[cknox0723]

Minnesota's kept another one of our former players in the division with the signing of Brad Fullmer, but if nothing else, Barry Zito, who was brilliant even while battling injuries last year, has left the division for greeener pastures -- across town, with the Cubs.

We come up a day late and a dollar short on Miguel Batista, who follows his nose, the educational system, and the cash to Colorado. Jim Edmonds, who I half-heartedly tried to throw some money, and Bronson Arroyo, who I didn't, both get annual salaries worth eight figures from the Ottomans. Cliff Floyd gets nearly that much from the Dodgers, while Joe Borchard (HA!) will get $10 million over a four-year span from the Reds, who would do better to defecate on that money and then invest it all in time shares in Reykjavik, Iceland.

All that's left now is for the medium-range free agents to trickle away, with one of the few notables being "Shoeless Damaso" Marte, who follows the money to the fifth circle, Philadelphia. Texas adds cult hero Brian Buchanan for over a million bucks, which is way, way too much, but I suppose it's just to continue the trend of all of our "good" former players signing with hated rivals. The Rangers, who we went 1-9 against last year, would certainly qualify.

And the hits keep on coming, as if we are the modern-day Platters. $16 million sways Kelvim Escobar to go to the Empire, while Matthew LeCroy, who would have made a fine catcher, instead accepts a four-year, $8 million deal from the Ottomans. The only saving grace is that Pedro Feliciano, who threw an astounding 115 high-quality relief innings for Minnesota last year, goes off to...the Empire. Quel surprise. It's a dog-eat-dog world, this land of free agency, and we're but a Lhasa Apso.