[Westheim]

I don’t know, Jesus, how did you break your pink cast? – What were you doing in the sewers?? – Why would you talk to the guy with the peg leg at the docks? – I DON’T CARE whether he wanted to sign your cast!!

Dr. Padilla, who bad is… – M-hm. – Uh-huh. – So he needs a new cast, and two more weeks on the DL? Fantastic.

No, Jesus, you’re not getting another pink one!! Over my dead body!!

Raccoons (21-15) vs. Crusaders (17-21) – May 13-16, 2041

The Crusaders were eighth in runs scored and fifth in runs allowed, so maybe it wasn’t all lost for them yet. The rotation was a fairly tough nut to crack and sat second in ERA in the CL. The pen was … well, let’s just say we weren’t the only team plagued with a kindergarten class armed with matches and petroleum. We had lost the season series in ’40, eight wins against ten losses.

Projected matchups:
Josh Brown (3-0, 2.55 ERA) vs. Ernesto Lujan (2-3, 5.62 ERA)
Drew Johnson (2-2, 2.70 ERA) vs. Todd Lush (4-4, 4.50 ERA)
Angelo Montano (0-1, 5.06 ERA) vs. Jeff Johnson (3-2, 1.72 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-3, 6.28 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (2-4, 5.90 ERA)

There was Lush to look out for, the only southpaw on offer, and also 22-yar-old rookie Jeff Johnson, who so far was doing a pretty fine job in the majors. He had been the #6 pick in the 2039 draft.

Game 1
NYC: SS Adame – RF Melendez – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 1B LeClerc – LF J. Zimmerman – P E. Lujan
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Levis – RF Balaski – 2B Kilgallen – CF Reyna – P Brown

Bill Melendez proved to be a bit of a problem for former Crusaders hurler Josh Brown, who conceded a homer to him the first time through and a double the next pass through the lineup. The latter came with Lujan on first base, but didn’t lead to a run, with Mario Briones’ liner shagged by Berto, and Joe Besaw grounding out to Hunter. The score at that point was one-all thanks to a first-inning Ramos Special, with the Coons’ 1-2 having hit singles in the bottom 1st and Manny having grounded out to get Berto home from third base. Brown would drive in his own lead in the fourth inning, singling home Kilgallen, who had whacked a leadoff double in the inning. That made it 2-1 for Brown, who was 2-for-2 at the plate in this game and .421 for the season. But he struggled with getting the Crusaders out, striking out only one batter in the first four innings, even when he got to two strikes. He did get Alex Adame to whiff in a critical spot in the fifth though, with Jason Zimmerman in scoring position and one out.

Bill Balaski hit a 2-out, 2-run single, plating Hunter and Morales in the fifth inning to extend the lead to 4-1. Berto hit a double in the sixth, Zimmerman ripped a double in the seventh, but neither action led to a run. Brown spent 101 pitches to cover seven innings and was thus out of the game again, with the 3-run edge being handed to the bullpen for caretaking. Tim Zimmerman managed to get through the inning for nothing more than a Melendez single, which I was almost willing to chalk up as a W, but Slappy reminded me that they’d come to bat again and probably against DeOrio, he said, grinning. The Coons faced their former reliever John Hennessy, a lefty, in the bottom 8th, and Nick Lando pinch-hit for Balaski, singled, stole second, and they walked Kilgallen with intent before Ito hit for Reyna. Maybe DeOrio wouldn’t bat after all, I proclaimed and thus dared fate and Slappy at the same time, also grinning. Ito promptly barfed into a double play and Kilmer flew out to leave Lando at third base. And here was DeOrio…! …and somehow the Crusaders expired on two pops and a K. 4-1 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4, 2B; Hunter 2-3, BB; Lando (PH) 1-1; Brown 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, W (4-0) and 2-3, RBI;

Game 2
NYC: SS Adame – C Alba – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – LF Salek – 3B Sifuentes – 1B LeClerc – RF Melendez – P Lush
POR: SS Hunter – CF Kilgallen – C Kilmer – 1B Levis – LF Ito – 2B Lando – RF Reyna – 3B de Wit – P D. Johnson

The Crusaders took another early lead with a 2-run homer hit by Joe Besaw in the first inning. It sailed well over the head of Rikuto Ito, stationed in leftfield on Manny Fernandez getting a rare day off in this long string of games. The Raccoons tied the game an inning later, with Lando and Reyna reaching scoring position on a single and a double, respectively, before a terribe dinker by Aruba’s Finest, Jay de Wit, scored both of them. I hear a National Holiday was declared on the island immediately.

And that was about all the offense through five innings. Johnson allowed only three hits to the Crusaders in five, while the Raccoons got five off Lush. While the Crusaders’ Briones and Besaw hit long flies off Johnson in the sixth, they didn’t actually reach base. Kilmer however rocked a leadoff double into the leftfield corner in the bottom of the sixth. He advanced on Levis' groundout, after which the Crusaders walked Ito intentionally, which made little sense. Lando clubbed a sac fly to right-center to give the Raccoons the lead, but they wouldn’t get beyond 3-2. Ramon Sifuentes doubled off Johnson in the seventh … then was caught stealing third base by Kilmer.

The Coons kept Johnson in the game for eight innings without further accidents or even base runners, but then he had also reached the end of his useful life for the day. Despite the casual softness with which DeOrio had handled the Crusaders on Monday, he had also pitched on Sunday and the Raccoons were not key on getting him involved three days in a row when he had just stopped routinely exploding. The ball thus went to Alex Ramirez, most reliable reliever on staff, who gave up a leadoff double to Fernando Alba, a single to Briones, and a sac fly to Besaw to get rid of the pesky lead. Ramirez was yanked, with Brent Clark getting the last two outs of the inning. Right-hander Mike Gutierrez retired Reyna to begin the bottom 9th, but then de Wit’s slow roller was thrown away by Sifuentes, and the Raccoons had the winning run in scoring position with one down. Manny Fernandez was awoken from his roast beef-induced slumber, but wasn’t pitched to. He was then forced out on Hunter’s grounder and went back to bed, while the game went to extras where nothing really happened for an inning and a half, and almost two. With nobody on in the bottom 11th, Jay de Wit plonked a bouncer through the hole between Briones and Justin LeClerc for a 2-out single. The pitcher Lindstrom was next and replaced with Tony Morales, who singled as well. Tony Hunter zinged a single to center then; de Wit circled around third base and raced for home, Besaw’s throw came late, and Jay de Wit slashed across home plate to make the Raccoons winners …! 4-3 Coons. Kilmer 2-4, BB, 2 2B; de Wit 2-5, 2 RBI; Morales (PH) 1-1; Johnson 8.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K; Lindstrom 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K, W (3-1);

I hear people danced in the streets all night in Oranjestad. What a joy to –

Oh, hi, Nick. What brings our owner in here to take all our joy away?

Apparently Nick Valdes was furious that the Raccoons were merely tied with the Loggers at this point. The Loggers! … He glared at me when I pointed out that we were indeed tied with the Loggers… for first place. (The damn Elks were part of the tie, too)

Game 3
NYC: SS Adame – RF Melendez – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 1B LeClerc – LF J. Zimmerman – P J. Johnson
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Kilgallen – LF Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Levis – RF Balaski – 2B Lando – CF Nettles – P Montano

Fittingly, our dear owner had just snowed in for our worst starter to take the mound, and the poor lefty sod faced a lineup entirely made out of righty hitters. A win would be about equal to a miracle. Or maybe the Raccoons could score a dozen!

Montano nailed Besaw to begin the second inning, then walked Devin Phillips and gave up a run on Zimmerman’s single. It looked like a pretty normal day for him, except that this hadn’t happened in the first already. Nick Valdes was not amused and not even one of Maud’s lemon cupcakes could soften his anger. Or maybe some offense would help! But while the Crusaders tacked on a run when Sifuentes doubled in the fourth, was balked to third base, and scored on Phillips’ groundout, the Raccoons drew nothing but blanks against the rookie Johnson, who gave up only two hits through five innings and whiffed four. – I don’t know, Nick. What did you expect to see? – No, can’t remember. I hear the damn Elks score many runs. – Please, Nick. No foul language at this table! Cristiano looks like he’s not 18 yet.

The sixth inning saw the Crusaders jump out to 4-0 with a Briones single, a Besaw triple, and Sifuentes sac fly. Valdes made vague unhappy noises, including that next time he would indeed sell the team to the travelling Arab salesmen, but that didn’t change either that a deep fly to left by Manny in the bottom of the same inning was the best scoring chance for the team yet in this game. The Raccoons saw out Montano’s act through seven innings, then went to Zabala, who had nothing worse happening to him than being charged an error on a terrible pickoff attempt, but did not yield runs. Neither did Johnson, who to Valdes’ great and vocal dismay entered the bottom 9th on a 5-hit shutout, but was removed after Doug Levis battled him extensively in a full count before striking out. Mike Gutierrez took over, and immediately gave up a double to Bill Balaski. Hunter hit for Lando and whacked an RBI double, prompting a move to Livingston. Nettles grounded out. De Wit, with two down, hit for Zabala and poked an RBI single, probably causing more ecstasy in Aruba. Berto, however, got rung up to end the game. 4-2 Crusaders. Kilgallen 2-4; Balaski 2-4, 2B; Hunter (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; de Wit (PH) 1-1, RBI; Zabala 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

Yes, Nick, we lost. – Worse than the Loggers, yes. – Terrible, I agree. – Don’t you have a flight to catch to spread corporate mischief in some underdeveloped backwoods nation? – Yes, I agree, the people of Absurdistan will be greatful for the soul mills you’re building there. – No, no, I don’t think that the inspection trip for the toxic waste plant can wait. – Oh you know, we will get along just fine, just barely. You know, you win some, you lose some. – Yes, Nick, cut down on the losing. – Goodbye, Nick.

Nick, the door is over there.

Game 4
NYC: SS Adame – C Alba – 2B Briones – LF Salek – 3B Sifuentes – 1B LeClerc – CF Ugolino – RF Melendez – P Iezzi
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Levis – RF Balaski – 2B Lando – CF Nettles – P Montano

Two struggling right-handers were up on Thursday for the series finale, with Alex Adame’s leadoff triple leading to a quick Crusaders run that the Coons nevertheless picked up on a Berto double and Hunter’s RBI single. Hunter reached second on the throw, but after Manny walked the Raccoons had Morales fly out and Levis hit into a double play. When Bernie Chavez walked two and allowed a run on an Iezzi single in the top 2nd, and thus got closer to become a starving right-hander rather than just a struggling one, the Raccoons answered with another double-single-run combo in the bottom of that inning, with Lando and Nettles doing the deed.

After that, things got lopsided. LeClerc whacked a 2-run homer in the third, and Alba hit a leadoff double and was scored by Sifuentes in the fifth to move the Crusaders out to a 5-2 lead. Iezzi held up for a while until Tony Morales ripped a leadoff double in the sixth, being scored on two productive outs to get back to 5-3. What was technically bloop-and-blast distance was too much to cope with for the Raccoons, though, even when the bullpen held up. They didn’t get anybody on base in the seventh or eighth innings and entered the ninth still down by two runs against Hennessy. Balaski grounded out, but Lando walked, bringing the tying run to the plate. In an obvious move, Kilmer batted for Nettles, but struck out. Kilgallen then hit for the pitcher, legged out an infield single, and kept the charade going for Berto who ran a 3-1 count until he got a juicy one and dished it … in his case for an RBI single. At least that got the currently hottest Furball to the plate in Tony Hunter. He grounded out to short on the first pitch. 5-4 Crusaders. Ramos 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Hunter 2-5, RBI; Morales 2-4, 2 2B; Kilgallen (PH) 1-1;

Raccoons (23-17) vs. Falcons (22-18) – May 17-19, 2041

The Falcons led the CL South and were up for dinner as this homestand concluded. Scoring runs was not their forte, with only 3.6 markers per game to their credit. However, they made sure the other team also didn’t score. They were allowing just under 3.5 runs a game, and apparently that was enough to lead a division these days. We had won the season series four years in a row, including a 5-4 showing last year.

Projected matchups:
Nelson Moreno (3-2, 4.69 ERA) vs. Ernie Quintero (2-3, 2.86 ERA)
Josh Brown (4-0, 2.37 ERA) vs. Jose de Lucio (3-4, 2.42 ERA)
Drew Johnson (2-2, 2.63 ERA) vs. Oscar Flores (5-1, 2.51 ERA)

Three right-handed pitchers to come up here.

Game 1
CHA: 3B Farfan – 1B Lorensen – SS Aparicio – RF C. Robinson – C Kokoszka – LF Esperanza – 2B B. Nelson – CF Aarhus – P E. Quintero
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – 1B Levis – 2B Lando – CF Nettles – RF Reyna – P Moreno

Let’s just say the innings breezed by and the Falcons were living up to the hype, if you want to call it that. There was nothing going on through four innings, even though Nelson Moreno’s sophomore swoon continued unabated. He issued walks, he issued singles. In the fifth, he issued singles to both the opposing pitcher and Jose Farfan with one out. I was not amused. Ryan Lorensen then hit a fly to left, Manny made the catch, and killed another runner at home plate to end the inning. The Raccoons at this point had not even reached base against Ernie Quintero, who was on three strikeouts and zero runners, and was probably only mildly shaken up from colliding with Kilmer and a baseball in his face. He walked Kilmer to begin the bottom 5th, but Levis hit into a double play. Lando then singled, banishing that specter. Lando went to third when Nettles singled, but Reyna grounded out to Bob Nelson to end the inning. Then the sixth began with consecutive throwing errors by Kilmer and Hunter, both costing two bases against Tony Aparicio and Chris Robinson. Chris Kokoszka hit a single, and the Falcons scored two runs that would probably last them the whole weekend…

After Berto hit a 1-out single in the bottom 6th, Quintero walked the bases full to bring up Kilmer again. Kilmer hit an 0-1 pitch up the middle, right into a double play. Moreno, Clark, and Zimmerman would hold the Falcons scoreless the next two innings, after which Berto and Hunter came up with 2-out singles in the bottom 8th against Quintero and his replacement Nick Wright, who faced only one batter before retiring with an oblique injury. Manny Fernandez had the tying runs aboard against right-hander Bryan Carmichael, shoved a single to right, and sent the Raccoons’ top-of-the-order guys scurrying. Berto scored, Hunter moved to third base, and Manny reached scoring position, too, as the Falcons chased the ball around the infield. Kilmer fell to 1-2, then rushed a ball through the right side for a score-flipping single. And out of nowhere! Levis grounded out, after which the ball went to DeOrio. Greg Aarhus singled. Angelo Rios singled. Good job, boys! Jose Farfan tied the game with a grounder, with Rios to second base. He then stole third, then scored when Lando was almost struck in the eye by a pop he marveled at too long. That error was the fourth on the Coons in the goddamn game and also handed the lead back to the Falcons. DeOrio walked Lorensen before being yanked, kicking over the Gaytirade barrel in the dugout, which made a neat sticky mess. Chuck Jones got a double play grounder to get out of the disaster, bringing on Ray Andrews with way more K’s than innings pitched against the bottom-ish part of the order. Lando drew a leadoff walk, was doubled up by ******* Stephon Nettles, and Balaski grounded out to short. 4-3 Falcons. Ramos 2-4;

Don’t draw that snooty face, DeOrio!! – What are you putting the ******* runners on base in the first place?? – Maybe I should pitch the ninth myself, yeah! I’m still tossing the ******* baseball better than you ********!!

(Maud comes in to inquire how The Talk is going, then immediately has to catch a falling Neil Reece bobblehead as DeOrio and the GM are pushing each other into the bobblehead display cases)

Game 2
CHA: RF C. Robinson – 3B Lorensen – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – LF Esperanza – CF C. Russell – 2B Farfan – 1B Rempfer – P de Lucio
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Balaski – 1B Kilgallen – 2B Lando – CF Nettles – P Brown

For a change, the Raccoons scored first with a Manny Fernandez homer, plating Hunter too, in the first inning, going up 2-0 behind undefeated Josh Brown. So, Slappy, how about putting those feet up and calling Maud to bring a few margheritas? – Yes, you’re right, real men should drink real booze. (Cristiano sadly peeks over his XXL Cosmo with two little pink umbrellas)

Berto added a run with a double that scored Nettles in the second inning, but then things went downhill rather fast. It started to rain, and Brown was whacked around for three hits and a Balaski error as the Falcons made up two runs in the third inning, then stranded the tying run in scoring position each of the next two. The baseball gods added a rain delay, then Tony Hunter pulling up lame on a double in the fifth inning. He had to leave the game, and since the Raccoons were already compromised with their middle infielders Berto had to move to shortstop with de Wit at third base. Kilmer slapped a 2-out RBI single to at least not let Hunter’s sacrifice go to waste, and then Balaski drilled a home run to center, trying to make up for his earlier error, extending the lead to 6-2.

There was a second rain delay in the bottom the sixth inning, curtailing Brown’s outing this time, while the Raccoons had Nettles and Berto on second and first, two outs, and de Wit batting against righty Sean Yates. Nobody in Aruba changed the channel until baseball came back 35 minutes later, only to see Aruba’s Finest strike out to strand a pair. Manny (double) and Kilmer (RBI single) added a run in the seventh, but the Falcons were zoning in on Berto at short by the eighth, hitting four grounders there, of which he missed one and flubbed another, but somehow Zabala and the rest of the crew managed to get three outs after all… Berto had to handle another grounder in the ninth, but retired Chris Russell while Alex Ramirez went 1-2-3 on the Falcons. 7-2 Raccoons. Ramos 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Hunter 1-2, BB, 2B; Fernandez 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Kilmer 2-4, 2 RBI; Balaski 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Nettles 2-4;

There were good news after all, though. Dr. Padilla reported that Tony Hunter had only a mild calf strain and would be as good as new in a few days. We had Monday off, and we’d leave him out of the Sunday game to not dare the baseball gods to make his leg fall off.

Also, Cosmo Trevino came off the DL and was added back to the roster. The Raccoons kindly asked Miguel Reyna to accept an assignment to AAA, which he answered with an uninspired “you gotta get me through waivers first”, which was true as well.

Thus, Reyna ended up on waivers, the Raccoons added Cosmo, and then they’d, heck, try to win a rubber game.

Game 3
CHA: 3B Farfan – 1B Lorensen – SS Aparicio – RF C. Robinson – C Kokoszka – LF Esperanza – CF C. Russell – 2B B. Nelson – P O. Flores
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Balaski – 1B Levis – SS Kilgallen – CF Nettles – P Johnson

The Falcons socked Johnson for four runs in the opening inning, starting with a Farfan homer, and continuing with another two hits, two walks… and a bases-loaded drill in the bum to Chris Russell, too. So, that was the rubber game, what else is up, Slappy? …

While Berto was the Raccoons’ first two base runners in the first and third innings, and never got even near scoring, Johnson was yanked in the fourth when the Falcons put their pitcher, Farfan, and Lorensen on base in order with one out. Zabala inherited the mess, walked in a run against Aparicio, and then conceded two more runs on a Robinson single, as well as a fourth run on Kokoszka’s groundout. 8-0 in the fourth. Good team. Good team…

While Levis hit a meaningless homer in the bottom 5th, only the second base hit for Portland in the game, the Falcons kept cranking it up against DeOrio, who was sentenced to mop-up duties in the sixth and seventh. Mopped up he was by Charlotte, who ravaged him for five hits and four runs in the two innings to complete the demolishing of the Raccoons and all their hopes and dreams. 12-1 Falcons. Levis 2-4, HR, RBI;

In other news

May 13 – The Indians trade reliever Nate Norris (0-1, 3.79 ERA) to the Rebels for two prospects.
May 13 – Thunder OF Ethan Moore (.307, 4 HR, 11 RBI) has five hits and four RBI, including a 2-run homer, in an 8-4 win over the Knights.
May 14 – DAL 2B Hugo Acosta (.361, 1 HR, 23 RBI) comes a homer short of the cycle in a 5-hit game with 2 RBI as the Stars down the Scorpions, 10-3.
May 14 – The Pacifics send SP Josh Bourgeois (2-3, 3.80 ERA) to the Buffaloes for #96 prospect SS Landon Guillory.
May 15 – One day later, now-Buffaloes starter Josh Bourgeois (3-3, 3.17 ERA) 2-hits the Blue Sox in a 5-0 Buffos win.
May 16 – LAP SP Chris Sulkey (6-1, 1.02 ERA) 2-hits the Warriors in a 5-0 L.A. win. The 33-year-old southpaw strikes out seven.
May 16 – The Wolves get utility player Bob Mancini (.284, 7 HR, 24 RBI) from the Buffaloes in exchange for RF Troy Greenway (.231, 3 HR, 10 RBI) and a pitching prospect.
May 19 – VAN SP Eric Weitz (5-2, 4.26 ERA) and CL Josh Boles (2-4, 5.09 ERA, 7 SV) pitch a combined 1-hitter against the Bayhawks, for whom only RF/LF Dave Martinez (.256, 11 HR, 29 RBI) manages to hit a single. The Canadiens win 3-0.
May 19 – The Cyclones score 10 runs in the seventh inning in beating the Stars, 15-8.

FL Player of the Week: CIN 1B Danny Santillano (.365, 8 HR, 33 RBI), hitting .520 (13-25) with 6 HR, 13 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB RF/LF Dave Martinez (.256, 11 HR, 29 RBI), batting .455 (10-22) with 4 HR, 11 RBI

Complaints and stuff

A -11 run differential, sponsored by the Falcons, who can’t outscore their own shadows. (tears scout guy’s report in half and throws it at his feet) Try again.

When the Buffos acquired Vince Burke from the Pacifics on Tuesday, they axed Vince Burke, who they had taken in the rule 5 draft last December. Burke, a 24-year-old righty, had been in six games (four starts) for them, going 1-1 with a 4.30 ERA. He walked 15 in 29.1 innings, which was unpleasant. The Raccoons did thus not immediately keep him on the roster at the expense of Angelo Montano even though those two were probably tit-for-tat at this point.

Maybe one of them can be the closer…! Because Damon DeOrio will be sent to the glue factory first thing Monday morning. I don’t know how he got by in Vegas, but his ERA is up to 8.55 and I am not going to deal with that any longer. Alex Ramirez will take over closing duties.

Not like this is a team that leads many games late and *needs* a closer…..

Looking forward to the off day on Monday. Then a road trip to Oklahoma and Mexico before it’s back home for more humiliation in front of the sparse home crowd.

Fun Fact: The Aces got two pitchers for DeOrio that both outpitch him now.

And keep in mind we’re talking about Sal Lozano (4.97 ERA) and Francisco Pena (5.65 ERA) here.

The trades we do…