[Westheim]

Raccoons (37-56) vs. Crusaders (45-48) – July 20-22, 2032

The Raccoons were off on Monday, but the Crusaders weren’t. Coming from Boston they had to stop over at home to play a makeup game with the Scorpions before heading over here. They smacked the Stingers down, 16-7, with Firmino Cambra chipping in five hits. Good! Maybe he was tired of running now! When they weren’t raiding the worst teams in the league, the Crusaders were fairly dull, but they did rank fifth in both runs scored and runs allowed and had a +32 run differential, so they probably should be a lot better record-wise than they were. They were leading the season series against the Critters, 6-3.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-1, 5.13 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (9-6, 3.35 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-4, 6.12 ERA) vs. Ramiro Benavides (7-8, 3.67 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-6, 4.62 ERA) vs. Joaquin Serrano (5-7, 4.10 ERA)

Southpaw on Wednesday! Might also be the only one this week, with the Aces, who would come in on the weekend, not having one in their rotation at this point.

Game 1
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P E. Cannon
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – C James – LF Hall – P Chavez

Bernie Chavez struck out three in the opening inning, but also allowed two singles and the battery as a whole leaked three stolen bases to Guillermo Obando (nipping his way to third) and Mario Hurtado (who singled him in and stole second) to fall 1-0 behind right away. The Coons’ answer consisted of singles with two outs by Wallace and Perkins, who was then struck in the ankle by Ed Hooge’s batted ball to end the inning and limped off the field. While the Crusaders stopped scoring for a while after that, Bernie would not stop *dealing*. He piled up the strikeouts and reached a lofty ten when he rung up Zachary Ryder to begin the fifth inning. Ten strikeouts were an unheard of pile for this particular Coons team! Cannon grounded out in the inning, and Obando got rung up for #11. And while Chavez’ pitch count was exploding, the stuff on display didn’t help the Critters to score, either; Cannon was still tossing a shutout at that point against the Critters, who had failed to score even after Hurtado made errors on consecutive plays in the second inning. On to the bottom 5th, where Chavez snapped a 1-out single to right. Berto struck out to continue his monthlong struggles, but Stalker singled to left-center. Bernie turned second, but got nowhere near third base before being caught and beaten to death in a rundown, which ended the inning. The excitement of running the bases also threw off his stuff and the sixth began on a first-pitch double by Jay Elder. Hurtado flew out to right, but Tony Coca worked a full-count walk. Bernie battled down Matt Dear, who fanned himself for the rook’s 12th and final strikeout. With Cambra up, two on, and two outs, and Chavez on 105 pitches, the Coons went to Hennessy. There was a full count, the runners went, and Cambra looked at strike three on the corners. Portland stranded a Jimmy Wallace leadoff double in the bottom 6th, then saw Anaya surrender a run on Eddie Cannon’s RBI double in the seventh. In other words – despair. Bates and Garavito held the Crusaders to a 2-0 lead while the Coons also wasted a leadoff single by Tim Stalker in the eighth. Bottom 9th, facing right-hander Casey Moore, Howden snipped a leadoff single, bringing up the tying run in Giovanni James, who promptly walked. The winning run turned up in Nate Hall, who lined out to Elder, with James narrowly avoiding being doubled off. Zitzner hit for the pitcher and popped out, leaving it to an 0-for-4 Ramos. Berto hit the ****tiest bloop for a single, presenting Stalker with three on and two outs. He struck out. 2-0 Crusaders. Stalker 2-5; Wallace 2-4, 2B; Howden 2-4; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Chavez 5.2 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 12 K, L (1-2) and 1-2;

We out-hit them 11-4. Bernie struck out TWELVE for ****’s sake!!

And can someone please stop the bickering in the clubhouse??

Game 2
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF J. Lopez – 3B Ryder – P Benavides
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – CF Pinkerton – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Coffee

The Critters got two runs in the opening inning, singled in by Wallace with two outs when he found Ramos (double) and Perkins (walk) in scoring position. Unfortunately it didn’t take long for some playful cat to push the mug of Coffee over the edge of the mound. Zachary Ryder opened the third inning with a single to right, then stole second. Benavides bunted them on and Obando hit an RBI single, then stole second. They were in fact very much stealing at will here against either catcher… where Elliott Thompson was concerned, I saw no bat, and also no glove… again. Coffee then walked the bags full with one out in a 2-1 game, surrendered a sac fly to Coca that tied the game, and then got help from Perkins with a nifty play on Matt Dear’s quick bouncer to end the damn inning.

The middle innings were mostly uneventful, and by the end of them it was still 2-2 with both teams on three hits. There was one crucial at-bat with Obando in scoring position where Coffee managed to ring up Coca in the fifth that showed some flash of talent, briefly. Coffee reached the seventh and rung up Benavides to begin the inning – an arduous 8-pitch process in a full count… - then was lifted for a reliever for crossing over the 100-pitch mark. Jared Stone would face five batters and retire the last four after an Obando single to begin his outing. With two outs in the top 8th, a double switch entered Fernandez in the #7 hole with Ed Hooge now batting ninth and playing center. Fernandez walked Cambra on four pitches, but then got pinch-hitting ex-Coon Rafael Gomez, batting .280 in a bench role, to ground out to Perkins. After another bottom half of nothing, Ryder hit a leadoff single off Fernandez in the ninth, and only now the Critters went to Chris Wise to defend the tie. Although Ryder wound up stealing second base, Wise stranded him by retiring PH Felipe Delgado, Obando, and Elder in order. The Coons only got on base with two outs against Manny Sosa in the bottom 9th, a Zitzner single that was their first hit in a couple of hours. Sosa threw a wild 0-1 to Jimmy Wallace en route to walking the count full, which crucially put Zitzner in scoring position. The 3-2 Wallace smacked to center, sending Coca back, and back, and back, and he didn’t get it! Ball to the wall, Zitzner across home plate – it was a walkoff!! 3-2 Furballs!! Wallace 2-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Rodriguez 1-2, BB;

The rush of sudden victory was soon turned into dismay when Maud told me that Nick Valdes would stop by for the next few days. He arrived on Wednesday just before game time and showed me the current issue of “Psycho Monthly” with a bald guy with glowing white eyes on the cover, that contained an article about color theory. He explained that if the Raccoons changed their uniform to pink shirts, green pants, orange hats, and yellow-and-blue striped socks, they would throw opponents so off-kilter to win every single game.

Over my dead body!

Game 3
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – C F. Delgado – 3B Ryder – P Serrano
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Sabre

Three batters in, the Coons led 3-0 thanks to a walk to Ramos, a Stalker single, and then a long Jimmy Wallace homer, who now had four RBI in his last two strokes, and six in his last two games, incidentally all the Coons’ RBI in that span. It also didn’t look like his stranglehold on the run production would cease so soon since the rest of the lineup was busy picking their pointy black noses. Ramos hit a leadoff single in the third, but was left on base even by Wallace. On the other end of the box score Sabre had blown the 3-0 lead by fourth inning. Ryder drew a leadoff walk in the top 3rd, stole second (…!!) and scored on an Obando grounder eventually, and in the fourth Hurtado hit a leadoff single, Coca doubled, and both came home on a Cambra sac fly and a 2-out single by Felipe Delgado, respectively. Sabre fooled nobody, and couldn’t get strike three past anybody. Serrano even hit a leadoff single in the fifth, but was stranded at second base. The Crusaders were one ball away from getting the leadoff batter on for the fourth inning in a row come the top 6th, but Coca flew out to Hooge at 3-1 and Sabre actually turned in a 1-2-3 inning on account of the defense – he still had no strikeouts. He retired Felipe Delgado and Zachary Ryder to being the seventh, then had Serrano at 0-2. Come on, Raffy, get at least one! Serrano singled, prompting Valdes to murmur that none of this would happen if all the Coons would be wearing psychedelic colors. Sabre walked Obando, was yanked, Anaya walked Elder to fill the bases, surrendered the go-ahead run on a Hurtado infield single, and then relied on Perkins to make a barehanded play on Coca’s roller for the final out at first base.

Bottom 7th, Hall and Howden were on with singles when Serrano lost Ramos to a 2-out walk, filling the bags. Stalker ran another full count, Serrano planted one near the corner, didn’t get the call, and with the tying run forced in, 4-4, was visibly angry and even Delgado gave the home plate umpire a “Dude…!” expression. The bases were loaded for Jimmy Wallace, the little terror, who would face ex-Coon Billy Brotman, but why go to a pinch-hitter now. Jimmy’d have our back! “No, no, no!”, Valdes shouted, pointing out that we needed a dark-haired batter now according to the color wheel on page 78! When Wallace zinged a liner to right for a 2-out single, 6-4, I wrestled the magazine from the owner, tore it, and slammed it into the wicker waste basket.

Perkins grounded out, sending the game to the eighth where Fernandez got bombed by both Cambra and Delgado to blow the lead and drop us back into a 6-6 tie. Nick Bates would do a scoreless ninth after a leadoff single by Obando and a 6-4-3 grounder by Jay Elder. That brought back Wednesday’s loser, Manny Sosa, in another tied game in the ninth. Thompson would lead off, but not with a .188 clip that was dropping dramatically. Pinkerton grounded out instead. Giovanni James whiffed in the #9 hole, but Ramos singled and stole second. Stalker grounded out to short, though, and ANOTHER game went to extras. Wise held the Crusaders at bay in the top 10th before Wallace clubbed Sosa again for a leadoff double. C’mon, boys! Nobody wants to play 16! And nobody would – while Perkins grounded out to third, not advancing the runner, Ed Hooge found the gap where Wallace had walked off the Critters against Sosa the day before… and it fell again for another walkoff double! 7-6 Critters!! Ramos 3-3, 2 BB; Wallace 3-5, HR, 2B, 5 RBI; Howden (PH) 1-1;

Haah!! Haaahh!! ECSTASY!! (hugs Valdes as they jump up and down in the office screaming like morons while Slappy lies passed out on the couch)

Raccoons (39-57) vs. Aces (41-56) – July 23-25, 2032

The Aces were also more than 20 games out in their division, so these teams had but strings to play out in late July. Also, not a lot of assets to trade in… Vegas was eighth in runs scored, ninth in runs allowed, and had a -57 run differential that looked a lot better than the Critters’ -119, but at least the latter one didn’t continue to accelerate its growth currently. And we were up 2-1 against the Aces this year, who had a bottom three rotation just like us. Also, shaky defense, and no power. While Howden led the Coons with nine homers, the Aces were co-led by Ruben Orozco and Josh Motley with eight apiece.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (6-9, 5.04 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (6-4, 3.79 ERA)
Jason Gurney (4-7, 6.28 ERA) vs. Natanael Abrao (2-8, 3.77 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-2, 4.50 ERA) vs. Steve Carr (0-5, 4.97 ERA)

All righties here; but the thing that worried me right now was that Nick Valdes had originally planned to fly out Friday morning, but he had found the last game joyous and had decided to stay another day. That could only mean boundless horrors to befall Ignacio del Rio in the series opener.

Game 1
LVA: CF Beckel – RF E. Martin – 1B Jon Gonzalez – LF Montes – 3B Armfield – C Motley – 2B Sibley – P Klages – SS Baer
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF W. Rodriguez – C James – P del Rio

ROTY contender Danny Beckel opened the game with a single up the middle before Evan Martin poked a 3-0 pitch into a double play. The Critters got Berto on with a leadoff single, and in with a Stalker double of the fence. Wallace’s grounder and Perkins’ sac fly plated Stalker for an early 2-0 lead. On to the top 2nd, where Chad Armfield and Josh Motley hit 1-out singles. Del Rio fumbled Ross Sibley’s grounder for an error, which pulled up the pitcher, batting weirdly in the #8 hole again. The Aces were so *weird*. Also, del Rio sucked. He balked in Armfield, then threw a wild pitch that plated Motley, all with the ****ing pitcher at the plate! Klages popped out and Todd Baer flew out to Rodriguez, stranding Sibley at third base, and somehow those two runs were unearned according to the scorer, but me and Valdes were arguing who would get to shoot del Rio in the ass with the blunderbuss first. The top four of the Aces’ lineup all slapped base hits for two more runs to take a 4-2 lead in the third inning, which was a neat prelude to the fifth inning, which saw Andy Montes single before Chad Armfield hit a 2-piece to left. Motley got on base, but with two outs Klages came to the plate. Surely that would end the inning and del Rio’s ****ty day. Well, Klages ended del Rio’s ****ty day, but not the inning, slamming a 2-run homer to left-center to run the score to 8-2.

The Coons got two runs back after loading the bags with James (single), Hall (nailed), and Ramos (single) in the bottom 5th and nobody out. Both runs came in on groundouts, 8-4, but that didn’t look like it would be enough… While Garavito pitched two quick innings, Ed Hooge was picked off first after a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, which was also not conducive to a rally. Bates and Fernandez came apart for three runs in a never-ending eighth inning (all runs charged to the right-hander), and that put the game finally out of reach and gave everybody their favorite gimmick in the ninth inning – Preston Pinkerton on the mound, his first hurling outing in over a month. So, see, Nick, he’s well rested! Motley hit a bloop single to left. Sibley singled past Marsingill to right. Ruben Orozco hit a 3-run homer, taking sole possession of the Aces’ team lead at nine… The next three batters made outs, but the rout was *on*. 14-4 Aces. Ramos 2-4; Stalker 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; James 2-2, 2 BB; Garavito 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Competitive, Nick? How many more millions are you willing to wire us next year?

Well, he sure slammed the door on the way out.

Game 2
LVA: RF Beckel – LF E. Martin – 3B Armfield – SS Baer – 2B Sibley – 1B Schlegelmilch – C R. Ortiz – CF Hatley – P Abrao
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF W. Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Gurney

While Hooge slapped an RBI single to score Stalker in the bottom 1st, the Raccoons had runners on the corners with two outs in both of the first two innings, had Howden and Stalker hit deep drives, respectively, and both of them robbed at the fence, by Nick Hatley and Evan Martin, in turn. Meanwhile Gurney lined up three scoreless innings on 23 pitches, which included two singles and no fewer than SIX pops around the infield. Oh, I’m sure it’ll be *fine*.

Bottom 3rd, Wallace led off with a liner to right, but square at Beckel for the first out. Perkins doubled to left, Hooge grounded out, but Howden’s dying quail brought in the runner as it fell for a single, 2-0. Rodriguez then raked a double in the gap that was not caught for a change, with Howden getting a very early start and being waved around to score just ahead of the relay throw. Thompson singled, and so did Gurney, a soft liner that fell near the first base line and brought home Wilson from second base, 4-0! Berto hit a bloop single to load them up (Thompson at second wasn’t going to score on much in front of the outfielders…), and Stalker hit ANOTHER bloop single to get the catcher across, 5-0, and that brought up Jimmy “Hot ****” Wallace, who raked away at the first pitch and hit it OUTTA HERE!! GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

That was the end of Abrao, who was mopped up into a bucket and replaced by Andres Rodriguez, who whiffed Perkins to end the bottom 3rd, with Gurney well set up for a W with the 9-0 lead. He maintained a 2-hitter through five, and Berto was lifted after drawing a walk in the bottom 5th, with Marsingill taking over. Stalker went on to reach on an error, and then Wallace drove in the two runners with a liner to right, 11-0! Nate Hall replaced Wallace after the inning to conserve his splurging offensive juice for Sunday. Gurney maintained shutout pace into the eighth inning when Ricky Ortiz hit his 65th pitch (!) for a leadoff jack. Nick Hatley doubled and Jon Gonzalez walked, which got the pen going after al. Beckel struck out in a full count, and we’d take it one at a time with Gurney now, and in fact Evan Martin was the last batter he faced. Martin singled, loading them up, and maybe an actual pitcher could prevent this game from becoming ugly now. Anaya came on, got a comebacker for an out at home from Armfield, then surrendered a bases-clearing double to Todd Baer, so the answer on that would be NO. Those were still the last runs for the Aces, Hennessy sitting them down in order in the ninth. 11-4 Coons! Wallace 2-4, HR, 6 RBI; Perkins 2-5, 2B; Hooge 2-5, RBI; Gurney 7.1 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, W (5-7) and 2-4, RBI;

Every Raccoon in the lineup had a hit after the third inning and everybody but Hooge had scored a run! Hooge didn’t get one later, either, because you have to play in front of Jimmy Wallace to score on this team!

Game 3
LVA: CF Beckel – RF E. Martin – 1B Jon Gonzalez – LF Montes – 3B Armfield – C Motley – 2B Sibley – P R. Gonzalez – SS Baer
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Chavez

Bernie allowed a single in each of the first three innings, twice leading off, including once to the ****ing opposing pitcher batting a nightmarish eighth again, but the Aces couldn’t get on board for one double play Martin hit into and four batters rung up early on by Chavez. Portland took a 1-0 lead in the second on a rare Nate Hall homer, and that was all the offense through five. But by the middle innnigs the Aces were also making contact reliably against Chavez; Perkins shagged a liner each in the fourth and fifth, and only Robby Gonzalez was struck out before things got tight in the top 6th. Baer singled, Martin got nailed, and that made a .312 hitter with seven homers appear in former Critter Jon Gonzalez. After a lengthy mound conference Todd Baer took off for third base on the first pitch to Gonzalez – and was thrown out by Thompson! Martin still scurried up into scoring position, but I liked that situation much better already. Gonzalez flew out to right, and the Coons remained up 1-0 on six shutout innings by Chavez, who had tossed 70 pitches so far. Bottom 6th, the Coons had something stirring with two down. Wallace doubled, Perkins singled, and they were on the corners for Ed Hooge. Ed shot a 1-1 pitch up the middle, Baer lunged but missed it, and the RBI single doubled our lead to 2-0. Zitzner bounced hard to Jon Gonzalez, who was struck in the wrist and assessed a hard-luck error that loaded the bases for Hall, who shot the hole next to Sibley for an RBI single, 3-0. Thompson grounded out to Baer.

Sibley struck out to end the seventh, which Chavez had begun with a leadoff walk to Andy Montes. We found him to be going just fine still, and he batted for himself leading off the bottom 7th, but he was still drummed from the game in the eighth. Baer hit a double to left, and Beckel homered to left-center to end Bernie’s day. Bringing in Garavito amped up the hurt when he walked Martin and allowed a double to Gonzalez, all with one out. Montes struck out, and the Coons went to Stone against the right-handed batter Chad Armfield, with the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position. 1-2 pitch, swung, missed – inning over. The Coons failed to find an insurance run, and when the ninth rolled around, Hennessy got the call against three left-handed batters in the 6-7-8 holes… but Ted Schlegelmilch batted for Motley right away. Hennessy walked him, and when switch-hitter Ricky Ortiz batted for Sibley, the Coons went to Wise, who threw the first pitch for a double play grounder, but then yielded a 2-out single to Hatley. Todd Baer struck out, ending the series with a Coons win. 3-2 Critters. Wallace 3-4, 2B; Perkins 2-4; Hall 2-3, HR, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.1 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (2-2);

In other news

July 23 – DEN 2B/SS Mario Pizano (.215, 5 HR, 28 RBI) ends the Gold Sox’ game against the Miners with a walkoff single in the 12th, giving Denver the 11-10 win after the game went to extra innings tied at three. BOTH teams scored FIVE runs in the 10th inning, another run in the 11th, and the Miners took a fourth lead in the top 12th before blowing that, too.
July 24 – In the Wolves’ 17-5 smattering of the Capitals, all their starting position players have multiple base hits, and all but one each score and drive in a run. INF/RF Jose Castro (.324, 7 HR, 42 RBI) and OF Brian Way (.260, 2 HR, 31 RBI) both land three hits, three RBI, and score three runs.

Complaints and stuff

Three hits didn’t help Jimmy Wallace on Sunday – since nobody ahead of him reached base, ever, he didn’t get to add to his mad RBI tally this week and remained stuck at *15*. He appropriately was named Player of the Week in the Continental League for the first time in his career, cracking .520 (13-for-25) with two dingers (one slam) and those 15 guys scored.

I see potential for Bernie Chavez. Maybe not of the Jonny Toner level, or even the Nick Brown level, but he reminds me of Mark Roberts. Very good stuff, strong command over all his pitches, and occasionally he will throw it somewhere that makes you sit there with mouth agape wondering how the **** he could think throwing it there would be a good idea and – oh my – that sounds like my car alarm coming from the parking lot behind centerfield.

I see no potential for Ernie Quintero … at least in the Coons organization. The Falcons signed him for almost $800k. I couldn’t come up with the funds to make another offer.

SP Ernie Quintero - $700,000 – NOPE
CF Jesus Maldonado - $466,000 – SIGNED
1B Damian Salazar - $22,000 – SIGNED
SP Fiorenzo DeSanctis - $15,000 – SIGNED
SP Alex Vazquez - $8,000 – SIGNED
TOTAL – $511,000 SIGNED

Next week, Knights and Falcons on a Southeast Tour. Also the trade deadline, but I don’t see anything happening.

Fun Fact: 38 years ago today, the Coons’ Jorge Salazar doled out six base hits in a 7-5 win in Milwaukee.*

That was five singles, a double, and one run driven in. Jason Turner started the game for Portland in his decline and was done after five innings of 3-run ball. Salazar’s sixth hit didn’t come until the deciding 11th inning before he was driven in on a 2-run double by Cam Green. Matt Higgins also chipped in an RBI single. Jackie Lagarde *tried* to blow the 7-4 lead in the bottom 11th, but only gave up one run before ending the game with a punchout against Gates Golunski.

Golunski – awesome name – spent eight years in the majors, seven of them with the Loggers. A career .248 batter with 46 homers in a power position, he didn’t necessarily help them back then. Salazar won four Gold Gloves and was an All Star three tims in a 16-year career for four teams, Portland being the third stop. He was around for almost all our 1989-1996 dynasty, signing in prior to the 1990 season, and was traded to Pittsburgh in the 1997 collapse. He hit .284 with 23 homers and 648 RBI for his career, but that’s fine for a shortstop. For Portland, he hit .296/.362/.372 with 12 HR and 349 RBI.

…and then there’s Jackie Lagarde, the prototype erratic right-hander that spent most of his 12-year career with the Coons, but in two stints separated by him winding up for the damn Elks. He went 40-44, with 85 saves and a 3.07 ERA. Walks were always his problem, he usually doled out four per nine innings, and sometimes (1995) six…

*This game predates me posting daily lineups, so it’s not available here.