybe not necessarily Adame’s (although he was ******* 19 and hitting .320 with 20 steals), but certainly not Berto’s.

Adame made and error in the fourth that put the tying run (Kilmer) on base in addition to Manny Fernandez, but there was no reason to worry about the Crusaders here. Doug Levis came to the rescue and hit into a 6-4-3 double play, perfectly placed for any sort of shortstop. This one ended the inning, and also my will to live.

While he leaked a steady stream of runners, Bernie Chavez made it through five innings without any further accidents, after which the Raccoons actually got another scoring opportunity. Berto singled to lead off the sixth, and while Hunter popped out, Manny whacked a double over Joe Besaw to put the tying runs in scoring position with one out and in a challenging spot for a double play (not to say it was impossible…); Maldonado’s drive to deep center was snared by Joe Graf, the budding pest, but good for a sac fly. Kilmer then whiffed to leave Manny on third base. Cosmo hit a double in the seventh and was stranded with poor groundouts by Balaski and Nettles, the latter hitting for Bernie Chavez. Alex Ramirez instead kept the Crusaders where they were, and Berto, old and fat but far from useless, snapped another leadoff single in the eighth. Lujan now plonked Tony Hunter with a baseball, moving the tying run into scoring position. Manny flew out to center, Maldo popped out, and Kilmer singled, but Berto had to be held on third base. Three on, two outs for Levis sounded like a bad deal even before right-hander Mike Gutierrez replaced Lujan. Levis grounded out to short, again, stranding everybody and their mother in the process. Ex-Coon Josh Livingston was put in charge in the ninth inning. Cosmo flew out to Graf. Balaski fanned. And Tony Morales hit for Brent Clark and ended the game with a single to leftfield… and being thrown out at second base. 2-1 Crusaders. Ramos 3-4; Fernandez 2-3, BB, 2B; Chavez 6.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, L (5-7);

(breathes into paper bag all the way to the airport)

In other news

June 10 – VAN OF Jerry Outram (.355, 12 HR, 40 RBI) will miss two weeks with an elbow sprain.
June 10 – Aces C/1B Ken Wiersma (.324, 2 HR, 24 RBI) drives in six runs on four hits in a 14-3 smashing of the Gold Sox.
June 12 – More injuries in Vancouver: SP Matt Sealock (9-3, 3.22 ERA) will be shut down for a month with a flexor-pronator strain.
June 12 – BOS OF/2B Moises Avila (.281, 4 HR, 28 RBI) is going to be out for a month with an abdominal strain.
June 12 – Pittsburgh RF/LF Manny del Toro (.359, 1 HR, 12 RBI) hits his first home run of the year in style, a walkoff grand slam off Atlanta’s CL Rico Sanchez (2-3, 5.20 ERA, 12 SV) that gives the Miners an 8-4 win.
June 13 – TOP 1B/LF Ed Haertling (.277, 5 HR, 17 RBI) singles in RF Jorge Quintanilla (.278, 2 HR, 9 RBI) with the bases loaded in the 10th for the only run in the Buffos’ 1-0 victory over the Blue Sox.
June 14 – Falcons SP Jose de Lucio (7-6, 3.28 ERA) 3-hits the Condors in a 1-0 shutout. De Lucio strikes out eight in the feat.
June 14 – Orlando Leos (4-6, 4.65 ERA) and two Dallas relievers pitch a combined 1-hitter against the Scorpions. Only RF/LF/1B Carlos Cortes (.276, 9 HR, 53 RBI) reaches base by a batted ball for Sacramento, who go under 5-0. Leos whiffs ten batters in seven innings.

FL Player of the Week: SFW C Ethan McCullar (.278, 12 HR, 57 RBI), hitting .476 (10-21) with 3 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: BOS CF Mark Vermillion (.247, 3 HR, 27 RBI), batting .481 (13-27) with 3 HR, 11 RBI

Complaints and stuff

The noise you just heard were our chances getting splattered all over the windscreen of a car plastered with “REALITY” stickers and travelling at 130 miles per hour.

While this week was an absolute riot there might be a bright spot. When Scout Guy returned from Venezuela for the draft he had something in tow, a 16-year-old Venezuelan outfielder named Netuno Torres. Now, he had a weird makeup; wide range with clumsy paws, good eye and contact, but no power whatsoever (rated a 12/1/18 potential). He was still the best thing the cat had dragged in as far as scouting discoveries were concerned in the last few years, so I wasn’t too mad. Maybe a hearty Portland diet would get some power on the boy’s bones – apparently the new technocratic government in Venezuela was too much concerned with quantum research and not enough with giving people to eat.

In terms of foreign talent, Rikuto Ito is murdering AAA pitching, so maybe a return is coming up for him. I don’t know which of the three terrible left-handed hitting outfielders currently on the roster lightning will strike, and I also don’t know whether I care about the difference between them.

I also kinda want to see more of Art Goetz, who has turned 26 by now, but is also hitting .314/.460/.557 in St. Pete, with 12 homers in 55 games. That won’t translate to here, and there’s also a certain problem child at first base we’d have to get rid of first.

I reached out and some teams would take on that problem child, but only if they can dump a similarly misfit player in return. We might just take up the Arrowheads on their ludicrous offer for Eric Peck (2-1, 4.91 ERA). The 32-year-old southpaw was shifted to the pen permanently this year, but was a starter for the Aces for a long time. Problem is, he gets paid $2.64M per year through 2042, and that is a millstone I don’t want around my neck just to see more of a 26-year-old first-sacker having a good half-season with the Alley Cats.

Fun Fact: The Loggers have the fourth-worst rotation by ERA in the Continental League, and yet have the best record in baseball.

Baseball makes no sense and at times is exceedingly cruel and shouldn’t be watched or read about by small children.

Meanwhile we have a bullpen with an ERA pushing five, which apparently negates our first place in stolen bases in the league, fully and wholly.