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The Oakland Telegraph
14 May 2033
A's front office holds pitching crisis talks as Carter finally gets a win
By Chris Isstalks, overhyped chats correspondent
The Oakland A's front office staff late last night held what they described as "casual conversations", but which we'll sensationally describe as "crisis talks", over supposed ace starter Greg Carter. Carter has, by any standard, had a dreadful season so far, particularly for a pitcher who has made five all-star appearances and purports to be the team's ace. His numbers make ugly reading. 5.70 ERA. 1.87 WHIP. 5.60 FIP. 1 quality start in 7. Urgh.
Insiders say that during the meeting, analyst Mike Rosoft-Excel argued for the club to show patience with Carter, pointing to his unsustainably high .394 BABIP. Pitching coach Ace Onballs pointed out that a high BABIP had nothing to do with him getting slapped for 7 home runs in only 30 innings. GM Paulie Beane reminded everyone present that the A's are currently on the hook for nearly $140m due to Carter over the next seven years. The meeting was made slightly less fraught after the evening's game, where Carter finally got his first win of the season in a 5-2 victory over Houston. Carter threw 5.2 innings for no earned runs. The meeting reportedly concluded that they would give Carter more time, but he is clearly on notice that he needs to improve if he wants to stay with the World Series holders. Of course, he may not.
The meeting also discussed fellow starter Joe Byrd, whose 5.19 ERA and 5.85 FIP have also rung alarms bells inside Rosoft-Excel's computer. There was a unanimous view to send him down to the minor league roster. Carl Bates has been only average in the bullpen but comes into the rotation anyway, with hot prospect Mario Plourde comes up into the pen for his first taste of the big leagues. Esteban Mendez has also been demoted, and replaced in the bullpen by flame-throwing Brandon Lee.
The rest of the pitching staff have avoided Beane's ire and been very good. The A's are 20-11, in second place in the American League West division and just 1.5 games behind fast-starting Texas. With Seattle in third place at 12-17, it already looks like being a two-horse race between the A's and the Rangers for the division title. Between them, the two teams have won the division 15 times during the 18 seasons of the Dynastic Era.
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