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The Oakland Telegraph
14 April 2031
Byrd suffers debut to forget
By Rob Bish, terrible play correspondent
If he ultimately develops into a good quality major leaguer, rookie starting pitcher Joe Byrd will look back on yesterday's game as the day where he really learned and understood what it takes to be a ballplayer. Called up last week to replace the injured Carl Bates in Oakland's rotation, who'll spend a fortnight on the disabled list, Byrd took to the mound to make his MLB debut in last night's match-up against the Los Angeles Dodgers at Dodger Stadium.
Things quickly went wrong for the 25-year-old, who was picked by Oakland in the second round of the 2027 amateur draft and has developed in their minor league system. Veteran LA batters Carlos Andres Diaz and Carlos Torres popped him for two solo homers in the 1st inning. First baseman Andy Stilson smacked him for another homer in a two-run 2nd inning. When shortstop Dorssys Paulino smoked him for a two-run homer with two out in the 3rd, making it 6-0 Dodgers and with four homers hitting the stands, field manager Phil D'Manager had seen enough and pulled him. The damage had been done, and the A's lost 10-6.
D'Manager defended his young pitcher at the post-match press conference, saying nerves had got the better of him on his first major league appearance. However he was overheard at pitchside during the game ranting about how Byrd's performance had been "utter, utter toilet", and rhetorically questioning "which fool picked him to start tonight?" GM Paulie Beane, the fool who had picked him to start last night, refused to speak to the press after the game and was nowhere to be seen. Insiders say Byrd will probably still take his further one or two turns in the rotation until Bates is fit again, rather than being immediately demoted.
Oakland have made a better than predicted start to the season. Despite last night's defeat, they are 6-3 and in first place in the American League West division. But there are warning signs of trouble. They are only 46-43 in runs scored and conceded, and their team ERA of 4.56 is not unadjacent to double what they put up last year. These are very early days and sample sizes are small, but fans spokesman O. Clandmad said supporters were getting concerned that pundits' preseason predictions may actually prove correct for a change.
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