[Westheim]

This was not supposed to be the extent of the next update, but there’s only so much running head-first into a wall I can do in a day… I didn’t know what else to do and I apologize for the lackluster offseason performance…

+++

The search for more starting pitching continued as the Winter Meetings approached.

The Capitals soon materialized as a team with several candidates, of which I liked 28-year-old Jerry Banda, a right-hander, the most. He had won a strikeout crown in his sophomore season (2036) and had whiffed 200 batters twice in four years in the majors. He was also already signed through 2044.

With that, the problems started. Not that the Caps weren’t willing to talk – they were even open to talks; they had more capable starting pitching than they could fit, but gaping holes in other areas. The problem was that those problems were some we were reluctant to fill, f.e. leaving them with a spanking shiny new centerfielder in Jesus Maldonado.

They also had a lot of contract bids out and had limited money to play with ahead of the Winter Meetings. The Raccoons had to try to tie a neat package of prospects (boo! hiss!) or eat some salary to maybe sneak something more expensive into the deal. Banda himself would make only $1.1M in 2039, so he was hardly any help. There were really only one big and useless contract on the Caps, though, and that was right-hander Johnny Nelson’s. The 36-year-old had won 18 gams with a 3.83 ERA and had turned that into five years and $12.4M after the 2035 season. Since then he’d won 15 games total and had pitched only 280 innings in three seasons. He was clearly over the hill and could at best be used for long relief. The good news was that only the 2039 season was guaranteed anymore – yet steep at $2.56M – and that 2040 was contingent on vesting option criteria he’d never meet. And I groaned as loud as I could and then offered to take on that contract while we were still fighting over our side of the deal – but to anybody’s surprise, Nelson (a career Capital) invoked his veteran’s 10/5 rights, vetoed a deal, and was out of the equation.

Well, there was also Francisco Colmenarez, who was an entirely different type of bad contract. He was assured another $12.3M over three years, and was really not more than a fifth starter. The Raccoons had fifth starter types enough, and didn’t need another one, let alone one making as much as the rest of the rotation combined.

There was nothing else in terms of big contracts that worked out for us, and with that we were back to prospects on our side. Invariably this steered the conversation to Nelson Moreno, and also Jon Loyola, 21 years old and already at AAA. He had hit .304/.370/.489 there this year (as mentioned earlier) and looked like a future big league thing. He was the flyweight second baseman that was going to be blocked by Cosmo Trevino, because Cosmo wasn’t going to fill in at short and had nowhere else to go, either. Third base was something Loyola had played in the minors, but his arm wasn’t up to snuff and everybody knew it. He was a #41 prospect that we didn’t know what to do with, and the Caps were keen on him.

Nope, I didn’t want to. It … I couldn’t pull the trigger. The next day the Caps binged millions on another starting pitcher (Brandon Nickerson) when I had no ******* clue what they needed even more of them for.

+++

December 7 – The Capitals sign ex-SAL SP Brandon Nickerson (142-129, 3.60 ERA) for 3-yr, $13.68M.
December 7 – 35-year-old ex-Warriors right-hander Zach Warner (101-89, 3.70 ERA) winds up with a 3-yr, $8.8M contract issued by the Condors.

+++

I don’t know. I mean, they’d always take Moreno. – Yes, Cristiano, I know, that makes even less sense.

None of this makes any sense. (crosses out names on a list with a thick pink marker) We have to go back to square one, because none of this makes any sense. – Yes, Maud, I’d gladly take a snack. – (dives his paw into the bowl with crawling worms)

Maybe if we instead trade for Alfredo Vargas, the Caps will let go of Maldonado, Moreno, or Loy–… Cristiano, may I ask why you’re feeding Slappy with your toenail clippings? – Stop it, it’s disgusting! – No, I don’t wanna– … (Chad comes through the door to Maud’s room, wearing the Coons mascot costume from the neck down, but with a moosehead on top)

(SCREAMS) – (Chad, Cristiano, Slappy, and Maud are all laughing)

- ! -

(screams while awaking in the dark office late at night) What the …??? What happened?? … Where is everybody?? Did we make a trade?? … I don’t assume we did. (glances to the far wall where there’s a sample of a giveaway from a few years ago, a Raccoons-styled clock for kids under 12 with glow-in-the-dark hands) … Looks like it’s almost 3am.

Maybe we should go home, Honeypaws. – No, I don’t think the Caps’ GM will be happy when I call at this hour.

Or you know what, Honeypaws. Let’s just roll up on the couch. – I agree, it’s so late as to be early. – (grabs Honeypaws and traipses over to the couch without making light, knowing approximately where to step and where there might still be jagged shards of broken bottles)

Honeypaws, you feel weird. What’s with your fur? – Where are your whiskers? – What’s that on your head? – (fumbles in the dark) – Weird. (flicks the light next to the couch on – Honeypaws turns out to be Chad’s toy Elk with the wiggling antlers)

(SCREAMS) – (out of every corner, one of Chad, Cristiano, Slappy, and Maud step or roll forth, all wearing a moosehead) – (SCREAMS LIKE A FOUR-YEAR-OLD GIRL)

- ! -

(screams while awaking in the dark office) Mother I promise I didn’t eat from the cookie ja– (jumps up and immediately reaches for the nearest light) Honeypaws, oh thank god, you’re a raccoon again! (picks up the toy critter and hugs him dearly) Oh, I had the worst of all dreams! – I agree, no more linoleum polish before my afternoon nap! But now let’s go before everybody’s wearing mooseheads again!!

(grabs Honeypaws and dashes for the door, leaving Slappy sitting on the brown couch, blinking bewildered)