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Originally Posted by The Funk
Well d'uh! Of course that's what you're going to bloody well do. Stiff upper lip and all that.
See.
(sniff) You finally 'get it'. Ok darling, I'll come back to you now.
It was at that moment that Craig came to another realisation, one more profound and intoxicating than the first. It wasn't actually about the Pale Hose. It wasn't even about baseball, but about plain ol' common-to-goodness human kindness. He understood how knowledge without compassion could never lead to wisdom and how we must all do our part for the good of every man. Craig had journeyed deep within himself and returned a changed person, with less flashy, but infinitely more comfortable shoes. He resolved to do his share and then some; he thought of others before himself, protected the environment by using only recyclable seal clubs, gave to the poor (mainly STVs for Craig was not a wealthy man, he simply gave what he could), he went to Africa to build irrigation systems, fought for the rights of street entertainers and from then on would only sacrifice "[...]those orphans who hath witnessed not fewer than 21 cycles about the Sun."
A warm smile of benevolence accompanied his face everywhere, (sometimes on his lips, sometimes in a matchbox) and even the iguanas knew he must be blessed. He felt the good and the majesty of nature and became ever more attune to its power. He began to forget the stresses and prejudices of everyday life and his mind cleared of all pre-conceptions. He was in tune with the present. In tune with the world, and he entered into the hallowed state of blissful, perfect nothingness. He became a Mormon. And as he ascended, so too did his words, leaving this tale too, in a state of reverant, peaceful, imperial nothingness.
*Craig lost his state of inner-peace and decency 4 months after these events. He later went to law school.
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I do love the rest of y'all, really I do, but that post deserves to be quoted and quoted dozens of times over.
Don't actually do it -- I mean, this thread is long enough already. I have not laughed so hard in quite a long time. Truly brilliant stuff, Funk. Please post more!!!
I was going to spin y'all a little anecdote from my actual baseball watching, since I've been meaning to post that for quite a while now, but that can wait. As, apparently, the Pale Hose can.
Still trucking along, but not quite ready to throw you some actual fictional baseball. Not yet. Of course I'm setting y'all up for a big letdown...but it won't be as bad as a nine-game losing streak. Trust me on that!
Craig