[Celtic Forever]

Friday, July 3

Crabs 3-4 Hollers [10 inn] – Piggville jumped out to a 2-0 advantage in the 2nd off an RBI triple from 3B Bossie Clementine (.327,4,33) and a run-plating single from reserve 2B Cory Janeway (.375,0,1). It would not be until the top of the 7th that Harbour Bay could muster a retort off SP Coonskin Tate, but it was a dramatic one – RF Buckethead Bramble (.325,9,53) clearing the bases with his 5th triple of the year to put the Crabs up 3-2 late. Could this finally be the day for the Baymen?

Nah. Crab SP Emma ‘Drama’ Queen totally lost it in the 8th, letting the bases load up on singles and a walk, then walking in SS Dennis Mitchell from third with the tying run. A deflated Bay basically rolled over after that, and Piggville put them out of their misery with C Red Harris’ (.238,8,52) RBI single in the 10th, off a dog-tired Queen. W: Blondie Ferguson (5-4, 3.47); L: Emma Queen (12-5, 3.73); PoG: Spunk Williams (4/4, 1r)

Blues 6-2 All Stars – Citypark pitching gave up 14 hits to anemic West Village today in a loss that drew several boos from a disgruntled crowd of 6,712. Opposing SP Cathy DuShoppe, conversely, seems to have found her stride, pitching a complete game and winning her second on the trot after a disastrous 4-game losing streak. Cathy was supported by red-hot 1B Justin Thyme (.303,9,51), who was 4-for-4 with a double, and 2 RBIs supplied by 3B Hopper Layne (.258,1,16). W: Cathy DuShoppe (9-12, 4.25); L: Cal Hobbes (5-15, 4.41); PoG: Cathy DuShoppe (9ip, 6h, 2r, 0bb, 5k)

Nightmares 8-3 Bullies – Riverbottom plated 5 runs in the top of the 1st to effectively end this one early. 3B Onion Munyon (.331,0,36) and C Connie Courage(.304,7,24) each had RBI hits, with 1B Wally Walleye(.298,2,55) thumping a 3-run home run to cap the big inning. While Grimside was being smothered by the effective pitching of SP Kid Ferdinand (now with only 1 loss in his last 8 starts), Riverbottom kept it up, RF Pepper Dotson (.350,17,73) hitting her 17th dinger and LF Imogene Floyd (.274,6,52) her 6th. Grimside’s only hero was LF Dummy Hawhaw (.327,5,52), whose 5th inning 2-run double briefly made a game of it at 6-2. W: Kid Ferdinand (11-10, 3.36); L: Holy Hale (8-10, 3.77); PoG: Wally Walleye (1/4, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Kin 10-0 Burners – Bumpkindale SP Lute Strummer tore through the Salemwich lineup today, recording a 3-hit shutout on 95 pitches. Lute has now won 6 decisions in a row, and leads the FBL with 4 shutouts. He would have had a hard time losing today, with the Kin amassing a 17-hit barrage that included C Priscilla Paine’s (.296,10,47) 10th home run of the year – a 2-run shot in the 9th off demoted former closer Pippi Long. Salemwich manager Bombshell Harrison has now installed herself as closer for the remainder of the campaign. W: Lute Strummer (13-4, 2.85); L: Frowny Malloy (8-6, 3.41); PoG: Lute Strummer (9ip, 3h, 0r, 0bb, 4k).

Now Hear This: Troubled Henderson Sticking with City

Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson, in the spotlight all year long due to her squabbles with demoted star Billy Metro, her instigation of the ‘Juiceball’ fiasco with Harbour Bay and later inciting a riot with that club’s fans, has signed a new deal that will keep her at Big City Ballpark for another 2 years. Her salary will reportedly increase by some $5,000 as well. “I clearly know what I’m doing,” said the 27 year-old, “and once I clean out the trash -” she continued, casting a pointed glance at Metro and CF DJ Jazzy Twan, “you’ll REALLY see something!”

Henderson has hit .329 with 10 dingers and 44 RBI this year, but also paces the FBL with 24 errors in the field. Citypark lies 5th in the standings at 40-45 under her watch, 18 games adrift of leaders Piggville.

Saturday, July 4

Hollers 17-0 Nightmares – You wouldn’t believe it, but this game stood at 3-0 entering the 7th. That’s when Piggville laid waste to SP Bling Bling Bermudez – who gave up 6 runs and 6 walks – and took advantage of hapless RP Zippo Cook, who surrendered 8 hits and 4 walks in just 2 innings of “work”. Not that anyone 1 pitcher could be blamed, as they all got shelled. Bermudez gave up a home run hit to 1B Tuck Thompson (.351,12,46), who also went deep against Cook, and 3B Bossie Clementine (.336,5,40) rattled the bleachers off RP Conchy Shell. For Clementine, the RBI tally was 7 on the day, which marks an FBL single-game record. Oh, P.S. – another nice game for SP Babe Appleby, who notched his 2nd shutout of the year and 5th straight winning decision.

In other news, Riverbottom marked the holiday with fireworks being launched off the deck of the U.S.S. Reliant over the Big Blue River, which was nice, and served sandwiches in red, white and blue buns, which wasn’t. W: Babe Appleby (14-6, 2.77); L: Bling Bling Bermudez (7-11, 4.80); PoG: Bossie Clementine (4/5, 1r, 7rbi, hr).

Burners 13-1 Blues – Not so close in this battle of the basement dwellers, Salemwich doing their best to make sure West Village stays rooted to the bottom of the table. The Burners rang out 19 hits today, 14 of them off SP Hairbow Haley – who was coming off a complete game victory over Grimside last June 29th. The lightweights did the major damage for Salemwich today, SS Bucktooth Biggs (.240,1,34) going 3-for-4 with 2 runs and 4 RBI, while double-play partner 2B Pansy Yeller (.302,1,9) smacked a 3-run homer and brought in a total of 4 herself. For Village, one positive today was the return of 3B Nancy Collagen (.292,1,20) to action. Nancy has been out since June 11th with a bum elbow.

West Village celebrated the Fourth with an exploding firework carousel, which hospitalized 7 overprotective parents with heart attacks and reportedly left 19 children “very scared.” Village says they’ll reconsider their options for next year. W: Trix Galore (8-11, 3.76); L: Haribow Haley (8-11, 4.24); PoG: Pansy Yeller (3/5, 2r, 4rbi, hr).

Kin 6-3 Crabs – Bumpkindale kept their tenuous bridesmaid position over Harbour Bay by hammering out 12 hits in a win at The Crab Cage tonight (10,089). Kin 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.342,17,66) was at the center of it again, belting a 2-run homer in the 5th to break a 3-3 tie. For Giggles, the dinger places her once again in a tie atop the FBL with Riverbottom RF Pepper Dotson on 17. The other hero for Bumpkindale was 3B Killer Carp (.252,2,31), who had his club’s only other extra-base hit (a double) and drove in two himself. Harbour Bay’s cause was not helped by 3B Jenny Crush’s 2 fielding errors, which brings her tally to 21 on the year - 3 behind the FBL’s leading muffer Snuggles Henderson.

Harbour Bay celebrated the Fourth with a wonderful fireworks display over the moonlit waters of the Big Blue Bay. They also arranged for a line of tankers to arrange their deck lights to spell out ‘HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!’ in glittering red, white and blue, which was pretty cool. W: Cueball Smith (9-8, 3.98); L: Pebbles Peete (9-7, 3.94); PoG: Giggles Mountjoy (2/4, 1r, 2rbi, hr).

Bullies 1-5 All Stars – Citypark middle infielders Mgr/SS Snuggles Henderson (.331,10,45) and 2B Big Ears Lathum (.325,5,62) each mustered 2 hits and an RBI to support a fine effort from SP Suzy Q. Perkins tonight at Big City Ballpark (7,825). The only reply Grimside could manage was a 4th inning RBI single from RF Dummy Hawhaw (.330,5,53) – a line drive that slashed right by second-bagger Big Ears before even he could hear it coming.

Citypark went all out for the holiday, contracting with the neighboring skyrises to have them spell out ‘HAPPY FOURTH – AND GOOOOO CITYPARK!’ in red, white and blue lights – quite impressive when you looked out over centerfield from the main grandstand. There was also a flyover during the national anthem by F-14s from the nearby Wilmington naval base, their colored contrails quite striking in the late afternoon sky. W: Suzy Q. Perkins (12-4, 4.39); L: Dooly McCooley (7-11, 4.33); PoG: Suzy Q. Perkins (9ip, 1r, 0bb, 0k)