[Westheim]

I will not exaggerate when I state that the winter meetings were an enormous disappointment … on an epic scale … and having gone there turned out to be a mistake, because the air travel to get there and to get back (who wants to die in ****ing Nashville?) would have been better spent on boozing incessantly for the better part of a week, especially since I’m not always into Slappy’s cheap stuff.

Zero trades involving the Raccoons were made, and it wasn’t necessarily our fault. A few teams tried to leave me with crappy first basemen making meal money. I tried to get a few interesting right-handed relievers, including an opposite Ron Thrasher type as Gabriel Martinez described it in the Miners’ Jose Archuleta, a soon-to-be 28-year old Dominican pitcher with only seven appearances in the majors and a 17.05 ERA. Now, hear me out here. He got mauled for 12 earned runs on 14 hits and one walk in 4.1 innings in five games in ’17, which is not something bad pitchers usually do unless an oddly charming cosmic event is occurring, leading to reversals of magnetic fields and all the airplanes falling out of the skies.

The Miners clearly weren’t liking him, giving him a single inning in the just-buried season, in which he had struck out two. Control might be a problem for him, as it was for the young Ron Thrasher. But they also were not interested into any offers for Archuleta, who would probably die with that 17.05 ERA as well as with many regrets about not having listened to his grandfather to join the family shoe shining business. Thank heavens Yayo Gonzalo died of that common cold six years ago and doesn’t have to witness his pitiful career anymore.

When I announced to every GM who would listen (and also to those who wouldn’t) that R.J. DeWeese and Alex Ramirez were both readily available for little in return, the room usually fell silent for a moment before everybody burst into laughter.

‘Have fun with that DeWeese contract, Westfield!’ snarled J.J. Popoff, GM of the beloved Elks.

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December 5 – The Indians sign 32-yr old ex-PIT RF/LF Dave Carter (.274, 143 HR, 577 RBI) to a 4-yr, $11.28M contract, while their old outfielder RF/CF John Wilson (.271, 78 HR, 378 RBI) signs a 2-yr, $2.84M deal with the Crusaders.
December 7 – Ex-ATL INF Wade White (.287, 23 HR, 300 RBI) lands a big pay day at age 29, signing a 6-yr, $12.48M contract with the Buffaloes.
December 8 – The Rebels send five prospects to the Miners in exchange for SP Cody Zimmerman (75-80, 3.70 ERA), a 28-year old southpaw. Included in the package the Miners receive is #79 prospect SP Jared Williams.
December 8 – IND C Randy Garner (.270, 54 HR, 287 RBI), age 29, is sent to the Cyclones for 3B/2B Rey Umpierre (.273, 6 HR, 42 RBI) and a token prospect.
December 9 – The Aces send 2B Rich Walsh (.268, 45 HR, 276 RBI) to the Miners for SP John Key (38-56, 4.55 ERA) and unranked prospect CL Matt Goga.
December 11 – The Buffaloes keep shuffling and drawing card, signing ex-SFB INF Zach Ingraham (.281, 48 HR, 404 RBI) to a 3-year deal. The 31-year old right-handed batter will make $4.86M for his services.
December 11 – The Loggers send SP Brian Cope (31-26, 4.00 ERA) to the Miners. The 25-year old pitcher nets them 25-yr old 2B Tyler Stewart (.282, 1 HR, 39 RBI) and a second-rate prospect.
December 11 – The Miners also trade with the Cyclones, sending them SP/MR Chris Munroe (11-18, 3.85 ERA) for two prospects including #46 SP Dave Madonna.
December 18 – The Loggers have themselves a new closer, signing ex-ATL CL Quinn MacCarthy (27-19, 4.11 ERA, 35 SV) to a 3-yr, $2.73M contract.
December 18 – Milwaukee also manages to get a semi-decent prospect from the Knights in their trade for Loggers righty Luis Calderon (6-4, 5.23 ERA, 6 SV).
December 19 – The Miners splurge money on ex-IND RF Nick Gilmor (.280, 69 HR, 363 RBI), who signs for 4-yr, $5.98M.
December 21 – The Raccoons sign ex-TIJ 2B/SS Roland Lafon (.250, 25 HR, 220 RBI) to a 1-year contract. The 30-year old Canadian will make $250k as part of the deal.
December 22 – Former Pacific C Errol Spears (.292, 131 HR, 786 RBI) inks with Cincy for two years and $4.88M.
December 23 – More intra-Federal League movement of stars: ex-RIC SP Dave Butler (140-121, 3.81 ERA) gets a 2-yr, $5.84M contract from the Stars.
December 23 – 31-year old SP Zach Boyer (104-83, 3.55 ERA) returns to the CL South after two years with the Titans, signing a 4-yr, $12M deal with the Bayhawks. The Titans have to console themselves with ex-LAP SP Ozzie Pereira (73-71, 4.13 ERA), who gets a 2-yr, $2.32M deal.
December 24 – Crusaders fans find a present under their tree in form of ex-CIN SP Brian Doumas (72-52, 3.14 ERA), whom their team signs to a 5-yr, $15.2M contract.

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Maud hates me now. It’s been six weeks since the Pierson trade, and all she’s got is Lafon, who is – well – underwhelming at best. He did not play in the majors in 2018 *at all* to start with. He is a bench piece and he will be on the roster to start the season, however; we had a ton of second basemen around last year, and nothing ever worked out for us. This year nothing might fundamentally change, but at least we have a strong defensive option for the middle infield now, so we can use Lafon to supplant with McKnight and Walter on their off days and not open up all the boulevards up the middle.

Although, before Shane Walter is mad at me, I have to add this. Shane Walter had the extremely undesired distinction of spending 120+ defensive innings on every position in the infield in 2018, and more than half of his total defensive innings came at short after the McKnight injury. The eggheads point out that he had a slightly positive zone rating at short (as he had at every position), and while I don’t buy stat talk like that without ridiculing it, he surely passed the eye test at short, where he didn’t play a whole lot in the previous two campaigns which he (partially) spent with the Coons. In 2016 and 2017, he got 232 defensive innings at short, combined, but the Miners, his first major league team, actually played him a lot at short, making shortstop the position he’s played the second-most frequently on in his big league career with just under 1,700 defensive innings, behind roughly 2,650 defensive innings at the keystone, and ahead of the 1,550 at the hot corner. The least time he has spent at first, 232 innings, and most of those in 2018.

VERY good player – great to have on the team!

Walter. Not that Lafon guy. Even his name looks like there is at least one letter that’s gone missing.

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Elsewhere, Adrian Quebell netted a hardly justified $1.1M deal for 2019 with the Buffaloes. Quebell batted .222 with 2 homers in 119 games in 2018, and in 114 of those games he came off the bench.

William Waggoner got $720k from the Thunder. 39-year old Luis Reya spent time between the Rebels and Stars in 2018 and now got a $1.48M deal from the Cyclones.

Also, Joe O’Brian signed with the Knights for $278k. Who the **** is Joe O’Brian? He was the reliever we received in a side exchange of bullpen arms for Luis Beltran that was attached to the “Dingus” Morales trade to the Capitals in 2011. You know, the one that left us with Cookie Carmona.