[Westheim]

Raccoons (51-53) @ Thunder (50-56) – August 1-3, 2039

Shaken by injuries, the Thunder were five games behind in a lousy CL South, but had gaping holes everywhere, especially in the pitching staff (tell me about it). They were eighth in runs scored, but second from the bottom in runs allowed with a -50 run differential. They also had the worst OBP in the Continental League. Starter Trevor Corrigan, infielder Jose Agosto, centerfielder Nate Shamhart, and a flurry of relievers were all on the DL for Oklahoma. The season series was tied at three. The Coons hadn’t lost it since ’33.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (9-6, 3.08 ERA) vs. Aaron Bryant (7-10, 5.47 ERA)
Drew Johnson (8-6, 3.10 ERA) vs. Sebastien Parham (1-4, 4.59 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-8, 3.62 ERA) vs. Brian Frain (9-5, 2.36 ERA)

The week would start with a southpaw, who the Raccoons actually had a winning record against, which went quite a bit against expectations. After that, right-handers.

Also, rain on Monday, giving the Raccoons a double-header on Tuesday and more pitching conundrums going forwards. Sabre remained in the first slot for Tuesday, as did Bryant. The only lineup change was parking Berto for the opener to try and not willfully break him with 18 innings of futile baseball in a single day. Danny Monge would bat leadoff again.

Game 1
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – RF Hooge – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – LF M. Fernandez – SS Williams – 3B Hernandez – P Sabre
OCT: SS Kuhn – 2B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Adames – LF E. Moore – CF Ringel – 3B Nieblas – P Bryant

There was no offense to speak of early on. Both teams had three base hits each in the first four innings, never stacking two into a single frame, and never landing extra bases, either. Portland did put two runners on with Kilmer and Maldo in the fourth, but Elijah Williams hit into a good old 6-4-3. Adrian Ringel hit a leadoff single for the Thunder in the fifth, which also led nowhere, but Ed Hooge actually found extra-base territory with a 1-out double to rightfield in the sixth. Jeff Kilmer pounced, singled up the middle, and Hoogey hustled around to score. What excitement! Maldo hit another single, but Manny Fernandez, struggling for weeks now, hit into a fielder’s choice, leaving Williams with runners on the corners and two outs, and he flew out all too easily to center. The Thunder responded with two soft singles by Al Martell and Danny Cruz, but then Jesus Adames hit into a double play to end the inning. And there was no flash about the pitching either. Through six innings of mutual 6-hit ball, Sabre struck out three, and Bryant whiffed absolutely nobody all the way until Sabre whiffed in the top of the seventh.

A Kilmer single and a Maldonado double put two in scoring position for slumping Manny Fernandez in the eighth, with one out on the board. The Raccoons sent a ******* pinch-hitter for *MVP Fernandez* - Berto grabbed a stick, grounded out to the left side as to keep the runners pinned, and then Bryant walked in a 2-out run by walking both Williams and Joel Hernandez. Tony Morales hit for Sabre with three on and two outs, but grounded out to Al Martell. The Portland bullpen inherited a 2-0 lead and at least was rather efficient in blowing it. Antonio Prieto nailed Jimmy Kuhn with an 0-2 pitch, walked John Marz on top of that, and when David Fernandez came in to face the switch-hitting Danny Cruz, he gave up a 412-foot bomb over a 410-foot sign in left-center. 3-2 Thunder. Hooge 2-5, 2B; Kilmer 3-3, 2 BB, RBI; Maldonado 2-4, BB, 2B; Sabre 7.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

I don’t want to hear your whining, Raffaello – you could have hit two home runs earlier and then you would have won!!

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Maldonado – LF Ledford – C Morales – CF Hooge – 1B Anderson – RF Cronk – P Johnson
OCT: CF C. Vega – 2B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – LF E. Moore – SS Kuhn – C Urfer – 3B Nieblas – P Parham

While the Raccoons had their 25 heads all crammed into the same plastic bag and were calmly suffocating, Drew Johnson gifted the Thunder a 1-0 lead in the bottom 2nd by throwing a wild pitch to score Ethan Moore, one pitch before Rick Urfer swung and missed for strike three to end the inning. No hits were involved in the making of that run, and in fact neither team had a hit through three innings, or through four, and *in fact* both teams should be disposed of in an unmarked landfill. That was not the sort of baseball anybody wanted to watch, just like they used to dispose of millions of videogame cartridges nobody wanted to play with…

The ABL’s first double-no-hitter went down the drain in the fifth inning, when Orlando Nieblas floated a 2-out single into shallow left near the line, uncatchable for anybody. Johnson struck out Parham to end the inning, but the Raccoons were still hitless, at least until Alberto Ramos robbed Parham of the glory of it all with a double to right in the sixth. Enrique Trevino then dutifully stranded him at second base. Bottom of the same inning, Al Martell legged out an infield single, stole not one, but two bases, and then scored on another 2-out homer by Danny Cruz. Maldonado opened the seventh with a double, and never even reached third base amidst two pops and a groundout. Johnson went seven, Parham went eight. Brent Clark struck out the side in the bottom 8th, and the Raccoons faced Jake Bonnie, a lefty with a 4.37 ERA for the second time on this day, and in nine pitches produced zero commotion. 3-0 Thunder.

56 games remaining.

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – C Morales – LF M. Fernandez – SS Williams – 1B Anderson – RF Cronk – P Chavez
OCT: SS Kuhn – 2B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Adames – LF E. Moore – CF Heskett – 3B Nieblas – P Frain

By Wednesday, the Raccoons cobbled a run together from Cosmo getting on, stealing second, and being singled in by Maldonado before the Raccoons loaded them up on a walk and an error, only to see Oliver Anderson strand everybody with a sad pop to Martell, who hit a 1-out floater for a single in the bottom 1st before being eliminated along with Marz in a strike-em-out-throw-em-out situation. No such luck in the second – Cruz walked, and Adames, Brian Heskett, and Nieblas all slapped singles off Berto, plating two runs for another deficit. At least Brian Frain struck out to strand a pair…

And it wasn’t like Bernie was pitching terribly – but he just couldn’t not fall for the big inning. “Big” meaning too much for the damn Coons to overcome, so basically one run. He gave up another run in the sixth inning, Ethan Moore with the sac fly after Cruz singled and Adames doubled, deepening the hole from 2-1 to 3-1. In other words his fuzzy bum was surely doomed. Maldonado drew a leadoff walk from righty Juan Ramos in the seventh. Morales popped out, but Manny Fernandez singled, putting the tying runs on base for Williams, who fed another grounder to the shortstop for a fielder’s choice. So did Anderson to end the inning.

Top 8th, another chance developed. Against southpaw Brian McAllister, Danny Monge hit for Cory Cronk and singled up the middle, and then Brad Ledford walked in the #9 hole formerly occupied by Mauricio Garavito. The tying runs were on AGAIN. Ramos flew out to Marz. Trevino grounded to Nieblas, who tapped third base to get the lead runner, a very defensible move given the speed of the batter, and now a single couldn’t tie the game. The Thunder then sent right-hander Dan Minelli against Maldonado, who popped out to short like a ******* loser. Losers they all were. The top of the ninth saw Jake Bonnie on the mound once more, and the Raccoons took an industrial-size grinder to him for over 30 pitches and were yet only polishing the young sophomore’s reputation. Manny Fernandez singled. Joel Hernandez hit for Anderson with two outs and walked. The tying runs were on again for Ed Hooge, last guy off the bench and batting for Nelson Fonseca in the #8 spot. He flew out to Carlos Vega. 3-1 Thunder. M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB; Monge (PH) 1-1;

55 games remaining.

Raccoons (51-56) vs. Crusaders (48-58) – August 4-7, 2039

There was … no point. But the Crusaders had made the trip, so for furball’s sake, let’s play the buggers. They were fifth in the North (soon fourth, probably), second from the bottom in runs scored, and sixth in runs allowed. We were up 4-3 in the season series. That could change quickly, too.

Projected matchups:
Steve Fidler (2-5, 3.91 ERA) vs. Jamal Barrow (4-8, 3.80 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (9-2, 3.66 ERA) vs. Julian Ponce (10-3, 3.25 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-6, 2.93 ERA) vs. Josh Brown (10-5, 3.11 ERA)
Drew Johnson (8-7, 3.15 ERA) vs. Gabriel Lara (4-11, 4.58 ERA)

Two southpaws sandwiched by two right-handers was what the Crusaders would cart up for us. Didn’t matter – we can lose against absolutely everybody. Left-handed, right-handed, no-handed – we got this **** figured out!

Game 1
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – CF Besaw – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – 3B B. Moore – SS J. Adams – P Barrow
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – C Morales – LF M. Fernandez – RF Ledford – SS Williams – 1B Anderson – P Fidler

Berto singled, stole second, and ended up stranded in the first inning. Chris Russell singled and Fidler walked the bags full in the second inning. While Jamal Barrow whiffed for the second out, Juan Garcia slapped a 2-run single through the left side to start the inevitable. Rich Salek singled to re-stock the bases, but Joe Besaw grounded out to leave the bases loaded. Bottom 2nd, Manny reached base, stole second, and was actually singled home by Elijah Williams. Barrow walked Anderson, got Fidler out, but walked Bernie to fill the bases with two outs for Cosmo … and Cosmo grounded out to Russell on the first pitch, stranding another three.

Fidler was the first Raccoons starter this week to be actively awful, throwing 61 pitches in three innings while walking four and allowing three hits. He walked a fifth guy, Garcia, with two outs in the fourth. Garcia stole second, was balked to third, and then was stranded when Maldonado made a sliding catch on Salek. Bottom 4th, Ledford single, Williams single, nobody out, before Anderson became the second Critter of the week to hit into a force play, 5-unassisted, which took special sucking power, too. Fidler bunted the runners over, Berto flew out to Besaw, and nobody scored.

And despite being utter HORSE ****, Steve Fidler failed his way through seven innings with a 3-hitter, albeit trailing 2-1, because the Crusaders were TERRIBLE as well. Problem was, the Coons were trying to limbo under a very low bar again, and with their stuffed tummies that created additional issues. The bottom 7th was sad, with Miller and Clark holding the fort in the top of the eighth. Barrow was still in the game in the bottom of the eighth, facing the “meat” of the order. And why would they make a move, he had yet to encounter any sort of trouble. Then he slipped walks to Tony Morales and Manny Fernandez. All of a sudden, panic in the pen – too late: Brad Ledford socked a homer to right-center and gave the Coons a 4-2 lead they didn’t deserve, and which Jermaine Campbell then did his utmost to blow in the ninth inning, allowing singles to Bill Moore and Ricardo Salmeron. Juan Garcia grounded to short, but the Raccoons could only get the out at second base, bringing up the .280 hitter Salek with two outs and the tying runs aboard. He struck out. 4-2 Coons. Ledford 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Williams 3-4, RBI;

First major league win for Brent Clark …!

…and 54 games remaining.

Game 2
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – CF Besaw – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – 3B B. Moore – C J. Herrera – SS J. Adams – P Ponce
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Ledford – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Bedrosian

Cosmo singled and Kilmer homered to left in the first inning, giving the Raccoons a 2-0 lead that doubled in the second when Cosmo slapped a single through the left side, plating Bedrosian and Berto with two outs. Neither of them had reached base under their own power – Berto had gotten aboard on Chris Russell’s throwing error for two bases, while Bedrosian had badly bunted to get Danny Monge forced out … and Monge had reached on another error to begin with. Cosmo stole second, but Kilmer grounded out to keep it 4-0.

Just when I almost felt alright in my fur, at least for a few seconds, Ryan Bedrosian walked Julian Ponce in the third inning, with nobody on, and it led nowhere for New York, but there it was right back – the feeling of inescapable doom. The Crusaders promptly slapped Bedrosian around for four hits and two runs in the fourth, and then he walked Ponce AGAIN with two outs and just enough room on the bases to not push home a run. Garcia flew out to center, stranding three, but oh boy. OH BOY. The Crusaders got Salek on via hit by pitch to begin the fifth, but also had Besaw smack into a 5-4-3 right away, and left Bedrosian alone in the sixth inning. Williams reached base with one out in the bottom 6th, and Bedrosian’s bunt was misfielded by a horde of interfering Crusaders players to give the Raccoons an extra runner after that. A wild pitch moved both of them into scoring position before Berto popped out, but Cosmo came through again with his second 2-out, 2-run single of the game, again establishing slam range for Portland. The Critters got a fourth 2-spot in the following inning when Danny Monge took Todd Lush deep to right-center, with Manny Fernandez on base. That would be well enough to win – Bedrosian made it through seven, and Garavito and Fonseca held the Crusaders off the bases after that. 8-2 Critters. Trevino 3-5, 4 RBI; Maldonado 3-4, 2B; Monge 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Williams 2-4; Bedrosian 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, W (10-2);

Well, so we won’t drop to fifth this week. Good job, boys. Good job.

Such a good job.

Cristiano, can you put the scythe blades back on your chair and then roll over me a couple dozen times, please? – Thank you. – You are such a good friend.

Cory Cronk was batting .111 and sent back to AAA for being no help. Steve Nickas was called up. He was all of 0-for-1 for the ’39 Coons. For the Alley Cats, he batted .245 with two homers.

Game 3
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – CF Pohl – 3B Sierra – SS J. Adams – P J. Brown
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Hooge – SS Williams – 3B Hernandez – P Sabre

Sabre went on short rest, having thrown 83 pitches on Tuesday. We planned on not pushing him beyond 80 to 85 in this start, either, even though he started like a fire engine, striking out the side in the first inning, which wasn’t very Sabreian. Tom Rudd then hit a solo homer in the second inning, so now we were getting back to reality. That was also about all that the Crusaders cobbled together in five innings, drawing 61 pitches out of Sabre’s limited allotment, but he also only struck out one further batter – Brown in the third. The Raccoons were being 3-hit and looked entirely content with it. Even a Cosmo double to lead off the bottom 4th couldn’t buy them a run.

Sabre ended up going seven innings of 3-hit, 1-run ball, all while dangling on Tom Rudd’s stupid hook. Pat Pohl ended the seventh with a pop to shallow right on his 86th pitch, and with that he would be removed as scheduled, with Maldonado, Hooge, and Williams making outs in order to keep him on that hook. It took a scoreless frame from Prieto in the top 8th, then a 2-out Monge double and a well-placed bloop single in no man’s land by Cosmo after that to get Sabre the no-decision he didn’t deserve… Once again it went all well too fast for the Crusaders, who had nobody ready in the pen, then witnessed Josh Brown give up a real bomb to Kilmer to give Portland the lead. Campbell retired the Crusaders in order to put this game away. 3-1 Blighters. Trevino 2-3, 2B, RBI; Kilmer 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K;

Poor Sabre can’t get a win no matter how much he deserves it… He pitched 14 innings for one earned run this week – no luck, no decision!

Game 4
NYC: 3B G. Ortiz – RF Salek – CF Besaw – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – LF Salmeron – SS J. Adams – P Lara
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Williams – CF Maldonado – C Morales – RF Ledford – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Anderson – 2B Nickas – P Johnson

Portland scratched out a run with a Ramos Special in the third inning as Berto singled, took second base on his own accords, and with Williams walking and Morales singling came around with two outs for the first marker in the game. A messy fourth saw Manny on base, caught stealing, but somehow Anderson and Nickas combined for two singles to send the former to third base with one out, and Drew Johnson hit a sac fly to Joe Besaw to extend the lead to 2-0. And the Crusaders? They amounted to two hits through five innings, and went down in order in the sixth against a solid Johnson, who was nevertheless not overpowering them with his otherworldly stuff. All looked well for six innings and 64 pitches, and then Joe Besaw hit a leadoff jack in the seventh, cutting the lead to 2-1. Johnson retired the next three, then was hit for after a soft Nickas single to begin the bottom 7th against Lara. Cosmo grabbed some wood, hitting into a fielder’s choice. Berto singled up the middle, the two took off and pulled off a double steal, and the Raccoons scratched out another chewy run on a sac fly by Williams. Maldonado was nicked, Morales grounded out to Russell to strand two. The Raccoons got Brent Clark to retire the bottom of the order in the eighth inning, then tacked a Ledford jack onto their lead, which grew to 4-1 in the bottom 8th. The Raccoons would proceed to put Nickas (walk) and Kilmer (single) on base, then had Berto slap a 2-run double to push the lead into “oughta be safe” space. Nelson Fonseca got the ninth rather than Campbell then, and retired the 1-2-3 just like that. 6-1 Critters. Ramos 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Morales 2-4, 2B, RBI; Nickas 2-3, BB; Kilmer (PH) 1-1; Johnson 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (9-7);

In other news

August 1 – CIN SP Ben Lipsky (6-9, 4.23 ERA) 1-hits the Stars in a 12-0 rout. Lipsky makes it to within four outs of a no-hitter before giving up a double to C Pacio Torreo (.272, 16 HR, 58 RBI).
August 1 – NYC SP Josh Brown (10-5, 3.11 ERA) and CL John Hennessy (4-3, 4.66 ERA, 23 SV) deliver a combined 1-hitter in a 3-2 win over the Bayhawks, who only break the H and R columns on 1B Justin Uliasz’ (.186, 5 HR, 19 RBI) 2-run homer in the fifth inning.
August 5 – The Aces lose SS Aiden Ackeret (.261, 0 HR, 7 RBI) for the season due to a concussion.
August 5 – Also on the DL would be LAP SP Andy Jimenes (7-10, 4.14 ERA), missing the rest of the month with a sprained ankle.
August 7 – 400 career saves for DAL CL Josh Boles (3-5, 4.83 ERA, 22 SV)! The 35-year-old left-hander turns away the Scorpions to save the Stars’ 5-4 win. Boles, a 3-time Reliever of the Year and 2-time World Series winner, has made 851 relief appearances for a 56-64 record and 2.95 ERA in his career. He has struck out 1,019 batters.
August 7 – NAS 3B/2B Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.324, 11 HR, 61 RBI) is also out for the month with chronic back soreness hampering the 33-year-old.

FL Player of the Week: SFW LF/1B Melvin Hernandez (.311, 15 HR, 62 RBI), hitting .500 (13-26) with 3 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB INF Sergio Barcia (.243, 7 HR, 46 RBI), hitting .481 (13-27) with 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Grand-uncle Wilbur’s headstone reads “He loved nature, right up until he died of poisoned mushrooms he gathered in the forest”; there is something poetic about it.

There is nothing poetic about the Raccoons, who played a 3-game set in two days against the Thunder this week, used only eight pitchers and none more than once, never allowed more than three runs in a game, lost all of them anyway, and as far as the double-header was concerned, the Thunder used only ONE reliever in that game – Bonnie, who saved both games and needed only 25 pitches between two ninth innings that were completely for the ***. “Well oh yes, but we almost tired him on Wednesday” one of the little miscreants bickered after the sweep was complete. WELL YES BUT YOU ******* LOST ANYWAY!!

As an additional goodie, they crammed the three losses into less than seven hours of game time. 2:23 in the opener, and 2:17 twice after that. Almost as if they preferred to be out of their pretty brown uniform!!!

Yes, they swept the Crusaders after that, but … eh. Too little, too late.

(looks at the division standings)

(gets up and grabs tiny wicker basket with a red-and-white checkered cloth in it) I’ll be gathering mushrooms, Cristiano. The red ones with the white spots are the best, I hear.

Fun Fact: Josh Boles won one Reliever of the Year award and both his rings with the Raccoons.

That was from 2026 through 2028 – when we had a winning package that actually won all the way to the end.

Oh well, maybe next decade.