[Westheim]

Raccoons (30-15) @ Falcons (22-22) – May 26-28, 2026

With their even record, the Falcons were only four games behind the Thunder and tied for second place in the CL South. They were tied for the most runs scored in the CL, but were also in the bottom three in all of runs allowed, starters' ERA, and bullpen ERA. While they led the league in home runs with 41, they were rock bottom in stolen bases with *five*. This was very much a one-way team, and one-way teams can have a hard time… The two teams had not met yet in the new season, but the Raccoons had won the season series for three straight years, with a 6-3 effort in '25.

Projected matchups:
Kyle Anderson (3-2, 4.64 ERA) vs. Jesus Chavez (3-2, 4.60 ERA)
Dan Delgadillo (5-0, 1.92 ERA) vs. Greg Gannon (5-2, 4.22 ERA)
Lance Legleiter (2-4, 4.01 ERA) vs. Jim Bryant (3-4, 4.33 ERA)

Only right-handers were going to be involved in this series. The off day had allowed the Coons to move Delgadillo ahead of Legleiter to split the two weakest links in their rotation, and it would also theoretically allow the Falcons to skip somebody, although skipping would only get them as far as Jack Sander (3-3, 4.99 ERA).

Coming in, the Falcons had traded for the Miners' RF/LF Chris Mendoza (.261, 1 HR, 3 RBI), sending away minor-league catcher Toby Ross, while the Raccoons activated Brett O'Dell from the DL and returned Jake Burrows to St. Petersburg.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Spencer – CF Mora – 1B Gonzalez – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – LF Kopp – C Tovias – P Anderson
CHA: 3B Czachor – C A. Gonzales – 1B Fowlkes – LF Kok – RF Munn – 2B Pelles – SS Burns – CF Cano – P J. Chavez

The Coons started the game with a pair of singles, then a double play by Mora, and Gonzalez popped out. Pretty much the same pattern repeated in the third inning, except that then Ramos singled following up Anderson's grounder eluding Kyle Burns, and Spencer chopped into a double play. Mora then merely struck out. Both teams swung their sticks in exceedingly crummy fashion in this game, though, with the Falcons getting Barend Kok aboard with a leadoff single in the second inning, and then found ex-Coon Ruben Pelles to hit into a double play. No score through five, although the Raccoons were outhitting the Falcons 6-2 and had to wonder why the heck there was no run on the board. Anderson batted for himself with a 2-hit shutout going in the top 6th, even though there were three aboard with two outs after a single by Alfaro, a ground-rule double that definitely cost a run by Terry Kopp, and Tovias being put on intentionally. Anderson chopped a 1-2 pitch to left, but it was easy pickings for Kok there and the inning ended. Come the bottom of the same inning, Anderson retired Ryan Czachor and Alfonso Gonzales, but then loaded them up with walks to Pat Fowlkes and Danny Munn sandwiching a Kok single. Oh, we had played that so well! Ricky Ohl came on, almost walked Ruben Pelles, which was a tough thing to do, but Pelles eventually struck out, meaning the sixth saw six aboard, yet no one scored. Ohl came apart in the seventh with Kyle Burns' leadoff single, then a pinch-hit 2-run homer by the recently-acquired Chris Mendoza.

Nine hits off former Raccoon Jesus Chavez didn't mean squat for Portland through eight innings, but the Falcons sent former starter, now struggling (7.71 ERA) closer J.J. Rodd into the ninth inning. He was a southpaw, and the Coons were trying everything now, sending Rafael Gomez to hit for Kopp, and Gomez hit a leadoff triple into the gap. Ah, an extra-base hit – how new an experience!! Tovias' RBI single put the tying run aboard, with Cookie running for him and O'Dell hitting for Jeff Mudge. Rodd whiffed him, got Ramos to pop out, but walked Spencer (sic!). There was temptation to throw in Stalker or Gerster to bat for Mora, but … oh **** it. Tim Stalker batted for Mora, lined into the gap for a double, but Ricky Cano cut off the ball quickly, holding Spencer at third base in a tied game. In an obvious move, Jon Gonzalez was walked intentionally, loading them up for Nunley. And Matt……. popped out on the first pitch. Talk about deflating experiences. Nick Derks extended the game to extras, which is exactly what I needed, more time away from the minibar in my hotel room! Two more singles in the top 10th, putting Gomez and Cookie on the corners until O'Dell smacked into an inning-ending double play to Pelles. No, the Raccoons needed an idiot to walk the bags full, who they found in Joe Perry in the 11th. Alfaro (.152!) batted with three on and two outs in the inning, rolled a ball to left, and Burns somehow missed it completely. The ball got away into the outfield for a 2-out, 2-run single, and now the Raccoons just needed a good save from Jonathan Snyder. Cano led off with a double to left, and after Raul Mendez popped out foul to Nunley, Mendoza singled, scoring the runner. Alfonso Gonzales had enough power to worry me, but cracked a ball at Ramos instead, and Ramos started a 6-4-3 game-ending double play. 4-3 Blighters. Ramos 3-6; Spencer 3-5, BB; Stalker (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Alfaro 2-5, BB, 2 RBI; Kopp 2-3, 2B; Gomez (PH) 2-2, BB, 3B; Derks 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K, W (1-0);

16 hits and they barely made it. I love the hits. I would love more homers more, though.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Spencer – LF Gomez – 1B Gonzalez – RF Kopp – 3B Nunley – CF Mora – C Tovias – P Delgadillo
CHA: 3B Czachor – C A. Gonzales – 1B Folkes – LF Kok – SS Ra. Mendez – RF Munn – 2B Pelles – CF Cano – P Bryant

The Coons got their second ground-rule double in as many games early on Wednesday, with Abel Mora hitting a high-enough bouncer off the track to go over the low fence in right-center to follow up Nunley's leadoff walk in the second inning. The Falcons, who had walked Gonzalez intentionally twice in the previous game as well as Tovias once, did the same to Elias again, bringing up Delgadillo with the bags full and no outs. He struck out, as did Ramos. Spencer flew out to Ricky Cano – and no one scored. Portland would have eight hits through five innings, but no runs to show for it and I was slowly but surely going completely bonkers. The Falcons entered the bottom 5th with one hit off Delgadillo, but leadoff man Pelles on second base on a single to right and Kopp overrunning the ball, got a 1-out single by Bryant, and then somehow Delgadillo wiggled out without giving up a 3-piece, whiffing Czachor and getting Nunley to handle a scalding grounder by Gonzales for the third out.

The sixth saw a 2-out single by Delgadillo, which was neat but futile, and a 2-out double by Raul Mendez, which ended with Danny Munn striking out, and the game remained scoreless. Jon Gonzalez was nicked in the seventh, but Roberts otherwise struck out three, while Delgadillo reached 103 pitches after seven shutout innings and would not come back. Tim Stalker had a pinch-hit single for Mora in the eighth, was caught stealing, and I couldn't quite believe it. On to the ninth, where Ramos hit a 1-out double off Rodd in a scoreless game. NOW GET 'EM, BOYS!! Spencer put an 0-1 pitch into play, over Kyle Burns at third base and up the line. Kok couldn't cut it off, and Ramos scored on the RBI double! That was already it, Gomez not getting him in, Gonzalez being walked intentionally, and Kopp popping it up. Billy Brotman got the save opportunity in deference to two lefties up in the bottom 9th, and Snyder's difficult outing one night before. After Kok grounded out and Mendez was retired by Gomez in centerfield, Brotman rung up PH Geoff Simko to - … they called WHAT?? Catcher's interfence was called on Tovias, sending Simko to first and bringing up the winning run in Pelles. Ah, he wouldn't …! And he didn't, popping out foul. 1-0 Blighters. Ramos 2-5, 2B; Spencer 2-5, 2B, RBI; Gomez 2-5; Kopp 2-5; Stalker (PH) 1-1; Delgadillo 7.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 7 K and 2-3;

12 hits. One run. Unfathomable.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Spencer – LF Gomez – 1B Gonzalez – RF Kopp – 3B Nunley – CF Mora – C Tovias – P Legleiter
CHA: 3B Czachor – C A. Gonzales – 1B Fowlkes – LF Kok – RF Munn – 2B Pelles – SS Simko – CF Cano – P Gannon

Legleiter was going to drown right in the first inning after issuing a walk and three base hits. Barend Kok had singled in Ryan Czachor already and the bases were loaded with one out for Pelles, but Pelles was Pelles, grounded an 0-2 pitch back to the mound, and Legleiter bailed out on a 1-2-3 double play. While this 1-0 deficit already looked like a difficult tackle for this Raccoons team, when Legleiter gave up three straight 2-out hits to Kok (single), Munn (RBI double), and Pelles (RBI single) in the bottom 3rd, the Falcons advanced to 3-0, and what was a raccoon going to do now? A 3-0 deficit sounded like having to climb a 20-story tower – on the outside.

The Raccoons' first two base hits were both Jarod Spencer's, a single in the first and a triple in the fourth. They somehow scored him on the latter occasion, giving rise to hope in the less experienced fans in the fold. The Coons had three hits, but didn't score in the fifth, mainly for an untimely double play that Tovias hit into in between. I felt bad for a kid (…!) in the first row on the first-base side of the seats. Family with three kids, all decked out in Coons gear, maybe expatriates on the East Coast. Mom and Dad held on to their drinks, the two older kids were dutifully thumbing their phones, and then there was the youngest boy, who had Coons logo stickers on his cheeks, and kept hopping up and down with a cardboard sign, self-made probably, that read "LETZ GO CONS" whenever a Raccoon stepped into the box. The camera kept panning to that family for some reason, and there was no stopping his euphoria on this day, but he was definitely in for a lifetime of grief.

Kiddo got infinitely excited in the seventh inning when Abel Mora hit a 1-out double into the rightfield corner. The tying run came to the plate, then popped out foul on two pitches. Alfaro batted for Legleiter, and used the first pitch to ground out to Pelles. Maybe in the eighth! Ramos drew a leadoff walk, then reached third base when Spencer singled through Czachor. Runners on the corners, no outs, middle of the order coming up. The young fan almost went bonkers on camera, while I was expecting nothing but the absolute worst. Oh what a cynic I have become! Instead of the Coons falling all over one another for an unassisted triple play (they can do that without a man on second base!) Rafael Gomez singled to centerfield to get the score to 3-2 and now Gonzalez would actually be pitched to with men aboard… but flew out to Munn. Kopp chipped a single past Pelles, though, and that loaded the bases for Nunley, with no reliever in sight. He tied the game with a groundout, which was a ho-hum outcome, but still left Mora with two in scoring position and two outs, but the Falcons' Greg Gannon walked him halfheartedly on four pitches that all missed well outside. Tovias fell to 0-2 with two outs, then hit a ball high to right, but nowhere near deep, and Munn had no bother to register the third out there. On came the bottom 8th. The Raccoons juggled relievers as best as they could, but the Falcons countered their every move. Brotman allowed a single to pinch-hitter Bill Adams. Ricky Ohl allowed a 450-footer to pinch-hitter Chris Mendoza and the Coons went down to defeat. 5-3 Falcons. Spencer 4-5, 3B; Mora 2-3, BB, 2B;

I wonder whether that boy maintained composure after that Mendoza moonshot. Probably not. The camera never showed him again, and they never show crying children.

Thankfully, they also never show crying GMs.

Raccoons (32-16) vs. Bayhawks (24-22) – May 29-31, 2026

The Baybirds had a 5-game winning strea going that had gotten them within two games of the Thunder in a mediocre CL South. The Raccoons had won two of three games from them in the first series between these teams in '26, and were hoping for more W's. San Francisco ranked eighth in runs scored, ninth in runs allowed, and their -22 run differential wasn't exactly crying out for the playoffs, but then again we all saw the Cyclones reach the World Series last year…

Projected matchups:
Mark Roberts (7-2, 1.56 ERA) vs. Jonathan Shook (5-3, 3.57 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (7-0, 2.29 ERA) vs. Allen Reed (3-4, 4.58 ERA)
Kyle Anderson (3-2, 4.10 ERA) vs. Matt Huf (6-3, 2.18 ERA)

Allen Reed, 30, will be the only southpaw on offer this week, clearly dwarving the number of former Raccoons starting pitchers that were all discarded at a young age that we will have seen this week. While we didn't get a glance at Jack Sander in Charlotte, we'd get Shook and Huf in this series, and if the Bayhawks did something funny it would only pull up the third pitcher we sent over in the Mark Roberts deal, Reese Kenny (2-4, 6.15 ERA).

Game 1
SFB: 3B Booker – C R. Anderson – LF J. Correa – RF C. Martinez – 1B Caraballo – CF Hawthorne – SS Camacho – 2B Pick – P Shook
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Spencer – LF Gomez – 1B Gonzalez – 3B Nunley – CF Mora – RF Alfaro – C O'Dell – P Roberts

There was a home run for the first scoring in the game, which should be enough for any alert Coons fan to know that San Francisco scored first. Mark Roberts hit Cesar Martinez really hard to begin the second inning, then served up a 2-piece to George Hawthorne to end up in a 2-0 deficit. Portland countered with the bases loaded and nobody out in the bottom 2nd thanks to singles by Gonzalez and Nunley, then a walk drawn by Mora. Well, hold on – that's only three on and nobody actually across! True, but Jonathan Shook lend the Coons a hand (paw?), walking Alfaro to force in a run, then threw a wild pitch to tie the score. O'Dell hit an RBI single, and Roberts hit into a run-scoring double play for a 4-run outburst of sort. Ramos then singled but was caught stealing to end the inning. Jaden Booker singled to begin the third against Roberts, who snorted, then struck out the next three. Bottom 3rd, double to left by Spencer, then a long one to right from Gomez. HOME RUN!! A HOME RUN!! AN ACTUAL HOME RUN!!!!

(cough) That made it 6-2 Portland, which didn't mean that Roberts wouldn't still get into sticky situations. He found one in the fifth inning, in which he surrendered a 1-out single to reliever Steve Singer, then drilled Ryan Anderson with two outs. Thankfully, Alfaro got to Jon Correa's shallow fly to end the inning. The next inning Cesar Martinez came up with a leadoff walk, followed by the darn-deepest fly to left that Tomas Caraballo could possibly hit without hitting it out or off the fence. Instead Rafael Gomez reached up right at the wall and took it off the top of the wall. Phew! Hawthorne's double play grounder to Ramos ended the inning. On to the seventh, Pat Pick's 1-out bloop single and Zachary Ryder's roller on the infield that led to the same result, albeit of the pinch-hit variety. Things got dicey after a passed ball advanced the runners, but Jaden Booker popped a 1-2 pitch to Spencer. Roberts declared confidence to the pitching coach that he could devour .215 batter Ryan Anderson with two outs, probably his final batter in a game that was not yet a success, nor a disaster, but in which he had only whiffed four. Anderson banged a spiked bouncer to the left side, but somehow Nunley got paw on it and fired to first base in time to retire the slow-limbed catcher to turn away the Baybirds once more.

The Critters then tried to piece together the eighth with Derks and Boles, leading to Snyder entering for a 5-out save with Caraballo on second base and the tying run in the on-deck circle… Spencer handled both Hawthorne's grounder and Omar Camacho's pop, banning the most immediate threat, then created a new one in the ninth. Walk issued to Danny Morales, a single by Booker, and suddenly the tying run was up in PH Jaiden Jackson, who had pop enough to scare me. He also had the speed of a three-legged turtle, and was no challenge to double up on when he grounded to Jarod Spencer, ending the game. 6-3 Furballs! Spencer 2-4, 2B; Nunley 2-4; O'Dell 2-4, RBI; Roberts 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (8-2) and 1-3; Snyder 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K, SV (7);

Game 2
SFB: 3B Booker – SS Hawkins – LF J. Correa – RF C. Martinez – 1B Caraballo – CF Hawthorne – C R. Anderson – 2B Pick – P A. Reed
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Spencer – LF Gomez – 1B Gonzalez – CF Mora – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – 3B Gerster – P Gutierrez

The Bayhawks opened the game with three straight singles, but didn't score on Rico thanks to Abel Mora throwing out Jaden Booker at home plate on Jon Correa's single to centerfield. Two groundouts produced by Martinez and Caraballo did the rest. For a while it looked like the Bayhawks had already blown their best and maybe only chance. For the next three innings, they amounted to one single, while the Raccoons amounted to an unearned run in the bottom 1st after Reed's error put Ramos on base and he stole his way into scoring position for Rafael Gomez' single to plate him, and then they ****ed up with double plays in good spots in the third, fourth, and fifth innings. The Bayhawks bid their time and Rico lost cohesion in the middle innings, putting Pat Pick aboard in the top 5th. Reed swung away and popped out, bringing up Booker, who had hardly been retired so far in this series, and wasn't here, either, flipping a homer over the fence in left. That was surprising, because Booker was not a regular power threat, and still not surprising, because the Raccoons had one coming for them… Rico couldn't get out of the sixth, walking one and allowing three hits, and departed down 4-1 with runners on the corners and one out. Surginer replaced him, got a liner right into Spencer's mitten for the second out, then rung up Reed, and would strike out the top of the order 1-2-3 in the seventh, but the damage was done, and the Coons looked hopeless, just like every other day. Reed held the Raccoons well in check through eight innings, then was replaced with right-hander Manny Sosa and his 5.63 ERA for the bottom of the ninth. Jon Gonzalez hit a leadoff double, and thus the flame of hope flickered again just after being suffocated. Caraballo's error on Mora's grounder put runners on the corners, and the tying run came up in .171 menace Omar Alfaro. He batted, because I hoped to send Terry Kopp as the winning run – not that either of them was hitting them outta the yard. Alfaro in any case hit nothing in particular, striking out, and when Nunley batted for Tovias, his run-scoring groundout was not exactly an advancement to our case. Terry Kopp batted for Gerster, flew out to centerfield, and everything was horrible once more. 4-2 Bayhawks. Gomez 2-4, RBI; Gonzalez 2-3, BB, 2B; Surginer 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K;

First loss of the season for Rico Gutierrez, and the Elks won and were now in a position to rob first place from us on Sunday unless the ****ing offense finally lit up around Kyle Anderson.

Game 3
SFB: 3B Booker – SS Hawkins – LF J. Correa – RF C. Martinez – 1B Caraballo – CF Hawthorne – C Jai. Jackson – 2B Pick – P Huf
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Spencer – CF Mora – RF Gomez – 3B Nunley – 1B Kopp – LF Carmona – C O'Dell – P K. Anderson

Anderson whiffed two and faced the minimum the first time through the Baybirds' order, which included a leadoff single by Cesar Martinez in the second inning that led to a double play grounder by Hawthorne. The Raccoons scored a run in the bottom 2nd on a 2-out combo where Kopp doubled off the fence and Cookie singled him in, much to everybody's delight. Martinez went on to rob Ramos of his maiden dinger in the third inning, a ball that sure seemed destined for outta here, but was grabbed from three inches above the top edge of the fence in rightfield.

The Coons had no further base hits … or even made any impressions… through five innings, and Kyle Anderson did his very goodest to hold on to the 1-0 lead, but just couldn't. Pat Pick flew out to begin the sixth inning, but then Matt Huf flicked a soft single to right, and Jaden Booker dropped a bloop between the converging Spencer and Gomez, too. Gomez fired to first, but stumbled over the fallen Spencer at the same time, resulting in a wayward throw that chased Matt Nunley up the leftfield line and allowed Huf to score from first base. Booker would be left in scoring position on Hawkins' fly to center and Correa going down on strikes. The score remained tied at one into the eighth inning, which was both curse and blessing; actually, with these Coons, it was hard to distinguish between those two. The Coons had the go-ahead runs in scoring position in the sixth (Ramos and Mora reaching) and seventh (Kopp), and didn't get them in. The Baybirds got Jackson on with a leadoff single in the eighth, then Huf on Anderson's misguided attempt to force Jackson at second base on the bunt. Jaden Booker ran a 3-1 count with one out, at which point the Raccoons and Anderson in particular deserved every bit of harm he would inflict on them, and then he grounded to Ramos. Around the horn they went, and the terrific Booker was doubled up to end the inning. For his troubles – a 4-hitter was far from shabby – Anderson received a no-decision. The Raccoons did nothing in the bottom 8th, but Snyder was at least able to escape a leadoff walk to Hawkins in the ninth.

That put the 2-3-4 batters up for a walkoff attempt (giggles) against Matt Huf in the bottom 9th. Huf was on 90 pitches, a 2.08 ERA, and had hardly broken a sweat. Then he drilled Jarod Spencer with his 93rd pitch, and instantly was in the ****. IF the Raccoons could do better than Mora's groundout, which at the very least didn't count for two, moving Spencer to second. One out, Gomez. Nah. The Bayhawks walked him intentionally, a curios choice, since it brought up a string of left-handers against Huf, although few Raccoons were easier to double up than Matt Nunley, and if he didn't get doubled up, few Raccoons struck out readier than Kopp. But there was somebody on the bench – going against every trend, the Raccoons sent the right-handed Jon Gonzalez to bat for Nunley, and first base was not open this time. He hit the first pitch to center, and for the second out, too. Kopp grounded out to Caraballo. Extra innings. Top 10th, the Bayhawks loaded the bases against Snyder on a Hawthorne single, then two errors by Stalker and Gerster. Hawthorne singled to center to plate two, and the Raccoons were going to go down in infamy. Down 3-1 in the bottom 9th, Cookie hit a leadoff single off Manny Sosa before O'Dell unbelievably popped out on a 3-0 pitch. Tim Stalker singled, putting runners on the corners. The way they were toying with their fans – and GM – desperately hoping for a comeback was most cruel. Elias Tovias pinch-hit for Snyder in the #1 spot and hit a sac fly to center, which was totally not helpful. Spencer singled to center with two outs, Stalker turned third, then at some point found out he had gravely misjudged this play, tried to scramble back, but at this point had been trapped in a rundown between second and third, where Hawkins, Pick, and Booker converged on him and tagged him out after a short while. And ballgame. 3-2 Bayhawks. Kopp 2-4, 2B; Carmona 2-4, RBI; Stalker (PH) 1-2; Anderson 8.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 6 K; Snyder 2.0 IP, 2 H, 2 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, L (0-1);

Yup, all their runs were unearned.

In other news

May 25 – The Rebels lose 2B Marco Hernandes (.279, 2 HR, 23 RBI) for the season after the 28-year-old has broken his kneecap. Hernandes batted .340 with 238 base hits last season.
May 26 – Aces RF/LF Mike Bednarski (.298, 5 HR, 16 RBI) started the day at 1,996 base hits and banged out enough to reach 2,000 for his career in a 7-3 loss to the Canadiens. Bednarski, a career .286 batter with 216 HR and 1,070 RBI, has two singles and two homers in the game and drives in all his team's runs – in vain.
May 27 – LVA OF Danny Serrano (.357, 3 HR, 16 RBI) has joined together 20 straight games with a base hit following a fifth-inning double in the aces' 8-5 loss to the Canadiens.
May 27 – The Miners acquire 1B/3B Jonathan "Banjo" Morales (.349, 1 HR, 21 RBI) from the Canadiens for a prospect.
May 27 – A home run by RIC C Matt Dehne (.172, 2 HR, 9 RBI) provides the only offense in the Rebels' 1-0 win over the Capitals, a game in which both teams combine for only five base hits.
May 28 – The Condors trade swingman John Waker (1-4, 5.74 ERA) to the Wolves for two prospects.
May 29 – In the Indians' 16-8 drubbing of the Falcons, IND INF/LF/RF Matt Good (.247, 3 HR, 25 RBI) goes 4-for-4 with two walks and drives in a whopping seven runs.

Complaints and stuff

The newest thing that drives me crazy are … unsurprisingly, the Elks. They have a new mascot… unsurprisingly, an elk. Took them a while to accept their legacy, huh? Worse yet, they sent me one of their stuffed toy elks now. It looks frighteningly cute with plush sunglasses, and the plush antlers are wiggling when you shake it, and the color choices made are very tasteful. I have a hard time hating this thing! As does Chad. – Chad, stop shaking it. Chad, don't do that. – Chad, stop with the ant- Chad. Chad. CHAD STOP IT.

Also: **** the Aces. Mike Bednarski, the persistent scum, has a good day ONCE in his life, and then they still fumble the game to the damn Elks!

Mark Roberts went 6-0 in May with a 1.44 ERA and 39 K in 43.2 innings, which was well enough for the Pitcher of the Month award. Quite an upswing after his 2-2 April, although to be fair his ERA was pretty darn low then as well.

Oh, you know who'll come in on our next homestand starting June 9? The damn Elks!

(Chad shakes the toy elk, antlers wiggle)

Come to daddy, Honeypaws, I need some warmth.

Fun Fact: The 2026 Raccoons are on pace for 50 home runs this season, which would by far be their lowest ever season total.

"By far" hardly captures the seriousness of the situation. The Raccoons, who still hit 100 homers last year, missed hitting at least 80 every year just once, and that came exactly 20 years ago, in 2006, when they hit just 74. And they are currently on pace to get almost by one third below that mark. Staggering!

The 2006 team saw Clyde Brady tying for the team lead with 12 dingers, which was bad in itself, and then it was BRADY, the Avatar of Losing. He shared the crown(…) with Adrian Quebell who was recently completely snubbed for the Hall of Fame. This was his first full season in the majors, a.k.a. Year 1 of Al Martin's murdered career, and he packed an OPS of just .716 … Among qualifiers, Brady's .761 OPS actually led the team.

It only gets more infamous if you go through the rest of the top 5, if you're so inclined. Craig Bowen hit 10 dingers in what was essentially half a season, but he's excused for multiple reasons, including still the only 4-homer game in the ABL, and also the Raccoons having a fever dream that Bob Wood could be their catcher of the future. He wasn't, batting .199 with one homer in this season, which he brought down to .130 with no homers in 28 games the following year – which was also the last one in the majors, forced out at age 26.

Fourth in dingers in '06 was Jose Carlos Crespo, only one in a string of brittle centerfielders the Raccoons paraded out year after year (and sometimes month after month) in the mid-naughts. He actually hit nine the following year, but due to injuries that crippled him gradually he never once topped his 350 AB from 2006, his age 25 season. In fact, after 2007, where he got 297 AB, he only collected another 213 AB for the rest of his career all the way through 2015.

The final top 5 entry was Bob Mays, another one of those demi-prospects acquired in trade that would totally end our decade-long losing spell. That one cost us Concie Guerin's decaying body to the Falcons in 2005. Mays' 333 AB in 2006, his age 22 season, marked more than half his career total. Same for those seven homers. He also struck out 76 times. That he stole 24 bases for a team that never stole all that many didn't help him. The best one can say about Mays these days is that he was in the package that brought in Jerry Fletcher for the second half in '08, but that also ended with nothing to show for against the Crusaders.

Bob Wood, Yoshi Yamada, and Steve Searcy all hit exactly one homer for the 2006 Coons. For all of them it was the last one of their careers.

Okay, they totaled only ten between them.

But if you can't out-dinger Clyde Brady, Adrian Quebell, and ****ing J.C. Crespo, you're in trouble, sitting at 33-18 or not.