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The Islandian Times
Friday, September 23, 2022
Around The Town In The IPA
CRYSTAL LAKE CRUSHERS
Owner: John William Flood III, Casino Enterprises
GM/Manager: Herman "Baby" George
Crystal Lake is the largest lake in Ruthlandia, situated in the southeastern corner of the country. The town, Crystal Lake, is located on a spit of land at the southwestern corner of the lake from which it got its name. Crystal Lake is south of Valka and just 25 miles across the lake. Belair Beach, San Dimas and Grand City are also close by. Crystal Lake is a polyglot town of 77,000 people who march to the beat of a different drummer.
Crystal Lake is best known for its liberal politics. Think of San Francisco in the United States for a comparable culture. Environmentalists, Jesus Freaks, Rock 'n' Roll enthusiasts in a fairly free society. Locals claim they are not liberal, they are libertarians. Critics counter that residents aren't libertarians, they are libertines. European tourists compare the town to Amsterdam, but not quite as notoriously liberal.
The lowlands around the town are more properly classified as bogs. Glacial activity 10,000 years ago scooped out what would become Crystal Lake and dumped quite a moraine when retreating, forming the land that was settled in the late 1800's. The area never really did grown because of the swampy terrain.
That's all changed. Crystal Lake was a planned town and came into being in the early 1920s when John William Flood began developing it. It was intended to be a summer resort getaway for the wealthy to escape the dog days of summer before the invention of air conditioning. It is laid out on a grid with north-south streets given names based on trees in alphabetical order (Aspen, Birch, Cedar...) and east-west streets given numbers (First, Second, Third...) and called avenues. Crystal Lake has always been a footloose and fun-loving town. 80 years ago, during the brief Ruthlandian prohibition experiment, they ran speakeasys and night clubs. 50 years ago, they built casinos. Present day Crystal Lake is a little Las Vegas.
Getting around Crystal Lake is pretty easy to do. The town was built around an electric traction trolley system that takes people everywhere. The town never adapted to the automobile, which is practically prohibited by ordinance today. It is a biker and walking society, that espouses pollution-free air, exercise and health.
The baseball team has been in business in some form for 70 years. The team name comes from a 1921 letter from the team owner to his manager on his vision for building the club.
John William Flood wrote to the first ballfield manager Andy Capson: "I don't like watching a bunch of dandies or young boys prancing around the basepaths like thieving fools. Bunting is for the birds. I want to see men crush the ball."
Hence, the Crushers were born.
John William Ford III owns the team now. He makes his money in the casino business and is rather diffident about day-to-day baseball operations. Since he's in his late 60's, he has been concerned about his legacy. He's been examining the Green Bay Packers business model closely and is seriously considering willing the club to the people of Crystal Lake.
The Floods have always been shady characters. John Williams Flood II was considered a scamp, regularly testing the will of the ABA commissioner in the days of the company leagues. John Williams Flood III is too busy developing real estate to break the rules like his ancestors did. The team has a somewhat unsavory reputation that is no longer deserved because of what happened more than three generations ago.
The famed slugger, Herman "Baby" George, the most prolific home run hitter in the annals of Islandian amateur leagues, is the manager of the Crystal Lake Crushers. When it comes to hitting a baseball, Baby George is "Mr. Baseball" in the Islands. There has never been anyone quite like him. George is a bon vivant and literally in a class by himself. George began as a pitcher and was a very good one, but his hitting prowess soon converted him into a fulltime position player. He holds the all-time career homer mark in the industrial league. He turned out to be a pretty darn good manager, too. And the fans love him in Crystal Lake for his savoie-faire attitude.
The Crystal Lake Crusher amateur and industrial teams played in John William Flood Stadium in the 1920s. The name was shortened to JWF Stadium by the press and the public over the years. A new ballpark, Lakefront Stadium, was built in 1985 by the town council. Five years ago, the town fathers sold the naming rights to the famous entrepreneurial real estate developer, Trumpy Donald. This upset the baseball purists, but after a lenghty court battle, it was allowed anyway. Its new name is Trumpy Donald Stadium. Newspapers originally refused to use the new name and still referred to the ballpark as Lakefront Stadium. Donald then banned all the newspapers from the press box and the gourmet buffet and put an end to that practice. Like they say, "The way to a sportswriter's heart is through his stomach."
Trumpy Donald Stadium is located right at the water's edge on Crystal Lake. Occasionally a player will hit one over the right center field fence into the beautiful blue waters. Fans get a magnificent view of the lake. On game days, the best way to get to the ball park is by taking The Traction to the stadium or by sailing up to the marina.
The food is typical baseball fare that tries to cater to both tourists and to the whole Earth Day crowd. The hot dog is a foot-long kosher dog served on a dark brown wheat roll. The beers are local microbrews and all claim to be genetically-modified organism free. Manager Baby George is known to enjoy several hot dogs and a few refreshments during the game.
Trumpy Donald Stadium (1985)
Capacity: 10,500
Dimensions:
Left Field Line - 340'
Left Field - 370'
Left Center - 405'
Center Field - 400'
Right Center - 381'
Right Field - 370'
Right Field Line - 340'
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