[Westheim]

Raccoons (5-7) vs. Canadiens (6-6) – April 22-24, 2031

After a common off day on Monday, the Raccoons faced their worst foes forever in the first set of the season. The damn Elks were one game and one spot ahead of them in the standings, but had been batting only .219 for a paltry 3.33 runs per game in the early season. They had pitched okay though, conceding under four runs a game, too. The Coons had lost the last two season series against the vile pests of the north, both times 8-10, so this was for honor!

Projected matchups:
Dave Martinez (0-0, 2.25 ERA) vs. Logan Bessey (1-1, 3.86 ERA)
Ed Hague (1-0, 5.73 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (0-0, 1.35 ERA)
Mark Roberts (1-2, 3.98 ERA) vs. Jeremy Truett (1-1, 1.69 ERA)

And still no shortage of left-handed opposition; Logan Bessey was the next southpaw to face, which for a brief night would see the Raccoons actually having been opposed by more left-handed than right-handed starting pitchers, 7-6.

7-6, if only that was our record…

Game 1
VAN: LF A. Torres – C F. Garcia – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – RF N. Day – 2B L. Hernandez – P Bessey
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Hereford – LF Jamieson – RF Wallace – CF Vanatti – C Tovias – 1B Baldwin – P Martinez

Mysteriously, Brian Wojnarowski failed to score from first on a David Fisher double in the first inning. Wojnarowski was anything but slow, yet Fisher was; on the fly to deepest center, anything but the slowest runners would have reached third base. Somehow, the Elks managed neither, T.J. Bennett struck out to end the top 1st, and instead Matt Jamieson’s leadoff jack in the bottom 2nd was the first run of the game. The Coons managed to tack on a run in the inning as well as making the final out at home plate; after Bessey walked both Joe Vanatti and Chris Baldwin (which was hard to do), Dave Martinez laced a bouncer through Fisher and up the line for an RBI double. Baldwin was sent, too, but after Norman Day’s throw arrived we knew better and that he shouldn’t have been… Both teams got their #1 batter to hit a leadoff triple in the third, but only one of them scored; while Martinez reached back, struck out Fernando Garcia and Wojnarowski, and had Vanatti handle the rest, Tim Stalker singled home Ramos, and would himself score with two outs on Jimmy Wallace’s base knock, the rook’s 14th RBI in 13 games. A Ramos error led to an unearned run in the fourth, but the Coons were still in a comfy spot, and while Martinez scattered a few more singles, the damn Elks were never in position to really threaten him, which was also due to some dumb decisions like in the seventh, having Alex Torres with two outs and Lazaro Hernandez at second base poke away in a 3-0 count. Torres popped out, and Martinez was through seven, which would be all for him after 112 pitches. The Critters, largely silent in the middle innings, added a run in the bottom 7th on Matt Jamieson’s second solo homer of the game, this one exiting in a real hurry and line drive fashion out to left. The Coons then desired to mix and match in the eighth, sending Eddie Krumm to face Garcia, who singled on the only pitch Krumm threw before being yanked. Hennessy retired the next two left-handed batters as well as T.J. Bennett, who grounded out to Hereford before we could require a third reliever for the inning. Fleischer got the ninth, but set up a save situation by nailing Day and allowing a single to PH Danny Tessmann. Josh Boles came in with two outs, removed Alex Torres’ will to live with surgical precision, and the game ended on three pitches for three strikes. 5-1 Raccoons! Stalker 2-4, RBI; Jamieson 2-4, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-4, RBI; Martinez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (1-0) and 2-3, 2B, RBI;

Well, that almost was fun! Too bad that Nick Valdes only flew in on Wednesday afternoon, which was then spent debating countless roster decisions, f.e. why Chris Baldwin was getting at-bats at all when all he made was outs, and why we were having so many dull players in the first place, and also, who replaced the flowers in this pot over there when Valdes himself had personally put a colorful arrangement there during his last visit?? – Maud, do we still have Valdes’ flowers? – The ones that died five months ago.

Apparently, we do have not.

Game 2
VAN: LF A. Torres – RF Maiello – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – 2B L. Hernandez – P Govea
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – LF Jamieson – 3B Nunley – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – C Leal – P Hague

Neither side got a base knock in the first two innings, but when the Elks broke through, they did with loud, long drives. Lazaro Hernandez doubled in the third, then scored on another Torres triple. And Torres, 33, and not what he used to be, was sure scuffling in the early going – he was through two injury-riddled, below-average OPS+ seasons after having hit .281 with 23 dingers in 2028 and basically every year before that. But all the prowess seemed gone now. Well, it was still enough to hit triples every which way off Raccoons starters. The Coons through three innings amounted to a Nunley walk and four strikeouts, which prompted Valdes to inquire when they would start scoring runs for him, and when they would win another title for him. I shrugged and sighed, which was an honest answer.

Wojnarowski drew a leadoff walk in the fourth, but then got picked off by Ed Hague after Fisher had gone down, which surely amused the crowd. They heckled Wojnarowski mercilessly as he retreated to the dugout. Yeah, make the guy mad whose team is technically still pitching a no-hitter! Matt Nunley did away with that, though, in the fifth inning; and also the damn Elks’ lead. He hit a long homer to right to tie the game at one. Valdes whispered into my ear how old Nunley was, to which I truthfully responded that he was older than dirt, but better than most. In the sixth, Nunley pounced on a Nando Maiello bunt to force Torres at second base, which ended up saving a run once Fisher hit a 2-out single that probably would have scored Torres from second. Instead, Maiello went first-to-third, and was then stranded when Bennett was rung up flailing to end the inning.

The Raccoons chugged ahead in the bottom of the sixth; Stalker led off with a double to left-center, the damn Elks walked Jimmy Wallace intentionally (by the way it’s still April), but the bags filled up when Nunley singled. That brought up .217 batter Joe Vanatti, who had yet to land an RBI as a Furball. He grounded to the right side, Fisher picked it, but couldn’t get the out at home, having to take the ball to first base instead, so the go-ahead run came across. Now Howden was walked intentionally, bringing up Armando Leal with three on and two outs. The count ran to 1-2 before Leal hit a fly to deep right, but Maiello angled back and made the catch at the edge of the warning track.

Top 7th, Hague ran into Garcia and Tessmann singles with one out. When Norman Day was sent to pinch-hit for Govea, the Coons pulled the plug on Hague, too, and sent Garavito. Mauricio slipped to 3-1 before Day poked a bouncer to Ramos, to Stalker, to Howden – double play! Ohl struck out two, walked Wojnarowski, but got Fisher on a pop in the eighth, further preserving the 2-1 edge. Since the offense continued to do nothing worth praise, Josh Boles had no cushion in what would this time be a full ninth inning assignment. Bennett hit a leadoff single, advanced on a grounder and then also on a wild pitch with Garcia at the plate and the count at 0-2. Garcia completed the strikeout, with Matt Dehne pinch-hitting in the #8 hole to offer another righty power bat. Boles of course remained in there, got a pep talk from the pitching coach, then walked Dehne on four pitches. Nelson Millan hit for the pitcher, another .200 righty bat. Boles hung an 0-1 pitch and Millan belched it over the fence in left, blowing the lead and then some. The Elks even added a run when Torres walked, stole second, and scored on a Maiello single. Valdes asked whether we won. I told him, politely, no. Bottom 9th, Raul de la Rosa put them on the corners right away, allowing a Howden double and Leal single, after which Rich Hereford batted for Boles. Another closer scuffled, hanging a 2-1 pitch that Hereford drilled into the leftfield corner for an RBI double. Tying runs in scoring position, no outs, top of the order up! Alberto Ramos broke de la Rosa for good, ramming a ball into the OTHER corner for a game-tying triple! Coons, Coons, Coons! No, Nick, we still haven’t won. We have to – no, just watch. The Elks’ J.D. Hamm replaced de la Rosa, but only served up a walkoff single to Tim Stalker! 6-5 Critters! Stalker 2-5, 2B, RBI; Nunley 2-2, 2 BB, HR, RBI; Howden 2-3, BB, 2B; Allan (PH) 1-1; Hereford (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Hague 6.1 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K;

Yes, Nick, NOW we have won.

Surprise, another southpaw on Thursday, with Steve Corcoran (1-2, 5.40 ERA) getting the assignment. The 21-year-old rookie had been signed off a softball lot in Quitman, Georgia, where he had played with his colleagues from the local quarry.

… and another surprise – the game was rained out.

It took a while to get Nick Valdes on a plane for his next business endeavor. He wanted to see the last game of the Elks series. IT’S RAINED OUT, GODDAMNIT!!

Raccoons (7-7) vs. Falcons (7-9) – April 25-27, 2031

The Falcons were seventh in both runs scored and runs allowed, which would indicate an upwards trajectory for them. They had *nine* straight seasons in the second division of the South. They had the best pen by ERA in the first few weeks, with an average rotation. They just weren’t hitting for average or getting on base, with their team average a paltry .228. The Raccoons had won the season series last year, 5-4.

Projected matchups:
Mark Roberts (1-2, 3.98 ERA) vs. Aaron Lewis (1-1, 1.61 ERA)
Tom Shumway (1-2, 4.50 ERA) vs. Nate Ziemke (1-2, 5.00 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (0-2, 7.24 ERA) vs. Brian Bowsman (2-1, 4.43 ERA)

No southpaw on the horizon here; the Falcons had no lefty starters on hand. They also were without 3B Greg Ortiz, who had started the season like a fire engine, .455 in four games, before going to the DL with an oblique strain.

Game 1
CHA: 1B J. Elliott – 3B Jo. Gonzalez – LF Salto – RF Kok – CF N. Nelson – C M. Cooper – 2B Cano – SS Eisenberg – P A. Lewis
POR: SS Ramos – RF Wallace – 2B Hereford – LF Jamieson – 3B Nunley – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – C Tovias – P Roberts

It looked like rain from the outset, and indeed the rain didn’t let everybody wait all too long. It started in the top of the second, and by the bottom of the inning the rain picked up and we went into a 20-minute delay. We were still scoreless at that point, but the Falcons would get on the board in the top 3rd, where Roberts surrendered a double to Frank Eisenberg, then a 2-out RBI single to leadoff man John Elliott. Portland made up the difference though in the bottom of the inning, with Ramos, Hereford, and Jamieson all chipping in singles. Nunley struck out to strand a pair.

Come the fourth, we had a second rain delay, this one taking almost an hour. The Raccoons took Roberts’ pulse afterwards, and he proclaimed to still have something left. The game resumed with a 1-1 score and a 1-1 count to Graciano Salto with nobody out in the fourth. Yet, he obviously had nothing left. The Falcons’ Salto, Barend Kok, and Matt Cooper all hit singles, taking a 2-1 lead, Roberts hung around while the pen got stirring, but served up a 3-run blast to Eisenberg. Roberts would not be seen again in the fifth. The tying run came to the plate in the bottom 4th on a Vanatti double, Howden single, and then an RBI single by Ryan Allan in Roberts’ spot. That brought up Ramos with one out, and two pitches in he had a pair in scoring position as the clearly foundering Lewis threw a wild pitch. Ramos hit a liner to deep right that Barend Kok caught, but Howden came in with a run. Allan scored on a Jimmy Wallace single, cleanly up the middle with two outs, and Hereford dropped a soft bloop into shallow right for another single. With the tying run at second base now, Jamieson unfortunately struck out and they let Lewis get off the hook for this inning – but in the fifth Vanatti reached, stole second, and came home on a Tovias single to tie the score at five, which was also not permanent with Chris Wise giving up two walks, but also an RBI single to Matt Cooper in the sixth inning that put the Falcons up 6-5 again. Fleischer replaced him and struck out PH Ron Raynor to end the inning, and Portland came back and erased their third deficit of the game in the bottom of the inning, when Matt Nunley cracked a 2-out RBI single, scoring Hereford from second against right-hander Chris D’Angelo.

Two double switches in this convoluted game had left Leal in the #4 hole, Allan batting ninth, and Fleischer, who finished the seventh inning, in the #8 spot. He came up when Howden poked a leadoff single against D’Angelo in the bottom 7th and was retained for a bunt, setting a run in scoring position up for a pair of lefty contact bats. Allan promptly singled to left, but Howden was not fast enough to score, especially after getting a bad first read. Ramos rammed a grounder to left, Eisenberg dove but missed it, and Howden now did come home to give the Raccoons their first lead in the game, 7-6! The Coons called a double steal which went awry and had Cooper throw out Allan at third base. Ramos remained on second for Wallace with two outs and scored easily when Jimmy Wallace singled to right-center, 8-6. Finally, a new pitcher – Doug Clifford whiffed Hereford to end the inning.

But after Boles had been torn up on Wednesday, Friday was Ricky Ohl’s time to implode. He inherited Kok on first after Hennessy had failed to retire his only batter, then walked Cooper and allowed a 2-run triple to Ricky Cano to tie the score again. Eisenberg singled up the middle, and it was 9-8 Falcons. Garavito got out of the inning, but the Coons didn’t score in the bottom 8th. Nunley singled, Vanatti spanked into a double play. Eddie Krumm managed a scoreless ninth, which at least offered the Coons a comeback opportunity in their half of the ninth inning, but the bottom of the order would be up against Tony Rivas and his 1.17 ERA. The righty Rivas went 0-2 on Howden before surrendering a double to left. Tim Stalker had already been inserted in the #8 hole in our third double switch earlier, but struck out just like Allan behind him. Ramos was our last hope, fell to 0-2, then hit a fly to left, near the line. Salto raced over at full speed, made the catch, and managed to bounce off the sidewall without getting killed, too. 9-8 Falcons. Ramos 2-5, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5, 2 RBI; Hereford 3-5; Nunley 3-4, BB, RBI; Howden 2-3, BB, 2B; Allan (PH) 3-4, RBI;

This was ugly. I blame the two rain delays and hope for better weather for Tom Scumbag.

Game 2
CHA: 2B D. Ruiz – 3B Jo. Gonzalez – LF Salto – RF Kok – CF N. Nelson – C M. Cooper – 1B J. Elliott – SS Eisenberg – P Ziemke
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – LF Hereford – 3B Nunley – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – C Tovias – P Shumway

Scumbag got emergency counseling just 11 pitches into the game. Danny Ruiz had doubled, Jose Gonzalez had been nailed, and Graciano Salto walked to load the bags with nobody out. The Coons bailed out – Kok struck out in a full count, chasing high heat, and then Nelson lined out to Ramos, who doubled Gonzalez off second to end the inning. While the Falcons didn’t score either here or in the next few innings, the Raccoons didn’t even get on base. One day after a scorefest and 18 base hits for Portland, they were retired in order the first time through, Nate Ziemke ringing up three, and also didn’t reach in the fourth, where Ramos and Stalker both struck out for a second time. Charlotte would take a 1-0 lead in the fifth inning on John Elliott’s solo jack to left, only the second base knock off Shumway. Ziemke in turn ceased perfectness in the bottom 5th, walking Hereford, who was then swiftly doubled up by Nunley, who was batting .368 even after this unhelpful maneuver, but remember that he was one of the all-time kings of the two-for-one on either side of the play. In turn, Salto hit a jack in the sixth, putting the Falcons 2-0 ahead. Tovias broke up the no-hitter with a 1-out single in the bottom 6th, but then Shumway bunted into a double play. Oh boy!

Top 7th, Shumway loaded the bases again without retiring anybody. Walk to Nelson, Cooper single, walk drawn by Elliott. Here came the hook. Enter Fleischer, and the Coons got their damage control protocol fired properly. One run scored on a double play grounder by Frank Eisenberg, while Ziemke, now up 3-0, struck out, leaving Cooper stranded at third base. Bottom 7th, the Coons had their third runner when Ramos drew a leadoff walk. When Stalker grounded hard to Jose Gonzalez, they also had their third double play. Nothing great happened in the next few innings, while at least the shallow end of our pen held up; the bottom 9th began with Rivas facing Sean Catella pinch-hitting for Hennessy in the #9 hole. Catella hit a gapper for a leadoff double, then was on the corners with Ramos, who hit a single. The tying run thus came up with Tim Stalker, who grounded up the middle, but Ruiz intercepted the ball behind second base AND got Stalker at first. Catella scored, but we didn’t actually get closer to a comeback. Wallace grounded out, moving Ramos to third, and Hereford singled up the middle to bring him across. This, finally, brought up the winning run in Matt Nunley, 0-for-3 in the game, but still countering the righty Rivas, who lost him on balls. And then we went quirky. Rather than Vanatti, batting .182 but countering Rivas, we sent Jamieson, batting .311, but from the right side. Jamieson hit a hard 2-1 grounder to left, but Gonzalez got in front of it, and the game ended with a short throw to second base, beating Nunley by a country mile. 3-2 Falcons. Catella (PH) 1-1, 2B;

(shakes empty, upside-down bottle)

Looks like I have to get another one.

Also, another second baseman. Tim Stalker came down with the Sneezes overnight and was probably able to pinch-hit, but we wouldn’t want him in the field, dripping nasal secretions all over the infield.

Game 3
CHA: 2B D. Ruiz – 3B Jo. Gonzalez – LF Salto – RF Kok – CF N. Nelson – C M. Cooper – 1B J. Elliott – SS Eisenberg – P Bowsman
POR: SS Ramos – RF Wallace – 2B Hereford – LF Jamieson – 3B Nunley – 1B Howden – CF Catella – C Leal – P Gutierrez

Neither team scored in the first two innings, but there were early warning signs that Rico Gutierrez was not actually going to return to acedom in this game. He faced seven batters in the first two innings, whiffed nobody, and threw only 17 pitches, so wasn’t exactly unhittable. The Falcons’ top of the order promptly strung three hits together, plating a run with two outs in the third inning, and then Catella raced after a Kok drive to strand a pair before the inning could really blossom. The Coons came back in the bottom of the inning, also with two outs; Ramos singled, Wallace doubled, but Ramos stumbled around second base and had no chance to score after that. Hereford thus had a pair in scoring position and got a lazy 2-2 changeup that hung and got completely clattered for a 3-run homer to right!

That was all the scoring through five, and also most of the hitting. The Critters had Ramos on base with a single in the bottom 5th, he stole his first bag of the week, but was left on by Wallace and Hereford. Rico Gutierrez was nowhere near convincing the attendance of his capabilities. Through five, he had scattered as many hits and still had no strikeouts in the game, and only four in 18.2 innings this year. He issued a leadoff walk to Salto in the sixth, then allowed a single to Kok, enough to get the pen up. Nelson grounded out, but Cooper hit a ball to center for a sac fly, cutting the lead to 3-2, and Gutierrez blew the rest of the advantage, too, allowing a hard RBI single to right to John Elliott. Eisenberg flew out easily to center, but we were level again in the middle of the sixth inning. Gutierrez faced one batter in the seventh, Bowsman, had him 0-2, and then surrendered a leadoff double. He was immediately and vigorously axed… Chris Wise stranded the run with a grounder to short and two strikeouts, securing a no-decision for the ashes of the 2028 ERA champ. Garavito did the eighth, then faced PH Erik Amundson to begin the ninth and surrendered an infield single. The Raccoons went to Ohl, who got a double play grounder from Ricky Cano to clean up. He kept the game tied for the team to get a walkoff chance with the winning run at the plate to begin the inning against right-hander Mark Matthews, who had a 1.08 ERA. Howden grounded out to short, Catella grounded out to first, and Vanatti batted for Leal, yet flew out to center. Extras!

Josh Boles, who hadn’t pitched since being assaulted by the damn Elks on Wednesday and had an ERA worse than Gutierrez, did away with the meat of the order in the top 10th. He had been placed in the #8 hole, allowing him to go two innings in any case, with Tovias leading off the bottom of the inning in the #9 hole, but Matthews had another 1-2-3 inning. Boles offered up another clean 11th, and then Hereford reached base with a leadoff single off Matthews, who was still around in the bottom 11th. Jamieson rolled to short in a hit-and-run that left Hereford safe at second base and brought up Nunley, who had yet to land a base hit since I mentioned his .368 average, of which he had since shaved off 42 points. How about a walkoff, Matt? There is pie waiting in the clubhouse…! Kok caught Nunley’s fly in right, though, bringing up Howden with two outs. Jarod hit a hard single in front of Salto, and Hereford had to hold at third base. Tim Stalker and his encrusted nose would bat for Catella in this spot. He lined out to short. …at which point we were also more or less out of pitching. Only Fleischer, Krumm, and Hennessy remained. They had all pitched in every game in the series. We sighed and accepted our fate. Fleischer came in, and to anybody’s surprise retired the opposition 1-2-3, then got another out from Salto in the 13th before we went to Hennessy. Baldwin, now in center after Catella had been removed, and Jamieson made deep catches on the two flies the left-handed Rule 5 pick gave up. Still 3-3! Hennessy, however, was also in the #7 spot, and could in theory come up with three on and two outs in the bottom 13th. The bench was empty; any pitcher coming to the plate had to poke. Wallace hit a leadoff single off Doug Clifford, a lefty. Hereford flew out to deep right, Jamieson grounded out to advance the runner. That brought back Nunley with two outs. Matt! Hey, Matt! CAKE!! *CLANK* made the bat, single to center, Wallace flew around third, Nelson’s throw was late, and without further hesitation Nunley turned right immediately upon reaching first base and was also the first player to fall face first into some apple pie. 4-3 Critters! Ramos 2-6; Hereford 2-6, HR, 3 RBI; Jamieson 2-5, BB; Howden 2-5; Boles 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K;

In other news

April 22 – WAS INF Enrique Trevino (.328, 0 HR, 7 RBI) lands four hits and drives in as many in a 13-6 Capitals win over the Rebels.

Complaints and stuff

The good news about the rampant bullpen abuse on the weekend is that we have another day off on Monday before we’ll head out to Atlanta. Tim Stalker should also be back to normal by Tuesday.

Ramos got only one base stolen this week, but then he also hit a few triples, so that was that. He also has an 8-game hitting streak and there has only been one game all year where he didn’t reach base safely, our 4-2 win over the Condors last week. His current 1.004 OPS is his worst of the season after having a ****ty 2-6 day on Sunday. (rolls eyes) I love this boy. – Oh, there he is! Berto! Hey, Berto! – Come on over here and give Daddy a hug! – No, he scurried to safety.

The rained out Elks game will be made up in July in the first week after the All Star Game. This will be the 22nd and following an off day.

Pitching prospect watch: Sabre has a 4.15 ERA with a 1.4 K/BB in St. Pete, which is not really a major-league ready mark. Bernie Chavez has a 5.40 ERA in AAA. One level further down, Ignacio del Rio had a 2.53 ERA with 29 K in 32 innings and was nearing promotion. Darren Brown, however, had been shellacked to a 7.48 ERA, but also with a .369 BABIP. He had pitched to a 3.98 ERA in 12 starts in Ham Lake last year while getting a more reasonable defense…

And I would get more into our deficits, but I have another appointment. With Slappy. We’ll get mindlessly drunk and then sing some shanties. Sounds like fun!

Fun Fact: LAP Oscar Mendoza leads the ABL with 14 stolen bases. He won the FL stolen base title in 2030 with 58 sacks.

Mendoza was originally a Loggers prospect but was traded to L.A. at the deadline in 2027 for Firmino Cambra. Cambra had won the batting title the previous season while also smashing ten homers, and had been a persistent thorn in the Coons’ side in that year’s World Series. Once he arrived in Milwaukee, he was nowhere near as good and put up a string of decidedly average seasons. He is off to a .347 start with two homers this season, but has not stolen a base; he used to steal 20 a season comfortably.

Again, the lovably losing Loggers did it all entirely wrong.