[MadBum]

A couple of updates on some free agents, who are not as interesting as some random kid in A ball. Some of them are somehow happy with the meager offerings I give them, while others have the look of a kid who just had brussel sprouts shoved down their throats. Cheer up, kids; an extra serving of casserole coming right up!

I’ll start with the most hilarious contract exchange I’ve ever seen:

Man, no WAY am I signing a minor league deal with Milwaukee! I’m ready for the show now, and you ain’t showin’ me no respect. By that I mean money, man. I’m gonna be a star closer in this league some day, and you’re gonna regret not givin’ me what I deserve.
-Clint Everts

Everts had a 4.83 ERA last year in AAA. Also, this is what he looks like. Something tells me this is more along the lines of what he would really write.

Kind sir, I am simply not interested in agreeing to a deal of minor league quality with Milwaukee. I believe that I am capable of pitching at the highest level of baseball now, and I can honestly say that your offer disgusts me. The meaning of this, of course, is that you are not offering me proper compensation. I am going to be a stellar closer in the near feature, and you will rue the day you did not offer me the proper funds.

Jose Arredondo and Adam Miller both liked their offer, which makes them seem even more alike than previously suggested. At this point, it’s getting creepy. It does make me feel noble, because I’m potentially reuniting a poor pair of twins who were oblivious to the others existence. I’m a hero!

AJ Pierzynski said at one point that we had the best shot at signing him. Cool. On the same exact day, he also said that Toronto offered him a better compensation package, at 620k for one year. I don’t want to mess with any angry Canadians (, Big T), so I’ll just allow him to become the wielder of the Tools of Ignorance for the Pajaros Azules. Fly away, little bird.

With ‘AJ the Douche’ going to the beautiful land of Canada, I set my sights on switch hitting catcher Wilkin Castillo. Castillo, the poor guy, was let go by our division rival Redlegs despite posting a .811 OPS in AAA. He can switch hit, has a good arm, and hits a lot of doubles. What more could you ask for? Okay, you can ask for plenty more, but when you're looking at Jonathan Lucroy as your backup you'll take anything. He’s no Buster Posey, but he’ll make a fine platoon player with Kottaras. Heck, I might just start him outright and not worry about silly platoons or splitting playing time. 590k for one year is our offer for the Dominican’s services. At the very least, the Dominican will learn about American culture in Nashville.

A bunch of minor leaguers mentioned in the earlier post liked the offer, and some Nicaraguan named Pedro Jimenez was discovered, and the minor league deal we offer him suits him fine. Probably better than Joe Koshansky, and all of the arms are probably better than Chuck Lofgren. Upgrading the organization, one step at a time!

Jorge De La Rosa was asked to prom by two ugly nerds who she used to date, Milwaukee and Kansas City, and she (oops, he) is favoring the one she dated most recently in Kansas City. Even after a brief flirtation with the rockie hard muscles of Colorado, she’s (he’s, gosh dang it!) fallen in love with the royalty of Kansas City all over again. I’m not one to interrupt the two love birds, so I let DLR go to prom with Dayton Moore. But we have seen this romantic comedy plenty times over, and we all know the ending ain't going to be pretty.

Willie Harris says he can see himself playing center field in Milwaukee next year. I love you Will, but even I don’t see you playing centre fielder, eh, for us, even if you do suddenly discover how to hit.

Erik Bedard likes our offer the most. That’s all I got from his message until he started rambling about lettuce and how life is in Canada. Silly Canadians! He also told me that if another team steps forward with an offer, including the Long Island Ducks, he’ll jump at it so don’t get any visions of Bedard wearing the Brew Crew uniform quite yet. But it’s better than him pulling an Everts and talking like some kind of saggy pants hoodlum.

We only got rejected by some inconsistent lefthander, some catcher who gets punched in the face, and some mediocre minor league closer. My feelings were hurt a little bit by Everts, but I put my big boy pants on and I should be okay. Most of the guys we were seeking hardest like what they heard from me, so far now some news is good news.