[The Wolf]

What? Real life isn't weird enough for you? Why would we need science fiction injuries when real pro players are putting on freak shows all the time? Consider that a real player has been injured doing every one of the following:

burning his chest while ironing a shirt that he was wearing

falling asleep in a rocking chair and crushing his pitching fingers under the chair

smashing his ankle while knocking dirt from his spikes

cutting his finger while buttering food

hurting his back getting out of a chair in the clubhouse

being eaten by an automatic tarp machine

having a teammate jam a Q-tip in his ear

dislocating his shoulder waving a runner home

having his own false teeth bite him in the butt

straining a muscle while barfing

injuring himself eating a donut

injuring his arm while flicking sunflower seeds in the dugout

stabbing himself while opening a DVD

sneezing so hard it caused back spasms

dislocating his shoulder tearing a phone book in half

burning his eyes by rubbing chili sauce in them

damaging his eye by sleeping on it wrong

injuring his hand by shaking hands too hard

getting bitten by a coyote

breaking his collarbone carrying deer meat upstairs

buring his face under tanning lamps

having a tattoo get infected

straining his groin while trying to get out of the dugout

straining a rib muscle jumping from the bench

sticking his hand into an air conditioner to see why it wasn't working

injuring his hand pounding on a hotel room wall

straining his back putting on his socks

cutting his hand on a mirror while practicing his windup

wrenching his back while turning his head to check traffic

being unsable to play due to frostbite

having his cup slip and pinch a testicle

breaking his toe while kicking the clubhouse laundry cart

being unable to play because he was kept awake all night by crickets chirping in his hotel room

dislocating his finger while hitting a water cooler

disabling himself while having nightmares about spiders

straining his shoulder turning off his alarm clock

dislocating a knuckle when it became stuck in another player's glove

being hit him with a golf club in the locker room

tearing a nail off while sliding his hand under the television in his hotel room

being injured by his pillow while asleep

spraining an ankle while wrestling with a clubhouse attendant

breaking his nose in a car accident while trying to pass the team bus

cracking two ribs while swinging the bat during opening day practice

separating a shoulder after high-fiving a teammate

being bitten by his mother-in-law's dog

smashing his finger in the door of his luxury car while on the way to the bank

developing carpal tunnel syndrome from spending too much time on the Internet