[Westheim]

Raccoons (27-48) vs. Thunder (34-40) – June 28-30, 2032

While the Critters had lost four in a row, Oklahoma City had won as many consecutively on the way in here. They were also scoring the most runs in the Continental League; never mind that they had the next-worst pitching to the Coons – they knew how to ****ing hit a baseball and the Raccoons had a staff full of people knowing nothing else than to put baseballs on the loneliest stick and watch it being hit far, far, far away. The Thunder had the worst defense and the very worst pen in the CL, but you had to get there first. The season series stood 2-1 in the Thunder’s favor, and those two had been the Raccoons’ worst bludgeonings of the season, losses of 20-2 and 17-3 in May.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (2-5, 5.59 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (2-3, 5.58 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-1, 3.38 ERA) vs. Andy Jimenes (8-5, 3.30 ERA)
Jason Gurney (3-7, 6.19 ERA) vs. Enrique Guzman (1-6, 6.45 ERA)

We would get only right-handers here. Two regulars were missing from the lineup, with Mike Burgess and Drew Olszewski both on the DL for Oklahoma.

…and did I mention that Nick Valdes dropped in on his way inspect an oil drilling operation in the middle of a nature reserve in Alaska? He had gotten wind of the massive bill incurred for releasing Tom Shumway and demanded some answers; the latter were relating to the crossword puzzle in the Times as he called it, which was actually a rebus in the children’s supplement to the Sunday edition. I don’t know, Nick. That’s a collar, take away the sixth letter, and that is a sheep, take the fifth, first, and third letters. The answer is “collapse”, Nick.

It always is.

Game 1
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – LF Sagredo – CF Dunlap – SS Serrato – 3B T. Fuentes – 2B Rager – C Riley – P M. Morrison
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – CF Braun – P Sabre

Sabre got grounders to the right side from the first five batters he faced, six in total the first time through the lineup, and the Coons made all those plays, too, and in fact he retired the first eight Thunder altogether. The ninth was of course the opposing pitcher and he zinged a single to center with two outs in the top 3rd. Sabre immediately proceeded to walk Lorenzo Celaya, prompting Valdes to ask me whether it would now all go wrong again. I was tempted to say that it went all wrong for me when I decided to forego the secure paperboy career I had entered to become the water carrier for the local softball team in about 1964, a decision that broke my mother’s heart, but somehow I also thought that this was not what he was after, and Danny Cruz – to anybody’s surprise – struck out anyway to strand a pair. Instead, Elliott Thompson landed his first major league extra-base hit, a gapper for a double to lead off the bottom 3rd. Braun and Sabre were no help, but Ramos rolled a poker through the legs of Morrison and had it die right behind the mound, preventing any infielder from making a play on the 2-out RBI infield single. Perkins found the corner for an RBI double, plating Berto from first base, even Jarod Howden singled, but Jimmy Wallace popped out to keep it 2-0. Morrison’s single was the only hit off Sabre in the first five, and Raffaello kept feeding the balls right to Stalker for success. He was also on base in the bottom 5th, courtesy of a Chris Rager error with one out. Ramos singled, then was held up by the incessantly slow pitcher ahead of him when Perkins banged a ball off the fence for an RBI double, 3-0. Howden singed a ball past Alex Serrato’s glove for an RBI single, and that part of the lineup was doing the deed to Morrison for the second time now, but Wallace had not been part the first time and wouldn’t be now; he struck out, and Rodriguez flew out to center, ending the inning with runners on the corners.

The Thunder had singles from Cruz (soft) and Tom Dunlap (not soft at all) in the sixth inning, bringing up Serrato with two outs. His groundout to Perkins was the first time in the game that the left side of the infield was bothered to get involved. In fact, Ramos had put up a beach chair at his position in the fifth and was sipping the contents of a coconut through a straw by the sixth, never mind that it was cloudy with barely more than 60 degrees in Portland, in other words, summer. Sabre would go seven shutout innings on 97 pitches, which qualified as a job well done for sure, and even got approval from Nick Valdes, who was otherwise stunned to see in the books how many, many pitchers were getting paychecks from him for no good reason at all. David Fernandez struck out the side in the eighth, an inning that saw Stalker and Zitzner drive in runs against a Thunder pen that was fascinated by the concept of beating rocks together to make sparks, and Hennessy did away with the ninth inning after an initial leadoff single by Dunlap, who was stranded. 6-0 Coons! Ramos 2-4, BB, RBI; Perkins 3-4, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Howden 2-4, RBI; Zitzner (PH) 1-1, RBI; James (PH) 1-1; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (3-5);

That’s a face, Nick, replace the first letter with B, the third with S, and that round thing with spots is a ball. – What do you mean, “what word is that supposed to be”?? – It’s ****ing BASEBALL!!

He left for Alaska on Tuesday morning to continue to destroy the planet one serene corner of the world at a time. The Coons remained in town, having two more to play with Oklahoma.

Meanwhile we got what had to qualify as bad news, with the Druid informing me that Rico Gutierrez had a ruptured finger tendon and might be out for the season. There goes our ace …! The Coons would dump him to the DL and brought back Bernie Chavez from AAA rehab.

Game 2
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – LF Sagredo – CF Dunlap – SS Serrato – 3B T. Fuentes – 2B Rager – C Riley – P Jimenes
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – RF Wallace – C Thompson – CF Braun – LF Hall – P Coffee

Ramos and Perkins got on base in the first, but Howden struck out, the dumb pig, and Wallace easily rolled over to Rager to end the inning. Coming in we feared the worst for Travis Coffee given that the Thunder had a brutal, mostly left-handed lineup, and were now conditioned to whatever a garbage disposal right-handed rookie could offer them. Things could have been worse the first time through, however, even though Chris Rager hid a pretty sizable home run for the only tally through three innings. Things actually got worse in the fourth, which Coffee opened by walking Danny Cruz, and then proceeded to allow three doubles to Dunlap, Serrato, and Rager in the inning, conceding as many runs to fall 4-0 behind. The Coons got on the board in the bottom 4th; Howden and Wallace began with soft singles, after which the Critters called for a bunt from their rookie catcher, who was hitting .217 and could not be counted on to not kill the rally with a double play ball. Dropping down the bunt he did, but Liam Riley saw Wallace stumble and threw to third base… unfortunately Serrato was not nearly fast enough to make it there in time and the Coons got a run, two in scoring position, and the tying run at the plate with no outs out of the pretty dismal error by Riley. Unfortunately the dim-witted bottom of the order was not going to be of any use here. Braun popped out, Hall was clumsily walked by Jimenes, and then Coffee popped out, bringing up an unretired Ramos with two outs and the tying runs all aboard. Jimenes jittered him four balls to push in a run, but Stalker poked at the first ball for a grounder to Rager, ending the inning at 4-2.

Unfortunately – isn’t everything ‘round here unfortunate? – Coffee continued to have his bowels removed from his core with bare hands in the fifth. Celaya dropped a leadoff single, Cruz cracked an RBI double, scored on two productive outs, and then Serrato raked a new double. That was it – here came our own destitute bullpen. Garavito collected four outs without nasty accidents, while in between the Thunder plated the Coons a run with a passed ball blamed on Riley, who didn’t have a great game, to be kind, and lost Serrato to injury on a weird defensive play in the same bottom 5th. That run blamed on indefensible defense was given back in the seventh inning, though, which the lightning-fast Celaya opened with an infield single against Fleischer, stole second, reached third on Thompson’s throwing error, and then scored when Howden, the dumb pig, fell over a Sagredo grounder for a second dumb error in the inning.

Bottom 8th, a rally. After Nate Hall made a ****ty first out, Justin Marsingill, who had pinch-hit the last time through and had stayed in the game at Stalker’s expense, hit a double to right, but jammed his paw upon sliding into second base. He was removed from the game on grounds of injury, replaced by Pinkerton, who scored when Berto rammed a gapper for an RBI triple. Zitzner batted for Fernandez, dropped an RBI single, and it was now 7-5 with the tying run at the plate, and the Thunder sent Marcos Ochoa, their third reliever of the inning, and one with a 7.93 ERA. Perkins singled up the middle off him. NEXT. Southpaw Tim Colangelo was sent out against Howden, which was a defensible move since another two left-handers were coming up. The Coons pulled out Wilson Rodriguez to pinch-hit, leaving only Giovanni James on the bench. Rodriguez took a strike before grounding to left. Hiroaki Ryu, replacement shortstop, was there, zingers around the diamond, and the inning ended 6-4-3, and Dusty Kulp’s store remained closed in the ninth. 7-5 Thunder. Ramos 3-4, BB, 3B, 2 RBI; Zitzner (PH) 1-1, RBI; Perkins 2-4, BB; Howden 2-3, BB, 2B; Marsingill 1-2, 2B;

Roster move after the game – Justin Marsingill was going to miss at least one week and we weren’t going to wait on that sort of fringe player. He was sent to the DL, and the call-up went out to Ed Hooge, batting .298 with seven homers in AAA. Now, this looks like we were going to play with five infielders, of which two were raw first baseman, but actually Preston Pinkerton has many applications and will go some way to cover our bums, and Wilson Rodriguez also made for an emergency third baseman. The main goal here was to get Ed Hooge, age 22 and drafted at #16 two years ago, some big-league at-bats.

Game 3
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – SS Sagredo – CF Ryu – LF Dunlap – 3B T. Fuentes – C Riley – 2B Rager – P E. Guzman
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – C James – LF Braun – P Gurney

Spiffy infield defense stranded Celaya after a hustle double to open the game, with Gurney allowing hard contact to each and every batter he faced, unless, y’know, he walked them outright. Both Fuentes and Riley reached on free passes in the second inning, but were stranded on soft flies. It took the Thunder a while, but they eventually did claim the lead; Liam Riley, with Tony Fuentes on base, hit a 2-out, 2-run homer to right-center, and on an 0-2 pitch, in the fourth. Those were the first markers on the board, with the Raccoons’ bats stunningly silent. Guzman conceded one hit and two walks through five innings, and then retired the top of the order without much effort in the bottom 6th, too.

Gurney at that point had thrown six 4-hit innings, was on the hook, and had thrown 89 pitches, and here was the bottom of the order, and a baseball team operating on the principle that things were pretty bad today, but would be a little worse tomorrow, had to send the guy back out to get some supposedly cheap outs. To my great relief, he retired the side in order, completing seven perfectly decent innings, and then got a chance to even win the damn thing with Wallace sneaking a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, and then Ed Hooge landed his first career knock with one out, doubling into the gap in left-center. This put the tying runs in scoring position for James, who ran a 2-0 count before raking a liner over the head of Fuentes and down the leftfield line for a score-knotting double! Braun singled to put them on the corners, but when we sent Howden to hit for Gurney, the dumb pig hit a poor roller for an easy out at first base. Ramos was half-heartedly walked to bring up Stalker with three on and two outs in a tied game, hit a 1-2 pitch to right, and Celaya was all over it, ending the inning. Hennessy and Wise would pitch scoreless innings to complete the regular game distance, but that didn’t resolve the 2-2 tie. Ed Hooge’s leadoff single off Colangelo in the bottom 9th did put the winning run on base, however. The plan was to have James bunt, which didn’t work, then to have Hooge run with two strikes, which ended up with a strike-em-out-throw-em-out play. Braun’s soft liner to Fuentes sent the game to overtime. A second inning from Wise only got the Coons deeper into the game; Garavito did a quick 11th, however, and then Dusty Kulp’s second inning began with a gapper smacked by Jimmy Wallace past not missed ex-Coon Joe Vanatti in centerfield. Wallace legged it out for a triple, and now the winning run was 90 feet away for Zitzner, who was 0-for-4 and fell to 1-2 before looping a ball near the rightfield line. Celaya came hustling over and made a headlong catch, sliding across the chalk line in the process. It was an amazing play – but not one that would continue the game. Replay showed Celaya eating some chalk on his heroic slide, and he got some in his eyes, too, and was not in a condition to make a throw to any specific spot. Jimmy Wallace gently strolled home, walking off the Critters. 3-2 Raccoons. Wallace 2-5, 3B; Hooge 2-4, 2B; Braun 2-4; Gurney 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K; Wise 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Raccoons (29-49) @ Loggers (36-40) – July 1-4, 2032

After the top offense in the league (which didn’t burn Raccoons Ballpark to the ground despite the worst upfront projections), the Coon would get to see the worst offense in the league for a 4-game series in Milwaukee. They were plating barely 3.6 runs per game, when even the Coons managed 4.1 markers a contest. They were in the bottom three in most categories any sane soul would bother about. At the same time the anti-Thunder were blessed with a strong pitching staff that had the second-fewest runs allowed and the best bullpen anywhere in the league. Portland held an edge in the season series, 4-3.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (5-7, 5.20 ERA) vs. Francisco Colmenarez (3-4, 2.84 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 9.53 ERA) vs. Joe West (0-6, 4.66 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (3-5, 5.12 ERA) vs. John Nelson (0-1, 4.71 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-2, 6.39 ERA) vs. Josh Long (6-6, 2.94 ERA)

Colmenarez would be the only southpaw this week, and since no off day would come again until the All Star break the Raccoons would sit all left-handed regulars they could in that opener.

Game 1
POR: 1B Zitzner – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Rodriguez – CF Braun – C Thompson – LF Hall – 2B Pinkerton – P del Rio
MIL: CF Creech – SS Sessoms – 2B W. Morris – RF J. Stephenson – 1B M. Monroe – LF Valenzuela – C Dehne – 3B Meehan – P Colmenarez

Portland scratched out a run in the first on Zitzner’s single, Rodriguez drawing four straight balls, and then an RBI single by Adam Braun with two outs. Del Rio looked shaky to say the least; Miles Monroe hit a sharp single in the second, advanced on a wild pitch, and when del Rio had Matt Dehne at 1-2 with two outs he nailed him. While he would strike out Jamie Meehan to end the inning, the Coons were rather wary of their starter’s early showing, and for good reason. His first pitch of the third was an open invitation even to a terribly hitting pitcher like Colmenarez and peppered over the centerfield fence for a score-knotting homer, the second in Colmenarez’ career. Milwaukee took the lead in the same inning; Aaron Sessoms and Wayne Morris poked 1-out singles and went to the corners, and Josh Stephenson’s grounder to Perkins pulled the third baseman in far enough to allow Sessoms to score the go-ahead run.

But there would be more than one pitcher with an RBI in this game. Preston Pinkerton hit a gapper for a leadoff triple in the fifth, and del Rio managed a fly to Stephenson that was deep enough for a sac fly, tying the game at two. Stephenson was also in the center of the action an inning later, landing a leadoff single off del Rio, who then threw a wild pitch through a lunging Thompson to allow the go-ahead run into scoring position. This was again not one of those game that instilled confidence into ANYBODY but the grounds crew. Miles Monroe promptly hit a zinger for a single to left, Stephenson was waved around, the throw from Nate Hall to home plate – OUT! And Monroe didn’t even make it to second base! Danny Valenzuela grounded out, and Dehne again reached a 1-2 count, but this time was blasted away with the fastball to complete six and del Rio also made it through the seventh. In a perfect world the Coons would have taken the lead at some point, but they were held to four hits by Colmenarez and two relievers through eight. Braun reached on an error in the ninth, was run for by Ramos, and everybody knew what was going to happen there. Ramos was thrown out stealing by Dehne, and the Critters didn’t score, nor would they in the 10th. The Loggers, though, did, with D.J. Mendez’ homer off Jonathan Fleischer marking the walkoff. 3-2 Loggers. Pinkerton 2-4, 3B; del Rio 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K;

That marks 50 losses, and if you want to pay attention to the small number in the top right of every day in your Official 2032 Raccoons Pocket Schedule, this was only game #79. Well on pace for 100 losses!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – LF Braun – C James – P Chavez
MIL: CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 2B W. Morris – LF D.J. Mendez – C J. Young – SS Lockert – RF Valenzuela – 3B Meehan – P J. West

The first confirmed Bernie sighting since April began with a strikeout before Morris and Mendez hit back-to-back 2-out singles. Jim Young grounded out to Stalker, but the second began with Matt Lockert reaching second base on Alberto Ramos’ gross throwing error. But just as soon as Lockert was on base, he was also removed, getting doubled off on Danny Valenzuela’s liner to short. Ramos leapt to make the catch, fell to his bottoms, and from there lobbed the ball to Stalker to tag out the returning Lockert. The Coons had only two runners the first time through; one was Chavez drawing a walk, and the other had been Stalker, who had singled and had been caught stealing. He was back up in the third after Ramos hit a 1-out single, but hit into a double play.

Bottom 4th, the Loggers broke through with D.J. Mendez’ leadoff jack, then also put Lockert and Valenzuela on base against Chavez. Jamie Meehan hit a crucial 2-run single over Perkins, and out of the blue the Coons sat in a 3-0 hole again. Not that they didn’t scramble – Adam Braun hit a jack in the fifth, 3-1, James reached base, Ramos did so, too, and Stalker hit a 2-out RBI double, but with the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position Justin Perkins hit a comebacker to end the inning. They stranded another pair in the sixth, but then Chavez led off the top 7th with a double over the head of the usually stingy Gabe Creech. Again the tying run was in scoring position, and now the top of the order was up with nobody out! Why was I even getting excited anymore, though? Ramos grounded out, Stalker hit his second RBI double to tie the game, but then was left in scoring position with hopeless pokes by Perkins and Wallace. Chavez fought his way through seven in a respectable comeback that was crowned with a no-decision. David Fernandez replaced him after 99 pitches to begin the eighth against the middle of the order. The southpaw got through the inning after a 1-out single by Mendez, for whom Will Ojeda would pinch-run, but never got off first base. Portland still had zero in the ninth, sent Garavito into the game, then to the dugout after Dehne and Sessoms camped on the corners with one out. Jared Stone rung up Creech, then got Monroe to fly out easily to Braun. For all the troubles, the Coons won extra innings for the third straight game, but couldn’t get through George Barnett despite a single by Stalker and a walk issued to Howden in the 10th. Come the 11th, right-hander Alexis Zamora would make the first appearance of the season, and 19th of his career. The 28-year-old was the Nick Derks sort of reliever, erratic and unreliable, and also a frequent flyer. He still retired PH Hall and James to begin the inning, but Wilson Rodriguez snuck in a pinch-hit single. Ramos dropped in a bloop to move the go-ahead run to second, and that brought up Tim Stalker, who was already on four base hits and the Coons needed more. And a sharp grounder to right, past Monroe, it was in for a single! Rodriguez sent around, and Valenzuela took too long to get to the ball, Portland had the lead, 4-3! Perkins ended an 0-for-5 shambles with a soft RBI single to shallow right-center, one of the many spots that would allow Berto to comfortably score from second base. Wallace popped out, giving the ball to Chris Wise, who got to face Zamora to begin the bottom 11th, since Milwaukee was out of bench bats! The free strikeout was a good start. Valenzuela singled, but Jason Parten was rung up for the second out, bringing up Sessoms, who was not normally a power threat, but hit a softish looper to shallow left that could tighten the rope around Wise’s neck here – but the Raccoons had removed Wallace for defense, and now had Nate Hall in left. Hall hustled in … and made the catch just in time! 5-3 Coons! Ramos 2-5, BB; Stalker 5-6, 2 2B, 3 RBI; Rodriguez (PH) 1-1; Stone 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K, W (2-0);

…can we stop playing extra innings every day now, though?

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hooge – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – LF Braun – C Thompson – 2B Pinkerton – P Sabre
MIL: CF Creech – SS Sessoms – 2B W. Morris – LF D.J. Mendez – RF J. Stephenson – C J. Young – 1B M. Monroe – 3B Lockert – P J. Nelson

The cautious continuation of Adam Braun’s inexorably slow defrosting process saw him hit his fourth home run in the second inning, putting the Critters up 1-0. They would get a second run on soft singles by Thompson and Pinkerton, a Sabre bunt, and Ramos’ sac fly, but the team gave it all back in the bottom of the inning, with Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, being a principal participant in the 2-run bottom 2nd. Howden mishandled a Stephenson grounder with D.J. Mendez on first and nobody out, which put Sabre into a bit of a bind, and he would not emerge with the lead. Miles Monroe hit an RBI single past a lunging Perkins, and Lockert tied the game with a sac fly. One of the runs turned out unearned.

None of this should excuse Sabre for his ****tacious bottom 3rd, though. The inning started with back-to-back full-count walks to Creech and Sessoms, and Mendez was added to the mix after a pop by Morris. Stephenson hit a comebacker that Sabre turned into the out at home and Jim Young flew out to center, and nobody scored, but COME ON, SABRE!! The Loggers didn’t take the lead until the fifth, then with a Sessoms double through Howden and a Morris RBI single through Perkins, and Portland retied the game in the top of the sixth, but on the other paw the Raccoons sorta had it coming. Wallace’s leadoff single, a walk drawn by Howden, and there were two on with nobody gone in the sixth – and Braun chopped one right into a double play. Elliott Thompson found a hole for an RBI single to stave off that nasty .200 mark for another at-bat, knotting the tally at three, but they probably could have gotten more off Nelson in this inning as well as in the second…

Meanwhile, Sabre was done after six murky innings, allowing four hits and three runs, but those myriad walks in the third inning were irking me enough that the fine liquid stuff the Loggers were serving only made me angry and didn’t soothe at all. Sabre was hit for to begin the seventh, with Nate Hall striking out in his place, and while Nelson yielded 2-out walks to Hooge and Perkins, Wallace grounded out ineffectually to Wayne Morris. By the bottom of the inning, the Coons shed Adam Braun, who made a crashing catch on the warning track and was ultimately carted off and replaced by Wilson Rodriguez with a snootful of dirt and his striped tail stuck in his left ear.

Top 9th, score still even at three, the Coons faced left-hander Jacob Poirier and his 0.51 ERA. He had pitched to a 6.16 ERA the year before, so I wondered whether this was one of those transient good half-seasons, and before long the Coons attempted to give an answer with both Ramos and Hooge landing singles to begin the inning, occupying the corners for Perkins with no outs. Poirier put Portland ahead with a very, very wild pitch, then walked Perkins anyway. Zitzner batted for Anaya in Wallace’s vacated spot but flew out to Mendez in left. Howden struck out, Rodriguez grounded out to Morris; Wise had the narrowest of margins in the bottom 9th, but finished the Loggers on seven pitches and three groundouts from Stephenson, Young, and Monroe. 4-3 Critters. Ramos 2-4, RBI; Wallace 2-4; Thompson 2-4, RBI;

The Druid was not able to diagnose Adam Braun by Sunday, claiming to be missing key diagnostic tools like his octant, squeaky red toy hammer, and the barrel with pickle brine, which had all been left in Portland. I called Maud and arranged for delivery of the stuff to Vancouver, which was all I could do right now; we had a short bench for the series finale.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – C Thompson – LF Hall – P Coffee
MIL: CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 2B W. Morris – RF Stephenson – C J. Young – SS Lockert – LF Valenzuela – 3B Meehan – P Long

Berto wedged a ball in the rightfield corner to begin the game and legged out a triple, scoring on Tim Stalker’s groundout for a quick 1-0 lead, but what would that be worth? Travis Coffee’s first pitch nailed Gabe Creech real good. Monroe hit a sharp bouncer at Ramos for a double play, but Wayne Morris hit a first-pitch dinger to left to even the score. Jim Young, the ****ing catcher, buried a ball in the gap so deep that *he* legged out a leadoff triple in the bottom 2nd and was easily scored with a sac fly, putting Milwaukee up 2-1, and Creech hit a homer in the third to make it 3-1. In short, Travis Coffee pitched like he’d been made about 15 hours ago and was long cold and stale, with bits floating at the top.

Justin Perkins’ leadoff jack made it 3-2 in the fourth, and by the fifth the Loggers lost Creech on a defensive play with a banged-up knee, defusing a Nate Hall drive. Will Ojeda replaced the centerfielder. Ramos and Stalker would reach base with two outs in the inning, but Perkins grounded out to Monroe to strand them. Turning around to the bottom of the inning, the first four Loggers all snapped base hits off Coffee. Will Ojeda singled and was caught stealing, but Monroe and Morris also singled and were tripled home by Stephenson, who was then plated with a well-placed groundout off Young’s bat. That ran the score to 6-2, and there was enough Coffee spilled at that point to not order another one for the sixth inning after Lockert finished the fifth with a foul pop. Top 7th, Hall led off with a drive to fence that touched Danny Valenzuela’s glove very briefly just as Valenzuela touched the fence with great noise and collapsed in a heap. Hall had a double, and somehow Valenzuela was able to shake that collision off without having cracked leg, arm, nor numb skull. And somehow the Coons also managed to make three outs without moving Hall even an inch, starting with Howden’s pinch-hit pop to first. Jarod Howden – YOU DUMB PIG!! All of this allowed Josh Deep to go long in this game, reaching the ninth inning with the 6-2 lead intact, only to then get knocked out with leadoff singles chipped by the newest kits on the block, Hooge and Thompson. George Barnett replaced him. Hall flew out painfully easy to right. Giovanni James grounded out, but advanced the runners, who Ramos then cashed with a 2-run single to right, bringing up the tying run with two outs. Stalker popped out behind home plate to end the game anyway. 6-4 Loggers. Ramos 3-5, 3B, 2 RBI; Hooge 2-4; Hall 2-4, 2B;

In other news

June 28 – TOP SP Jose Lerma (10-5, 3.25 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout against the Pacifics, whiffing seven in a 7-0 Buffaloes win.
June 30 – SAL SP Phil Harrington (8-3, 2.38 ERA) and three relievers combine for a 1-hit shutout of the Blue Sox. The only Nashville hit in the 3-0 Salem win is credited to C Manny Sanchez (.250, 3 HR, 26 RBI).
June 30 – The Buffaloes lose SV Jonathan Snyder (2-3, 3.19 ERA, 22 SV) to elbow inflammation. The 32-year-old right-hander is not expected back before September.
July 1 – CIN SP Emilio DeClerk (4-6, 4.14 ERA) and two relievers pitch a combined 1-hitter in a 4-0 win over the Rebels. The only base hit, a second-inning double, is dropped in by the opposing pitcher, left-hander Derrick Forbes (5-7, 4.88 ERA).
July 1 – DEN CF/LF Abel Madsen (.273, 11 HR, 44 RBI) will miss all of July with a sprained ankle.
July 1 – The Scorpions announce INF Tim Stackhouse (.260, 9 HR, 42 RBI) to miss the rest of the season with a hip injury.
July 2 – The Indians trade 1B Ivan Pena (.353, 10 HR, 48 RBI) to the Wolves for SP Lance Legleiter (7-5, 3.67 ERA).
July 2 – A strained hammy will put PIT 3B Omar Lastrade (.346, 4 HR, 42 RBI) on the DL for the next month.
July 2 – A wild pitch ends the Buffaloes-Miners game in favor of the home team in the 10th inning when TOP MR Adam Rosenwald (2-3, 3.18 ERA) loses hold of a pitch with Pittsburgh’s 2B/SS Jim McKenzie (.337, 14 HR, 51 RBI) at third base. The 25-year-old McKenzie scurries home, giving the Miners a 5-4 walkoff win.
July 3 – TOP SP Jose Lerma (11-5, 3.02 ERA) delivers his second shutout of the week, a 3-hitter with 10 strikeouts in a 5-0 win over the Miners.
July 3 – The Thunder send SP Jim Metzler (3-9, 4.54 ERA) to the Blue Sox for a prospect.

Complaints and stuff

…and this, kids, is a winning week (4-3). We don’t recognize those right away because they do not occur often to us. The last one was actually the prior time we played the Thunder in May, with the 20- and 17-run drubbings, but we won the other four games that week, including a sweep of the Indians.

After Kevin Harenberg’s Player of the Week nod in June, this week it was the other 2026 Coons first baseman’s turn, as Vegas’ Jon Gonzalez (.356, 6 HR, 36 RBI) got the nod with a .462 (12-26), 1 HR, 7 RBI week.

Still waiting on great things from Jarod Howden, the dumb pig…

The Continental League’s league ERA is at a 25-year high, which to a sizable part is due to one particular team insisting on hosting a staff of meatballers.

The International Free Agent signing period began on Thursday. After careful analysis of the players available and a keen look at our coffers, we decided that his was the year to blow through the soft cap like there was no tomorrow. – And there would not be a tomorrow, given how the Coons would pay $3.3M to Tom Scumbag next year despite him not being on the roster anymore, and still on the hook for numerous other commitments, few of them productive. They would not even be able to spend big in international free agents next year, so there was no reason to worry about next year’s cap. This year the budget was pretty much used up, but we still had a good chunk of cash lying around from the splendid Adam Braun trade, and we’d try to get two high-demand youngsters for it.

Both of them were actually 18 years old. Jesus Maldonado was a high-contact, good-power hitter from Venezuela who probably had a variety of potential positions, including centerfield. Apparently, his mother had forbidden him to sign with a major league team before he had learned a proper trade, so he came with a certificate attesting him to be a professional roadkill remover. Meanwhile, right-hander Ernie Quintero was the son of a parish priest in the Dominican Republic and had been home-schooled and locked in his room until he had reached maturity. His father did not approve of his lifestyle, playing idle games in time in which he should instead praise the lord, and Ernie was also not his birth name. What was it, Maud? Jose Mateo? Of course. What else. Ah, shucks. His father might not approve of his “lifestyle”, but the Racoons approved of his arsenal, though!

Next week? Damn Elks on the road, Titans at home. Not quite sure yet whether I have to be alone for the Elks series. Maud hinted at both Cristiano Carmona and Gustaf having the flu and being terribly, terribly ill. I really wasn’t into joining them when they were ill. Next thing you know, you have to make them soup and wipe their running noses…

Fun Fact: 52 years ago today, New York’s Michinaga Yamada hit three home runs in the Crusaders’ 9-1 knockoff of the Indians, becoming the second ABL player to achieve the feat.

Yamada would hit 24 home runs with 110 RBI that year, batting .281, probably his best season in eight years in the ABL split between five different teams. It was also the only full season with the Crusaders. He won a Gold Glove, was an All Star three times, and finished his career a .267 batter with 142 HR and 647 RBI.

Of course, the first ABL player to hit three homers in a game was the Raccoons’ Ben Simon in a 9-4 win over the Loggers in 1977. Simon was an original Coon and stuck with Portland through 1981, won five Gold Gloves and as many All Star nominations in his 10-year career, batting .239 with 156 HR and 759 RBI. He led the league in homers with 28 in 1979, the year the Coons lost 107 games.

While Simon was on the 1977 Opening Day roster, he had been brought in from the Capitals via a trade for four players, none of which went on to anything great.

Ben Simon also played in the maximum possible 810 games with the Critters – every game for five seasons in a row!