If
Milwaukee's the mice,
Pittsburgh is a rockslide. What the hell does that mean? From
page two of this very thread:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by DAL 9000
About the girl, because although you conspicuously refrained from asking for advice, I feel compelled to give it 'cause I'm a total dick: I know other people have probably told you this, but shut up and ask her out already, fool! Look, what's the worst that can happen? I'll tell you what's the worst that's ever happened to ME: I asked Ruth Graham out and she turned me down. OK, no biggie, I got over it. Then a few months later at our school-sponsored graduation party, she volunteered for the hypnotist routine, and at the very end of it he said, "Is there a boy you think is very, very cute, Ruth?" and she said, "Yes." and he said, "When I say [whatever the word was, "rockslide" or something] you'll go find that boy, and you'll make out with him," and that's how she ended up Frenching Ajayi Lawrence in front of the entire Class of 2003, including me, of course.
Dude, this girl of yours will NOT end up publicly making out with one of your classmates while under hypnosis. Probably. Neither will she stare at you afterwards when you tell her, "Hey, no worries, Ruth. Who among us hasn't been taken advantage of by a travelling hypnotist?" And even if she /does/ get hypnotized into making out with one of your classmates /and/ stare at you afterwards, you'll get over it.
Eventually.
Stupid friggin' hypnotists and their stupid, stupid rockslides.
Ruth goes to BYU now, though. True story.
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As has been said, that's the funniest freakin' story ever, certainly in this forum. You're probably wondering, though, "What the hell could that have to do with the
Pirates?"
Easy. They got up the nerve to be like David and ask out Ruth Graham. And what's more, Ruth --
Joel Pineiro --
said yes!
Holy sh*t! Think about that -- I picture myself in that scenario. Getting up the nerve to ask out the object of my affections (I won't post pix, but suffice it to say...), and this girl saying yes to skinny, awkward, socially inept little ol' me. Stumbling onto a diamond for who knows what reason. Now, don't start thinking that I see myself as simply as a skinny, awkward, socially inept schmuck -- I don't have any real desire to turn this into a self-help thread
-- but for the most part, that's who I am. And that's the
Pirates. Lovable losers. 25th in run scoring last year, 27th in run prevention, and most of that thanks to guys that were around three or four years ago.
Jay Kendall.
J.J. Davis.
Ian Oquendo,
Kris Benson,
Mark Corey.
One good young player in the system, 2005 1st rounder Adam Felan, a second baseman who's about a year away from being the new
Jeff Kent. Last year's number one overall pick, shortstop Mike Wright, hit .210 -- in A-ball. Writing him off this early would be foolish, especially with his disciplined approach at the plate, but he's a long, long ways off.
And last year's AL Cy Young, a 21-game winner...picked
here? A $55 million diamond helped, but...still! Could it be that
Pineiro sees beyond
Pittsburgh's awkwardness, funny chin, and crooked teeth? That there's something more here?
Nope. That's not it. There's something more in
Chicago, but this team won't pull off a playoff appearance until they seriously overhaul a mediocre at-best lineup and eight or nine pitchers that aren't worth much. So
Pineiro's a gold-digger, then, and
Pittsburgh is Ajay Lawrence. Fine. I can handle that. They'll break up in three months anyway.
But if it was me...if it was the
Pale Hose...I bet things would have worked out like every dream I've ever had. Haven't you thought the same thing?