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The Oakland Telegraph
5 May 2034
Ni promoted to active roster as Bates ruled out for three months
By Drew Blownawaybythe-Brees, sporting wimps correspondent
Oakland's most delicate flower, starter Carl Bates, has been ruled out for three months with a torn meniscus. No idea what that is, I'm afraid, and it goes against the finest journalistic traditions of this newspaper to actually be bothered to even google it to find out. Bates, famously a fragile wet weekend, broke down towards the end of his spell in last night's 6-2 victory over the Astros. He'd actually pitched well, throwing 6 innings for just a single earned run, but the man once rumoured to have suffered a broken bone when a team-mate coughed in his direction, couldn't throw any more on the night. He now won't throw any more for another three months according to club physio Walter Proofplasters. Let's see if his injury absence suspiciously lasts exactly three calendar months.
Mario Plourde steps out of the pen and into the rotation in Bates's #5 starter position. And young relief talent Jin-woo Ni, whose surname is autocorrected to "in" with irritating frequency, comes into the bullpen. Pitching coach Ace Onballs has concerns over Ni's control, but the lad has terrific stuff.
Oakland have continued their steadily effective season. Where last year they waged an almighty battle with Texas for the American League West division, this season they look to be heading for a toe-to-toe struggle with the Los Angeles Angels. The Angels are 16-7, giving them a narrow half game lead.
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