View Single Post
Old 02-29-2012, 12:08 AM   #11
Nunyer
All Star Reserve
 
Nunyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Baseball Ned Flanders stares into your soul...
Posts: 594
GM Journal: Saturday March 30th, 2052

Only two days until opening day... it's going to be a circus. Well, as much of a circus as regional sorta major league baseball can be in central Ohio. We welcome the Cockroaches to town, they aren't terribly good, but they were the team that was on the field when my predecessor, Freddie Foster, went crazy and tried to kill our manager and Benny Byproduct. Should be an interesting official start to my new career.

And wow... our minor league system must be really, really bad. Every time I try to talk to Mothballs about it, he screams in what I can only guess are curse words from a foreign language and throws random items from his desk at me until I leave his office. That bastard clipped me in the collarbone with his stapler this morning. According to an independent scouting agency that we apparently pay to keep Mothballs honest, our farm system is ranked 16th. Not good in an 18 team league.

I offered a few young guys minor league contracts a few minutes ago... based on reading a few blogs. Felt good to actually do something official... Hopefully I didn't screw up the paperwork. Rumor has it that our team lawyer is actually a former exotic dancer that the owner keeps on the payroll so he can hide the child support payments from his wife... She signed her name on every single blank line of the contracts, even the blank lines meant for the players to sign... and her name is Destiny... no last name ... just Destiny, Attorney at Law... with a heart dotting the "i". Starting to understand why Freddie Foster went on a postal rampage at the end.

On a brighter note, my assistant just dropped off the scouting assessment of our catchers. Starting to wonder if Mothballs computer is even plugged in... everything is in these spiral notebooks covered with doodles. Today's theme appears to be dragons with human female breasts... Thanks for that Mothballs, you're a gem.

C Jason Bell / 35 years old
Under contract for 1 year @ $805k
Ever see that movie Major League? Me either, that thing is like 70 years old... don't even know why I brought it up... But Jason Bell makes Tom Berenger from Major League look like Johnny Bench... Bell has shot knees, can't run and isn't terribly sharp anymore defensively. He'll probably fall into 15 homers if we play him regularly, but that's about it for silver linings here.

C Jose Garcia / 30 years old
Under contract for 1 year @ $180k, arbitration eligible (est $189k)
Everything I said above about Bell? Well, just replace Major League with Major League 3... and replace Tom Berenger with Scott Bakula.

In conclusion our catchers stink. We have one somewhat promising kid down on the farm, but he is at least a full season away. I know you are new at this job... in over your head... way out of your league... hopelessly overwhelmed at every turn... So you might want to take a look at the waiver wire, Baltimore is trying to sneak their former starter down to the minors. He's nothing much at the plate, but he's outstanding at handling pitchers and in the field. Maybe we can convince Lerma to eat the $180k to make Garcia go away.... I doubt it, but claim the guy and worry about those details later.
Nunyer is offline   Reply With Quote