[Westheim]

Raccoons (74-75) vs. Knights (74-75) – September 19-21, 2039

Here were two fourth-place teams, one of which was two games out and the other was sixteen and a half games out. Was there any justice left in the world?? The Knights had lost five in a row, and were eighth in runs scored and third in runs allowed in a Continental League that was an entire mess. The Raccoons had already taken the season series, up 5-1.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (11-8, 3.08 ERA) vs. Brad Santry (14-10, 3.49 ERA)
Drew Johnson (11-9, 3.43 ERA) vs. Danny Orozco (11-13, 3.60 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-13, 3.56 ERA) vs. Alex Aguilar (7-6, 3.48 ERA)

A righty, a lefty, a righty … I wasn’t expecting any heroics anymore. The Knights had a flurry of injuries, which had felled Graciano Salto, Jesus Matos, Nate Nelson, Adam Horner… and the list went on a bit longer still. Their lineup looked like what was left of the Texans after the Alamo.

Game 1
ATL: RF Hester – LF Inoa – C Guadalupe – 1B J. Weber – CF Hawthorne – SS Thomson – 2B Cerezo – 3B Maneke – P Santry
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – 1B Maldonado – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – C Morales – SS Williams – LF Cronk – P Sabre

I honestly didn’t know half the hitters in their lineup, but nevertheless, Mario Guadalupe singled home Luis Inoa after the latter’s 1-out double in the first inning anyway. The Raccoons did nothing, besides striking out eight times against Brad Santry in the first five innings. Sabre got only three batters through five, but added the two guys that had poked him for the run in the first when he retired the Knights 1-2-3 in the sixth and Justin Weber in the seventh. Justin who?

He still looked like he was gonna get ****** for all the effort, until Juan Cerezo and Weber made two outs between them in the bottom 7th and put Hoogey and Morales on the corners with nobody out. Santry walked Elijah Williams to fill the bags, which made it a guarantee that the Raccoons wouldn’t score, so Cory Cronk could bat no matter what. Except that Santry had gone off the rails now and walked Cronk on four pitches, pushing home the tying run. Brad Ledford zinged an RBI single to give Sabre, for whom he batted, a 2-1 lead and chance for the W. Berto hit an RBI single and Cosmo added a sac fly before right-hander David Farris restored order. So the Raccoons turned it over to the bullpen, and in this case Antonio Prieto, who faced the 7-8-9 in the top 8th, allowed singles to Cerezo, Chris Maneke, and Lorenzo Celaya, then was yanked to be beaten to ******* death. David Fernandez replaced him, was countered by right-handed batter Zachary Krumholz, who I had never heard of but who somehow had ten homers on the year. He hit his 11th off Fernandez, dead to center, and I fell where I stood, dead onto the couch. 5-4 Knights. Greenway 1-2, 2 BB; Williams 2-3, BB, 2B; Ledford (PH) 1-2, RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K;

Some butt wipe revived me, and made me sit through the Tuesday game, too, though. Probably Cristiano, that know-it-all.

Game 2
ATL: RF Hester – LF Inoa – C Guadalupe – 1B J. Weber – CF Hawthorne – SS Thomson – 2B Cerezo – 3B Maneke – P Orozco
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – LF Ledford – SS Williams – 1B Monge – P Johnson

George Hawthorne, Juan Cerezo, and Chris Maneke all singled off Drew Johnson all hit a single in the second inning and gave the Knights another 1-0 lead. The Critters had only one hit the first time through against Orozco, but Kilmer and Greenway opened the bottom 4th with singles to right, and Maldonado did them one better with a double down the line to tie the game. Brad Ledford batted with two in scoring position and nobody out, hit a fly to the fence that was caught by Luis Inoa for a sac fly and a 2-1 lead. Williams singled off Orozco, 3-1, Monge singled, and Johnson bunted into a force at third base. Berto slapped another RBI single, 4-1, which was also the point they had reached on Monday before everything had turned up **** again. And notice how they never hit a 3-run homer anymore? They probably hadn’t hit one since May, and nobody had noticed. Trevino popped out to end the inning.

George Hawthorne hit one out, but that counted for one run in the sixth, shortening the lead to 4-2. Like Sabre, Drew Johnson lasted seven innings, then had to close his eyes and brace for impact. Cosmo reached base on a Hawthorne error in the bottom 7th, stole second base, and went when Jeff Kilmer singled to center. He was thrown out at home plate. Top 8th, Mauricio Garavito retired the 1-2-3 batters in order, so that meant crushing desolation would come in the ninth today. Chris Miller walked Hawthorne with one out, then got a pop from Keith Thomson and a grounder from Travis Sheaffer. Kilmer threw that grounder away for two bases rather than going 2-3 for the final out; that put the tying run in scoring position. Miller struck out Maneke to finally end the game. 4-2 Raccoons. Kilmer 2-4; Maldonado 2-4, 2B, RBI; Williams 2-4, RBI; Monge 2-3, BB, 2B; Johnson 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, W (12-9);

Game 3
ATL: 2B DiNatale – LF Inoa – C Guadalupe – 1B J. Weber – CF Hawthorne – SS Thomson – RF Sheaffer – 3B Maneke – P A. Aguilar
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – SS Caskey – 1B Kilgallen – P Chavez

Matt Kilgallen hit a long shot to left with two outs in the bottom 2nd, putting the Raccoons up 2-0 after Maldonado had singled and stolen second base. Both teams had also made an error already, so it was a choppy game between two choppy teams. That was all through five innings – pattern to the series almost – with Bernie allowing only one base hit through five. He allowed another one to Chris Maneke in the sixth. Aguilar struck out, Devin DiNatale (who??) hit into a fielder’s choice, and Bernie fell to 3-0 against Luis Inoa, then hung a stinkerball and Inoa hit into the next county over, tying the game at two. Oh, Bernie! You’re so … You’re so Bernie!!

Bernie also held out through seven. Jon Caskey drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 7th. Kilgallen flew out to center, and Bernie was kept around to bunt, sending the go-ahead run to second base, from where Berto singled him home to take the lead, 3-2. Cosmo grounded out after that and Bernie returned to pitch in the eighth inning. Sheaffer grounded out. Maneke sent a long drive to right, I sighed, but it came down in Greenway’s mitten on the warning track. Bernie exited the eighth with a strikeout. Despite scoring the go-ahead run, Caskey was hit for with two outs in the bottom 8th. Ed Hooge popped out in his spot, stranding Greenway and Kilmer on base. Chris Miller then blew the lead within two pitches, getting taken so deep by Mike Edwards it actually hurt. Who the **** WAS MIKE EDWARDS??

Inoa doubled right after that, but was somehow stranded, while the Raccoons, who had removed Berto for defense for no greater good, had to bat again, so there was more disappointment on the way…! Right-hander Rich Ray was up to pitch in the bottom 9th, and Kilgallen, Williams, and Joel Hernandez were retired in order, and it didn’t get that much better in the 10th, either. Garavito did the last out in the ninth and the whole tenth, and Pena pitched a 1-2-3 in the 11th for Portland. Jermaine Campbell came out for the 12th, with Justin Weber ripping a leadoff double off him. He walked Hawthorne, but then got a double play from Antonio Guerrero, with Weber to third base. At the plate was switch-hitting leftfielder Jordan Guidry, and if we were in Atlanta, I’d be convinced they’d be picking these folks right out of the stands. Guidry flew out to left. Bottom 12th, Nigel Owens nicked Williams, and Joel Hernandez bunted him to second base. As the drag continued, Cosmo popped out, Manny walked, and it would be Greenway with two outs, which used to be a fun time, but this year nothing was fun, and he struck out.

Campbell was then torn apart for two walks, two doubles, two runs in the 13th, before being yanked for Brent Clark, who allowed a single to Weber, walked Hawthorne to force in a run, and then somehow oversaw the Knights failing themselves out of the inning. Bottom 13th, Owens still around. Kilmer reached, was forced out by Maldonado, but when Tony Morales pinch-hit and singled, the Raccoons got the tying run to the plate. Owens threw a wild pitch, then gave up a sharp RBI single to center to Kilgallen. With the winning run up, Brad Ledford hit for Williams, ran a full count, then shot a ******* double up the leftfield line to tie the goddamn game. The Knights went to Farris in a tied game, but the Raccoons were also running out of players and couldn’t hit for Joel Hernandez anymore. The sucker popped out in foul ground on the first pitch, and Cosmo grounded out, running his day further into the ground at 0-for-7, and the damn game continued after the score went from 3-3 to 6-6. For the 14th, the Raccoons scratched the remains of Antonio Prieto out of Monday’s crater, and put him back on the mound. Billy Hester hit a single in the #9 hole, but was caught stealing. The Raccoons also got a 1-out hit off Farris, Greenway hitting a double to left. Kilmer grounded out. Maldonado hit a grounder up the middle, Guerrero missed it, and Greenway was waved around to score and end the game. 7-6 Raccoons. Greenway 3-7, 2B; Kilmer 3-7; Morales (PH) 1-1; Kilgallen 2-6, HR, 3 RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 8.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 8 K and 1-2;

What is an entirely stale win, that makes nobody happy?

This is an entirely stale win, that makes nobody happy.

No, Maud, I’m fine. Just kill the light when you leave. – (is left sitting in the utter darkness once Maud kills the light)

Raccoons (76-76) vs. Indians (64-88) – September 23-25, 2039

At least I had the comfort of knowing that the Indians had even less fun than us. That was something to build on. That, and booze. (takes mighty glug). They were dead-last in the North, second from the bottom in runs scored, and the worst outright in runs allowed. The only thing keeping them from reaching a -200 run differential was playing the Raccoons three times on their way out. And yet, they were assured a split in the season series, coming in with a 9-6 lead…

Projectd matchups:
Steve Fidler (5-7, 4.61 ERA) vs. Jake Jackson (10-17, 3.70 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (15-4, 3.21 ERA) vs. John Nelson (9-14, 4.55 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (11-8, 3.02 ERA) vs. Joe Robinson (5-7, 3.95 ERA)

Southpaw Sunday again! We’d be nothing without traditions!

Game 1
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF A. Torres – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – LF Trawick – SS R. Johnston – 2B Bainer – P J. Jackson
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – C Morales – 1B Monge – SS Nickas – P Fidler

Troy Greenway was thrown out at third base after a leadoff double in the bottom 2nd, and inning which progressed to see Morales and Monge in scoring position with two outs before the Indians walked Steve Nickas with intent and got Fidler to strike out. Fidler at least allowed no hits through the first three innings before hitting Alberto Torres to begin the fourth. Before long, Fidler balked, Dan Hutson singled up the middle, and a wild pitch scored Torres. The Indians got an RBI single from Jake Trawick, Ryan Johnston reached base, and whoever Jeremy Bainer was, he hit a 3-run homer to left. Fidler retired the pitcher on a grounder, then was not seen again after an hour-long rain delay that only served to prolong everybody’s suffering.

Top 5th, Travis Sims got involved, which ensured defeat, and in style, too. Leadoff walk to David Gonzales, who stole his 42nd base, then a 2-run bomb by Alberto Torres, 7-0. A Dan Hutson single, then two walks drawn by Elliott Thompson and Trawick loaded the bases. Sims was bluntly told that nobody was going to come and rescue him, then nailed Ryan Johnston in protest to force in a run. Bainer singled to center, Ed Hooge overran the ball, and two more runs scored. It was already 10-0 on consecutive 5-spots, but Sims allowed two more runs on Gonzales’ 2-out, 2-run single. Torres then grounded out to keep it a modest 12-0, and by the way, the damn Arrowheads had only seven base hits in the game. Jared Ottinger’s two scoreless after that and a pinch-hit single by Cory Cronk that removed Ottinger from the game had a solid shot to qualify as the highlights of the evening. And then Jon Caskey hit into a double play. They were ******* disgusting and every single one of them should be ******* purged. Everybody but Chris Lancaster, who pinch-hit for Cosmo Trevino out of spite in the bottom 8th, and hit a ******* homer off Jake Jackson. Chris Lancaster was our ******* hero!! At least more than Francisco Pena, who was grabbed by the tail, swung around overhead by the Indians for a few spins, and then flung into the nearest solid sidewall for two runs in the ninth. 14-1 Indians. Lancaster (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI; Greenway 2-3, 2 2B; Monge 2-3, 2 2B; Hernandez (PH) 1-1; Cronk (PH) 1-2; Ottinger 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 2 K;

Slappy asked me whether I’d seen a ghost because I was so silent.

No, Slappy. Just no will to live anymore.

Normal stuff, y’know.

Game 2
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF A. Torres – 3B Hutson – 1B Cassell – C E. Thompson – SS R. Johnston – LF Garbinski – 2B Bainer – P J. Nelson
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – 1B Monge – C Lancaster – SS Williams – P Bedrosian

David Gonzales opened the game with a single before Bedrosian hit Torres and walked Hutson. Ryan Cassell crashed a bases-clearing triple in right-center, then scored on Elliott Thompson’s single. 4-0 and not an out on the board. Bedrosian then got three of those without conceding another half-dozen runs, which was very nice of him, and the Raccoons put the 2-3-4 batters on base in the bottom of the inning. Maldonado hit an RBI single, Monge hit a run-scoring grounder, and Lancaster popped out to strand the tying runs in scoring position. Ah, I see. He’s very much a single-use hero.

Bedrosian allowed a leadoff single to Bainer in the second. Nelson’s bunt was thrown away by Alberto Ramos, and the Indians scored a run on a Torres single with one out. Maldonado’s throw home allowed the runners to advance, leading to a sac fly after that, burying the Raccoons by a slam once more. Williams, Ramos, and Fernandez all reached in the bottom of the inning – and Greenway grounded out to have them all stranded. Maldonado and Monge went to the corners with base hits to begin the third inning, and Maldonado scored when Lancaster boogied into a 4-6-3 double play.

The Raccoons accepted to suffer through four innings of an unwound Bedrosian before going to the destitute, derelict pen again. We didn’t even have a rested long man anymore! Prieto was sent in for the fifth and was taken deep by Elliott Thompson, 7-3. The Raccoons lingered for a while before their 3-4-5 batters rapped straight singles with one out in the seventh against Nelson, bringing the tying run back to the plate in Danny Monge, who OBVIOUSLY hit into a 6-4-3 double play. There was a Trevino knock, a stolen base, and a Greenway sac fly in the ninth inning against Alex Banderas, but it was too little, too late, and too sad. 7-5 Indians. Ramos 2-5; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB; Greenway 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Maldonado 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1; Campbell 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

For Sunday, the Raccoons fielded mostly a joke lineup, out of spite. There was no taking this serious anymore anyway.

Game 3
IND: CF D. Gonzales – SS R. Johnston – 3B Hutson – 1B Cassell – C E. Thompson – RF Garbinski – LF Zimmerman – 2B Bainer – P J. Robinson
POR: 2B Caskey – SS Williams – CF Maldonado – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Kilgallen – RF Cronk – 3B Hernandez – P Sabre

Poor Sabre. But it was his own fault. We didn’t DRAFT him. He signed voluntarily, when he was 16 and didn’t speak a lick of English.

And Indy took a 1-0 lead in the first – unearned. Thompson singled in Hutson, but Ryan Cassell had reached on Kilgallen’s error in between. The Raccoons answered with straight singles from the 1-2-3 hitters to tie the ballgame in the bottom 1st. Kilmer then hit a ******* triple, but was also stranded on third base, which he reached with zero outs on the board… Top 2nd, leadoff walk drawn by Jason Zimmerman, who stole his first base, then scored on Bainer’s single. Jeremy Bainer was probably going to be Player of the Week, and at this pace… (throws another half a bottle of Capt’n Coma down his throat) … I’d not be alive to bear witness, thank god.

The score was 4-2 after a Williams double and Maldonado RBI single, and Sabre held on for a little bit, fighting with the 3.00 mark for his ERA, got under it when Ryan Johnston grounded out to begin the fifth inning, and then immediately gave up two singles, a balk, and a sac fly to Thompson. So much for a sub-3 ERA – back to 3.04 …! The Raccoons got Kilmer and Manny aboard with 2-out singles in the bottom 5th, then saw Kilgallen knock out Robinson with a triple off the fence in right-center. Cory Cronk walked against right-hander Tony Rivas in the 6-3 game, but Joel Hernandez flew out to end the inning. Sabre allowed another two singles in the sixth and was removed after the inning, with over 100 pitches on his ledger and his spot leading off the bottom of the inning.

Jon Caskey then hit a home run to left off Terry Weaver in the bottom 6th, getting up to 7-3, his first bomb of the season. The Critters got scoreless innings from David Fernandez in the seventh, and somehow also from Ottinger in the eighth. Pena got the ball in the ninth, and groundout, strikeout, flyout went the Indians’ 3-4-5 hitters. 7-3 Raccoons. Caskey 2-4, HR, RBI; Williams 3-4, 2B; Maldonado 2-4, 2 RBI; Kilmer 2-4, 3B, 2 RBI;

In other news

September 19 – SAL SP Phil Harrington (21-5, 1.82 ERA) beats the Rebels in a 4-2 game, whiffing eight in as many innings for his 200th major league win. Harrington, 34, is a 7-time Pitcher of the Year (probably eight soon-ish) with two triple crowns and 2,831 strikeouts in 2,299 innings. He is 200-66 with a 2.11 ERA for his career, and please keep in mind that he wasted two seasons of his career as closer, saving 87 games, too.
September 19 – SFB RF/LF/1B Dave Martinez (.270, 15 HR, 68 RBI) drums in six runs on four hits as the Bayhawks rush the Loggers in a 12-6 game.
September 19 – VAN OF Ryan Phillips (.261, 12 HR, 72 RBI) hits a walkoff single off LVA MR Ricardo Sanchez (1-4, 4.94 ERA) to give the Canadiens a 2-1 win over the Aces in the 18th inning. The run is unearned thanks to an error by INF Jason Bensinger (.281, 4 HR, 30 RBI).
September 20 – Topeka right-hander Jon Bleich (4-9, 3.51 ERA, 23 SV) makes a spot start and shuts out the Stars on three hits. The Buffaloes win 7-0.
September 25 – TIJ SP Jimmy Driver (12-6, 2.83 ERA) is out for the season with elbow inflammation.
September 25 – 37-year-old NAS CL Casey Moore (7-4, 3.28 ERA, 28 SV) might miss a full season for a partially torn UCL even with a rehab approach.

FL Player of the Week: NAS LF/RF Sean Ashley (.301, 28 HR, 123 RBI), hitting .400 (10-25) with 2 HR, 9 RBI
CL Player of the Week: IND 3B Dan Hutson (.278, 34 HR, 100 RBI), batting .481 (13-27) with 1 HR, 6 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Only one more week. It will be a week of agony – four games in Elk City, anyone? – but then it will finally be over.

Well, that week and then watching the damn Elks go back-to-back. The Titans are two games away from elimination, and the Raccoons won’t be a help to them. We’re also firmly nailed into fourth place in the division, so that’s depressing.

The Alley Cats swept the Rebels-aligned Albion Vanquishers in the first round of the AAA playoffs and were now up against the Cyclones-affiliated Glendale Sports for the championship. They lost the opener, 6-4, and why would they win anything? They were little Raccoons after all. Little ones, but still, hopelessly inept. They all are.

They all are.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons hit three home runs this week, every one of them by a player that hit their first home run of the season.

And it’s SEPTEMBER.

Kilgallen, Lancaster, and Caskey. Lancaster hit the first of his career.

Probably also the last one.