Tampa's kept a pitching staff that led them to that lofty 54-win mark mostly unchanged, with Tim Wakefield taking up
fishing for devil rays while
Josh Towers jumps into the rotation. The former
Expo is a control artist who allowed more home runs (34) than walks (30) in 224 frames last year. Predictably, that works out to about an average pitcher, and he'll get millions and millions for the courtesy. Joy.
The lineup's been dealt a similar upgrade, as
Michael Barrett will don the tools of ignorance in lieu of Koyie Hill, who will enjoy the fine eats of
Durham, North Carolina this year. At least
Barrett's not making millions and millions, but as you'd expect, since he's cheap, he sucks. Besides, even if
Mike's stroke and arm are as dead-on as a
Barrett, it ain't saving this bunch. This is a team crying out for a star -- the number three hitter is
Josh Phelps! the ace is
John VanBenschoten, with twenty career wins! -- but the farm's lacking.
Last year's #6 overall pick, center fielder Jose Badillo from Toledo, put up a .283/.402/.500 AVG/OBP/SLG line in single-A Bakersfield, but the scouts aren't crowing quite so loudly this year. To top it off, Badillo's already 23 years young. He exudes vibes of our own first round pick, but of two years ago -- Mike Houchins. Same position, same toolsy goodness, same decent first-year numbers. But Houchins hit .205 in AA last year and dropped down to A-ball only to hit .221, and he'll be 25 this year. How's that future star thing work again? Fly through AA and AAA even though the guy couldn't hit in
single-A last year? What are the odds of that? One in a thousand? In ten thousand? A million? What sort of precedent is there for a jump like that without the aid of performance enhancers? None! He sucks! Great pick, guys! Way to set back our future another three years!
Err, anyway, I see a lot of Houchins in Badillo. I can almost see his name being mentioned while reading the scouting report -- "
Reminds of Michael Houchins." But as Bill James said of long-forgotten
Fred Benavides in
The Bill James 1991 Baseball Book:
Quote:
Chief Bender, a Cincinnati exec, said that "[Benavides] reminds you of a young Kurt Stillwell," but
a. he's only two years younger than the real Kurt Stillwell, and
b. who the hell is Kurt Stillwell? If you really like him, shouldn't he remind you of a young Ozzie Smith or a young Alan Trammell or somebody?
|
Like Mr. James said of Benavides, I don't think Badillo will ever be a player. I hope he proves me wrong. This club could certainly use the help. But who the hell is Michael Houchins, really?
The main problem for the
Evil Fishies is that they're trying to win by cobbling together a bunch of average players. Just by the laws of nature, some of those guys will struggle, like
Edgar "
The Worst Gonzalez Ever" did last year in losing 19 games, and suddenly you see the club in last. They'll be better this year, but even if they win 20 more, they'd still be under .500. And
that's a longshot. How many teams actually win 20 more? How many teams have every player exceed expectations -- and still have no hope of even finishing second?
As bleak and dismal a picture as that is (
Francis Danby?), it's reassuring, as this is definitely a bunch more hapless than the
Pale Hose. I mean, at least we've got
The Art of Suck.
Tampa just has suck; no class, no culture, and certainly no Francis Danby, just vast cesspools of suck. But, hey, at least the weather's nice.