20 September 2051
OFFICE OF THE STATE CAPITALS LEAGUE COMMISSIONER
NOTICE OF SUSPENSION: JOE MERRILL
The Commissioner is extremely disappointed to write to you to issue a player suspension, less than two months after last doing so. The behaviour of the Des Moines Magpies team on the field of play is of great concern to him at this current time. The Commissioner fully understands that during the closing stages of the regular season, as teams compete to win division titles and postseason berths, emotions are running high. But he does not accept that this invalidates norms of behaviour on the baseball field, and expects State Capitals League players to treat fans, officials, and each other, with respect at all times.
This letter provides official notification from the Office of the State Capitals League Commissioner of the four-game suspension that has been issued to Des Moines Magpies outfielder Joe Merrill. Mr Merrill has no right of appeal against this decision. The suspension applies with immediate effect.
The SCL has a well established belief that players should treat officials politely and respectfully at all times, and will not tolerate verbal abuse being directed toward them. The aggressive and intimidatory language that Mr Merrill directed to home plate umpire Les Largezone in last night’s game against Olympia and which led to Mr Largezone ejecting him from the game, has no place in the SCL, which, I remind the Magpies organisation, is a family-friendly sport. Mr Largezone is not, as Mr Merrill alleged during his tirade, “smellier than a skunk up a drainpipe”, “8 sandwiches short of a picnic” or “a biased, bloated, barmy, backside-kissing buffoon”, and most certainly could call a better game than Mr Merrill’s grandmother. While the Commissioner has some admiration for Mr Merrill’s alliterative skills, he wholeheartedly supports Mr Largezone’s decision to eject Mr Merrill from the game.
The Commissioner feels that a 4-game suspension is appropriate in this case, and reflects Mr Merrill’s previous good behaviour during his SCL career to date. I am sure that the Commissioner would, however, take a rather more dim view of events should there be a repeat in future.
Yours sincerely,
Rufus S. Bureaucracy
State Capitals League Deputy Commissioner
20 September 2051