[Celtic Forever]

Suk thanks you! My personal favorite pun is the Salemwich Burners, but one has ever accused me of taste ...

Riverbottom Nightmares – This club hails from Big City’s port district, and is one of the few clubs that does not have a long amateur pedigree. Rather it was created by the city council as part of an effort to rejuvenate the area economically. This has worked, in a sleazy sort of way. The River’s Edge ballpark is the FBL’s biggest at a capacity of 13,100, and each game night disgorges its hordes into a thriving neon scene of liquor joints, strip clubs, tacky theme restaurants and dance halls. A true haven for sailors, college students and sociopaths.
Still, not a bad place to catch a game, all in all. First – GREAT seafood, both in and out of the stadium. Also, set apart from other well-heeled Big City clubs such as Citypark, Salemwich and West Village, Riverbottom have cultivated a bit of a counter-culture image that makes it the de facto fave among the twenty-something set. This makes the stadium an ideal venue for post-game rock/rap/pop concerts – a revenue stream that the club tap into regularly. Fans can also divert their attention from the game to a scenic view of the Big Blue River, replete with commercial vessels from global ports of call all too happy to give a liitle ‘toot’ as they ease to and from port.
The current captain of Riverbottom (incidentally, nicknamed the ‘Nightmares’ by fans in reference to Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas special) is SP Pasta Pepitone, an Italian immigrant rumored to have Mafia connections. Yikes! Here’s his crew (edited June 5th):

Starting rotation:
1.Pasta Pepitone Age 29; bespectacled Italian, easy-going and confident, in a manner that only a man with ‘connections’ can be. Absolutely dedicated to winning, like his life depends on it or something. Not much juice (86 mph, tops), but great movement. Control can be an issue.
2.Kid Ferdinand Age 30; Portuguese immigrant transferred over from West Village, where he did not feel at home, to the more worldly Riverbottom area. Poor control, but good movement with heat (93 mph).
3.Mickey Fine Age 25; Good speedballer (94 mph) with decent control, but his fastball tends to plane out too often. Has all the tools – intelligence, work ethic, winner’s mentality, loyalty – to be a great clubhouse leader and civic idol, except that he’s a perpetual grump.
4.Blooey Blackman– Age27; Below-average stuff and only average control, but seems to get results anyway. Nicknamed ‘Blooey’ because she highlights her black hair blue. Notorious club-goer and music afficionado.

Starting Lineup:
CF Snooty Rotheschilde Age 21; rich and, yes, snooty, this princess wears her pearls during games. Not to be underestimated – she possesses world-class speed and is a supreme leadoff gal. Press named her one of the very top prospects in the FBL at the outset of the season.
3B Onion Munyon Age 34; Highly-touted club acquisition who started slow but is now revealing himself to be as good as advertised. Should challenge for the batting title, but lacks power and is unwilling to sacrifice. Grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, and carries a real attitude.
RF Pepper Dotson Age 28; Cool, unruffable and doesn’t suffer fools lightly. Despite her rather superior attitude, she’s very popular with the fans as a raven-haired beauty. Good pull hitter who doesn’t make silly mistakes.
LF Imogene Floyd Age 28; Lefty makes good contact and has superb plate discipline. Only average in the field. Happy at Riverbottom and has presents no ego problems – unusual for this club.
1B Wally Walleye Age 29; Wally is a cockeyed goofball with All-League potential as a slugger and a first-bagger. Not a home run threat as such, but can rip balls to the gap faster than the outfielders can swallow their chaw. Loves attention and is trying to cultivate a rep as the club’s unofficial mascot.
C Large Marge Franklin Age 30; First-class backstop and good spray hitter – but little pop. Married with kids, and has little patience for the ego-driven antics of some of the club’s other players.
SS Aggie McDaddy Age 38; Beaten out at first by Walleye, but too valuable to place on the bench, so she was moved to short, where she struggles. Great arm, good on the bases, average stick. Late in her career arc, she is establishing a legacy by writing a hugely popular daily blog.
2B Sunny Summers Age 26; An average all-around player who has delusions of grandeur. Excellent base-stealer and situational hitter. Good at charming the press.