[Westheim]

Raccoons (61-43) @ Knights (54-50) – August 3-5, 2009

Oh look, the CL South leaders are actually recognizably over .500 now. And if their third-best offense could spew out three runs per game in this series, they might be seven over by Wednesday night. Disregard their fourth-worst concept of preventing runs. In fact, disregard the Raccoons’ lineup entirely. We will only play the bottoms of innings to save everybody time and bother.

Projected matchups:
Cássio Boda (1-1, 4.76 ERA) vs. Jim Turner (7-5, 3.38 ERA)
Nick Brown (8-5, 2.10 ERA) vs. Kurt Doyle (8-9, 4.83 ERA)
Colin Baldwin (8-5, 2.80 ERA) vs. Dave Butler (9-3, 3.69 ERA)

There’s a right-hander hiding between two southpaws in this series, and those two southpaws are their best starters in terms of ERA. And well, Butler has more wins than any Raccoons starter anyway.

The series itself however didn’t get underway until Tuesday when it rained cats and dogs and other critters on Monday. The Coons were happily spending the day inside, alternating between eating and snoozing. We had a double header to play on Tuesday though and used that splendid opportunity to switch our starters, put Boda behind Brown and have him separate the left-handers again.

Game 1
POR: SS Howell – 2B Correa – 1B Sharp – LF Alston – 3B R. Martinez – RF Schipper – C De La Parra – CF Trevino – P Brown
ATL: SS Kester – 2B T. Pena – CF J. Morales – RF G. Munoz – 3B C. Martinez – LF Ju. Garcia – 1B Younger – C Delgado – P Turner

This was a visitor’s lineup that one was tempted to sneeze at, but Pete Schipper put the Raccoons ahead early with a solo home run in the second inning. Alas, you also had to sneeze at Nick Brown, who seamlessly got in line with all the other dorks allowing run-scoring 2-out hits to the opposing pitcher recently. The Knights had two on already, the Coons called an intentional walk to 28-year old rookie Carlos Delgado, and Jim Turner singled in a pair anyway in the bottom 2nd. That was even before the great RISP qualities of the Raccoons came to light again, with Alston and Martinez leaving the bases loaded in the top 3rd, and Brown stranding Schipper at third base in the fourth. Ricardo Martinez would tie the game with a 2-out RBI double in the top 5th, scoring Correa from second base, but Alston running from first was thrown out at home. Desperate times, desperate measures, desperate results.

At least the Coons got Jim Turner out of the game by the sixth inning when Schipper and De La Poland hit singles to start the inning. Sadakuno Imamura replaced him, and at that point, the Raccoons had ten hits to the Knights’ five, and still couldn’t beg their way to a lead. Eventually we had the bases loaded for Correa with two outs, the count ran full, and Correa finally yoinked a pitch to right center that vanished in the vast alley between Morales and Munoz and wasn’t excavated again until Correa was sliding into third base with a score-improving 3-run triple. Imamura was in meltdown mode, walked Sharp and Alston, but Martinez raked himself out. No, there was the occasional fluke hit, but overall the team was not improving. Nick Brown hit a leadoff double in the top 8th and was stranded mercilessly, too, and it got even harder for him in the bottom of the inning, in which Jose Morales and Carlos Martinez both took him deep with solo home runs to get the Knights back to within a run at 5-4. Ricardo Martinez hit a double in the ninth, but forget about it. In fact, consign yourself to the pitch black abyss. Angel Casas walked Kevin Bond to start the bottom 9th, and soon enough allowed a triple to John Kelsey that blew out Brownie’s win. Jaime Kester’s fly to left was deep enough for Kelsey to tag and score as the Knights walked off. 6-5 Knights. Correa 2-4, BB, 3B, 3 RBI; Martinez 2-5, 2 2B, RBI; Schipper 4-5, HR, RBI;

We out-hit them 14-8. Our LOB was 11, theirs four. The problem, you see, is that this team is composed entirely of ****ing numbnuts that couldn’t **** a brick if being fed clay and tied down outside in the summer sun, let alone score one of their own litter on third base with less than two outs.

What do you mean there’s another game today?? I don’t want no other game today!!

Game 2
POR: 2B Nomura – 3B Sharp – 1B Quebell – LF Alston – SS Howell – RF Schipper – CF Trevino – C Lopes – P Boda
ATL: SS Kester – 2B C. Martinez – CF J. Morales – RF G. Munoz – 1B Jo. Garcia – 3B T. Pena – LF Kelsey – C Fowler – P Doyle

Vermin scored four runs from four singles in the first inning, although the Knights used every trick they knew to help them with a wild pitch by Doyle bringing in the very first tally, and also an outrageous throwing error by Gonzalo Munoz helping out. Two runs scored on sac flies, and Trevino was the only Raccoon to actually score a run with a base hit. But, 4-0 in the first, life is good. Except that one run was immediately given back by Boda when Morales conquered him for a home run, but hey, 4-1 in the first. 4-1 became 6-1 as Kurt Doyle continued to not put hitters away, and a Nomura triple in the fourth brought in the seventh run. Caution, boys! You don’t want to run out of your weekly run allotment on Tuesday!

Things got a little uglier in the fourth, too, with Doyle still allowed to fuss around and drilling Quebell and Howell. Those were left on base, and Doyle was hit for in the bottom of the inning, with Bond flying out to Alston to end the inning. Yet, despite being up by six runs, this was still Boda pitching, and his non-skill began to show, too. Gonzalo Munoz and Jorge Garcia hit back-to-back homers to start the bottom 6th, pulling the Knights back to 7-3, and while Boda was allowed to mess around some more, he was removed after Tony Pena and Dale Fowler reached the corners with two hard singles. One out, Luis Beltran was called on to face the reliever Chris Lamb in the box, which was an odd spot to not hit for a pitcher, even in the back leg of a double header. Lamb quickly flicked a 1-0 pitch into a double play to quell the threat. With Huerta pitching in the eighth, the Knights had a runner thrown out at home by Trevino, but the game was locked up for the Coons in the top 9th when Ralph Myers hit for Schipper with Howell on base and rocked his first career home run to right center. 9-3 Coons. Nomura 2-3, 2 BB, 3B; Sharp 2-4, RBI; Howell 1-2, BB; Myers (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI; Martinez (PH) 1-1, 2B; Beltran 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

After churning out four hits in the first game, Pete Schipper went 0-3, 3K in the second game. Oh well.

Game 3
POR: SS Howell – 1B Quebell – 3B Sharp – LF Alston – 2B Correa – RF Ayers – C De La Parra – CF Trevino – P Baldwin
ATL: SS Kester – LF Ju. Garcia – CF J. Morales – 3B C. Martinez – 1B Bond – RF Jo. Garcia – 2B Kelsey – C Delgado – P Butler

At first it looked like a pitchers’ duel in the making, with no score and little action through three innings, but then the Raccoons had the bases loaded in the top 4th. Unfortunately this was with one out and the worst bit of the lineup coming up. De La Pudding had a full count going and swung over a ball that was terribly close to the dirt, and Trevino limply loped out to Garcia in right. The next runner in scoring position was Sharp in the sixth, reaching on a Carlos Martinez throwing error (THAT Martinez was a Gold Glover, though), and made it to second base with no outs. While Alston grounded out and Jose Diarrhea merely achieved the bare minimum with a sac fly to right, Baldwin blew up the instant he was handed the lead. One-hitting the Knights through five innings, he allowed a double to Dave Butler in the bottom 6th, then was taken deep back-to-back by Jorge Garcia and Jose Morales. Top 7th, De La Polio hit a blooper that fell in front of Garcia. While Trevino continued to fail, Ricardo Martinez batted for Baldwin and hit a triple to center that not only scored the runner, but also had the tying run at third base with less than two outs, and with the greatest of pains, Rob Howell’s sac fly just barely got Martinez home, 3-3. All the effort was for nought when Ted Reese allowed a 2-run homer to Delgado in the bottom of the inning, though. Sharp homered in the top 8th, a solo job, Huerta gave the run right back. 6-4 Knights. Martinez (PH) 1-1, 3B;

The Knights had a 2-homer inning in every game in this set. The Raccoons had lunch twice on Wednesday.

Ralph Myers was demoted back to St. Petersburg as Matt Pruitt came off the DL in time for the weekend series. Myers might be back in September as a left-handed bat off the bench, and if Quebell continues to suck like he does, he might even get a few starts here and there then.

Raccoons (62-45) @ Loggers (38-68) – August 6-9, 2009

We were 6-1 against the Loggers this season, and they were truly horrendous in all fields. Second-least runs scored, most runs allowed, worst rotation, second-worst bullpen. They were even worst in defense! There was not only not much to like about this team, there was NOTHING to like about this team. In other words, they were the 2000 Raccoons.

Projected matchups:
Jong-hoo Umberger (8-4, 3.26 ERA) vs. Art Davies (0-0)
Javier Cruz (8-6, 2.75 ERA) vs. Ramón Huertas (4-6, 5.24 ERA)
Nick Brown (8-5, 2.22 ERA) vs. Roy Thomas (5-13, 4.26 ERA)
Cássio Boda (2-1, 4.86 ERA) vs. Tom Constantino (1-2, 5.46 ERA)

We miss their only left-hander, William Lloyd (4-12, 4.78 ERA), it seems. Well, they nominally do have more left-handers, but they (Fabien Armand, Fernando Cruz) are both on the DL.

Game 1
POR: 2B Nomura – 3B Sharp – LF Pruitt – RF Alston – 1B Quebell – SS Howell – C De La Parra – CF Trevino – P Umberger
MIL: CF J.R. Richardson – SS B. Hernandez – RF Hiwalani – LF T. Austin – C Baca – 1B Cambria – 3B Jennings – 2B K. Scott – P Davies

Davies, a 26-year old right-hander with unremarkable everything, went undrafted in the 2000 Amateur Draft and worked his way up the ladder by cleaning other players’ spikes at first. This was his major league debut and he got started with two scoreless innings and driving in a run in his first at-bat, a 2-out (of course) RBI single in the bottom 2nd that already gave the Loggers a 2-0 lead over Umberger, who spent a lot of time in deep counts and reached 100 pitches in the sixth inning, which was also as long as it took the Raccoons to overcome a 2-run deficit against a fourth-rate pitcher. Nomura and Howell plated runs in the fifth and sixth innings, respectively.

Umberger had Jennings in scoring position with two outs and an 0-2 count to J.R. Richardson in the sixth inning then. From there he threw a wild pitch, six more that were either fouled off or balls, and finally allowed a single that gave the lead back to the Loggers. Rockburn replaced him, Richardson stole second base, and then scored on a Bartolo Hernandez single on an 0-2 pitch. Luis Beltran drilled not one, but TWO batters in the bottom 7th before allowing another 2-out RBI single to Dave Jennings. It was all entirely and wholly horrible, and ended in a rightfully smothering defeat, with two unearned runs for a howling Howell error in the bottom 8th. 7-2 Loggers. Quebell 2-4, 2B; Correa (PH) 1-1;

What a funless job I have…

Game 2
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Howell – LF Pruitt – RF Alston – 1B Quebell – 3B R. Martinez – C De La Parra – CF Ayers – P Cruz
MIL: CF J.R. Richardson – SS B. Hernandez – RF Hiwalani – LF T. Austin – C Baca – 1B Cambria – 3B Tolwith – 2B K. Scott – P Huertas

Our left-handed 3-4-5 guys all reached on soft singles and a walk in the first inning before Martinez flew out equally softly to Tim Austin and nobody scored. This game turned terminally south in an incredible hurry. After Austin flied out to right in the bottom 2nd, the Loggers started to turn up the volume. Alonso Baca singled, as did the undead Hugues Cambria and Aaron Tolwith. Keith Scott doubled in two, Huertas singled home one, and Richardson plated the fourth run with another double. Bartolo Hernandez’ single got the score to 5-0 and then ancient Bakile Hiwalani channeled some mystical force to crank a 3-run homer. Eight batters, eight base hits, eight runs, eight more reasons to just cut your wrists and wait for darkness.

With Cruz having gotten poured salt in his soil and turned into a wasteland, Luis Beltran was selected to do some long relief work if at all possible, but he allowed another run before even getting out of the inning. The Raccoons had the bases loaded in the top 3rd before Martinez hit into an inning-ending double play, and the Raccoons didn’t do anything remotely remarkable beyond that. At least we covered the entire game with just Beltran and Huerta, both allowing a run. Not that it mattered. 10-1 Loggers. Howell 2-4, 2B; Alston 2-3, RBI; Beltran 4.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 3 K; Huerta 2.2 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 3 K;

(blank expression)

Game 3
POR: SS Howell – LF Pruitt – RF Alston – 1B Quebell – 3B Sharp – 2B Correa – C Lopes – CF Trevino – P Brown
MIL: CF J.R. Richardson – 1B Q. Burton – RF Hiwalani – LF T. Austin – SS B. Hernandez – 3B Tolwith – 2B K. Scott – C Olson – P R. Thomas

Brownie faced an entirely right-handed lineup on short rest, which was not the perfect storm for sure. Maybe the Tolwith error in the second inning that allowed Sharp to stay out of possibly a double play and instead put him on along with Quebell and no outs could lead to something, especially with Correa reaching on an infield single after beating out Keith Scott’s throw. Three on, no outs, bring the runts of the litter. Ximenes Lopes hit a grounder hard to left, but this time Tolwith didn’t butcher it. He only got the out on Correa at second, though, and the first run was in. The output tripled when Trevino’s liner to right was not caught up with by Hiwalani, who had to follow the bouncer all the way into the corner. Brownie singled up the middle, 4-0, stole a base, and scored on an Alston single with two outs before the inning came to an end. Not quite a 9-spot, but certainly not a bad base to build on, 5-0 in the second.

Unforunately, Brown’s stuff had not been delivered yet from Atlanta (it would arrive Sunday morning), and the Loggers lined three hard singles off him in the bottom of the inning. While that only got them back to 5-1, there was certainly room for more. Hiwalani and Austin were already on the corners in the bottom 3rd when Brown knocked out Hernandez with a pitch. Dave Jennings replaced the logged Hernandez, the bases were loaded, and Brownie was wildly adrift. Tolwith singled in a run, and Mike Olson singled in two before Thomas somehow made the third out. 5-4. While the Coons added two runs in the fourth inning, mainly on a Howell triple and an Alston homer (apparently these things still exist more frequently than appearances of Halley’ Comet), for Brownie the struggles never ended in this game, and he never got himself righted over the course of six horrendous innings of 9-hit, 4-run ball. Law Rockburn took over the 7-4 lead in the seventh, and immediately turned the lead into a void. Three of four batters he faced, reached, and two runs were already in after a Dave Jennings double when Marcos Bruno took over, and just so maneuvered around feared sluggers Keith Scott and Mike Olson to arrive in the eighth with a slight 7-6 edge. Bruno’s services were required in the bottom 8th, so with two on and one out he bunted in the top 8th, and even THAT could result in a double play apparently. At least he struck out the side of Baca, John Cameron, and Quinn Burton in the bottom 8th in hope of evading getting shaved.

There was actually a rain delay then in the top of the ninth (remember, this was a Nick Brown start, and he’s cursed), but even though that lasted longer than an hour, the game was not called by the umpires. No, no, give the team of mooks the chance to bring in their idiot closer first. Hiwalani grounded out to Sharp and Hugues Cambria whiffed, and then the Loggers rapped three straight 2-out singles off Casas. That brought up Chris Delaney, who had taken Huerta deep the day before. 2-1 pitch, hard grounder to third base, Sharp with a tumbling grab, rolled back to his feet and zinged the ball to first, bang-bang play and the batter was … OUT!! 7-6 Brownies. Howell 2-4, BB, 3B; Alston 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Bruno 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K;

Game 4
POR: 2B Nomura – 3B Sharp – LF Pruitt – 1B Quebell – SS Correa – RF Schipper – C De La Parra – CF Trevino – P Boda
MIL: SS B. Hernandez – 1B Cambria – LF Hiwalani – CF T. Austin – C Baca – 3B Tolwith – RF J. Cameron – 2B K. Scott – P Constantino

The 23-year old Constantino had some walk issues, with 22 free passes in 28 innings this season. While that was often bad but sometimes wouldn’t bite you, we had to battle with the textbook definition of a dork in Cássio Boda, and also with our lineup, but Quebell, Correa, and Schipper loaded the bases in the second inning with three singles, and no outs. De La Panama as always failed, but Trevino singled to center to at least get one run in, and a second run would only score on a wild pitch. Another run scored in the third inning, but soon enough the Loggers were all over Boda. Hiwalani’s leadoff single was quickly followed by a Tim Austin RBI double in the bottom 4th, and the Loggers plated two in the inning, then stranded a pair in the fifth. Boda made it through seven with a 4-2 lead. Quebell had singled home Sharp with two outs in the seventh. Then Rockburn took over and that hadn’t worked on Saturday, either. Here, he basically walked Hiwalani, then had Schipper dash all over rightfield to catch drives by Austin and Baca, the latter one being especially scary, and then waited until Aaron Tolwith hacked himself out with the Civil War veteran Hiwalani in motion. The Coons left runners on the corners in the ninth, waiting for Angel Casas to make it a nail biter in the bottom 9th again. Pruitt actually took leftfield with a pile of popcorn in his glove. Keith Ayers had replaced Schipper for additional defense and caught drives by John Cameron and Keith Scott before Quinn Burton lined up the middle, but was intercepted successfully by Yoshi Nomura. 4-2 Critters. Quebell 4-5, RBI; Correa 2-5, RBI; Schipper 2-3, BB; Boda 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (3-1);

Constantino actually walked only three batters in 8.1 innings, with Sharp drawing free passes twice.

By the way. When I refer to Bakile Hiwalani as Civil War veteran I actually mean the one between Marius and Sulla.

In other news

August 3 – The Pacifics keep falling apart, sending SP J.J. Wirth (11-9, 3.18 ERA) to the DL with shoulder inflammation. He won’t return from there until next season.
August 4 – SFW INF Oliver Torres (.299, 0 HR, 30 RBI) is back to the DL with a fractured finger and is not expected back until mid-September.
August 7 – 28-year old WAS LF Raúl Vázquez (.252, 6 HR, 19 RBI) is forced to retire after repeating injuries to ankle ligaments have made his ankle unstable. Vázquez batted .280 with 32 HR and 160 RBI in a 6-year career.

Complaints and stuff

The team slid out of the top 5 in the power rankings with this weak of horrors. The headache is getting quite intense by now.

Guess who’s our first pitcher to nine wins. Nick Brown, on pace for 13 wins this season, the definition of a true ace!

This week, the Mexican Prick inquired why he couldn’t see Whitebread’s contract extension on the 2010 expenses forecast. I wrote him that Whitebread would not get an extension. The answer to that was hard to misinterpret. The Prick insisted on an extension to Whitebread for as many years as was feasible. I had Mike, the technician, cut together some footage of the single A ball Poza Rica Thieves of Jimmy Eichelkraut being horrendous, and sent that back to the Prick with the single line “There’s his first ever pick, three years later, stuck in a rat-infested **** hole in Mexico.”

I’m still waiting for a response to that, but I wouldn’t fancy my chances that the doughbag just keeled over and choked to death. Besides, that wouldn’t necessarily help us. I heard his eldest offspring fancies shiny race cars, high roller Baccarat in Vegas, expensive hookers of either sex, and constantly has his nose full of something that looks like flour, but isn’t.

Speaking of Mike, he also cuts the game preparation videos for our team, but I recently found out that they aren’t even watching them. That might explain why every last donk of a pitcher is able to fool them. They are exchanging the numbers and locations of pizza places in all 24 ABL cities with great interest, though.