[Westheim]

There had been some … “miscalculation” when compiling the roster for the 2036 season. See, we decked in on relievers on the free agent market, and by the way didn’t do a single trade the entire offseason. That wasn’t necessarily *the plan*, but the Raccoons had entered with money and there had been players available that fit the needs.

The plan however had always been to trade away Dusty Kulp as soon as the other relievers had signed. Kulp had been so-so on the field, and rather vocal about his unhappiness during the dire part of 2035. I don’t forget easily, sometimes, and so there was still a grudge trade to be made. There was only one problem – nobody wanted Dusty Kulp. I should qualify that. Nobody wanted Dusty Kulp without sending back an overweight 35-year-old centerfielder with bad table manners and a $6M millstone to be tied around my neck. And while that sounded exactly like the type of deal the Raccoons would engorge in, … it didn’t happen. That meant we arrived at a point where we had 14 quality pitchers vying for 12 spots, and if you take out the four starters that were pencilled in for sure, that became 10 pitchers squabbling over eight positions. And I mean it.

(opens door to the clubhouse, revealing two handful of Raccoons all in a pile trying to do harm to somebody else; there were Darren Brown and Josh Livingston trying to gouge each other’s eyes out; there was Prieto biting lustfully into David Fernandez’ tail; there was Kulp, sitting on John Hennessy’s face; and there was Chris Wise, dragging Yeom Soung around by an ear; and for some reason, there was Matt Nunley having a BBQ indoors in the background)

All is well.

+++

February 11 – The Aces acquire 26-yr old SP Bill Quintero (37-45, 4.12 ERA) from the Cyclones, parting with 25-yr old INF Bob Cruz (286, 3 HR, 34 RBI) and a prospect.
March 2 – Ex-BOS SP Robby Gonzalez (89-144, 4.33 ERA, 2 SV) signs a 2-yr, $2.48M contract with the Stars.
March 13 – Former Falcons corner outfielder Dave Trahan (.252, 46 HR, 248 RBI) hooks up with the Bayhawks on a 2-yr, $2.36M contract.
March 20 – Ex-NYC SP Joe Martin (93-98, 3.78 ERA) joins the Miners for 3-yr, $4.44M.

+++

Nope never made a trade all winter. Same for the Loggers, Miners, and Pacifics.

There really isn’t much more to go through leading up to Opening Day. Except for more ex-Coons signing small deals for pennies long after the snow had melted.

Toby Ross signed for $770k with the Warriors; Jared Stone got a 3-yr deal worth $1.37M from the Stars; Juan Camps signed with the Indians for a $328k deal; the Wolves added Pat Okrasinski for two years and $1.1M; Sacramento picked up George James for all of $336k; Rin Nomura took the 2-yr, $884k offer of the Crusaders;

Nobody signed a deal worth more than $16M the entire offseason. Maybe teams need to raise beer prices again. We’re selling the six-ounce cup for $35, no wonder we don’t make a profit anymore…