Los Angeles Kings (11-13, .458, 4th NL West) @ San Francisco Seals (10-14, .417, 5th NL West)
So, this one is a tossup – I don’t know who will come out on top of this battle of the cellar dwellers. We’ve both gone 4-6 over our last 10, won our last contest, and have pitching staffs that are both vying for the title of worst in the majors. We’ve been the ultimate paper tiger so far in 2078 – less than the sum of our parts, subpar in every facet of the game, and an embarrassment to the community we intend to represent. At least, in San Francisco, the fans expected them to suck – so they’re merely living up to the not-so-lofty expectations that their fanbase harbored at the outset of this campaign. Us, on the other hand, are an underperforming, not quite ready for primetime band of ragamuffins that have relentlessly fed the sports talk community a steady diet of anecdotes that all end with the host calling for my head. But, hey, it’s better to burn out than to fade away, right?
26 of 162: Trevor Dotson (0-1, 4.76) @ Gareth Bertrand (0-4, 9.82)
Win, 6-5. The Seals nearly made a game of this one in the bottom of the 9th when they put two runs on the board against Barbaccia, who was unsuccessful in his attempt to blow three saves in a row and instead, by the grace of some higher power, gets his 7th save of the year in this one… Zody drove in three runs, Otto, OH HONG, and Daniels each struck out twice, and we got two SAC FLIES (Zody & McTaggart REPRESENT). Dotson gave up 3 over 4 innings before leaving the game with a sore back – he’ll be out for a week or so…
Elsewhere: Brooklyn Ace, Merl Crawford, pitched a complete game shutout over the Pittsburgh Steelers. Brooklyn won the game by a score of 5-0… Merl is a good case study in my style of General Management – get a prospect, promote him to the big club, grow frustrated with his early performance, trade him to another club, and sit back and watch him flourish in a kit that doesn’t say Los Angeles across its chest. SP Rad Taylor, your boy out here trying to make his dream a reality in the CITY OF COMPTON, pitched an 8.2 inning gem for the Raiders in their 2-1 win over the Sugar Land Skeeters – he allowed 4 hits & 1 run in the outing and K’d 7 batters on his way to earning his 1st W of the season. Let’s not get too excited though – he’s 1-3 with a 3.41 ERA so far. Megan’s Supremos won their first series of the season in a thrilling 3-2 victory over the Gamecocks in Bush League play – SP Hayden Lanman, a career minor leaguer in the St. Louis organization (he spent the better part of 8 seasons flexing a Sugar Land kit and only pitched a grand total of 57.2 innings in the bigs), earned the win on 5 innings of suspect work where he allowed 2 runs and 6 hits while striking out 5 batters. And, lastly, LF Jo Jo Jackson hit two ding dongs in the Cowboys’ 9-8 loss to the Seattle Sounders – Jo Jo is currently 2nd in the league in jacks @ 9 total and 3rd in the league in K’s with 35 so far this year… his teammate, SS Asier Gomez, is ranked 2nd for K’s with 35… in three less AB’s.
26 of 162: Paul Yeager (1-2, 6.03) @ Landon Sampson (2-1, 4.01)
Loss, 6-5. CF Turner Williams walked us off in the bottom of the 10th when he punched out a Solo HR off, you guessed it, CL Steven Barbaccia, who has now blown 4 of his last 5 save attempts and takes the L in this one. OH HONG brought one in on a SAC FLY and also GIDP’s TWICE. So – a little bit of everything from him today.
27 of 162: Newton Weiser (3-2, 5.70) @ Adam White (1-2, 7.07)
Loss, 4-3. Homers from OH HONG & Dontrell weren’t enough to get us over in this one as Scott Kaszuba’s 3-run homer in the bottom of the 2nd proved to be the game-winner despite Newton managing to stay in the game for another 6 innings after he put it out of the park. Ethan’s 15th stolen base, our 3 tasty DP’s, and a nice SAC BUNT from Otto don’t classify as the type of highlights that wash the taste of yet another loss out of your mouth – so, instead, we’ll just cry ourselves to sleep tonight and try not to think about baseball. What font should I use on my resume? Comic Sans? I think I may need to think about updating it here soon…
Some rumors Megan clued me into recently… According to my former assistant, who is as well connected as anyone in the baseball world (and better than most), has been hearing a persistent rumor that the owner of my LA Kings, Phil Murray, has been toying with the idea of trading OH HONG, Minor Leaguers Kordell Littles & Orlando Vasquez, and myself to the Vancouver Giants for Arthur Grant, Burt McElheny, Ignocencio Guajardo, Toddrick Carr, and their GM, Sabastian Aby – who is a 37-year old analytics wunderkind who holds three degrees from MIT and a patent on the Jetpack technology that may, one day, make that dream a reality. I’ve contacted my lawyer to see if this type of move is even within his power as an Owner and am waiting to hear back – she hasn’t been returning my calls in a timely fashion since I badgered her into filing a suit against the makers of Mounds Bars to refute their claim that they only use organic coconuts in the filling – turns out that claim is, in fact, legit. Listen – you have to fight for what’s right, even when it was already right to begin with.