[Westheim]

The Inepticoons were back in town. Oh, the joy.

I filed in sick on Monday. I couldn’t get it over me to shower. Or put on pants. At night, I watched Nick Brown’s start against the Indians, slumped over the couch. Honeypaws was staring at me from his place on the other sofa.

You can’t get away from them, can you?

Raccoons (73-82) vs. Indians (88-67) – September 25-28, 2006

Up by five and a half, the Indians had brought the champagne with them (not trusting the Coons and their non-budget to provide them with celebratory gimmicks) to knock it off once they’d clinch their first postseason in 18 years. Certainly the odds weren’t in their favor for the opener on Monday, but eventually their pitching would hold the scruffy Raccoons lineup scoreless at some point, right? They were merely 10-4 against the Coons on the year.

Projected matchups:
Nick Brown (10-5, 2.86 ERA) vs. Ramón Jimenez (7-14, 5.11 ERA)
Ralph Ford (14-11, 3.52 ERA) vs. Patrick Moreau (10-11, 4.15 ERA)
Rhett Carpenter (1-1, 5.00 ERA) vs. Ramiro Gonzalez (13-14, 3.52 ERA)
Kenichi Watanabe (8-16, 3.97 ERA) vs. Bob King (11-10, 3.79 ERA)

We miss Curtis Tobitt (22-4, 1.98 ERA). Whatever the heck that means now…

Game 1
IND: CF A. Solís – 1B S. Stevens – LF Alston – 3B D. Lopez – RF B. Miller – C L. Paredes – 2B A. Stevens – SS J. Lopez – P R. Jimenez
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Flores – 1B Pruitt – LF Brady – RF Mays – CF Fernandez – 3B Sharp – C A. Ramirez – P Brown

Strikeout victim #1,111 for Nick Brown was Bill Miller to end the first inning which had been unnecessarily prolonged by Brownie’s own error on Ron Alston’s grounder. Jimenez would chop a leadoff single off Brown in the third, but through five everything was in the green area for Brown. As it had been against the Condors…

The Raccoons were still hitless in the bottom 5th against the unimpressive Jimenez when Fernandez walked and Sharp got knicked by the hurler. Brown batted with one out and recently pitchers had been quite involved in early runs for the team. Here, Brown singled to right, which was the first tally and the first hit for the home team in the contest. Sharp went to third. Nomura walked on a disputable pitch in a full count before Flores’ drive to left was caught by Alston, but Sharp scored, 2-0. Matt Pruitt was next in line and bowled over Jimenez with his first career homer, a huge shot to dead center that jumped the score to 5-0!

At about that point I managed to locate enough power in my body to raise myself up on the couch. Big mistake. Brownie had been in cruise control on a 2-hitter through six innings, but the seventh started with Ron Alston hitting a single into center, and where there’s Alston, there’s also David Lopez, and both were in the top 20 in career home runs in the ABL. Lopez hit one right off Brown. The Raccoons found some offense in the bottom of the inning, but “some” did not amount to runs and they left the bases loaded. We also had two men on with two outs in the eighth when Quebell hit for Brown, but struck out. Brown at least put the ball in play three times on the day…

And then Angel Casas couldn’t close it. He got Simon Stevens, but Ron Alston homered off him, 5-3. Bill Miller’s ringing 2-out double and a pinch-hit single by Marty Battle chased him for Marcos Bruno to face right-handed PH Filippo Fugosi, who fouled out on a 2-1 pitch. 5-3 Brownies. Pruitt 1-3, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Brown 8.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 10 K, W (11-5) and 1-3, RBI;

Game 2
IND: 2B C. Aguilar – CF Martines – LF Alston – 3B D. Lopez – C Paraz – RF B. Miller – 1B Fugosi – SS J. Lopez – P Moreau
POR: SS Flores – LF Pruitt – RF Brady – 1B Quebell – CF Fernandez – C A. Ramirez – 3B Sharp – 2B Ingram – P Ford

Another day, another 3-run homer from Matt Pruitt, this time in the third inning and following Eddie Fernandez’ solo shot in the preceding inning, giving Ford a 4-0 lead. Unfortunately, Ralph Ford was walky, issuing a free pass in about every inning. FORTUNATELY, Ron Alston tattooed one of his pitches when the obligatory walk had not been issued yet in the sixth. Ford then quickly walked Lopez and Paraz. Marcos Bruno had to save the day in the sixth inning today, striking out Fugosi and then proceeded to strike out the side in the seventh. With Angel having been hit hard in Monday’s game and having pitched two days in a row, we started to get unconventional. Moreno got two outs for us before David Lopez singled off Sergio Vega. Ed Bryan got Paraz, then got Miller to start the ninth inning. And then it was – Kaz. It was the bottom of the order, it was a 4-1 lead with one out in the ninth, and Rockburn had pitched almost every day last week. It was not pretty – Fugosi walked, before Lopez hit one hard to short – but Kaz got the job done eventually. 4-1 Coons. Pruitt 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Bruno 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K;

Ford walked six in this start. Also: how good are Alston, Lopez, and Paraz? All are hitting around .280, and they combined for 80 home runs and 270 runs driven in. It was a bit like Hall – Osanai – Dawson years and years ago: a fear-inducing 3-4-5. For their careers, they have 214 (David Lopez, t-18th all time), 197 (Ron Alston, 23rd), and 140 (Jose Paraz, t-79th) home runs, 551 in total. Hall, Osanai, and Dawson for their careers? 746, but not all of them for the Coons, only 612. Those three Indians? They are career Indians, and they will stay together for another season before Lopez and Paraz could be free agents. Alston is signed through ’10.

This might be the spot to point out the following oddity. Tetsu Osanai might be in the Hall of Fame, but he actually has LESS career home runs than both Daniel Hall AND Mark Dawson. But four batting titles in five years will do something for your HOF cause.

Game 3
IND: CF A. Solís – RF B. Miller – LF Alston – 3B D. Lopez – C Paraz – 1B S. Stevens – 2B J. Lopez – SS Kilters – P R. Gonzalez
POR: 3B Flores – 2B Nomura – CF Fernandez – RF Brady – LF Crespo – 1B Pruitt – SS R. Miller – C Esquivel – P Carpenter

The Terrific Three got to 81 homers when Paraz launched a shot off Carpenter in the second inning that counted for two. The third saw Carpenter hit Ramiro Gonzalez, the pitcher, throw a wild pitch, and surrender another run on a ringing double by David Lopez. Like Ford the day before, Carpenter lasted only five and two thirds before simply getting stuck. Rémy Lucas entered with Sharp in a double switch that ended Pruitt’s day so Lucas could pitch to a string of left-handers. The first one of those was the pitcher, who was 1-1 with two times on base, and lined a ball hard to right, but Sharp made a jumping grab to end the inning and spare two runs. Ramiro Gonzalez might have been denied here, but he certainly kept the Raccoons dry in a 3-0 game, allowing three soft hits through five innings. Lucas wasn’t any good against even left-handers and allowed another RBI double to Alston by the seventh. Gonzalez developed his own issues against left-handed batters in the bottom 7th, putting on Nomura and Mays to start the inning, with Nomura scoring on Crespo’s single, and Mays scoring on a wild pitch, but no matter what the Raccoons were cobbling together, the Indians were still SLUGGING. Jose Paraz took Kichida deep in the ninth, and this one just kept getting away further... 6-2 Indians. Nomura 2-4; Mays 2-3; Bowen (PH) 1-1; Crespo 2-4, 2B, RBI;

They still haven’t clinched with the Elks not stopping to win. But the magic number is a tiny 1 with this win, and they get Watanabe, whose non-stuff should be a big help to get the Indians to score big in the final game of the series. The entire CLCS could get locked up by tomorrow with the Falcons’ M# also at 1. At this point, in the FL East there are still FOUR teams with mathematical chances! Honestly, however, it was the Blue Sox (yet again) or the Cyclones, who were only one game out.

The Raccoons’ numbers in any case were reduced by one, with Eddie Fernandez, chronically injured, leaving early with a tweaked shoulder. He was out for the year with some soreness. We filed for Santiago Trevino to join the team in the final days of the season.

Game 4
IND: 2B C. Aguilar – RF B. Miller – LF Alston – 3B D. Lopez – C Paraz – 1B S. Stevens – CF Harrigan – SS Kilters – P B. King
POR: 2B Nomura – LF Pruitt – RF Brady – 1B Quebell – C Bowen – CF Trevino – 3B Flores – SS R. Miller – P Watanabe

Quebell singled in a run before the team left the bases loaded in the first inning. David Lopez instantly retied the score, making it into 17th all time with his 215th career dinger, and the Indians just kept piling on against Watanabe, scoring two more runs in the inning. Watanabe got knocked out in the fourth inning, with the Indians’ pathetic bottom of the order hitting him for four consecutive singles. These four singles didn’t score a run however, with Brady throwing out Simon Stevens going first-to-third on Sean Harrigan’s single. Bases loaded, Rémy Lucas came in and struck out Aguilar and Miller to strand all three runners. With many innings still to log, we found a spot for the disgusting Jose Dominguez, who hadn’t pitched in three weeks for being ****. This was a losing effort already. Go ahead, Jose, blow it for good. Bob King was crumbling however: Craig Bowen tied the game in the fifth, and the Coons had the bases loaded in the sixth, only for Clyde Brady to strike out for the third out. Dominguez walked three in three innings, but was not scored upon, and then Adrian Quebell led off the bottom 7th with a triple! The bases got loaded again in the 3-3 game with one out. Ryan Miller couldn’t hit a barn from the inside, so Sharp hit for him and got the bare minimum done with a sac fly that sent the team ahead, 4-3. Antonio Ramirez batted for Dominguez. At 2-1 he popped off of first, and Simon Stevens had it glance off his glove and got an error. In a full count, Ramirez popped to the foul side of first again – and this time Stevens nabbed it. Top 8th, Rockburn allowed a single to the only batter he faced, Harrigan, before Moreno came in and sat down the side in order. Bottom 8th, Nomura singled and Pruitt doubled. Runners on second and third with no outs, Brady and Quebell hit rockets – and both had them caught. Bowen then chopped a ball over the head of Fugosi at second, Nomura scored on the single, Pruitt was sent, Claudio Rey’s throw was terrible, and Pruitt was actually safe. Angel came out for the ninth, and he just was not right. Jose Lopez hit a booming double over Pruitt to start the inning, and the Terrific Three all hit the ball hard – and all three hard balls were snagged, two of them by Quebell! 6-3 Indians. Nomura 3-5; Brady 2-5, 2B; Quebell 2-5, RBI; Bowen 3-3, 2 BB, HR, 4 RBI; Mays (PH) 1-1; Dominguez 3.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 1 K, W (14-13);

Good news for the Indians? The Canadiens lost 1-0 to the Crusaders, so despite them failing utterly against the Raccoons, they still clinched the division – their fifth postseason in franchise history, and the first in 18 years. They were the 1981 champions.

In the CLCS they would face the Falcons, who clinched with a 5-2 win behind Larry Cutts over the Thunder, and would also be in the playoffs for the fifth time, but for them it was the third time in four years, the second consecutive and of course they were the defending champions, too.

And our visitors’ clubhouse was all sticky from that champagne and on Friday morning I found out that Slappy had filed in sick ‘til Christmas.

Raccoons (76-83) vs. Loggers (66-93) – September 29-October 1, 2006

Do we REALLY have to play this set? Well, it’s Brownie time once more, but … REALLY? We’re 6-9 against them on the year.

Projected matchups:
Tim Webster (5-6, 4.01 ERA) vs. William Lloyd (10-13, 4.25 ERA)
Nick Brown (11-5, 2.82 ERA) vs. Roy Thomas (5-12, 5.97 ERA)
Ralph Ford (15-11, 3.46 ERA) vs. Martin Garcia (13-7, 2.55 ERA)

Final game of the season will also be Ralph Ford’s 222nd and final start for the Raccoons. He narrowly avoided 100 losses (67-96, 3.97 ERA).

Game 1
MIL: LF Bayle – 2B B. Hernandez – RF Hiwalani – CF T. Austin – SS Tolwith – 3B O. Rios – 1B C. Parker – C T. Phillips – P Lloyd
POR: 3B Flores – 2B Nomura – CF Crespo – LF Brady – C Bowen – RF Mays – 1B Sharp – SS R. Miller – P Webster

Lloyd didn’t give up a hit the first time through the order (and Webster no run) before Flores singled up the middle with two outs in the bottom 3rd. Nomura singled, bringing up J.C. Crespo, who got a present delivered from Lloyd, right down the middle, and tattered it for a 3-run homer. Tim Dumpster immediately set out to blow that ugly 3-0 lead, and the Loggers loaded the bases with no outs in the fourth. He struck out Phillips, then fell 3-1 on Lloyd, who ultimately singled to cut the lead to 3-1. Bayle popped out to right, bringing up Bartolo Hernandez, who was really not a power hitter, but ended Dumpster’s season with a slam, his third homer on the season. The trash can section of the bullpen followed their brother in spirit, but Salazar and Cash actually turned in 3.1 scoreless innings from there. Lloyd was still pitching in the bottom 7th, giving up a single to badly struggling Ryan Miller. Pruitt hit for Cash although a lefty was dealing, and – WHAT – A – BOMB!! Huuuuge home run!! That is NEVER going to come down again!!

With the game re-set to resume from nothing, 5-5, Law Rockburn went from the eighth to the tenth without allowing anything. Which was all well and swell, if just the team could have gotten anything going. But no such luck. When Quebell hit for Miller in the bottom 9th, got on, and was run for by Yamada, Yamada got himself caught stealing. Top 11th, Marcos Bruno just collapsed, and walked and balked the winning run home for the Loggers. 6-5 Loggers. Pruitt (PH) 1-2, HR, 2 RBI; Cash 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K; Rockburn 2.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 0 K;

Game 2
MIL: LF Bayle – 2B B. Hernandez – RF Hiwalani – CF T. Austin – 1B Batlle – 3B O. Rios – SS M. Clark – C T. Phillips – P Norris
POR: 2B Nomura – LF Pruitt – RF Brady – 1B Quebell – 3B Flores – CF Trevino – C A. Ramirez – SS Yamada – P Brown

George Norris was not skipped as originally hinted at, which might spare us Martin Garcia in the season finale. Norris was 7-15 with a 5.76 ERA.

Brownie went to three balls on the first three batters, resulting in a K, a walk, and a single, before Austin hit into a cleansing double play, and Jimmy Bayle would strike out in a full count again the next time up in the third. There was no score through five innings, which included Brown and Nomura getting left in scoring position in the bottom 5th by Pruitt and Brady. Brownie hit a 1-out single for the second time in the game in the bottom 7th. Nomura doubled, and they were in scoring position again. Norris was still pitching. Could somebody please put something on the board, right now?

Yes! Pruitt hit one to left that was caught, but was sufficiently deep to score Brown with the go-ahead run. Nomura came home on Brady’s single. Quebell walked, and Flores singled to make it 3-0. Trevino’s bloop fell unattended into no man’s land, and with the runners in motion, even Quebell scored on a ball in shallow right. Bowen then struck out in an 0-3 Ramirez’ place. With that 4-0 lead, Brown returned to the mound, and despite the early control woes, he was only at 79 pitches through seven, but needed 17 to overcome Orlando Rios’ leadoff single in the eighth to finally strike out Chris Parker. But it’s the final weekend, we can knock ourselves over today. He’d go for that shutout (and the Coons putting up another 4-spot with a 3-shot by Quebell included in the bottom 8th helped build confidence). Bayle struck out, but Hernandez walked. Hiwalani then hit one through the diving Flores for a double. Hernandez was sent home, Pruitt to Yamada to Bowen – OUT AT THE PLATE!! Hiwalani moved to third base with two outs. Okay, ONE more batter for Brownie. He’d face Tim Austin, a righty with some pop and an almost 25% whiff rate. First pitch, called strike. A ball. Another ball. A foul ball. Another foul ball. A rip – missed. 8-0 Brownies!!! Nomura 1-2, 3 BB, 2B; Brady 3-5, RBI; Quebell 1-3, 2 BB, HR, 3 RBI; Brown 9.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 8 K, W (12-5) and 2-4;

BROWNIIIEEE!!!!

Game 3
MIL: LF Bayle – 2B B. Hernandez – RF Hiwalani – CF T. Austin – SS Tolwith – 3B O. Rios – C T. Phillips – P M. Garcia
POR: SS Flores – 2B Nomura – CF Crespo – LF Brady – C Bowen – 1B Quebell – 3B Sharp – RF Lugo – P Ford

Last hurrah for Ralph Ford and Clyde Brady, the latter scoring the first run of the game on a Sharp single in the bottom 2nd. The Loggers loaded them up in direct response but didn’t score when Hernandez popped out to shallow left and Hiwalani grounded out to Nomura, but Tim Austin hit a leadoff jack in the fourth to tie the score anyway. Ford tried to leave Portland on a high note, but the Loggers shoved the go-ahead run across in the sixth inning and it looked like Martin Garcia heading for #252 instead. Ford was hit for with Mays in the bottom 7th, which didn’t yield results, and Marcos Bruno was bested by Bakile Hiwalani in the eighth to push the score to 3-1. And then, suddenly, Flores with a single, and Nomura with a double, and the tying runs in scoring position in the bottom 8th. Crespo couldn’t get it done, but Brady singled to right and both runs scored! Tied ballgame! Domingo Moreno, also in his final appearance, kept the Loggers at bay in the top of the ninth. Martin Garcia was STILL in there in the bottom of the inning. Two out, nobody on, Pruitt hit for Lugo. He fired a shot to left center for a double, kept running, and was out. Extra innings. Casas pitched a messy but scoreless top 10th and we faced their closer, Robbie Wills, in the bottom 10th. Trevino made an out before Vic Flores doubled to left. Sliding into second base he pulled some thing or other and was replaced by Ryan Miller. Nomura was not pitched to, while Crespo flew out to left.

Could Clyde Brady at least leave on that high note? No, he grounded out, and a meaningless game meaninglessly was going to drag on. To make a long afternoon short, the Loggers pushed a run across against Kaz in the 13th, and Clyde Brady made the final out in the game. 4-3 Loggers. Flores 2-5, 2B; Brady 2-6, 2 RBI; Ford 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K; Casas 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

In head-to-head competition for the final spot in the playoffs, the Blue Sox out-hit the Cyclones 15-6 this Sunday – and still lost 4-3. CIN Dan Morris comes up clutch with two homers (30 on the year) to lift the Cyclones, the team he has spent his entire career with, since 1999, and fourth overall. They were the champions in the ABL’s inaugural season in 1977.

In other news

September 28 – Hitting streak over for WAS LF Raúl Vázquez (.307, 14 HR, 72 RBI) who goes dry against the Rebels to have his streak end at 23 games.

Complaints and stuff

A man of many talents, Nick Brown had his fifth career shutout and ninth complete game, and his first shutout since 2004. He missed his career best ERA from his rookie season by .01; despite missing two months, he finishes with 4.4 pitching WAR. He finishes with a career best .254/.267/.305 slash line with the bat, putting some of our real batters to shame.

I love him. He’s taken over from Dan The Man, and Neil Reece, who’s still playing ball in Oompalooza, AK, or somewhere close to that, to be precise. Oompalooza has the nearest post office.

That’s how all things end, most of the time. In the dust.

It’s been 30 years in Portland. The first ten years had a few incredible lows and one incredibly joyful high. The next ten years were high-high-high, until the fun police busted us for drug abuse. The last ten years… (puts down bottle of Capt’n Coma next to the chair on the balcony overlooking the dark ballpark under a pitch-black night)

The last ten years are the reason why there’s suicide hotlines.