OOTP Developments Forums - View Single Post - Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

cknox0723 · 11-28-2005, 10:55 PM

hey, big ups to all of you gentlemen for all the nice replies, even if one of you could be tony suck, for all I know. So don't be offended when I say that 'Suck' is an even worse surname for a Chicago native than, um, Ruffcorn. Or DePaula.

Anyway, on the list of "Ways to start a trip to Tampa", watching Ramon Vazquez wallop skinny righty Josh Towers' fat first pitch ranks right up there with a Shiatsu massage or continental breakfast with oatmeal, and when the ball flies over the right part of some fence they set up in the outfield, I think that moves it ahead of the massage. Not the oatmeal, though. I do love me a hot bowl of oatmeal.

But would it dampen your enthusiasm, your excitement, if I told you that Towers allows just one more hit? Would that be like pissing in your oatmeal, assuming that you do in fact love the mealy goodness? I mean, only one more hit...that means a whole lot of bagels, since a control artist like Towers ain't going to give us a bunch of runs through walks. Insert inappropriate joke about bagels here. And one run sure won't be enough for Esteban Loaiza, "The Art of Suck", now will it?

Well, no, not unless it's that game in mid-April where Caligula or whoever ran the Empire. But forget that, ignore all this babble that I'm spewing on you, and realize that Josh Towers allowed us just two hits because his outing lasted but a single frame, thanks to a cranky right shoulder that can't get any sleep due to the wailing sirens and drunken undergraduates (TM ifspuds 6/10/2005). You'd think "cranky right shoulder" is actually a euphemism for Mount Piniella's unhappiness with a messy first inning that included a couple more baserunners (though no more runs) after the Vazquez tater, but Towers ends up on the 15-day DL after the ballgame, so I guess his injury was not quite a Tower of Babble. Unlike these last two paragraphs.

Regardless of my tendency to go off on random tangents and unhealthy fixation on breakfast besides (though it is the most important meal of the day!)...see, there's another of those tangents...it's nigh impossible to win a game when you need the 'pen to pitch eight of the nine frames, unless you've got Ernie Shore, which the Crab Cakes don't. That failing, they'll need Esteban to channel his inner suck...but not today, not against the anemic Tampa offense. After a perfect bottom of the first, Esteban avoids a sticky second inning situation by keeping the syrup off his damned pancakes...sorry, couldn't help myself, I am most definitely anti-tree sap laced with sugar. In any case, center fielder Jason Pridie's pretty swing adds up to an easy out in the seventh hole, and catcher Mike Barrett is in Tampa at this point in time for a good reason. Both make easy outs, squandering two perfectly good baserunners that starving children in Somalia could have eaten!!! Clean your plates, kids, lest you end up like Mike Barrett!

Leading off the next half-frame, Magglio "Buddha" Ordonez blasts a titanic shot to left field off of some poor piece of burnt toast named Jason Ryan, a long ball that ends up in some distant universe, and a two-run cushion is about all Esteban could ever need against an offense that'll get themselves out half the time. The dishwasher of baseball, that's the Devil Ray offense for ya. Their half of the scoreboard ends up completely unblemished from the unsightly stain of runs (imagine, the horror!)...until the eighth inning, when onetime Tiger Deivi Cruz pops off a pinch-hit four-bagger to lead off the inning. How exactly that may have happened, I have no idea, but by then the score was 4-0 and the only cares in my world were whether Esteban would go the distance and figuring our just what was in my oatmeal this morning. If for some reason you may care about the answers to those long-pondered queries, PJ Bevis brought his cheddar to the ninth inning spread to earn an America's Choice brand save. As for my oatmeal...chocolate chips, fo' real.

That ain't good for the old estomaco, let me tell you.

CHW 4 TB 1

WP: E. Loaiza (6-4) - 8 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 2 BB, 5 K, 104 pitches
LP: J. Towers (3-5)

Poached Egg Award Goes To... Jorge DePaula, who is down in triple-A. Hey, if you had a 7.XX ERA, I'd want to poach you and serve you on toast, too.

Pythags: With this win, we flew past the 290 radar for our season total in runs scored, all the way up to 293, while our runs allowed number ticked up to just 291. And for the first time since the Pale Hose became yet another OOTP6 dynasty, we have scored more runs than our opponents on the season. That old Greek guy would have estimated our record to be 58-104 based on our runs scored and allowed last season. We ain't going to exceed that mark by 11 games again, but at the rate we're going, we don't need to.

11-28-2005, 10:55 PM	#619
cknox0723 All Star Starter Join Date: May 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 1,957	breffy hey, big ups to all of you gentlemen for all the nice replies, even if one of you could be tony suck, for all I know. So don't be offended when I say that 'Suck' is an even worse surname for a Chicago native than, um, Ruffcorn. Or DePaula. Anyway, on the list of "Ways to start a trip to Tampa", watching Ramon Vazquez wallop skinny righty Josh Towers' fat first pitch ranks right up there with a Shiatsu massage or continental breakfast with oatmeal, and when the ball flies over the right part of some fence they set up in the outfield, I think that moves it ahead of the massage. Not the oatmeal, though. I do love me a hot bowl of oatmeal. But would it dampen your enthusiasm, your excitement, if I told you that Towers allows just one more hit? Would that be like pissing in your oatmeal, assuming that you do in fact love the mealy goodness? I mean, only one more hit...that means a whole lot of bagels, since a control artist like Towers ain't going to give us a bunch of runs through walks. Insert inappropriate joke about bagels here. And one run sure won't be enough for Esteban Loaiza, "The Art of Suck", now will it? Well, no, not unless it's that game in mid-April where Caligula or whoever ran the Empire. But forget that, ignore all this babble that I'm spewing on you, and realize that Josh Towers allowed us just two hits because his outing lasted but a single frame, thanks to a cranky right shoulder that can't get any sleep due to the wailing sirens and drunken undergraduates (TM ifspuds 6/10/2005). You'd think "cranky right shoulder" is actually a euphemism for Mount Piniella's unhappiness with a messy first inning that included a couple more baserunners (though no more runs) after the Vazquez tater, but Towers ends up on the 15-day DL after the ballgame, so I guess his injury was not quite a Tower of Babble. Unlike these last two paragraphs. Regardless of my tendency to go off on random tangents and unhealthy fixation on breakfast besides (though it is the most important meal of the day!)...see, there's another of those tangents...it's nigh impossible to win a game when you need the 'pen to pitch eight of the nine frames, unless you've got Ernie Shore, which the Crab Cakes don't. That failing, they'll need Esteban to channel his inner suck...but not today, not against the anemic Tampa offense. After a perfect bottom of the first, Esteban avoids a sticky second inning situation by keeping the syrup off his damned pancakes...sorry, couldn't help myself, I am most definitely anti-tree sap laced with sugar. In any case, center fielder Jason Pridie's pretty swing adds up to an easy out in the seventh hole, and catcher Mike Barrett is in Tampa at this point in time for a good reason. Both make easy outs, squandering two perfectly good baserunners that starving children in Somalia could have eaten!!! Clean your plates, kids, lest you end up like Mike Barrett! Leading off the next half-frame, Magglio "Buddha" Ordonez blasts a titanic shot to left field off of some poor piece of burnt toast named Jason Ryan, a long ball that ends up in some distant universe, and a two-run cushion is about all Esteban could ever need against an offense that'll get themselves out half the time. The dishwasher of baseball, that's the Devil Ray offense for ya. Their half of the scoreboard ends up completely unblemished from the unsightly stain of runs (imagine, the horror!)...until the eighth inning, when onetime Tiger Deivi Cruz pops off a pinch-hit four-bagger to lead off the inning. How exactly that may have happened, I have no idea, but by then the score was 4-0 and the only cares in my world were whether Esteban would go the distance and figuring our just what was in my oatmeal this morning. If for some reason you may care about the answers to those long-pondered queries, PJ Bevis brought his cheddar to the ninth inning spread to earn an America's Choice brand save. As for my oatmeal...chocolate chips, fo' real. That ain't good for the old estomaco, let me tell you. CHW 4 TB 1 WP: E. Loaiza (6-4) - 8 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 2 BB, 5 K, 104 pitches LP: J. Towers (3-5) Poached Egg Award Goes To... Jorge DePaula, who is down in triple-A. Hey, if you had a 7.XX ERA, I'd want to poach you and serve you on toast, too. Pythags: With this win, we flew past the 290 radar for our season total in runs scored, all the way up to 293, while our runs allowed number ticked up to just 291. And for the first time since the Pale Hose became yet another OOTP6 dynasty, we have scored more runs than our opponents on the season. That old Greek guy would have estimated our record to be 58-104 based on our runs scored and allowed last season. We ain't going to exceed that mark by 11 games again, but at the rate we're going, we don't need to.