[Celtic Forever]

Piggville Hollers – Welcome to the sticks, ya’ll. Piggville lies about 40 miles to the east of Big City and roughly 60 miles from the coast, smack dab in the middle of the agrarian flatlands. There are two things to do in that area – farm and church – so it is perhaps no surprise that the club has its origins in church all-star teams. Piggville – a metropolis of around 70,000 – had a particularly cosmopolitan all star squad, with players who could be either Baptist OR Methodist.
Incidentally, that brings us to the topic of who can be a member of the Piggville Hollers (smaller list) and who can’t be (much longer in today’s ‘h-e-double hockey sticks’ in a handbasket society. Piggville players must adhere to the Ten Commandments with more than a wink, may not drink, swear, smoke, fornicate, miss church or basically do anything that might embarrass prim-and-proper Piggville society. Players are required to sign autographs graciously at all times, and commit at least 10 hours per month (yes, offseason counts) to public appearances – visiting hospitals, schools, churches, golf tournaments, blah, blah , blah.
Despite the restrictions (whispered by some to be unevenly enforced), Piggville became a major amateur power on the regional cutthroat church circuit, and Buddy Baker extended them an invite to his new FBL venture, provided they came up with a proper stadium. Please – these are Baptists who worship in churches the size of shopping malls – construction of The Pig Pen (capacity 9,500) was as easy as an ‘Amen, brother’. While perhaps not as chic or feature-laden as Citypark’s Big City Ballpark or Harbour Bay’s Crab Cage, it’s still not a bad place to catch a game – and the barbecue is slap-yo-mamma good.
SP Babe Appleby is the manager of the Hollers, not so surprising as his family runs generations-deep in the area and were founding members of Big Baptist – one of the primary financial contributors to The Pig Pen. Here are his brethren (known in the press as the ‘Children of the Corn’ for their unusual number of blondes and their agricultural ties) for Year I of the FBL (edited June 5th):

Starting rotation:
1.Babe Appleby Age 27; always has a content smile on his face, which happens when you’re young, rich and of unimpeachable family reputation. Good hurler, too – has a 90 mph heater with some of the best movement on it league-wide. Prematurely bald, snicker.
2.Coonskin Tate Age 24; this kid, like Babe, is a loose, carefree sort who is nevertheless remarkably talented. Fantastic movement on his pitches and good, consistent control. Wears a coonskin cap instead of a regular baseball one. Blonde.
3.Prissy Puddin Age 22; Sweet, carefree phenom who is rumored to be involved with Coonskin (not s-e-x-ually, of course). 96 mph fastball with top-drawer stuff, movement and control makes her a devastating force on the mound. Blonde.
4.Ice Cream Jones – Age24; Guess what his favorite food is? Yep, he’s always licking a cone in the dugout on off days, and forever making a drippy mess on his pitch-count sheets, to Babe’s consternation. Competent hurler who relies more on guile than pure stuff. Blonde.

Starting Lineup:
CF Daisy Mae Hart Age 27; still a tomboy at heart, and a bit of an amateur entomologist. Fleet-footed with great range in center. Competent enough with the stick to make a natural leadoff gal. Blonde.
SS Dennis Mitchell Age 35; Inevitably nicknamed ‘The Menace’. Really snaps off the double play better than just any any shortstop in existence. Blonde.
1B Tuck Thompson Age 26; The quintessential golden-haired boy (literally) of everything Piggville. A perennial batting title candidate with good power and excellent eye at the plate. A kind, soft-spoken, sincere spokesman for Christian ideals, he is absolutely ADORED in the eastern region and a great ambassador for the FBL in general. Blonde.
RF Spunk Williams Age 35; Huge extra-base threat and a no-frills, no-mistakes fielder. Lefty with a goofy personality to match. Blonde.
LF Cale Christianson Age 30; makes good contact with power to all fields, and rarely strikes out. Bit of a controversial figure in that he wears a ‘C’ on his cap (for himself) instead of the team-standard ‘P’ for Piggville.
C Red Harris Age 28; Solid all-rounder who gets the little things done. A regular in his church choir, but caused a bit of a stir when he grew a bit a goatee. Red-head, and therefore to be suspected.
3B Bossie Clementine Age 28; A transfer from Salemwich who’s still settling in a bit. Did not get her name by accident. Highly intelligent, capable in the field and has decent pop. Prickly personality has caused some tensions in the clubhouse.
2B Copper Wade Age 30; Ousted from her native third by the arrival of Bossie, and reportedly not happy about it. A strong-minded, holier-than-thou sort of lady that this region produces in droves. Red-headed!