View Single Post
Old 03-05-2013, 09:54 PM   #51
RBLwebguy
Hall Of Famer
 
RBLwebguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 5,162
Quote:
Originally Posted by YZG View Post
[210-428] The Rögle BK celebrated wildly after they eliminated the MODO Hockey in the Le-Mat Trophy title series by a 2-1 score. And the celebration continued when they players hit the locker room and the party really began. The champagne flowed freely as the jubilant players passed around the championship trophy. Others dove headfirst and slid from one doorway to the next on a slick plastic sheet. Some were drenching each other with champagne and exchanging bear hugs. "This is a great ending for a great season," the victorious Rögle BK skipper told the reporters in the club house. "Winning the Le-Mat Trophy doesn't happen often in a career. This title is to be savored and remembered."


===
I bolded problems in the text above. "they" should be "the"; the coma should come after the ". Skipper is a baseball term. This text should probably refer to the head coach instead. Same for club house, actually; locker room is probably better. Please also check, I am not totally certain, but there might be a missing space between the period and the "And" of the second sentence.

Finally, sentences starting with "and" are kinda acceptable, but may annoy some people. In this text, I'd say it is not needed and could be dropped altogether.
Yeah we took some of the stories from the OOTP database and will require some tweaking to make the stories hockey centric :-)
RBLwebguy is offline