[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

We have two regular-season games left, with absolutely no pressure whatsoever...and I want the posts about them to reflect that fact.

It is Wednesday, 10/4/2007 in the game and now we have zero regular-season games left. I can smile and say that we lost the last two because, really, it doesn't matter. We're in the playoffs, a year after losing 93 games, two years after losing an even 100. The banana didn't dance for Mike "" Nannini in his last start; catcher Victor Martinez hit a rare home run in the first, former Pale Hose third baseman Joe Crede twisted the knife a little more with his team-high twenty-first jack of the season, and "Mr. September", Corey Patterson, clobbered yet another mediocre fastball way, way OOTP to lead off the third. Aside from that, Nannini only gave up one run...but that's a lot to set aside, especially since "" didn't pitch past the third. Eric Munson would hit a three-run double with two outs in the eighth, but another two runs to tie the game was not in the cards.

The final game of the season had the feel of a minor league game, since both lineups were peppered with journeymen and youngsters and only the occasional living, breathing ballplayer. It seemed most appropriate to test drive an idea I'd had for a while, to introduce a new wrinkle into things - manage both sides, so as not to win games solely because of a faulty AI. It was hard not to tell every Cleveland batter to bunt, especially with my boy Jon Rauch on the mound, but the 27 year old "Not-So-Wonderkid" left after five with our side ahead three to two, having never trailed.

The decisive run at that point had scored in the first; Scott Podsednik had led off the game with a triple, and rookie Hector Made had a nice first big-league at-bat, notching a run batted in with a hard-hit groundout to short. Veteran Wil Cordero would hit a two-run home run in the fourth off of greenhorn southpaw Rafael Perez, who had put a runner on with one of his four walks. Rauch would give those two back in the bottom half; longtime Pale Hose second sacker Ray Durham, the fifth-place hitter in this disjointed lineup, would whack a one-out double into the far reaches of left field, and he'd come home on a two-bagger by 22 year old mashing outfielder Cooper Brimer, the #7 pick in 2005 who would go two-for-three in the ballgame. Journeyman Shaun Larkin would bring him home with a base knock, but catcher Josh "The Score Bard" only sniffed but the whiff of an at-bat. Rauch would pitch out of the fifth unscathed despite putting the first two runners on, and so there we were at the end of what could have been an official game, up by a run as we'd been so many times all season.

We were shut down over the next three innings partially by our own futility and partially by a 29 year old right-hander named Scott Dohmann and a baby-faced southpaw of 24, Shea Douglas. But hard-throwing "Mercurial Kiko" Calero pitched a scoreless sixth, followed up in kind by PJ Bevis, who in turn handed the baton off to 24 year old Travis Foley, making his first big-league appearance after a 9-12 record and 3.35 ERA in 25 starts for AAA Charlotte. The only blemish on his inning would be the two-out double by another young and supremely talented outfielder, 23 year old Grady Sizemore, but with an open base, "Mash" Brimer would be wisely passed over for Shaun Larkin, who'd fan to end the inning. A scoreless inning by the left-hander Douglas would bring us to the bottom of the ninth, where the ball would go to trusty Proven Closer (TM) Joe Roa, saver of 37 games over the past two seasons.

Would number thirty-eight have to wait? Josh Bard singled to start the inning; Roa fanned Brad Snyder, a rare Cleveland outfielder rather lacking in talent. Pinch-hitter Coco "Choc-X by Familia" Crisp bounced out to short. Shortstop Ivan Ochoa was the last hope for Cleveland and maybe the best, considering his 36 home runs between A and AA, though his oh-for-four batting line (four-for-seventeen overall) suggested that maybe AA is not the majors. Somehow and some way the typically cool and collected and always in control Roa lost control for a moment and lost Ochoa to a base and balls. That brought up the number three slot in the lineup; in this psuedo major-league ballgame that meant Joe Crede, our sorry excuse for a third sacker last season who I'd occasionally describe as "better suited to AAA." For whatever reason Ohio suited him well this season, to a career-best 43 doubles and 140+ hits and 90+ RBI, and perhaps best describing what kind of ballplayer he is, a career-best OBP just above .320. Predictably, he had gone oh-for-four in this ballgame despite facing Jon Rauch and Travis Foley, guys who had pitched AAA most of the year. Predictably, Roa would get the count in his favor, then move to within a strike of his twenty-first save of the season and thirty-eighth under my intermittently wandering eye.

Then, predictably only because these are the Pale Hose, Roa would miss with a sinker and miss badly, going in the blink of an eye from a sure save to blowing the game in most spectacular fashion, by giving up a three-run walk-off home run to Joe Crede, infamous only for causing three thousand near walk-outs from yours truly for his infatuation with the groundout to second base.

It doesn't matter. We're in the playoffs. 85 wins, 77 losses, one wild-card berth and matchup with Seattle, who won 95 this year after 99 wins last season. They don't make you want to go hide in the corner like the Yankees lineup or the Cleveland starting staff, but damn does this team have talent. They have incredible, inimitable Ichiro!, who hit .344 to lead everyone and stole 93 bases, one more than our entire team, and he's not even their centerfielder. That would be Juan Pierre, who stole 66 bases to go along with an OBP of .342, fifteen or sixteen points above league-average. Ed.'s Note: 23, to be precise - AL OBP is .319 Batting behind the centerfielder is second baseman Luis Castillo, who is not worth the free-agent millions he got this past offseason and is also not the base thief his 42 steals may indicate, as his theft efficiency is rivalled only by the art thief, but with 29 home run man Adam Dunn batting behind him and even the threat of speed, Castillo will do. Catcher Rob Hammock hit a career-high twenty-four home runs this season, and 36 year old shortstop Rich Aurilia added twenty-one, driving in 101 runs and perhaps cementing his place in this universe as Seattle's second-greatest shortstop evah evah. There is a Proven Closer (TM) in Octavio Dotel, who has saved 33 games each of the last two seasons, and left-hander Odalis Perez and right-hander Tomo Ohka are ace-caliber pitchers. This team is flawed; there are some low batting averages and some mediocre pitchers, and Doug Mientkiewicz has suddenly become a third baseman at age 33 after ten years of first base. Granting, his .290 batting average may make up for his fake third baseman-ness.

However, there is a reason this Seattle club has sailed to nearly 200 wins in the past two seasons. I have more than just an inkling that we're about to find out exactly why. All we have is Esteban and "Jon Moo", "Wild Thing" and "Hackin' Miggy." Buddha could sit under the bodhi tree until 2035 and not find meaning in that; there is some element missing that is keeping us from going to "Scarborough Fair", and it's something we can't reap with a sickle of leather.

But parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, dancing bananas and "The Buehrle One" might be enough, especially with "Gumby" and "Pokey", Yorvit! and "Tabby" and hired gun Vernon "Hitman" Wells tagging along.

These are your Pale Hose, in the playoffs.