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pauwoo · 07-31-2020, 11:19 AM

Portland Pines (3-6, .333, 6th AL West) @ Minnesota Twins (7-2, .778, 1st AL West)
There is no doubt that the Minnesota Twins are a well-built, finely-tuned baseball club – they’re balanced offensively, with a heart of the order that can, and will, crack, without much of a drop off from there. With their power alley of Donaldson, Cruz, and Rosario at the helm, the USS Minneapolis is poised for success in 2020 – the fanbase is energized, local pride is on an upswing, and the expectations are appropriately set. But, as is often the case, the old adage that a ship is only as good as its Captain is only half-true. Here the individual crew members are impressive, they’re knowledgeable and disciplined, but it’s the pitching staff whose contribution will be the key to producing the sort of outstanding operational results that result in a banner being raised. And, in this long slog of a baseball season, the Twins will require that they navigate some of the inevitable rough seas with a superior focus to execute the kind of complex maritime operations required to sail from the port of discharge to the port of destination with their cargo intact and to deliver on their preseason promise. At 7-2, their journey so far has been smooth – even easy – with each crew member, down to a man, performing his role admirably. Here, we’ll attempt to pull our rickety, old rowboat up to the port side of the USS Minneapolis to bring ourselves within sling-shot range to try to fit into David’s sandals, if only for this series, and to see if we can knock these guys off course over the next few days – hopeful that the Cat’s Eye marbles we’ve loaded into the soft, leather projectile pocket will fire true and be enough to knock these guys off their line. It’s a risky maneuver, sure – our rowboat hasn’t yet passed inspection, we aren’t outfitted with any of the required safety gear, and our captain, Jeremy Jackson (who will not be manning the slingshot), often leads with a level-headed nonchalance that really only translates when your team is composed of self-starters who take pride in a job well done. Unfortunately, for him, and us, ours is a crew whose version of team unity is fueled by the Mutiny on the Bounty, and, had we stocked the required safety gear, I’m sure more than a few of those malcontents would have tucked tail and made an attempt to swim back to shore before we’d even left the harbor on this excursion.

10 of 156: Mike Leake (0-0, 5.40) @ Homer Bailey (1-0, 1.08)
Loss, 8-3. It was full steam ahead for the Twins here as starting a guy named Leake on our voyage offshore, so far from the stream, turned out to be our undoing. The new guy could only muster 4 innings of work where he allowed 9 hits, 5 earned runs, and a Miguel Sano HR. Look, the guy is a solid pro who’s had a solid career, but he couldn’t figure out our homemade slingshots and got bashed on each time he attempted to reload the pouch. If I’m going to be able to flip him for a low-key prospect in the near future, we’ll need him to be better than what he showed us today. Offensively, we showed some glimpses, hit a team cycle – 5 singles, a Brandon Metz double, a three-bagger from Bob Clark, and a solo shot from Benny Hill – but, two of our runs came off hitting into DP’s with a man on 3rd (we’ve done that 3 times so far this season), and we stranded 9 runners over the course of the game. Meanwhile, the Twins batted us around, their pistons primed and timed to perfection, for 15 total hits, including the aforementioned homer and three doubles, and even left 11 guys stranded while charging 8 runs to our already overdrawn account.

Elsewhere: The Charlotte Imperials, the other 2020 expansion franchise, is off to an 0-10 start so far during their inaugural season. They’ve got a ways to go if they are to snatch the record of 21 straight losses from the clutches of that hapless Baltimore Orioles outfit… but, if anyone can do it, they can. I was raised to not take joy from the misfortune of others – and I’m trying to espouse that mindset with all of my might, but, with the press so focused on their rough start, I am enjoying the fact that I have not yet had to answer for my early sins as a GM.

11 of 156: Jeremy Jackson (1-0, 2.31) @ Kenta Maeda (1-1, 3.75)
Loss, 3-2. After a tense, players-only meeting, that I’m told included Jeremy Jackson throwing a chair at our second baseman, Bob Johnson, our team has the look of a high school daydreamer who’d rather be anywhere but here… and, just as I began to doubt my body language reading acumen (our 2-run top of the 2nd gave me wings), our closer, Raymond Maxfield, would walk in the tying run, and his replacement, Adan Kirk, would dole out a free pass to Hanley Ramirez that would prove to be the game-winner. We were like a serial shoplifter here who, with one foot out the door, suddenly grows a conscience and returns the would-be stolen goods to the shopkeeper before shuffling away slowly with his head hung low in shame.

Elsewhere: Charlotte lost again… another stay of execution for me as the press, in their dogged pursuit of negativity, is still completely focused on the turmoil the Imperials find themselves mired in. Also, to be filed under sketchy, I received a call after the game from our HR department. It seems that they’re having trouble with a routine reference check of those I listed on my, heavily manufactured, resume. In a panic, I gave them the number of an old snowboarding, and still serial couch-surfing, friend of mine who, when he was last put in this position, failed so miserably that I lost my girlfriend of 4-years, my job as a gas station attendant, and was evicted from my apartment in one fell swoop. So, he’s either gotten better at this sort of thing or I’ll be laser cutting argyle patterns into the outfield at Pendleton Park by this time next week.

12 of 156: Luke Tichepco (0-1, 5.63) @ Jose Berrios (1-1, 2.13)
Win, 1-0. Brad Gallo, our heavily accented SS from Holliston, MA, played the role of hero in this one – his run-scoring single off Berrios in the top of the 4th would prove to be the difference-maker in this one as our typically sub-par pitching staff kept our vessel afloat despite Tichepco’s lack of command (four free passes for him tonight). Minnesota, whose legs were tired from all the hitting they’ve been doing in this series, could only muster 5 total hits, left 12 runners stranded, and are, no doubt, kicking themselves for being bested by our collection of misfit toys. For our part, this will mark our second straight set of narrowly avoiding a sweep as we continue to benefit from our ability to lull opponents into a, mostly, false sense of security.

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Elsewhere: Noah Syndergaard, who strikes me as a Thorfinn Skullsplitter type who’d readily offer our squad some support to get through the seasickness we’ve experienced throughout our maiden voyage so far, pitched a complete game, 4-hit shutout for the New York Mets during their 1-0 win over the Atlanta Braves. He only managed to record 7 Ks during the appearance, but four of those were spread evenly across Freddy Freeman and Ronald Acuna’s lines on the official score sheet. Syndergaard has proved to be a competent pillager for the Mets so far this season – he’s 3-0 with 21 Ks, 4 walks, and ZERO EARNED RUNS. When you pair that with Nimmo the Berserk’s torrid .383/.426/.574 slash and 179 OPS+ it’s not hard to see why the Mets have come out of the gate at 9-3 on their initial raid into the Frankish Empire.

Recap: Our early schedule has had us facing off with some real heavy hitters in the Los Angeles Angels, Houston Astros, and Minnesota Twins. And, going 4-8 through that gauntlet is nothing to scoff at. We’ve outperformed the Pyt by a game, have somehow posted a respectable -9 RDiff for a club of our makeup, and have gone 1-2 in 1-run games so far. We’ve somehow found a way to stay in most of these ballgames, and I’d be remiss not to appreciate our guys’ willingness to keep fighting against results that are mostly preordained. The initial build of a winning ballclub is always fraught with peril and our journey will be no different. I’ve placed Leake and Beckham on the block, keeping it really low key so neither of those two guys finds out about it and am hopeful that I can be the GM who started with a paperclip and traded all the way up to a used 1984 Jeep Cherokee with transmission issues. Clearly, I do not subscribe to the “sky’s the limit” school of thought – the sky, in our case, is not the limit… our limit is a 1984 Jeep Cherokee with transmission issues.

Record: 4-8

Up Next: We’ll spend three days in Kansas City playing what should only be loosely described as baseball against a club, that by record, looks to be as incompetent as we are. My head scout, Korey Porter, has assured me that this is not the case – we are, as he said, much, much worse than they are and would be lucky to come out of this set with a win. I mean, sheesh… tell me how you really feel, Korey.

07-31-2020, 11:19 AM	#7
pauwoo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Seattle Posts: 2,255	2020 Season (4/9 – 4/11) Portland Pines (3-6, .333, 6th AL West) @ Minnesota Twins (7-2, .778, 1st AL West) There is no doubt that the Minnesota Twins are a well-built, finely-tuned baseball club – they’re balanced offensively, with a heart of the order that can, and will, crack, without much of a drop off from there. With their power alley of Donaldson, Cruz, and Rosario at the helm, the USS Minneapolis is poised for success in 2020 – the fanbase is energized, local pride is on an upswing, and the expectations are appropriately set. But, as is often the case, the old adage that a ship is only as good as its Captain is only half-true. Here the individual crew members are impressive, they’re knowledgeable and disciplined, but it’s the pitching staff whose contribution will be the key to producing the sort of outstanding operational results that result in a banner being raised. And, in this long slog of a baseball season, the Twins will require that they navigate some of the inevitable rough seas with a superior focus to execute the kind of complex maritime operations required to sail from the port of discharge to the port of destination with their cargo intact and to deliver on their preseason promise. At 7-2, their journey so far has been smooth – even easy – with each crew member, down to a man, performing his role admirably. Here, we’ll attempt to pull our rickety, old rowboat up to the port side of the USS Minneapolis to bring ourselves within sling-shot range to try to fit into David’s sandals, if only for this series, and to see if we can knock these guys off course over the next few days – hopeful that the Cat’s Eye marbles we’ve loaded into the soft, leather projectile pocket will fire true and be enough to knock these guys off their line. It’s a risky maneuver, sure – our rowboat hasn’t yet passed inspection, we aren’t outfitted with any of the required safety gear, and our captain, Jeremy Jackson (who will not be manning the slingshot), often leads with a level-headed nonchalance that really only translates when your team is composed of self-starters who take pride in a job well done. Unfortunately, for him, and us, ours is a crew whose version of team unity is fueled by the Mutiny on the Bounty, and, had we stocked the required safety gear, I’m sure more than a few of those malcontents would have tucked tail and made an attempt to swim back to shore before we’d even left the harbor on this excursion. 10 of 156: Mike Leake (0-0, 5.40) @ Homer Bailey (1-0, 1.08) Loss, 8-3. It was full steam ahead for the Twins here as starting a guy named Leake on our voyage offshore, so far from the stream, turned out to be our undoing. The new guy could only muster 4 innings of work where he allowed 9 hits, 5 earned runs, and a Miguel Sano HR. Look, the guy is a solid pro who’s had a solid career, but he couldn’t figure out our homemade slingshots and got bashed on each time he attempted to reload the pouch. If I’m going to be able to flip him for a low-key prospect in the near future, we’ll need him to be better than what he showed us today. Offensively, we showed some glimpses, hit a team cycle – 5 singles, a Brandon Metz double, a three-bagger from Bob Clark, and a solo shot from Benny Hill – but, two of our runs came off hitting into DP’s with a man on 3rd (we’ve done that 3 times so far this season), and we stranded 9 runners over the course of the game. Meanwhile, the Twins batted us around, their pistons primed and timed to perfection, for 15 total hits, including the aforementioned homer and three doubles, and even left 11 guys stranded while charging 8 runs to our already overdrawn account. Elsewhere: The Charlotte Imperials, the other 2020 expansion franchise, is off to an 0-10 start so far during their inaugural season. They’ve got a ways to go if they are to snatch the record of 21 straight losses from the clutches of that hapless Baltimore Orioles outfit… but, if anyone can do it, they can. I was raised to not take joy from the misfortune of others – and I’m trying to espouse that mindset with all of my might, but, with the press so focused on their rough start, I am enjoying the fact that I have not yet had to answer for my early sins as a GM. 11 of 156: Jeremy Jackson (1-0, 2.31) @ Kenta Maeda (1-1, 3.75) Loss, 3-2. After a tense, players-only meeting, that I’m told included Jeremy Jackson throwing a chair at our second baseman, Bob Johnson, our team has the look of a high school daydreamer who’d rather be anywhere but here… and, just as I began to doubt my body language reading acumen (our 2-run top of the 2nd gave me wings), our closer, Raymond Maxfield, would walk in the tying run, and his replacement, Adan Kirk, would dole out a free pass to Hanley Ramirez that would prove to be the game-winner. We were like a serial shoplifter here who, with one foot out the door, suddenly grows a conscience and returns the would-be stolen goods to the shopkeeper before shuffling away slowly with his head hung low in shame. Elsewhere: Charlotte lost again… another stay of execution for me as the press, in their dogged pursuit of negativity, is still completely focused on the turmoil the Imperials find themselves mired in. Also, to be filed under sketchy, I received a call after the game from our HR department. It seems that they’re having trouble with a routine reference check of those I listed on my, heavily manufactured, resume. In a panic, I gave them the number of an old snowboarding, and still serial couch-surfing, friend of mine who, when he was last put in this position, failed so miserably that I lost my girlfriend of 4-years, my job as a gas station attendant, and was evicted from my apartment in one fell swoop. So, he’s either gotten better at this sort of thing or I’ll be laser cutting argyle patterns into the outfield at Pendleton Park by this time next week. 12 of 156: Luke Tichepco (0-1, 5.63) @ Jose Berrios (1-1, 2.13) Win, 1-0. Brad Gallo, our heavily accented SS from Holliston, MA, played the role of hero in this one – his run-scoring single off Berrios in the top of the 4th would prove to be the difference-maker in this one as our typically sub-par pitching staff kept our vessel afloat despite Tichepco’s lack of command (four free passes for him tonight). Minnesota, whose legs were tired from all the hitting they’ve been doing in this series, could only muster 5 total hits, left 12 runners stranded, and are, no doubt, kicking themselves for being bested by our collection of misfit toys. For our part, this will mark our second straight set of narrowly avoiding a sweep as we continue to benefit from our ability to lull opponents into a, mostly, false sense of security. Elsewhere: Noah Syndergaard, who strikes me as a Thorfinn Skullsplitter type who’d readily offer our squad some support to get through the seasickness we’ve experienced throughout our maiden voyage so far, pitched a complete game, 4-hit shutout for the New York Mets during their 1-0 win over the Atlanta Braves. He only managed to record 7 Ks during the appearance, but four of those were spread evenly across Freddy Freeman and Ronald Acuna’s lines on the official score sheet. Syndergaard has proved to be a competent pillager for the Mets so far this season – he’s 3-0 with 21 Ks, 4 walks, and ZERO EARNED RUNS. When you pair that with Nimmo the Berserk’s torrid .383/.426/.574 slash and 179 OPS+ it’s not hard to see why the Mets have come out of the gate at 9-3 on their initial raid into the Frankish Empire. Recap: Our early schedule has had us facing off with some real heavy hitters in the Los Angeles Angels, Houston Astros, and Minnesota Twins. And, going 4-8 through that gauntlet is nothing to scoff at. We’ve outperformed the Pyt by a game, have somehow posted a respectable -9 RDiff for a club of our makeup, and have gone 1-2 in 1-run games so far. We’ve somehow found a way to stay in most of these ballgames, and I’d be remiss not to appreciate our guys’ willingness to keep fighting against results that are mostly preordained. The initial build of a winning ballclub is always fraught with peril and our journey will be no different. I’ve placed Leake and Beckham on the block, keeping it really low key so neither of those two guys finds out about it and am hopeful that I can be the GM who started with a paperclip and traded all the way up to a used 1984 Jeep Cherokee with transmission issues. Clearly, I do not subscribe to the “sky’s the limit” school of thought – the sky, in our case, is not the limit… our limit is a 1984 Jeep Cherokee with transmission issues. Record: 4-8 Up Next: We’ll spend three days in Kansas City playing what should only be loosely described as baseball against a club, that by record, looks to be as incompetent as we are. My head scout, Korey Porter, has assured me that this is not the case – we are, as he said, much, much worse than they are and would be lucky to come out of this set with a win. I mean, sheesh… tell me how you really feel, Korey. __________________ Be excellent to each other. the Portland Pioneers \| the Los Angeles Leopards Last edited by pauwoo; 07-31-2020 at 11:48 AM.