[luckymann]

At Opening Day, we have a Fan Interest of 53, with Average Market Size and Loyalty. We have a league-lowest payroll of $557k and sold 3,618 season tickets. We have $10,500 cash on hand but are $11,386 over our $700k budget. We have $596k available for extensions and zero for FA.

We are predicted to finish last with a record of 41-64, 22 GB the Hilo Volcanoes. The calculations have us scoring 461 runs and giving up 580, both worst in the HAL. Same deal with our .216 BA and 5.10 ERA. We are, however, predicted to ding out a league best – and by some margin – 164 HR. Simple mathematics tells me that if I can up our BA / OBP and get more runners on when they go yard, we should score more runs and, QED, win more games. Sounds easy enough...
The Boss wants .500 ball, so let’s use that as our benchmark. This heat is killing me. I’m sweating in places I didn’t even know I had places, and in my sunburnt opinion they need to make a protective product whose SPF rating has a few more zeroes at the end of it.

Here are some highlights and lowlights (okay, mainly – SPOILER ALERT!!! – the latter) from the first six weeks of play:

We get an Opening Day 3-2 win over Kaunakakai but thud back to earth with an 8-2 flogging the following day.

We then win 2 of 3 home to Hilo, including an 8-6 win that sees Boyd go 4-for-4 with a HR and 2 RBI and Malone drive in 4, and a 6-5 loss in which Malone goes 4-for-4 with 2 dingers and knocks in all of our runs.

We split our first 10 games.

So far, not so bad.

Yeah, you know it – me and my big mouth spoke waaaaaayyyyy too soon. We lose our next six games, some of them ugly, and sink to the bottom of the standings. Suddenly the so-called experts are looking... well... expert.

In the middle of this I get a visit from reliever Ryan Ringo to tell me this season will be his last. He plans to retire to the cabin he and his wife bought on Kaneohe Bay. I consider asking him if he needs a valet.

After we squeeze a couple wins out of the Juice (you see what I did there?), I get another player visit me to announce their retirement at season’s end. This time it’s third-baseman Roy Archer. He plans to head across to the mainland and drive across the country with his dog. I consider asking him if he needs a mechanic.

Catcher Greg Sellers is the next player to pay me a visit. If he’s planning to retire and take over the family’s funeral parlor, I’d consider becoming his first client. But no, quite the opposite. Greg is very keen to play, so keen in fact that he’s there to have a whinge about his game time, or lack thereof. I have a look at my stats sheets. Greg has one hit in 18 ABs. Credit where credit’s due, he has driven in 2 runs. I am, for one of the first times in my life, literally speechless. I look around the room to see if I’m on that new show Candid Camera I’ve heard so much about. I tell Greg I’ll see what I can do, but add that he needs to do his part and... say... start hitting. He seems pleased and leaves my office with a smile on his face. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess old Greggy boy isn’t a member of Mensa.

Word of my open-door policy and open-mindedness toward the problems of my players spread like wildfire. Josh Valdez is the next to come say hi, shoot the breeze, complain about how he’s being used. His cause has far more validity than Greg’s did, I’ll admit that. Josh has gone 6-for-24 with a homer and 4 RBI. In actual fact I had already been considering bumping his game time up in right as Justin Parks (.160 / 3 HR / 9 RBI) isn’t exactly lighting it up out there, so when I guarantee him he’ll be seeing more action I am doing so in earnest. He gets up quickly with a scowl and slams the door nearly clean off its hinges. Ballplayers, pffft.

We win a few, lose a few. At one point we win three on the trot including perhaps our best performance of the month—a 9-3 win over Kahului in which both Nick Terrance and Jon Moulton go yard twice. It is one of four straight games in which Terrance homers.

On the second-last game in April at home to Kapaa, Jon Moulton takes exception to being HBP and charges the mound. The dugouts empty but little comes of it, pugilistically speaking. It does, however, seem to fire up the boys as they rally for a 9-7 walkoff win on a 2-run tater by Jason Taylor, who came in to replace Jon. Thanks, Universe! Moulton is handed a 4-game suspension for his part in the brawl. Oh well, that’ll help the Josh Valdez situation. Clouds, silver linings—you know the deal.

As April rolls into May, our record is 12-16. We’re still last, but only 7 games behind Lanai City and just 2½ games out of second place. So all is not lost.